Things you DO NOT want to hear your Magic User say.....

drewkitty ~..~ · Sat Nov 06, 2010 12:48 am

Damian Magecraft wrote:Well with my game group the thing they never want here the mage say is...

"Hello, I am called Damian Magecraft."
(my name sake is a bit "absent minded" and very powerful never a good combination.)

I LOL in the IRL at thi one

csbioborg · Unread post by **csbioborg** » Mon Nov 08, 2010 1:01 am

BookWyrm wrote:*looks angrilly at the party leader* "YOU said there were going to be dancing girls!"

"I *knew* we should have taken a right turn at the Phoenix Empire!"

"Vecna? Who's Vecna?"

"Does anybody have (insert name of spell component), I'm fresh out."

Jim's going to be fine I just helped him attach the head of Vecna on himself
he's just taking a bit to recover is all

Damian Magecraft · Mon Nov 08, 2010 1:26 am

Actual quotes from games with Damian Magecraft (the character)
Damian to the party while digging through his pack as the raging beast charges them...

"I know I have the black chalk dust for the protection circle in here somewhere..."

"Keep him busy this will only take 3 hours..."

Damian to the ancient Dragon after the party is caught raiding said dragons lair

"Excuse me? Are you aware that according to your wingspan to mass ratio you are aerodynamically unsound and there for incapable of flight?"

Later that same adventure (after having convinced the dragon that he indeed cannot fly) as he is being dragged by the collar from the lair and the dragon...

"Come on; give me five more minutes and I will have him convinced he cannot breathe fire."

Damian Magecraft · Mon Nov 15, 2010 8:56 pm

Shinitenshi wrote:MAKAI TENJOU!

Jaou Ensatsu Koku Ryuu Ha!

yeah that brings a *shudder*

Shawn Merrow · Mon Nov 15, 2010 11:08 pm

"Darkness beyond blackest pitch, deeper than the deepest night! Lord of Darkness, shining like gold upon the Sea of Chaos, I call upon thee, swear myself to thee! Let the fools who stand before us be destroyed by the power you and I possess! GIGA SLAVE!!"

Would not want your Wizard to say that, even worse followed by "Oops."

bigbobsr6000 · Thu Nov 18, 2010 12:28 am

I attack the darkness.

The Beast · Unread post by **The Beast** » Thu Nov 18, 2010 2:09 am

bigbobsr6000 wrote:I attack the darkness.

I'm sure I would find that funnier if I knew the reference...

Shawn Merrow · Unread post by **Shawn Merrow** » Thu Nov 18, 2010 5:02 am

The Beast wrote:
bigbobsr6000 wrote:I attack the darkness.

I'm sure I would find that funnier if I knew the reference...

First I have to revoke your geek card for not knowing that.

Second watch the video below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_aJgcVv62Y

The Beast · Unread post by **The Beast** » Thu Nov 18, 2010 10:28 am

Shawn Merrow wrote:
The Beast wrote:
bigbobsr6000 wrote:I attack the darkness.

I'm sure I would find that funnier if I knew the reference...

First I have to revoke your geek card for not knowing that.

Second watch the video below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_aJgcVv62Y

Seen that. Are you sure there's not an earlier reference?

Mallak's Place · Thu Nov 18, 2010 10:59 am

Shawn Merrow wrote:
"Darkness beyond blackest pitch, deeper than the deepest night! Lord of Darkness, shining like gold upon the Sea of Chaos, I call upon thee, swear myself to thee! Let the fools who stand before us be destroyed by the power you and I possess! GIGA SLAVE!!"

Would not want your Wizard to say that, even worse followed by "Oops."

bigbobsr6000 wrote:I attack the darkness.

Attack the Darkness...Attack "The Mother of All Things". You would have to be a "Jelly-fish brain" just to even try to touch her.

