Emporer Prosek Facts -

bar1scorpio · Unread post by **bar1scorpio** » Sat Aug 23, 2008 5:04 pm

Honest to goodness facts about Karl (Middle names not fully disclosed) Prosek are slim to come by, even in the campaign books. But we have found a few...

Karl Prosek's Tears are Adhesive. But only if he cries from laughing.
Karl Prosek is not Machine Washable. He breaks the machine every time.
Karl Prosek won a Poker Game against the Entire Month of December.

What facts have you been able to uncover about this man?

csbioborg · Unread post by **csbioborg** » Sat Aug 23, 2008 5:45 pm

The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Karl Prosek

Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Karl Prosek with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Karl Prosek cannot be in two places at the same time..

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Karl Proseksmile, but only 2 to make him destroy Tolkeen

Karl Prosek did not join the Coaltion States the Coaltion States joined him

Thousands of years ago Karl Prosek came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.

On his birthday, Karl Prosek randomly selects one lucky dbee to be thrown into the sun.

Karl Prosek grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage

When Calisgro SMith kills a dbee he takes its hide, WHen Karl Prosek kills a dbee he uses all the parts

The Glitter Boy was originaly called the Prosek Man until Karl Prosek decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Karl Prosek renamed the PA and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has come close

The Bible was originally titled "Karl Prosek and Friends"

When Karl Prosek was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.

Karl Prosek doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to Karl Prosek. He only has two needs: killing people and finding people to kill.

It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Karl Prosek a giant meteor.

We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Karl Prosek
Karl Prosek knows the last digit of pi
Karl Prosek was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.

The square root ofKarl Prosek is pain. Do not try to square Karl Prosek, the result is death.

Rockwolf66 · Unread post by **Rockwolf66** » Sun Aug 24, 2008 12:52 am

The Horseman of Death keeps a Shrine to Karl Prosek.

Every night the Horseman of Death prays that Karl prosek will not take him.

Dead Boy · Unread post by **Dead Boy** » Sun Aug 24, 2008 3:43 am

Karl Prosek once did a cannonball into his private pool hidden ten stories under Chi-Town. The ISS had to respond to the flood victims all the way up on the fortress city's 35th level.

Lightning never strikes the same place more than once because it knows Karl Prosek is looking for it.

They say that the fabled Black Vault is where the CS keeps the world's most powerful captured specimens of magic. In truth, it is where Karl Prosek keeps his still beating heart.

When he was young, Karl Prosek had a curse put on him. Every time he kills a D-Bee or supernatural monster, a demon is Rifted into the heart of China. Last year marked the highest levels of starvation in China's history due to overpopulation.

Karl Prosek was once sent a message via Magic Pigeon as a joke. Karl's temper was so heated, the mage spontaneously combusted miles away.

One out of every ten-thousand missiles fired by the CS Armed Forces is personally autographed by Karl Prosek. The skull of any D-bee killed by one is considered to be a collectors item.

Both Nostradamus and Edward Casey foresaw the coming of Karl Prosek. It was the cause of death for both of them.

Once every year, Karl Prosek goes hunting for the Lord of the Deep. He does so with nothing more than a rowboat, a leather speedo, and a vibro knife clenched between his teeth. To date the Lord of the Deep has yet to summon up the nerve to accept the challenge.

Once, Karl Prosek met his twin from a parallel universe. They got along well tell it dawned on Karl that his doppleganger was technically a D-Bee. The two fought to the death for days in brutal hand to hand combat. To this day no one is sure which one was actually the victor.

King Chopper · Unread post by **King Chopper** » Sun Aug 24, 2008 3:46 am

Karl Prosek does not sleep, he waits...

AlanGunhouse · Unread post by **AlanGunhouse** » Sun Aug 24, 2008 6:32 am

Karl Prosek is a cyborg, they took out his heart and brain years ago and replaced them with machines, leaving just an external shell of humanity so he can be said to be alive.

Todd Yoho · Unread post by **Todd Yoho** » Wed Aug 27, 2008 2:34 pm

Fear of Karl Prosek is why Palladium hasn't published a Chi-Town worldbook.

Kevin Siembieda thought Karl Prosek was named Emperor Tromm, but Karl Prosek broke the 4th wall and made Kevin fix his mistake.

rat_bastard · Unread post by **rat_bastard** » Wed Aug 27, 2008 2:44 pm

Karl Prosek caused the coming of the rifts, by sneezing

bar1scorpio · Unread post by **bar1scorpio** » Wed Aug 27, 2008 3:34 pm

All Coalition Deathbots are initially matte gray. Karl Prosek personally beats them black & blue.

