The MattBaby Challenge: Coalition Propoganda!

[Uncle Servo]

Okay, how about this for a Coalition bumper sticker: If you can read this... YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!
*blinks at he looks at original post again* Awwww, how nice... you remembered the last time I posted that.

I guess I have no recourse then but to post the ultimate patriotic CS song, sung by little human supremacists throughout Rifts Earth North America...


It's a world of sorrow
A world of fears
And it's been this way
Since the Rifts appeared
So much blood has been shed
That it's time that we said
"It's a human world after all."

It's a human world after all
It's a human world after all
It's a human world after all
It's a human world

There is just one race
That should live here, so
If you're not a human
You'll have to go
Please don't hope to survive
When the Dead Boys arrive
It's a human world after all

It's a human world after all
It's a human world after all
It's a human world after all
It's a human world

There is just one race
That should live here, so
If you're not a human
You'll have to go
Please don't hope to survive
When the Dead Boys arrive
It's a human world after all

It's a human world after all
It's a human world after all
It's a human world after all
It's a human world

[glitterboy2098]

Coalition News Network

(Scene, rows of troops in CS body armor, sans helmets, holding rifles at the ready.)

All across the States, Humans are joining up!


Soldier #1 "I'm Doing my Part."

Soldier #2 "I'm Doing my Part!"

Soldier #3 "And i'm doing my Part!"

(scenes of CS soldiers in combat)
Join The Coalition Army and Save Humanity!

Service Guarantees Citizenship!

[Shin Kenshiro]

The setting: dusk approaches out in the middle of the Ohio wilderness....a group of 4 mercenaries in various types of armor and weaponry ride on cybernetic horses, discussing their latest adventure and the spoils of war they have amassed, and how glad they were that they put it all on credit sticks.

Juicer: With this much cash, I'll finally be able to go for that detox and settle down for the good life!

Operator: You know it. And I'll be able to quit this constant dangerous travelling and open up my very own repair shop. That way I can offer my services to alot more humans and make their days easier.

Headhunter: I'll be able to move up to the glorious State of Iron Heart and settle down to spend my days fishing along the sweet, safe, and serene waters of the Coalition. Putting this life of violence behind me forever.

Rogue Scholar, looking up from reading his large book: I had all my credits placed on this untraceable credit stick, so I'll be able to finally start learning the ways of magic while increasing my collection of illegal books and no one will know about it!

At that, a massive roar is heard, the ground begins to rumble and 2 Fury Beetles suddenly burst forth from the nearby woods!! At the reigns of each are a Simvan and the beetles also carry several obvious ley line walkers, demons and monstrous D-bees screaming and howling!!!

They quickly overtake the rogue scholar who is torn from his mount and ripped to shreds while screaming in pain and begging for mercy from the mad-max looking bandits, his horse trampled beneath beetles as they race towards the others trying to escape

Lead bandit: Kill them and steal every last credit they have!!!

Operator, looking over his shoulder and shouting: It won't matter what you do! Our credits are all on Coalition One credit sticks! With the Coalition States Bank security features of DNA and brainwave scanning to prevent identity theft and improper usage of any credits under our names!!!

Bandits: ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!

The bandits slow down and let the 3 escape into the now setting sun, the lead bandit turning to face camera and yells as it zooms in.....

"WHAT'S IN YOUR WALLET????"


Coalition One, a financial subsidiary of the National Coalition States Bank
Glory to the Coalition!

[Shin Kenshiro]

Parody works are funny, but I would strongly encourage everyone to try and submit original work.

I thought about it for a moment....but damn I just couldn't resist the initial temptation Mattbaby

[glitterboy2098]

at least mine *could* be a serious attempt.

its the kind of propaganda the CS would use.


i still like how it turned out.

the Coalition News Network (AKA......CNN )

[Adam of the Old Kingdom]

Tonight I have a message for the men and women who will keep the peace, members of the Coalition Armed Forces: Many of you are assembling in or near Tolkeen, and some crucial hours may lay ahead. In those hours, the success of our cause will depend on you. Your training has prepared you. Your honour will guide you. You believe in the Coalition States, and the Coalition States believe in you. (Applause.)

