Stupid player tricks

[kogwar]

I was playing as a crazy with my friend who was new and a cyber knight. My crazy and the cyber knight where leaving a ruin and it was 3:00 in the morning and was playing a crazy so i thought the crazy would tie him to the bike and he would ski and his flat mdc metal boots well that did not end so well he got knocked out so my crazy untied him and put him on the bike cyber knight wakes up the conversation is something like this.
Crazy: You ok??
Cyber knight: NO!!
Crazy: Well it is not my fault you are not good at skiing.
Cyber knight: You want to Ski next.
Crazy: Is that threat?
Cyber Knight: No it is an offer!!

The problem with this is the crazy is level three and the cyber knight level one. So the cyber knight get his helmet destroyed and his face smashed in later on after running into some crazy Tolkeen remake wanna be's the cyber knight joins up with tolkeen and tries to attack the crazy who is in a sniper post waiting the problem is the cyber night has no face plate so you can guess what happened.
Ok now this is where the stupidness starts second game he plays new chari a group of four people and the same crazy but with the loot from killing the evil tolkeen people. The crazy appears randomly in front of the cart these people are driving to drop a package off for another player group. (A group i gmed my friend gmed this one) The driver the old cyber night player now a run of the mill merc starts arguing with a crazy to move. Suddenly the caravan is attacked the crazy hopes on his bike and goes to attack some group first making it blizzard over them cool ability he got. As he is shooting his bikes missiles and his own gun is crazy fashion the driver is given a choice of who to shoot at and his choice is.... the crazy. Unfortunately for him he missed and the crazy got a crit on his missiles killing the men eh was attacking the crazy then went and began to try and get even with the random merc who tried to kill him. My bud to his credit tried to give this guy every break in the book to not be killed but to no avail. I have other stupid stuff my group does but i can't remember it now. DOn't worry we told him some rules of rpging he did not understand he now plays a robot pilot and is having fun. One situation that happend also was my friend while playing dark herasy the w 40k game desided he woudl throw a maltov at a group of men we where meeting at the dock they where our targets and we where going to make a move but unfortunatly the fire bomb went off prematurly and gave us away and lighting him on fire as he fell off a roof.

[Mr. Jays]

one:

The party had been following a powerful ley-line walker into a large city with tall buildings (all s.d.c.) and several automobiles. The group decided to split up and meet back in two hours. Two of the PCs left together (a dragon hatchling in human form and a human wilderness scout). The two of them commandeer a compact car. They take off down the city streets searching for the ley-line walker. They spot the ley-line walker on top of a building.

DRAGON: I revert to my natural form and fly after him!

GM (me): Now?

DRAGON: Yes, now!

GM: OK, you decide to revert back to your normal form, however you forgot that at the moment you are in an sdc compact car. The car is now shrapnel that flies in every direction.

GM: (turning to the wilderness scout) You are also flung from the car. You fly through the air and hit the side of a building. The impact has knocked your character out. Luckily he falls into a dumpster, which has its lid propped open against the side of the building. Your sudden entry caused the lid to shut with you inside the dumpster.

Despite hours of searching, no one found the wilderness scout, until he came to four hours later.

two:

The group (a different group) had just defeated a coalition squadron. They had suffered some serious damage, but were all still alive. While searching for spoils, another squadron came over the hill. Knowing, they would not survive another battle, they all quickly climb into the group's Big Boss and start speeding away. The Glitter Boy in the group has a "better" idea. He climbs into the back of the ATV, sits down and aims his Boom Gun and the CS. The idea being that the blast from the Boom Gun would propel the vehicle faster that the engine would be able to normally.

[Scott Gibbons]

This from my last game session:

Three lady-adventurers are stuck in the encampment of a Western Empire noble who they ran across while exploring the wilderness. Like a gentleman, he had insisted that they return to his camp "for their protection" from the wild beasts of the land, turning them into defacto prisoners. The ladies after, a bit of wavering, had gone along with the noble but only after (inadvertently) angering the nobleman's guide.

So the ladies are in the tent assigned for their use after a boring afternoon spent listening to the nobleman's hunting stories. Right outside are the two guards who've been told to stay with them and make sure the lady's remain safe in case something attacks the encampment. The women hash out a plan to wait until dark, then slit an opening in the back wall of the tent and make good their escape.

That evening upon opening up the back of the tent they're surprised to see the guide standing there with about half of the rest of the encampment. You see, they planned out their escape, in full detail and with lots of arguing, without lowering their voices.

[kogwar]

Best thing hapen recently with me a bud of mine who plays a profecional gambler who is being stalker by a phantasm a.k.a. " little buddy" runs into a nija ( another friend) who fell 300 feet from the air through a random rift. As i am talkign to th enija about what eh has he says he gave his pc a insanity he HATES making loud noises he then proceed to tell me his only ranged weapon is a mdc bow and explosive tips and asks if he can have a silenced version later he asks if he can intimidate the doctor of a chop shop to lower the price to fix his leg ( note his leg is broken in ten places and behind his he and spun backwards as he is doing this.). Finnaly eh admits his chari does not have a gun because he dislikes the sound and he is in new west hillarity and 3 different n.p.c. and a p.c. begin to laugh histaricly.