The Coalition uses a Death's Head motif because a thousand Karl Proseks marching in unison was deemed "too scary".

The Coalition Navy initially involved Karl Prosek sitting on the beach with two Pina Coladas, a Folding Lawn Chair, an Inflatable Tube and a Wet Towel. Lake Michigan was never safer.

The Minion War is pointless. Karl Prosek already memorized the Omega Book.

Karl Prosek once led an expedition to the middle east. Hence no Worldbook for it.

Karl Prosek can put an Octoman in an arm bar.

Don't be fooled. It used to be a giant cube in Atlantis. Then one day, Karl Prosek felt like "Punching something".

Slynncryth used to have Two eyes. Then he crossed Karl Prosek.

Dog_O_War · Unread post by **Dog_O_War** » Fri Aug 29, 2008 4:30 pm

Karl Prosek had a twin brother named Stan. One day Stan wouldn't leggo Karls' eggo. Hence, no mention in any book about a "Stan Prosek".

Prosek, in Latin means "to rule".
Karl, in American means "beef patty".
What does this all mean? We can feel his influence even today; he and his son slowly infiltrate the businesses most likely to control the populace the best. Yes, this "Burger King" and his son, Karl Jr. have a strangle-hold on society - even in the past.

Karl Prosek has a transvestite dopple-ganger from an alternate universe roaming around Rifts earth; his name is Erin Tarn.

Karl Prosek has not killed Erin Tarn yet because he likes to remind himself, "I will not become the thing I hate".

Karl Prosek is Chuck Norris spelled backwards.

csbioborg · Unread post by **csbioborg** » Fri Aug 29, 2008 6:12 pm

Todd Yoho wrote:Fear of Karl Prosek is why Palladium hasn't published a Chi-Town worldbook.

Kevin Siembieda thought Karl Prosek was named Emperor Tromm, but Karl Prosek broke the 4th wall and made Kevin fix his mistake.

I'd have to vote for these

AdmTolval · Unread post by **AdmTolval** » Fri Aug 29, 2008 6:56 pm

P.A. really means "Prosek, Age of".

Rex · Unread post by **Rex** » Fri Aug 29, 2008 10:27 pm

Karl Prosek isn't afraid of Magic and DBee's, Magic and DBee's are afraid of Karl
Prosek.

Mrrlyn tried to corrupt Karl Prosek, but KP punched him so hard, he ended up in England.

Cyberkights were supposed to have anti-Karl Prosek powers, but Lord Coake was too much
of a pansy to fight the man directly.

The ending to The Siege of Tolkeen had to be rewritten to a more believeable
story, because nobody would like read how he tore the place down with his bare-mother
f**king hands.

bar1scorpio · Unread post by **bar1scorpio** » Mon Sep 01, 2008 1:35 pm

I can't believe we didn't think of this earlier.

When a Psi-Stalker confronts the supernatural, they become Mega-Damage beings.
When Karl Prosek confronts anything that ticks him off, he becomes Giga-Damage.

Dog_O_War · Unread post by **Dog_O_War** » Mon Sep 01, 2008 2:07 pm

Karl Prosek is considered to be the world's best comedian. Of course, to consider him second best in anything is punishable by death.

Karl Prosek personally slew and MDC-dipped every skull of a spider-skull walker.

An anagram of Vin Desiels' name is I end lives. Karl Prosek believes this is also true of his name. I dare you to tell him different.

Karl Prosek does not consider Rhino-Buffalo meat "tough" to chew, even from a live specimen.

Karl Prosek can walk on water, but not for the same reason Jesus can. The reason he walks on water is because if anyone is walking on anyone, it's him doing the walking.

When Karl Prosek was a child, he accidentally cut himself shaving with a vibro-knife. That's because he was born a real man - and real men shave with vibro-knives.

Karl Prosek invites women to come over and clean his pool all the time. Of course, by pool he means bed, and by clean he means HAVE.... (well, if you were a fan of Clone High, you should be able to finish the rest of the quote. In your best JFK voice too).

AlanGunhouse · Unread post by **AlanGunhouse** » Mon Sep 01, 2008 3:11 pm

Karl Prosek once went back to the beginning of time and caused the Big Bang...then the primordial universe saw he was there it exploded trying to get away.