Sending Citizens into battle is the most profound decision an Emperor can make. The technologies of war have changed; the risks and suffering of war have not. For the brave Citizens who bear the risk, no victory is free from sorrow. This nation fights reluctantly, because we know the cost and we dread the days of mourning that always come.

We seek peace. We strive for peace. And sometimes peace must be defended. A future lived at the mercy of terrible threats is no peace at all. If war is forced upon us, we will fight in a just cause and by just means. And if war is forced upon us, we will fight with the full force and might of the Coalition States military -- and we will prevail. (Applause.)

Many challenges, abroad and at home, have arrived. In these few years, The Coalition has gone from a sense of invulnerability to an awareness of peril; from bitter division in small matters to calm unity in great causes. And we go forward with confidence, because this call of history has come to us.

Coalition Citizens are a resolute people who have risen to every test of our time. Adversity has revealed the character of the Coalition States, to the world and to ourselves. The Coalition is a strong nation, and honourable in the use of our strength. We exercise power without conquest, and we sacrifice for the liberty of strangers.

Coalition Citizens are a free people, who know that freedom is the right of every human and the future of every nation. The liberty we prize is not the Coalition's gift to the world, it is the Coalition States gift to humanity. (Applause.)

We of the Coalition States have faith in ourselves, but not in ourselves alone. We do not know -- we do not claim to know all the ways of providence, yet we can trust in them, placing our confidence in the Emperor.

May He guide us now. (Applause.)

[Comrade Corsarius]

CNN (Coalition News Network) broadcast commercial:

Voice-over: Are you a man?

(pictures of check-shirted men working fields, labouring in factories and mines and similar 'manly' occupations. Each time the camera chooses an individual, who looks up and gives a gruff nod)

Voice-over: Are you a Human? A true citizen of this fair planet, someone who can hold their head up high and claim descent across the years to the golden age of mankind?

(pictures now across all walks of life, men and women; schoolchildren, nurses, janitors, a guy in a suit, a mother with her baby in her arms. Cameral lingers on the last scene just a tiny bit longer than the others)

Voice-over: So do you dare to protect what is yours? To take back your birthright from the beasts that stole it?

(hollywood-style violence of mages, beasts, d-bees etc. Not necessarily real or unreal, just hyped up violence and bloodshed. People fleeing screaming etc, a mother soothing her crying child as the baying shadowbeasts close around them, poignant scenes.)

Voice over: Then wake up! Join our crusade! Free the land and all the people about you!

(images of victorious CS troops, Soldiers rebuilding shattered towns, patrolling in the desert and the snow (with glorious landscape shots from above), Dog boys with their handler helping the elderly in a home, CS troops marching down a street... fades to voice over and the image of the CS flag flying snappily in the breeze)

Voice over: So what are you waiting for? Join the CS army today, and feel like a man, be a man, be a HUMAN!

PS (not part of the ad) I'd like to do one for more than just the CS army. What about the CS home guard, or the land army, or the people who keep the million-man juggernaut FED and ARMED?

[Uncle Servo]

Parody works are funny, but I would strongly encourage everyone to try and submit original work.

I'm sorry... were you actually serious about this?

[Nekira Sudacne]

Tonight I have a message for the men and women who will keep the peace, members of the Coalition Armed Forces: Many of you are assembling in or near Tolkeen, and some crucial hours may lay ahead. In those hours, the success of our cause will depend on you. Your training has prepared you. Your honour will guide you. You believe in the Coalition States, and the Coalition States believe in you. (Applause.)

Sending Citizens into battle is the most profound decision an Emperor can make. The technologies of war have changed; the risks and suffering of war have not. For the brave Citizens who bear the risk, no victory is free from sorrow. This nation fights reluctantly, because we know the cost and we dread the days of mourning that always come.

We seek peace. We strive for peace. And sometimes peace must be defended. A future lived at the mercy of terrible threats is no peace at all. If war is forced upon us, we will fight in a just cause and by just means. And if war is forced upon us, we will fight with the full force and might of the Coalition States military -- and we will prevail. (Applause.)