[Noon]

You see, they planned out their escape, in full detail and with lots of arguing, without lowering their voices.

In our group we sometimes joke "Ah! You forgot to say your breathing! You die!"

It's kind of a joke on a GM making something out of an unstated action that is OTT.

[kogwar]

Another one a nody fixer is driving wiht a juicer in the back fo his sdc mortor cycle they are aproaching the mansion the rest fo the group is in.
ME: So you are aproachign the house what do you want to do.
Body fixer: Nothing i am going to keep driving into the house. ( I gueass to make an entrance)
Me: Are you sure?
Bady fixer:yep
HE goes up the stairs at 40 miles per hour hits the wall gets knocked off ( And out) then the bike dentinates as everyone is jumping out fo the way and blows a hole in the wall ruining there secret entrance and knocking him out for the rest of the season though it did save them time.

[Mallak's Place]

I figured that the T-Rex would do what any creature would do if they got a foreign object in there and they couldn't reach it... it immediately started scooting of of anyting it could find handy. Now "Speedy" despite several chances at pulling himself free decided to pursue his original course of action. Eventually "Speedy" passed out from overwhelming fumes and lack of air, then reverted back to flesh form, then the T-Rex was finally able to remove the "object" in a red smear on the canyon wall.

I just hurt myself laughing at this one. The mind picture of a T-Rex dragging it's behind like a dog on a carpet is priceless.

Even more Funny when you think about how small a T-rex's front limbs are.

[kogwar]

Heres one i just recently remembered while I was playing a pheonixi stone master, one of my friends was playing a a anti monster and a second a cyber knight we had a fail experience here is how it went.

GM: Ok so you guys are in the middle of the dessert and a large insectoid creature emmerges form the ground what would you like to do.
Me: Ok i'm going to fly behind the anti monster and give him support and cast river of lava.
anti monster: I am going to charge with claws out and jump on the thing.

Now this was the part where we where wondering what valient thing the cyber knight would do. ( Note this was the first time i played with the knight)

Knight: Do i have a horse?

Gm: No, why?

Cyber Knight: Well since i have no ride i am going to hide in the bushs.

The rest of the group: ........................................... what.....?

lol

[Guy_LeDouche]

This one treads the fine line between stupidity and courage:

While GMing a game, the band of PCs (between 6th and 8th level) was trying to protect a group of Tolkeen refugees from the wraith of the CS. The refugees were fleeing a small city. One of the PCs, a Juicer acting as a rear guard, got cut off from the rest of the party and came under fire from a CS Helicopter Gunship.

He retreated into a multi story building, the Gunship following along at treetop level, blasting everything in sight (the Juicer, a few refugees, a couple of buildings, etc.)

Hiding in the building, his p-beam rifle out of ammo, he stayed hidden as the chopper came to a halt next to the building, still gunning at the party and the refugees, keeping them pinned down until reinforcements could arrive.

The player then threw me for a loop. He was almost level with chopper, and declared that he would jump from the building, landing on one of the gunship's "wings", pump an entire Naruni pistol clip into the cockpit, then jump away before the chopper crashed.

Yes, it flys in the face of every law of physics, but its a RPG. So, I allowed the attempt. He was ALMOST successful. He managed to blast the cockpit to smithereens, but didn't survive the crash.

The table erupted in applause. It was an awesome death, and certainly one befitting a Juicer.

[Aaryq]

This one treads the fine line between stupidity and courage:

While GMing a game, the band of PCs (between 6th and 8th level) was trying to protect a group of Tolkeen refugees from the wraith of the CS. The refugees were fleeing a small city. One of the PCs, a Juicer acting as a rear guard, got cut off from the rest of the party and came under fire from a CS Helicopter Gunship.

He retreated into a multi story building, the Gunship following along at treetop level, blasting everything in sight (the Juicer, a few refugees, a couple of buildings, etc.)

Hiding in the building, his p-beam rifle out of ammo, he stayed hidden as the chopper came to a halt next to the building, still gunning at the party and the refugees, keeping them pinned down until reinforcements could arrive.

The player then threw me for a loop. He was almost level with chopper, and declared that he would jump from the building, landing on one of the gunship's "wings", pump an entire Naruni pistol clip into the cockpit, then jump away before the chopper crashed.

Yes, it flys in the face of every law of physics, but its a RPG. So, I allowed the attempt. He was ALMOST successful. He managed to blast the cockpit to smithereens, but didn't survive the crash.

The table erupted in applause. It was an awesome death, and certainly one befitting a Juicer.

A brave man. Great story.

[kmspade]

Yeah, makes me think of my (not too bright) Troll Street Samurai I had in Shadowrun years ago. He carried a keg of beer with him everywhere he went. Long story short, the group was in a helicopter making its getaway when it started to loose altitude. The GM said the chopper was just too heavy. Anyway, the mage of the group decided that the keg was dead weight and tossed it out the side door of the chopper. The Troll Street Samurai failed his intelligence check and went out the door after it.

[Misfit KotLD]

I was a player in this campaign. But we had a large group about 6 of us. One of which was a really annoying kid with no common sense.