Dog_O_War · Unread post by **Dog_O_War** » Tue Sep 02, 2008 3:52 pm

When life gives Karl Prosek lemons, Karl Prosek makes whisky.

Karl Prosek can compare apples to oranges.

The original SAMAS design was based off of the shell Karl Prosek hatched from.

The only thing better than Karl Prosek is Karl Prosek one minute from now.

The original Glitterboy design was based off of the shell Karl Prosek hatched from.

Yes, Karl Prosek hatched from two shells.

Normally you must drive a stake through a vampires' heart to kill it, but in a pinch Karl Proseks' fist will do.

The last one is a lie; normally you must drive Karl Proseks' fist through a vampire's heart to kill it, but in a pinch a stake will do.

Karl Prosek is the only person that can kill a vampire by driving a steak through its heart.

The Glitterboy is the most effective weapon the Coalition has ever seen. That is because it has the ability to mirror Karl Proseks' image, making them nigh-impenetrable.

Karl Prosek can give you a bleeding nose by punching your father in the anus.

csbioborg · Unread post by **csbioborg** » Tue Sep 02, 2008 3:59 pm

Jericho Holmes actually surived his excursion into Xiticx lands becasue at the same time Karl Prosek personally bedded every Queen in the area leaving them to tired to order an attack

King Chopper · Unread post by **King Chopper** » Tue Sep 02, 2008 4:19 pm

csbioborg wrote:Jericho Holmes actually surived his excursion into Xiticx lands becasue at the same time Karl Prosek personally bedded every Queen in the area leaving them to tired to order an attack

Oh, thank you for that mental image. :eek:

Balabanto · Unread post by **Balabanto** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 2:57 am

Karl Prosek is so amazing, he can spread his seed to Dee-bee women and humanize them in just thirty seconds.

Karl Prosek is, however, not so amazing in bed.

Dog_O_War · Unread post by **Dog_O_War** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 11:03 am

Balabanto wrote:Karl Prosek is, however, not so amazing in bed.

This is why Karl Prosek does "it" standing up, where he is amazing.

Karl Prosek exicuted Balabanto for saying that he wasn't so amazing in bed.

Todd Yoho · Unread post by **Todd Yoho** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 1:51 pm

Karl Prosek's immune system is so powerful that he has only caught a fever once; his body was so hot that the heat traveled back in time and started the 1871 Chicago Fire.

Vladamir Krophski · Wed Sep 03, 2008 4:17 pm

Karl Prosek is so tough that when he goes to donate blood, he refuses the needle and asks for a gun and a bucket.

Karl Prosek counted to infinity twice.

csbioborg · Unread post by **csbioborg** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 7:29 pm

Karl Prosek counted to infinty while determing the last digit in pi

Karl Prosek beat the Planet of Eylor in a starig contest

bar1scorpio · Unread post by **bar1scorpio** » Mon Sep 08, 2008 7:20 am

The mention of this thread Gateway to the Megaverse got me inspired.

Before the Siege on Tolkeen, Coalition Scientists found a way to synthesize Karl Prosek's sweat. The result was the Titan Juicer.

Karl Prosek's sweat is actually so powerful, his underarms were once referred to as the "Genesis Pits"

Karl Prosek took three totally unrelated anime and edited them together into one explosion-heavy space opera - wait...

PROtoculture is the result of Karl PROsek squeezing the seeds of the Invid Flower of Life so hard, the generate nuclear fusion. Hence the name.

Karl Prosek once mistook the Invid for giant crabs. The Regess was not happy with the tasty, deep-fried result.

If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. If you give Karl Prosek a fish, he'll kill a D-Bee with it.

Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Karl Prosek slapping it does.

Early to bed and early to rise still won't make you Karl Prosek, so forget it.

Faith will move mountains. Karl Prosek will put them right back where they were.

"No man can serve two masters." So you better damn well serve Karl Prosek.

The cast of Lost actually crash landed on Karl Prosek. Proving that at least one man is an island.

Karl Prosek once spit into the wind. The wind was too scared to do anything about it.

Karl Prosek always burns his bridges before they're crossed. That's because he likes walking on things that are on fire.

Shakespeare wrote - "Cowards die many times before their deaths, The valiant never taste of death but once." - the original ending added: "And killing Karl Prosek will only p!$$ him off."