Many challenges, abroad and at home, have arrived. In these few years, The Coalition has gone from a sense of invulnerability to an awareness of peril; from bitter division in small matters to calm unity in great causes. And we go forward with confidence, because this call of history has come to us.

Coalition Citizens are a resolute people who have risen to every test of our time. Adversity has revealed the character of the Coalition States, to the world and to ourselves. The Coalition is a strong nation, and honourable in the use of our strength. We exercise power without conquest, and we sacrifice for the liberty of strangers.

Coalition Citizens are a free people, who know that freedom is the right of every human and the future of every nation. The liberty we prize is not the Coalition's gift to the world, it is the Coalition States gift to humanity. (Applause.)

We of the Coalition States have faith in ourselves, but not in ourselves alone. We do not know -- we do not claim to know all the ways of providence, yet we can trust in them, placing our confidence in the Emperor.

May He guide us now. (Applause.)

*signs up*
very nice, man, good speech

I've been wanting to do one based to "Men in Black" but I'd probablly get shot or sued.

hmmm. . . I'll post mine in a bit, I have a idea that still needs refining

[glitterboy2098]

at least mine *could* be a serious attempt.

its the kind of propaganda the CS would use.


i still like how it turned out.

the Coalition News Network (AKA......CNN )

I saw this in Starship Troopers...

thus the *COULD*

[Hystrix]

at least mine *could* be a serious attempt.

its the kind of propaganda the CS would use.


i still like how it turned out.

the Coalition News Network (AKA......CNN )

I saw this in Starship Troopers...

thus the *COULD*

Ok, you are missing the point. He said original. Nothing about your post was original...

[glitterboy2098]

at least mine *could* be a serious attempt.

its the kind of propaganda the CS would use.


i still like how it turned out.

the Coalition News Network (AKA......CNN )

I saw this in Starship Troopers...

thus the *COULD*

Ok, you are missing the point. He said original. Nothing about your post was original...

i know, but at least mine was propaganda. and it is the kind of propaganda the CS would use.

i've got an idea for a truely original propaganda, but give me a few days. i'm working on it between 4 college classes and finishing up a rifter submission.

[Adam of the Old Kingdom]

Winners don't do spells.


To paraphase Yul Brynner.
"What ever you do, just don't read."

[Uncle Servo]

Yes, this is a serious contest, it's supposed to be the successor to the Armor Challenge!

You're no fun anymore, you know that?

*grumbles incoherently* Okay, if I gotta be serious... I'll try and have something cobbled together later today.

However, although we see the It's A Human World and the Starship Troopers entries as "parodies" who's to say that the powers that be within the CS couldn't take things we see today and 're-make' them as propaganda? After all, we see how popular old songs are covered (or at least sampled) by new groups just about every year nowadays... and old movies/tv shows are "re-imagined" (a la Battlestar Galactica and Cruel Intentions/Dangerous Liasons). After all, since the CS has a stranglehold on pre-Rifts knowledge and information it's only logical that they would be pretty much the only ones with access to ancient ad campaigns. It's easy to come across as 'original' when nobody recognizes your source material.

[Dustin Fireblade]

However, although we see the It's A Human World and the Starship Troopers entries as "parodies" who's to say that the powers that be within the CS couldn't take things we see today and 're-make' them as propaganda? After all, we see how popular old songs are covered (or at least sampled) by new groups just about every year nowadays... and old movies/tv shows are "re-imagined" (a la Battlestar Galactica and Cruel Intentions/Dangerous Liasons). After all, since the CS has a stranglehold on pre-Rifts knowledge and information it's only logical that they would be pretty much the only ones with access to ancient ad campaigns. It's easy to come across as 'original' when nobody recognizes your source material.

Good point. I've had the CS basically run movies like Independence Day or Aliens as a documentary type films.

I mean if canon text says that everyone beleives all the Old West movies as "real"...

[Uncle Servo]

I don't know about TV spots. I think CS propaganda would be more in the form of hero worship. (Yep thats right Chitown is just full of Jericholics!)