This is a AD&D 3.5 Campaign

My Character: Dracun... Large Chaotic-Neutral Red Half-Dragon Fighter (I actually commissioned an artist to draw him up for me. We played this campaign for two years my character had an insane amount of skill points in Nobility Royalty and Diplomacy ) http://tomyouro.deviantart.com/#/d13z2dv

Annoying character was a human fighter.


Annoying one ~ "Dracun can you teach me Draconic?"

Dracun ~ "Sure, its going to take a while but I'll do it." Dracun/Me thinking to himself, Im not teaching him ****! Ill teach him bad Draconic and he'll never know! So I pass a note to the DM...he lol a lil bit then nods his head giving me the ok

Nine gaming sessions go by and during the last session a Ancient Green Dragon is terrorizing the town. Annoying Fighter Runs out, attempts Diplomacy rolled a natural 20 on his Draconic language check (He was known for cheating at dice rolls) And basically starts insulting the Dragons Color and Sexual Orientation. Dragon Eats Annoying player end of that!

It was nice, because shortly after the annoying one stopped coming. He was disruptive to the group and no matter how much we tried to help him out, and make him a better player as well as person he just couldn't learn

So a nat 20 equals massive failure now? Shouldn't that mean he managed to succeed in spite of his flawed education?

[Captain Shiva]

I was a player in this campaign. But we had a large group about 6 of us. One of which was a really annoying kid with no common sense.

This is a AD&D 3.5 Campaign

My Character: Dracun... Large Chaotic-Neutral Red Half-Dragon Fighter (I actually commissioned an artist to draw him up for me. We played this campaign for two years my character had an insane amount of skill points in Nobility Royalty and Diplomacy ) http://tomyouro.deviantart.com/#/d13z2dv

Annoying character was a human fighter.


Annoying one ~ "Dracun can you teach me Draconic?"

Dracun ~ "Sure, its going to take a while but I'll do it." Dracun/Me thinking to himself, Im not teaching him ****! Ill teach him bad Draconic and he'll never know! So I pass a note to the DM...he lol a lil bit then nods his head giving me the ok

Nine gaming sessions go by and during the last session a Ancient Green Dragon is terrorizing the town. Annoying Fighter Runs out, attempts Diplomacy rolled a natural 20 on his Draconic language check (He was known for cheating at dice rolls) And basically starts insulting the Dragons Color and Sexual Orientation. Dragon Eats Annoying player end of that!

It was nice, because shortly after the annoying one stopped coming. He was disruptive to the group and no matter how much we tried to help him out, and make him a better player as well as person he just couldn't learn

So a nat 20 equals massive failure now? Shouldn't that mean he managed to succeed in spite of his flawed education?

According to the 3.5 PHB,higher rolls give better results,so either someone misremembered,or maybe someone misread the rulebook.

[Captain Shiva]

This one treads the fine line between stupidity and courage:

While GMing a game, the band of PCs (between 6th and 8th level) was trying to protect a group of Tolkeen refugees from the wraith of the CS. The refugees were fleeing a small city. One of the PCs, a Juicer acting as a rear guard, got cut off from the rest of the party and came under fire from a CS Helicopter Gunship.

He retreated into a multi story building, the Gunship following along at treetop level, blasting everything in sight (the Juicer, a few refugees, a couple of buildings, etc.)

Hiding in the building, his p-beam rifle out of ammo, he stayed hidden as the chopper came to a halt next to the building, still gunning at the party and the refugees, keeping them pinned down until reinforcements could arrive.

The player then threw me for a loop. He was almost level with chopper, and declared that he would jump from the building, landing on one of the gunship's "wings", pump an entire Naruni pistol clip into the cockpit, then jump away before the chopper crashed.

Yes, it flys in the face of every law of physics, but its a RPG. So, I allowed the attempt. He was ALMOST successful. He managed to blast the cockpit to smithereens, but didn't survive the crash.

The table erupted in applause. It was an awesome death, and certainly one befitting a Juicer.

Roleplaying and destruction! What more could a Rifts GM ask for?

[kogwar]

I agree.

This happened the other day my rifts group was sent back in time to a week before the bomb fell a alien who had heard about this and went back in time had them sat down maffia style and pritty much said " Eather i help you get back or i kill you one the spot." ( Note they had no gear and all magic - psy was weaker to acount for the lake of active ley lines) The juicer not wanting to go back because he thought himself a god here ( This part of the u.s. did nto have any juicer tech at all and had nto heard of it so they thoguht it had not been invented) wanted to disarm the mdc gun weilding being and the mind melter knocked him against the wall this is how it went ( again he warned them that he had mdc stuff)
juicer suceeds and guy gets knocked back by mind melter, then guy casts fire ball and kills juicer and borg hiding behind the door steps out (Guard). After that the juicer got that he could no mucle the guy and i let him have a redo.