Chad · Unread post by **Chad** » Mon Sep 08, 2008 7:58 am

No one here seems to want to accept the fact that we're dealing with an expert in guerrilla warfare.
With a man who's the best, with guns, with knives, with his bare hands.
A man who's been trained to ignore pain, ignore weather, to live off the land. To eat things that would make a billy goat puke.
On Rifts Earth, his job is to dispose of enemy personnel.
To kill!
Period!
Win by attrition.
Well, Karl Prosek is the best.

Dog_O_War · Unread post by **Dog_O_War** » Wed Sep 10, 2008 2:05 pm

Karl Prosek can eat a Wilk's laser pistol and poo out a Wilk's laser rifle. ok?

Karl Prosek can't turn water into wine, but he can turn a Dee-Bee's defiance into whine. ok?

Karl Prosek was the architect of the Death's Head transport - a helmet made specifically for him when he grows up into a real boy. ok?

Karl Prosek begins and ends everything, even his name (always said in full) with the letter k.

Cybermancer · Unread post by **Cybermancer** » Wed Sep 10, 2008 2:42 pm

Karl Prosek can sneeze with his eyes open.

Except that he doesn't sneeze.

Karl Prosek's tears can cure cancer.

But he doesn't cry.

Karl Prosek is really the last president of the United States. NORAD wasn't buried when Yellowstone blew up. It was buried when he punched his way out.

He's been disguising his long age by alternating between being 'Joseph Prosek' and 'Karl Prosek' for generations.

Yes, those pictures of him and his son are both him. Because he CAN be in two places at once. And look differnent in both places.

Karl Prosek knew the Rifts were coming and could have prevented the catastrophe but chose to allow it. Why? Don't ask me, one cannot know the mind of Karl Prosek.

Balabanto · Unread post by **Balabanto** » Fri Sep 12, 2008 1:02 pm

Karl Prosek is so tough, he saddles up Simvan Monster Riders and rides THEM!

Karl Prosek is an MOM implant. And he has the ultimate mind, so you don't matter.

csbioborg · Unread post by **csbioborg** » Fri Sep 12, 2008 1:30 pm

The real reason Atlantis hasn't invaded NA is Slyncryth signed a treaty delcaring if either nation attacked each other the matter would be resolved in single combat between him and Karl Prosek. Shortly after signing Karl Prosek killed a elder Slugorth with his bare hands just to set an example.

The Old Ones are not trapped they are hiding from Karl Prosek.

Zurvan does not guard the Old Ones he is attacking as a look out so they can make a retreat if and when Karl Prosek decides to come for them

bar1scorpio · Unread post by **bar1scorpio** » Sat Jun 06, 2009 5:28 pm

Karl Prosek is p!$$ed that we've not added any facts in ages.

Karl Prosek uses a three-bladed sword for a nail file.

Karl Prosek originally wanted to name the Coalition Hellraiser the "Sparring Partner".

Physical Strength in Rifts is subdivided into 5 main categories. Strength, Augmented Strength, Robotic Strength, Supernatural Strength, and Karl Prosek Strength.

Karl Prosek managed to beat Carmen Bellaire in the Rifts Boardgame.

Karl Prosek can crash through any mega damage wall.
But he only does that when he's dispensing refreshing soft drinks to children, OH YEAH!

Karl Prosek can part his hair through sheer force of will.

Karl Prosek can pull a Mark V out of ditch... with a rope held between his teeth.

Karl Prosek's spit is flammable.

BookWyrm · Unread post by **BookWyrm** » Sat Jun 06, 2009 6:01 pm

Karl Prosek does not require special equipment to go back in time, he simply stares at a (banned) history book until it corrects itself. Which all history books do spontaneously in his presence.

Lord Dunscon hates Karl Prosek because he wants to BE Karl Prosek so much, it makes him crazy.

Balabanto · Unread post by **Balabanto** » Sat Jun 06, 2009 9:38 pm

Karl Prosek needs six midgets just to carry his shvantz to social events.

runebeo · Unread post by **runebeo** » Sun Jun 07, 2009 1:47 am

The Old Ones asked Karl Prosek to take XY's place as their leader, but Karl wouldn't take the pay cut.

runebeo · Unread post by **runebeo** » Wed Jun 10, 2009 3:08 am

Karl Prosek was once capture by Gene Splicers but they just released and told him we can't improve on perfection.

After hearing about Gilgamesh out wrestled Heracles, Karl Prosek challenged them both to handicap arm wrestling match and said they can use both arms.