Who more then likely had a huge parade to welcome him and the boys back allong with a televised speach that probally sounded something like what George W Bush says when asked about how we're doin in Iraq.

More likely a speech reminiscent of what Baghdad Bob said when asked how pitiful the US-led coalition was failing in their failed invasion attempt...

And an effective ad campaign (which is essentially what propaganda is when you get right down to it) utilizes several different forms of media... so it's not a stretch to assume that the CS would utilize TV, radio, and print ads and not just hero worship (though it would definitely use this as well).

But enough derailment of topic -- let's move on. Here's my entry:

=====================================


Vid clip begins with a shot of the Coalition flag flapping in the breeze against a clear blue sky

ANNOUNCER (VOICE): What does it take to be a soldier of the Coalition States?

Scene changes to footage of an Enforcer robot unleashing destruction on a Spiny Ravager, then changes to a view of the pilot inside the cockpit.

ENFORCER PILOT: It takes STRENGTH, to rid our land of monsters...

Scene changes to footage of a skycycle coming in for a landing, then zooms in to the pilot as she removes her helmet.

SKYCYCLE PILOT: It takes SKILL, to keep our skies safe...

Scene changes to a NTSET agent with a pack of loyal Dog Boys surrounding him.

NTSET AGENT: It takes VIGILANCE, to make sure our cities STAY safe...

Scene changes to footage of a Coalition grunt being surrounded by adoring children and parents, all hugging the grunt and patting him on the back as he walks through.

GRUNT: It takes the CONFIDENCE of both you and the folks back home knowing you're doing the right thing...

Scene changes to footage of Emperor Prosek sitting in his office, with all manner of Coalition effects behind him.

PROSEK: What does it take to be a Coalition soldier? The HEART of someone willing to defend humanity from a world gone mad...

Scene returns to shot of the Coalition flag flapping in the breeze against a clear blue sky

ANNOUNCER (VOICE): Be a defender of humanity and join the Coalition Armed Forces. Visit your local Recruitment Center today!

Scene changes to a black background, with the CS 'Death's Head' symbol.

CHORUS OF MALE AND FEMALE VOICES: We Shall Stand Strong Together!!!!!

=================================

What do y'all think?

[Uncle Servo]

Good, except for the word problem again

Word Problem? Again?

Enlighten us, please...

[Uncle Servo]

Good, except for the word problem again

Word Problem? Again?

Enlighten us, please...

LS is assuming the words 'We shall Stand Strong Together!' are written on the screen, not spoken.

*smacks forehead*

The most embarrassing part is, Splynny's absolutely right. I had envisioned the words written on the screen, and it wasn't until the both of you said something that I realized the faux pas.

I'll go back and fix that right now.

[Adam of the Old Kingdom]

Our cause is just, and it continues. Our discoveries in Tolkeen confirmed our worst fears, and showed us the true scope of the task ahead. We have seen the depth of our enemies' hatred, where they laugh about the loss of innocent life. And the depth of their hatred is equaled by the madness of the destruction they design. We have found diagrams of Coalition power plants and public water facilities, detailed instructions for making Magic weapons, surveillance maps of Coalition cities, and thorough descriptions of landmarks in Chi-town and throughout the Coalition.

What we have found in Tolkeen confirms that, far from ending there, our war against Magic is only beginning. Thousands of dangerous killers, schooled in the methods of murder, often supported by outlaw regimes, are now spread throughout the world like ticking time bombs, set to go off without warning.

Thanks to the work of our law enforcement officials and coalition partners, hundreds of Magic users have been arrested. Yet, tens of thousands of trained Mages are still at large. These enemies view the entire world as a battlefield, and we must pursue them wherever they are. (Applause.) So long as training camps operate, so long as nations harbor Magicians, freedom is at risk. And The Coalition and our allies must not, and will not, allow it. (Applause.)

Our nation will continue to be steadfast and patient and persistent in the pursuit of two great objectives. First, we will shut down Magic camps, disrupt Magic plans, and bring Magicians to justice. And, second, we must prevent the Magicians and regimes who seek Magical, Psionic or Alien weapons from threatening the Coalition States and the world. (Applause.)