[dragonfett]

Last night, I had been running a game with three people, one of which was playing a human City Rat with super powers (using the rules from Conversion Book One), modeling him after a Dragon Ball Z type character. Through skill selections and lucky rolls for powers (he came up with the DBZ type character after seeing what powers he got from his rolls), he had ended up with a supernatural PS of 50! Anyway, during the first fight, the little village they were in/near, a light S&D Dog Boy squad had started shooting the place up. After the put an end to the fight, there were three Dog Boys that didn't die, one of which they managed to catch. The 'borg in the group uses his Wrist Needle & Drug Dispenser to inject Truth Serum in to the Dog Boy, who failed his saving throw. They interrogate him and after they finish, the DBZ character decides to just knock out the Dog Boy, so he declares he is going to use a restrained punch. He rolls his attack and it's a success and rolls for damage on a Restrained Punch. For those of you here who don't know how much a Restrained Punch does from a character with a 50 supernatural PS, it is 1d6x10 + 35 SD (damage bonus from a high strength, only applicable to SD damage). He rolled a 6, so he did 95 SD damage to the poor Dog Boy's head. I had declared that the Dog Boy was definitely out cold as he sends the poor guys head flying back 45 feet while the body doesn't move.

After that, they get it in their heads that "they're going to teach the CS a lesson" for sending a S&D squad to destroy a helpless town by going back to the CS base that had dispatched the S&D squad and destroying. With only three people in the group. Now mind you, the other two characters aren't exactly slouches either, with one being a full conversion Combat 'Borg and the other being a human Vagabond with two Super Powers (Alter Physical Structure: Fire and Immortality). Even so, it was obvious that these guys had no clue as to what they were getting them selves involved in. But I humored them and let them travel to toward the CS base. I had them do a layover in MercTown just out of convenience.

The day after they were in MercTown, I had rolled again on the Random Encounter table of the GM Tech Screen and rolled a Heavy Mechanized Recon Squad, I had decided that it would have 2 SAMAS's, 2 Abolishers, and 2 Enforcers. The DBZ guy (his other powers btw are Wingless Flight and Energy Expulsion: Energy) sees the 2 SAM's flying above the trees and the spot him and turn back to meet up with Recon unit they were with. Meanwhile my players were trying to put together a plan to trick the CS into thinking that the 'Borg had somehow captured the Vagabond and the DBZ guy. Unfortunately for them, their story had a huge gaping hole in it, and the CS pilots called them out on it. So they decided to fight. I rolled all of the CS pilots and other crew members and everyone got caught off guard by this (they figured they would submit to four giant robot vehicles and two SAM's) and the players got a surprise round attack.

The DBZ guy flew up to one of the SAM's and punched the wing off in one punch, knocking him off the top of the Abolisher he was perched on and stunning him. The 'Borg fires a Armor Piercing Missile at the leg of one of the Abolisher's legs and rolled a 18 (AP missiles do 2x damage on a total of 17-19, and 3x on a nat 20) and starts working on the leg. The vagabond used his fire powers and started shooting fire balls at the same leg as well either missing or doing minimal damage when compared to the 'Borg and DBZ guy. At the beginning of the regular combat rounds, the DBZ guy punched a wing off the other SAM, knocking him off the Abolisher he was perched on, this time he lands on his head, getting KO'd. The 'Borg continues to work on the same leg, the Enforcers shoot at the DBZ guy, one scoring a hit, the other hit the Abolisher the DBZ guy is hovering by. Eventually both Abolishers go down (legs are destroyed), leaving the Enforcers. The DBZ guy had bent the rail gun barrel on one of them to face the head on the Enforcer it was on it, but the pilot had see that and decided to fire one of its MRM's. He rolled a nat 1, so the MRM didn't release and blew up, blowing up the the other two MRM's, which set off all of the mini-missiles on the Enforcers. The explosions caused enough damage to destroy several mini-missiles, which blew up, which blew up more mini-missiles, which blew up the MRM's.

[Colt47]

I ran a mountaineer into a frozen lake during my first time playing Rifts as an operator.

[kogwar]

well it was a improv game and he encounter a giant pit worm creature while he was stuck on a ledge in the pit so i asked him what do you want to do he said................................................... i want to pee on it!!!

I got one a true samuri fighting a water deamon who stood over a twenty foot deep river (appeared shallow though the samuri had just escaped drowning) decided to lung and stab into her he hit..., but he obviusly fell through a fail moment after a hard fight and really good rolls he got out all I said was "So want to hit her with your sword again."

[Lord Z]

People need to stop posting in this thread while drunk. Several of the above replies are SO badly worded that I can not tell what happened in the story.

[jarlaxle]

What's the dumbest thing you've ever had a player do or say in one of your games? Something that displayed an utter shortage of gaming knowledge, clues, and common sense? My favorite was a player who had a VX 2020 cyborg, the one they called the Monster. This one had been tricked out: it had 20 minimissile launchers, a 40 round built in grenade launcher, chest ion blasters, FIWS on two of its four arms, and he carried two particle beam pistols, a pair of Dragonfire laser rifles, and a railgun. So what does this guy use against an IAR-3 Skull Smasher? A C-18 LASER PISTOL, thats what. 2d4 MD vs a 990 MD vehicle. According to my calculations, he would need 62 maximum damage critical hits to destroy this thing.

I was once a pogtailian dragon slayer and went to fire mini missiles at a fire dragon forgetting to declare HE missiles he deemed that i fired plasma because i always go fo max damage.
"but my armour has a targeting battle pc that can recognize and identify upto 500 targets i bet the first ones in there are dragons i n dragon slayer pa. I explained that not using plasma would be about the same instinct as using an Md pistols of sd agains a samas when you are an rpa pilot.