On weekends Karl Prosek takes over for Atlas holding up the Earth and to make it a challenge he has Prometheus's Eagle tear out his kidney on the hour so he won't get bored.

sHaka · Unread post by **sHaka** » Wed Jun 10, 2009 7:46 am

Karl Prosek uses his nail clippings as Mega Damage boomerangs, but they don't return when thrown..because they're too frightened.

In the beginning was The Word. And it wasn't Karl Prosek. So he had it changed.

runebeo · Unread post by **runebeo** » Thu Jun 11, 2009 1:36 pm

Karl Prosek was asked what if one day all the D-Bess & aliens were gone from Earth and he responded "I'd start taking care of our Dog Boy problem, have your pet decapitated or shot, help control the mutant population."

Balabanto · Unread post by **Balabanto** » Sat Jun 13, 2009 2:02 am

Karl Prosek is so powerful, he sets D-bees on fire with his mind.

Karl Prosek is so powerful, he sets D-bees on fire by throwing mimes at them.

Karl Prosek is so powerful, D-Bee Mimes burst into flame behind their mask and die.

Greyaxe · Unread post by **Greyaxe** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 10:33 pm

bar1scorpio wrote:Karl Prosek can crash through any mega damage wall.
But he only does that when he's dispensing refreshing soft drinks to children, OH YEAH!

Holly **** that was funny, although i had to expain it to my wife when i burst out laughing.

Balabanto · Unread post by **Balabanto** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 12:04 am

You might want to Google Cereal Killers and Joe Linehan.

bar1scorpio · Unread post by **bar1scorpio** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 7:30 am

Karl Prosek's ultimate power? He can rename ANYTHING.

Bedknobs & Broomsticks is Chi-Town slang for Karl Prosek's manly bits.

Karl Prosek isn't just the Emporer. He's also host of a well-like children's television show.

Karl Prosek can bend space-time... with his bare hands.

Karl Prosek is actually the Fifth Horseman.

Karl Prosek is actually the Fourth Horseman's Horse. He felt he needed the exercise.

Karl Prosek can beat any Wii game just by staring at the controller.

BookWyrm · Unread post by **BookWyrm** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 11:42 am

Darkseid is actually Karl Prosek in disguise. Hence the propaganda posters all over Chi-Town: "Prosek Is."

Once, Archie & Hagan Lonovich tried to create a Prosek-double to replace the real Karl Prosek.
The Prosek-bot realised what was happening and self-destructed.

Karl Prosek once decreed that no child in the CS will be named after him because one of him is just barely enough for the CS to handle.

Greyaxe · Unread post by **Greyaxe** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 12:18 pm

Karl Prosek is actually a thought projection of himself.

Balabanto · Unread post by **Balabanto** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 1:27 pm

Karl Prosek is so impressive, D-Bees die when he shines his shoes in the morning.

Cybermancer · Unread post by **Cybermancer** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 1:37 pm

Karl Prosek doesn't just tell time. He tell time what to do.

Dog_O_War · Unread post by **Dog_O_War** » Thu Sep 10, 2009 3:49 am

Karl Prosek cna speel ani whey 'e wats, amd et vvil st!lll pee conciterd b3dder wrotin tahn amy oph milkshake-speares wurkzperiod

Karl Prosek can ice-skate uphill.

Karl Prosek killed the second most interesting man in the world; I hear that man could speak French in Russian.

Karl Prosek is the only one on Earth that can understand the spoken form brail in morse code with a Newfy accent. Karl Prosek is also the only one on Earth that has any clue as to what in the heck that means.

Beethoven's 5th symphony was actually a long, drawn-out fart Karl Prosek had while time-travelling. This was also the real reason Beethoven went deaf. Also, Karl Prosek insists it's pronouned Beeth-oven.

Karl Prosek can successfully confirm all the busted myths on Mythbusters.

If Karl Prosek says you are a beautiful woman, than you indeed are a beautiful woman. Even if you're a man.

If you view Karl Proseks' name in a mirror it looks like this; Karl Prosek. Yes, Karl Proseks' name is written forwards in the mirror, as nothing about Karl Prosek is backwards.

Also while time-travelling Karl Prosek lost one of his baby-teeth. It was mistakenly confused with a diamond. This "diamond" was found in the mines of Sir Thomas Cullinan.

Balabanto · Unread post by **Balabanto** » Thu Sep 10, 2009 9:07 am

When Karl Prosek speaks, D-Bees fall on their knees and commit suicide.

Novastar · Unread post by **Novastar** » Fri Sep 11, 2009 6:57 pm

Coalition Overkill is actually the nickname of a certain member of Karl's anatomy...