Our military has put the Magic training camps of Tolkeen out of business, yet camps still exist in at least a dozen countries. A terrorist underworld -- including groups like The Federation of Magic, The Pecos Empire, Lazlo -- operates in remote forrests and deserts, and hides in the centers of large cities.

My hope is that all nations will heed our call, and eliminate the Magic using parasites who threaten their countries and our own. Many nations are acting forcefully. The NGR is now cracking down on Magic, and I admire the strong leadership of the NGR President. (Applause.)

But some governments will be timid in the face of terror. And make no mistake about it: If they do not act, The Coalition will. (Applause.)


We will work closely with our coalition to deny Magic users and their state sponsors the materials, technology, and expertise to make and deliver weapons of magic. We will develop and deploy effective magic defenses to protect The Coalition and our allies from sudden attack. (Applause.) And all nations should know: The Coalition will do what is necessary to ensure our nation's security.

We'll be deliberate, yet time is not on our side. I will not wait on events, while dangers gather. I will not stand by, as peril draws closer and closer. The Coalition States will not permit the world's most dangerous regimes to threaten us with the world's most destructive weapons. (Applause.)

Our war on Magic is well begun, but it is only begun. This campaign may not be finished on our watch -- yet it must be and it will be waged on our watch.

We can't stop short. If we stop now -- leaving magic camps intact and magic states unchecked -- our sense of security would be false and temporary. History has called the Coalition and our allies to action, and it is both our responsibility and our privilege to fight Humanities fight. (Applause.)


The last time I spoke here, I expressed the hope that life would return to normal. In some ways, it has. In others, it never will. Those of us who have lived through these challenging times have been changed by them. We've come to know truths that we will never question: evil is real, and it must be opposed. (Applause.) Beyond all differences of race or creed, we are one country, mourning together and facing danger together. Deep in the Coalition character, there is honor, and it is stronger than cynicism. And many have discovered again that even in tragedy -- especially in tragedy -- The Emeror stands strong. (Applause.)

In a single instant, we realized that this will be a decisive era in the history of Humanity, that we've been called to a unique role in human events. Rarely has the world faced a choice more clear or consequential.

Our enemies send other people's children on missions of suicide and murder. They embrace tyranny and death as a cause and a creed. We stand for a different choice, made long ago, on the day of our founding. We affirm it again today. We choose freedom and the dignity of every Human. (Applause.)

Steadfast in our purpose, we now press on. We have known freedom's price. We have shown Humanities power. And in this great conflict, we will see Humanities victory.

Thank you all. (Applause.)

[dark brandon]

A little girl playing in a field of dandy-lions twirling a ribbon. When a stranger with a book in one hand motions for the girl to come over. Close up of the book. Girl walks over and stranger smiles, then rises a dagger high in the air. Then a close up of the girls eyes, with innocent expression. View of dagger coming down. Black.

soft female Voice over: Hundreds of children are killed each day because of simple books...

Lazer guns sounds

Fade in, with a CS soldier holding the little girl, a pack of dog boys stading over a fallen body and a psi-stalker lighting a book on fire.

Fade out:

soft female Voice over: Don't let your child become one of them. Report all violators, if not for you, then for the future. Fade in one last time close up of young girls innocent eye expression with tears falling.

[Adam of the Old Kingdom]

Did I miss the poll or did this just die?

[Uncle Servo]

Well, if you're committed to sticking to the 1st for the start of the polls...

The good news is that we've only got about another 9-1/2 days before the poll begins, and anyone still wanting to submit something still has time to do so.

The bad news is that nobody has submitted anything since Lt. Col. Andy did back on the 8th, and if we're not careful we could miss the window of interest by waiting until the 1st.

[Uncle Servo]

I am really hoping for some sort of multimedia entry...

Since you mention it, how do you put images into your sig? I have a few illustrations that could be used for CS posters/ads, and if I could somehow get 'em in there I'd do so for the purposes of this poll.

[Uncle Servo]

The bad news is that nobody has submitted anything since Lt. Col. REDDSON did back on the 8th, and if we're not careful we could miss the window of interest by waiting until the 1st.