In the end he allowed me to role my dragon lore to see if i had caught it subconciously

[jarlaxle]

What's the dumbest thing you've ever had a player do or say in one of your games? Something that displayed an utter shortage of gaming knowledge, clues, and common sense? My favorite was a player who had a VX 2020 cyborg, the one they called the Monster. This one had been tricked out: it had 20 minimissile launchers, a 40 round built in grenade launcher, chest ion blasters, FIWS on two of its four arms, and he carried two particle beam pistols, a pair of Dragonfire laser rifles, and a railgun. So what does this guy use against an IAR-3 Skull Smasher? A C-18 LASER PISTOL, thats what. 2d4 MD vs a 990 MD vehicle. According to my calculations, he would need 62 maximum damage critical hits to destroy this thing.

As to being thrown out for smarter kind of.
We had a GM that liked card board cut out npcs hated to let players level up. I was an operator through his own foolishness he sets us riding in the big triax hauler apc anyways he attacks us with some average joe squad that does nothing but kill the owner of said vehicle. So using telemechanics i take over the measly anti theft devices convert the thing into my shop/our base of operations it is the crazy peice of equpment in the group and yes i do happen to have 10 suits of environmental armours i pieced together and weapons and tech that i sell.
its not like im the other members with bio wizardry rune weapons forcefields etc. im like the dork specialist that these guys protect because i make them gizmos and fix their stuff for free.
He rifts the thing away then says we cant use anything out of triax. he told me he never wanted me to have it. blah blah so he has this techno wizard lizard man npc that lvls like every adventure and basically now puts my position in the group down. So being a diabolical player group we had his techno wizard build us a vehicle with dimension pocket like cargo storage. Got him to think the others were going to stop using my character's services. Then we tore him apart and turned him into a buseles borg that merely survives.

[Severus Snape]

Anybody here know what grammar is? Really hard to read some of this stuff when you ramble on and on and don't create proper sentences.

[LostOne]

Anybody here know what grammar is? Really hard to read some of this stuff when you ramble on and on and don't create proper sentences.

Welcome to the internet.
(If you want proper grammar, go to the library, you won't find much of it on the internet except on websites associated with universities and other academic resources).

[Cyrano de Maniac]

Well, I don't know if it qualifies as a stupid player trick, it seems just me being a bit obtuse and green at role-playing at the time, but...

It was the beginning of our second ever Rifts adventure, the first having been about a three-session introduction to the game. Somehow our ragtag group of adventurers, located up near Northern Gun, was contacted by some wealthy man who wanted to send us on a mission down to the Yucatan Peninsula to retrieve a barrel of water from the Fountain of Youth. Somehow my character gets handed the task of hammering out the agreement with the wealthy gentleman. Much haggling over the details and compensation ensued (in a bar, of course), and after the end of a wearying negotation (in-game, the actual playing-out of it wasn't a big deal), we've got a deal in hand. At which point I say...

Headhunter: "One more thing. You supply the barrel."
Wealthy Gentleman: Confused. "The barrel?"
HH: "Yes, the one in which we are to bring back the water."
Rest of the party, in-game and in-person, groaning at this point and looking at me like I'm whacked.
WG: Baffled at HH insistence on a trivial detail. "OK, sure. I suppose, whatever."
HH: "Thank you. I think we have a deal then."

Cue to the next morning, when we're to be met by WG's personal representative who is to accompany us on the trip, a Juicer PC piloting a sky cycle of some sort. As we watch the sky cycle approaching we notice... what the heck is that? A barrel roped to the underside of the cycle, making the whole contraption look rather ungainly, like a bird laying an egg in-flight. The Juicer hovers a few feet from the ground, cuts the rope to drop the barrel, and sets down the sky cycle a few feet away. The Juicer dismounts the cycle, walks over to the party and...

Juicer: Nonplussed at being forced to make less than an uber-cool kick-ass entrance. "Which of you smart-asses ordered the barrel?"

Brent

[Cyrano de Maniac]

OK, this one is more of a real stupid player trick...

Act I

Star Wars D20. Most of the party are various Jedi Knights running around being, well, typical Jedis. A bit cocksure and overconfident, slightly mopey and inwardly tortured, and everything we've ever come to think as both cool and insufferable about the type. My character "Delph" happened to be a Jedi Consular, not that it's important beyond it being my character. The key character in this part of the upcoming stupid player trick is a Scoundrel, whose spacecraft we happen to be aboard at that moment. Oh yeah, and we're carting along the angsty teenage version of Anakin Skywalker.

We're almost finished with a harrowing fight, with several of the player characters hanging onto consciousness or life itself by the merest of threads, and there's pretty reasonable doubt whether, even if we vanquish the foes, most of the party will survive even at the after-action stage of healing up, etc. The spacecraft is careening through the atmosphere of Camino, not quite out of control, but umm, without a pilot at the helm.

The Scoundrel comes to having been knocked out or something, and our top Jedi Knight is trying to commandeer the ship to finish up the flight to bring us around to a landing pad. The Scoundrel is sick of the Jedi taking liberties with his ship and forcing him to use his ship for purposes that are of less than clear monetary benefit to him.