That's ok, we all know who the winner is anyways.

Thanks... I'll be sure to include you in my acceptance speech.
Apologies for the faux pas there with the name, btw.

I am really hoping for some sort of multimedia entry...

The CS would not likely have one, since the ability to use a compuer would require literacy. So the ability to SEE such a peice would require someone to confess to a crime. Who's gonna do something that blatantly stupid?

Multimedia doesn't necessarily have to include using a computer to access it. I don't know if you've seen any of these, but a concept that seems to be pretty popular is having a wall picture (usually an animation cel) with a sound chip that plays a short segment of music/dialogue (usually part of the work in which the cel was used).

Take that idea to a CS recruitment poster and make the sound chip motion-activated to spout forth some sort of 'join the CSAF' message whenever someone passes, and BINGO -- a multimedia presentation extolling the virtues of the glorious CS military machine!

[Adam of the Old Kingdom]

Multimedia? I can see that in areas of Chi-town and the burbs with low levels of graphity/vandalism.
and no need to emply a guy to change the posters, just transmit the image with the relevant sound file.

and use them to transmit important LIVE events just like regular TVs, like my competion winning speaches.

[Adam of the Old Kingdom]

you and your Col O'neal moments. you should change your name.

Imagin, if you will.

there is a poster, yet it is animated (LCD screen or what ever) when ever some one comes with in 10ft of it a motion sensor starts an audio file that replaces the text we would normaly get with posters.

some of the entries in this competion sugest the use of TV, video or some other form of dedicated visual comunication. the active billboard could be used to get the message to the illiterate masses.

My secondary sugestion was that if the poster or board was a TV screen and not just a static display with audio clip, when it was not hammering passers by with propaganda it could be used to distribute addresses and other important live events. Like my briliant speaches on the war in tolkeen.

[Uncle Servo]

you and your Col O'neal moments. you should change your name.

Imagin, if you will.

there is a poster, yet it is animated (LCD screen or what ever) when ever some one comes with in 10ft of it a motion sensor starts an audio file that replaces the text we would normaly get with posters.

some of the entries in this competion sugest the use of TV, video or some other form of dedicated visual comunication. the active billboard could be used to get the message to the illiterate masses.

My secondary sugestion was that if the poster or board was a TV screen and not just a static display with audio clip, when it was not hammering passers by with propaganda it could be used to distribute addresses and other important live events. Like my briliant speaches on the war in tolkeen.

That's more or less where I was going with my example. This 'recruitment poster' could easily be a flat plasma screen unit -- or even a holographic display similar to the one used by the Wilk's Field Identifier computer. The use of more 'traditional' print media (paper, screenprinted plastic, etc.) would most likely still be cheaper and more practical in the outlying wilderness areas.

[Hystrix]

OK, I know that this is not the song parody post, but it could be propaganda!

(To the tune of Dulok is the Perfect Place from Shrek)

Do-do-do-do-do
Welcome to the CS,
Such a perfect Empire!
Now we have some rule,
That will inspire!
Don't use magic, or be non-human,
Or those Dead Boys will be fumin'!
The CS is the perfect Empire!
Reading will make you sick,
That King Kreed, he's a --- Liar!
The CS is, the CS is,
The CS is the Perfect Empire!!! (last not off key)

[Uncle Servo]

OK, I know that this is not the song parody post, but it could be propaganda!

Ah, but if nobody knows the true source can it still be considered a parody? I think it'd be a pretty safe bet that nobody living in the Coalition would ever have seen a copy of Shrek (which is a pity, as I love the movie myself) -- after all, a hideous D-Bee teams up with another D-Bee and his dragon to save the day by defeating (or should I say EATING?) a human.

But then again, that's another one of those 'perspective' things... we'd recognize it as a parody, but a poor sap living in Chi-Town wouldn't because he doesn't know shinola about stuff from before the Cataclysm.

[bigbobsr6000]

(Current vid show pauses for this message…)

Vid screen shows a mother looking in on her sleeping children.

Fades to the exterior of the CS Emperor’s Palace with a single light on.

Zooms in to show Emperor Prosek working at desk.

Red vid-phone lights up and buzzes…..

Announcer: “Who do you want to answer the Red vid-phone at three o’clock in the morning……

…..our human Emperor Prosek?”

“Keep it that way, enlist in the Coalition States Army.”

(Flattering image of Emperor Prosek appears) In his voice message states: “I am Emperor Prosek and I approved this message.” (Pause) “Keep it human!”

Fade to black…..

(Vid show continues…)

[Library Ogre]

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2027/157 ... fa2f_o.jpg

[The Beast]

Parody works are funny, but I would strongly encourage everyone to try and submit original work.

I'd also like to see some serious effort.

Coalition News Network

(Scene, rows of troops in CS body armor, sans helmets, holding rifles at the ready.)

All across the States, Humans are joining up!


Soldier #1 "I'm Doing my Part."

Soldier #2 "I'm Doing my Part!"

Soldier #3 "And i'm doing my Part!"

(scenes of CS soldiers in combat)
Join The Coalition Army and Save Humanity!

Service Guarantees Citizenship!

Sadly I think this is about as serious as it'll get.

[The Beast]

And out of nowhere, almost 4 years later...comes this thread back from the dead.

Thread necromancy! A gift and a curse!

What were the results of this contest?

[LostOne]

News report:

"This just in. Federation of Magic hostiles have begun planting books in various locations of the CS. The act of reading the books triggers a magical spell. The spells seem to be different, leading experts to believe that multiple d-bee scum are working together to create these books. Some books cause the reader to go incurably insane, while other books explode, and another reportedly caused the reader to teleport a mile up into the air and he fell screaming to his death. There have been 15 casualties reported so far. It is unknown just how many of these books have been planted.

Hehe, well, it just goes to show that you can't judge a book by its cover."

[Daniel Stoker]

And out of nowhere, almost 4 years later...comes this thread back from the dead.

bumpin dis thread to keep my name on the front page (don't forget about mattbaby)

Dear gods, he's back! Quick someone get out the stakes!


Daniel Stoker

[9voltkilowatt]

[Fade in] Random Soldier spouting human supremacist nonsense.

Random Soldier: Blah blah blah, we were first and blah blah blah original inhabitants blah blah blah ...

The camra slowly pans just to the right of the soldiers head and focuses on a group of sasquatch standing amongst the trees, looking on with a mingled expression that can only be that of sorrow and disappointment.

*This advertisement is brought to you by people that are not a group of mentally deficient *******.*

[Slag]

Scene: a young man is walking down a beach on a beautiful, sunny day, 50s-style surf music is playing in the background.

Suddenly he spies a gorgeous woman in sunglasses and a tight, skimpy one-piece. She smiles at him and starts running down the beach. He smiles and starts chasing her.

Sun glints off of her flowing blond hair as he pursues her. He finally catches up with her as the music reaches crescendo. He grabs her, lifting her up as the waves crash against the shore around them. They frolic.

As he leans down to kiss her she knocks him back with a sharp blow to the chest. As he groans in pain she pulles a strange device from thin air, shoots a glowing net entangling him.

A Splugorth slaver barge appears in the air behind her. She walks to it, man-in-net slung over her shoulder. The Slaver grabs the net with a slimy tentacle and licks the woman on the cheek. She takes a place by his side, removes the blond wig and sunglasses, and puts on the wierd helmet of a BWW. Camera pans to reveal two identical women sitting on the hover-barge beside her.

Slaver barge hovers off into sunset as the surf music ends.

Voiceover (Joseph Prosek): "The price of our continued survival is continued vigilance and constant awareness. The enemies of humanity take many forms, but the saviors of humanity take only one."

Scene change: Coalition Soldiers in uniform standing before a waving Coalition Flag.

Joseph voiceover continues: "What have you done for our survival? What have you done for the Coalition States of America? What will you do for the sake of Humanity?"

[LostOne]

That is awesome, Slag. Good job!

[ApocalypseZero]

I just can't get passed an image of Karl Prosek standing at a podium banging a clinched fist or pointing while saying.......

"I did NOT...have sexual relations with that D-Bee....Ms. Lewinski."