Scoundrel player: "I shout a voice command to the computer to lock out all flight controls."
GM: "Really? Does your ship have that?"
SP: "Yes. Look at the sheet describing the ship, it's right there."
GM: Looks at the sheet. "Uh. OK. Are you sure? The ship is screaming toward the water."
SP: "Yes. I lock out the ship controls."

Much yelling and screaming at the Scoundrel ensues -- Jedi pleading for him to come to his senses and unlock the controls. The Jedi are all out of Force Points, and don't have enough to Jedi Mind Trick him or whatever -- it's all will versus will. GM pleads with the player not to let this happen. After about five minutes of the GM and players getting very worried and angry, the GM has had it.

GM: "Fine. The ship crashes into the surface of the water. Roll (some obscene number of dice) for damage."
Players: Rattle-rattle. Pointless rolls because we're all almost dead from the fight, and I think the minimum possible damage rolls are many times our full health anyway.
GM: "It doesn't matter. You're all ----ing dead. All of you." Totally loses his cool in that deadly eerie silent way -- something I've never seen from this GM. "We're done for tonight." Silently closes his books, puts his dice away. Very very silent.

In the next session the GM somehow has Anakin pull through, found near death stranded unconscious on a rock in middle of the sea. But yes, the rest of the PCs are dead. Including my PC "Delph".

Act II

Fast forward a month or so of real-world time. Mostly the same group of players is well into the middle of a D20 Modern campaign (we alternated systems every other week) heavily house-modified to implement the world of the Matrix. Same GM. The party is in *deep* poo, Agents streaming into the building containing our exit. Most of the party has safely rung out or already been killed. My character who'd exited actually drops back *in* to the Matrix to help the remaining few party members get out of a room choked up with tear gas/etc. (my character "Preach" had enough mental strength inside the Matrix to not require breathing, perfect for the tear gas scenario).

It's down to just Preach and the character of the Star Wars party-wiping Scoundrel player left to exit. We've been facing down two Agents, and the Scoundrel player's character is in a bad way with hit points and choking on tear gas. From the rate at which we're losing hit points and the lag between the phone ringing to get the heck out of Dodge, it's almost sure that Scoundrel will die unless he's the next one out, and it's around 80% certain Preach would buy the farm if he stays in and helps Scoundrel get out.

The phone rings.

Preach grabs the receiver... hesitates...

Scoundrel looks wild-eyed and pleadingly at him...

A hush in the real-world room.

Preach: "This one's for Delph." Places the receiver to his own ear.

Real-world room erupts in cheers and laughter and "Holy ****, did he just say what I think he did?" GM looks oddly happy and satisfied, despite Preach totally breaking character and acting so selfishly.

An Agent's bullet splinters the receiver. Scoundrel player's character meets his end with the next bullet fired.

OK. I felt like a major wanker doing that to the player. To be honest I didn't hold a grudge, and didn't even think of exacting any player-vs-player revenge until the very moment I was faced with the decision of what to do. But everyone agreed he had it coming, and thought the cinematic drama of it all was spot-on perfect. And to that player's credit he didn't take it too badly... there were never any repercussions, even later when he was taking turns GMing Star Wars or running a Shadowrun campaign.

Brent

[Severus Snape]

I want to preface this by saying that I don't think my players (or this one player in particular) are stupid. But one of them just pulled one of the all-time boners.

Dawn of a New Era (surprise, surprise). The party consists of a mutant with techno-form, an alien with great strength and flight, a mutant with awe factor and healing, and a mutant with APS Metal. The players are fighting against one of the lower-level minions who has some powers, but not enough powers to make things hellish. He's got some bodyguards (4), but one of them was killed early on by a great shot, so it's down to a 4 on 4 fight. The guards are mostly neutralized, having been almost completely disarmed, and the main bad guy in this scenario is running out of actions in the current round (he's had to dodge a lot) and his tactic of blinding the characters isn't working too well. The fight is taking place on the docks at Chicago Harbor. Yes, they are near the water.

So the bad guy with powers runs towards the techno-form guy (who is in robot form) and tries to blind him. No dice as the robot moves. The robot turns into a giant crane (his favorite trick with the power thus far in the campaign). The guy with APS metal has his turn, and decides that he's going to tackle the powered bad guy. Into the water. Well, the powered bad guy has a +11 to dodge (which they've all seen thanks to posting the dice rolls), and he easily steps out of the way of the tackle attempt. Mr. APS Metal is now a sinking block of steel, and on his first action in the round has taken himself out of combat for at least the rest of the round.

[LostOne]

Well, the powered bad guy has a +11 to dodge (which they've all seen thanks to posting the dice rolls), and he easily steps out of the way of the tackle attempt. Mr. APS Metal is now a sinking block of steel, and on his first action in the round has taken himself out of combat for at least the rest of the round.

I had an APS Metal guy pull a similar maneuver, only he got ahold of the badguy and hold on and just held him under until the badguy drowned.

[Illendaver]

We are wandering around out in the wilderness and the GM says "up ahead is a hippogriff, crouched over its kill and eating it". As the ranger of the group, my buddy is clear up ahead of the rest of us, we don't know whats going on... sadly, the player had just gotten done reading some harry potter books
I will never forget "I walk up to it, and bow in front of it and wait" Everybody else just stopped what we were doing to stare at him (there was pizza so only the people currently in action were really paying attention)
The GM answers " It looks at you funny and ruffles its feathers on its neck, then bends over to eat more of the deer"
Player says " I walk up to it with my hand out in front of me"
GM says " It eats your fingers"
Ever seen a ranger who can't pull back a bow with just his thumb?

[LostOne]

I suspected a player was using loaded dice (all the dice, not just d6).

I confiscated them and used them for an already difficult combat, killed most of the party. His character happened to die by falling in the lava (damn those dice! ) so there was no corpse to recover, the rest of the fatalities were resurrected. Every session after that the other players would randomly reach over before combats and important rolls and test his dice to make sure they were normal.

[GrampaAllen]

New campaign first session.
New player
Lost in space kind of situation guy is an invulnerable flying superhuman. They pop out in the three galaxies stealth land on the planet and are trying to quietly figure out where they are (TGE space anvil galaxy). So they realize a pair of police are starting to follow them, so clearly he attacks called shot to the head pulls a natural 20, dead cop great plan. Obviously the other one has to go then he realizes they have made a lot of noise and more are coming, the plan one of the other PCs jumps on him and is restraining the murderer when they get there.

So now the two guys with no I'D are in the back of the paddy wagon. Annnd hey can I punch a hole in the glass just a little one. Sure that's doable PC numerous does throws a fire ball in the cockpit.

So now they are falling a thousand feet in a flaming cop car one of them will most likely survive the other is toast. So he tears off the door Flys to the ground and tries to catch the flaming cop car.

[DhAkael]

PC in my campiagn on Sunday (no names)...well... he's a massive "recreational" user. There is a certain fel-power that is attracted to that kinda person. Now then, back story is two of the more pure PC's in the crew had been possessed by said un-named power several months previous (in-game time), but had managed to be exorcised successfuly.
That's not to say the demon spirits weren't gonna come back to play at some point.
Enter stage center, our weed-smoking boozing merc. Not too bad, but he's "been going through some thangs." and needed to relax so out comes bong-of-doom. Here's where actions have cosequences: I've allowed this PC to partake without any game-negatives or legal reprecussions. Unfortunately, the (yes, random dice time) demon spirits happend to be flitting about the city where the other two ex-posessees were but of course couldn't get back in, but "Hey...lookee here at this fine fellow oh and goody goody goody, he's already weakend his mental and spiritual defenses by doing stuff that falls DIRECTLY under our master/mistresses aspect!"

What was going to just be a few whispered taunts and optical halucinations turned into life & death because the PC (and player) panicked; he called up the entire rest of the team and did the absolute WORST thing imaginable;
1) The player used PLAYER (not PC; he didn't have the skill at all) knowledge to identify the demonic power responsible for the unpleasent audio/visual Tom-foolery. I didn't railroad him, I in fact sat back and SMILED. HIS choice to break the rules.
2) The PC "named" the power. Demonology 101 kids; Names have power and invoking a name will SUMMON part of that power.

Now what was going to be an ammusing bit o the GM screwing with the PC's minds, now has turned into "Ummm...who opend the Hellmouth...again?"

[DhAkael]

This one treads the fine line between stupidity and courage:

While GMing a game, the band of PCs (between 6th and 8th level) was trying to protect a group of Tolkeen refugees from the wraith of the CS. The refugees were fleeing a small city. One of the PCs, a Juicer acting as a rear guard, got cut off from the rest of the party and came under fire from a CS Helicopter Gunship.

He retreated into a multi story building, the Gunship following along at treetop level, blasting everything in sight (the Juicer, a few refugees, a couple of buildings, etc.)

Hiding in the building, his p-beam rifle out of ammo, he stayed hidden as the chopper came to a halt next to the building, still gunning at the party and the refugees, keeping them pinned down until reinforcements could arrive.

The player then threw me for a loop. He was almost level with chopper, and declared that he would jump from the building, landing on one of the gunship's "wings", pump an entire Naruni pistol clip into the cockpit, then jump away before the chopper crashed.

Yes, it flys in the face of every law of physics, but its a RPG. So, I allowed the attempt. He was ALMOST successful. He managed to blast the cockpit to smithereens, but didn't survive the crash.

The table erupted in applause. It was an awesome death, and certainly one befitting a Juicer.

*Hat off to a Juicer "last-call" worthy of the name.*

[Tadrith]

OK so we started in Heros unlimited, I was a flying super with Str. Then there was a tech guy with a souped up car with missiles and guns and stuff, a couple of mutants and a super soldier. about a 3rd of the way through the campaign we all get tossed through a rift to Palladium fantasy. As we start to explore the car starts to fall apart,(House rule dealing the effects of differing dimensions on nonnative tech.) So the tech strips out the missiles warheads and explosives from his car and put them in a duffel bag which we then all promptly forget about. Awhile later after some trials and tribulations we end up at the castle of this really powerful character (characters from old games became npcs in new ones) who is putting us up for the night and giving us a mission in the morning. During the night we get jumped by the minions of the bad guy and the tech guy goes unconscious and one of the mutants bites it, but not before taking out a chunk of the castle wall. I'm hovering about 100 ft over the battlefield holding the tech in one hand and a enemy in the other when the our host comes out ready to kick the ass of the people taking chunks out of his castle. I'll be honest here I panicked looked at the gm an said "I drop him and run"
I meant the enemy but didn't specify so... It was at this point the tech asks as his character is falling "What happens when the explosives in my pack hit the ground?" That was the start of our groups tradition of "nukeing" various towns, city's, and the Conan world.

[Akashic Soldier]

"I rape the incubus."
"Ahhh.. dude... do you know what an incubus is...?"
"YEAH!! WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M STUPID!?"
"Okay dude... your Minotaur attempts to rape the incubus than I guess..."
"I ROLL A 20!!!!!"
"Well... looks like you got him..."
"Wait.. him?"

[escargotini]

One of the players walked into a crowded tavern looking for information.
"I walk up to first guy I see and ask if he's heard of ______"
"He says no"
"I radio the rest of the party and tell them this place was worthless"
...

[Looonatic]

The party was en-route to their destination in a jet plane. Outside, one of the party members was flying along under his own power(sonic flight). On board the plane, the other party members discover that one of their fellow passengers is the bad guy they had been hunting for weeks and they proceed to get involved in a daring battle inside the plane. Their companion outside the plane decides to shake things up by using his power of Aerodynamics to suddenly reduce the speed of the aircraft by 80%. As the aircraft is traveling at about Mach 1, that would correlate into a 550mph reduction of speed almost instantaneously.

Now any fan of physics will know what happens next. That's right; the plane slows, but everything and everyone inside it keeps moving forward at the original speed. The party's grackletooth hits the front of the cabin first and smashes through it into the cockpit. He creams the pilot and the control console of the plane and it immediately lurches into a steep dive from which there is no recovery. As they were zooming along the top of a ley line(about a mile off the ground), I estimated they had about six seconds to live.

Oh, physics. What fun times we've had.

[Blue_Lion]

Umm lets see.

player had a brain parisite that was inside his head in a non PF game.

"I am going snort alchemest fire."

GM "don't think you should do that it will kill your charter."

Player "I got enofe hit points i am doing it."

GM "ok you are dead as your brain did not have the HP to take the fire."

Another non PB game. A group with a kender and palidin where hunting a vampire. The find a person in a coffin like box.

Kender "Do you think he is alive."

Pallidin "pinch his noise and find out."
Kender pinches the vampire noise waking him up, the palidin does not want to help the kender because it is self inflicted. GM tells the pallidin he is no longer a pallidin.

In Rifts a non augmented human with juicer sports skills challenges a mega juicer to i think it was Dead ball.

also saw a charter take payment from a anchient dragon and not do the job, instead partied in the dragons casino on its dime. Then when casino staff told him he should probaly do the job the dragon wanted. He told them to mind there own bizniz and he will not do anything for that stupid lizard. Now mind you behind the man was a portorate of him and the dragon.

In dead rain the party whent into a vehicle grave yard to check out the contents of a wal`mart truck. Then when they got back to there vehicle drove strait down the side of the road shooting at zombies and decided not to take the exit they past. The realy regreted that when they hit the side of the bridge and where stuck with a hoard of zombies swarming from behind.

[Noon]

That evening upon opening up the back of the tent they're surprised to see the guide standing there with about half of the rest of the encampment. You see, they planned out their escape, in full detail and with lots of arguing, without lowering their voices.

It seems a bit too abstract and cheap. We had a joke in our group for that GM'ing "Ooops, you didn't say you're breathing! You die!".

[Captain Shiva]

I had completely forgotten this classic:in an AD&D game,a player was rolling really badly.So....he has a ring of three wishes.He says(quite loudly I might add,) "I WISH THAT ALL ATTACKS HIT !!!" You will note the absence of the word "my."

[Akashic Soldier]

Alphonse Frank: Why can't I hit this guy!!!!
Game Master (Speaking as his addiction): Its because you haven't used.
Aphonse Frank: The voice in my head is right!
Other Players: ...
Alphonse Frank: I spend this action snorting a line of cocaine!
Game Master: The T.A.T. Agent attacks Alphonse.
Alphonse Frank: I take it, I'm doing coke remember?
Game Master applies damage.
Alphonse Frank: Now it's my turn right? I make a Called Shot for his head with Lightning Arc!!!
Alphonse rolls his strike.
Alphonse Frank: NATURAL 20!
Game Master: Again...? Geez..
All the other players at the table hide their face in their hands.

[Scott Gibbons]

That evening upon opening up the back of the tent they're surprised to see the guide standing there with about half of the rest of the encampment. You see, they planned out their escape, in full detail and with lots of arguing, without lowering their voices.

It seems a bit too abstract and cheap. We had a joke in our group for that GM'ing "Ooops, you didn't say you're breathing! You die!".

Actually, I'd played with all of them for quite some time in other games, so they knew my GM style to begin with. On top of that, several times during their extended discussion of the best way to escape I hinted that they should probably keep their voices down... Seemed only logical and fair to me for them to face the consequences of their actions.