Shawn Merrow · Unread post by **Shawn Merrow** » Thu Nov 18, 2010 1:39 pm

The Beast wrote:
Shawn Merrow wrote:
The Beast wrote:
bigbobsr6000 wrote:I attack the darkness.

I'm sure I would find that funnier if I knew the reference...

First I have to revoke your geek card for not knowing that.

Second watch the video below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_aJgcVv62Y

Seen that. Are you sure there's not an earlier reference?

I now think Mallak right and it was a reference to my post. Attacking the Lord of Nightmares (referred to as Lord of Darkness in spell) would be insane.

drewkitty ~..~ · Fri Nov 19, 2010 10:20 pm

I think the FF version of that skit was better.

Cinos · Unread post by **Cinos** » Sun Nov 21, 2010 7:46 pm

drewkitty ~..~ wrote:I think the FF version of that skit was better.

It was, and it's 8-Bit Theater who did it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHdXG2gV ... re=related

kamikazzijoe · Sun Nov 21, 2010 10:22 pm

BTW there's no antidote for that

Rimmer · Unread post by **Rimmer** » Mon Nov 22, 2010 5:53 am

I cast Summon bigger fish !

kamikazzijoe · Mon Nov 22, 2010 11:07 pm

You were being rhetorical? I thought you meant that literally.

abe · Unread post by **abe** » Tue Nov 23, 2010 1:39 pm

I harness the power of the great gazoo!

kamikazzijoe · Unread post by **kamikazzijoe** » Wed Nov 24, 2010 3:18 pm

Mintberry! Kerunch!

Cinos · Unread post by **Cinos** » Wed Nov 24, 2010 4:43 pm

kamikazzijoe wrote:Mintberry! Kerunch!

Unless you're fighting Cthulu, then you'd better hear that!

JuliusCreed · Unread post by **JuliusCreed** » Sat Nov 27, 2010 5:10 am

"Sure I've heard of (insert name of Dragon, Demon Lord, God of Darkness, Old One, etc.)... the sucker owes me some money!"

"And what in the name of all you hold holy makes you think I know THAT spell?!"

"Hey guys! Watch this!"

BookWyrm · Unread post by **BookWyrm** » Sat Nov 27, 2010 4:38 pm

"I'm sorry, (insult the big-bad) says what?"

bigbobsr6000 · Unread post by **bigbobsr6000** » Mon Nov 29, 2010 8:17 am

The Yellow Sign

The Beast · Unread post by **The Beast** » Wed Dec 01, 2010 11:38 pm

Cocaine's a hell of a drug.

Johnathan · Unread post by **Johnathan** » Wed Dec 01, 2010 11:41 pm

The Beast wrote:Cocaine's a hell of a drug.

Kovoston · Unread post by **Kovoston** » Wed Dec 01, 2010 11:42 pm

DhAkael wrote:"I am GOD here!"
after he / she picks up that weird black-leather bound book with the creepy faces tooled into the leatherwork.

Or if they said, " I have this friend called Thoth and- well, he said to cast it this way!"

kamikazzijoe · Unread post by **kamikazzijoe** » Fri Dec 03, 2010 4:36 pm

"Last time i tried to cast that i learned to never drink in the presence of a gorgon"

JuliusCreed · Unread post by **JuliusCreed** » Sat Dec 04, 2010 8:12 pm

YOU.... SHALL NOT.... PASS... please?

bigbobsr6000 · Unread post by **bigbobsr6000** » Sun Dec 05, 2010 3:17 pm

Stops in mid-casting...During the worst possible time {Insert description of "the worst possible time"} and says....

"Dang it!! Was that left hand in semi-counter-clockwise circle..or...hmmmm...Right hand in a clockwise full circle.....let's see...."
"Give me a minute!!.." Yelling at gawking on looking party members.
Pulls out crib notes and shuffles through them...
"Where was that at??...."

BIBBI · Unread post by **BIBBI** » Wed Dec 22, 2010 12:43 pm

"what's that big rock thing, I specifically summoned an earth elemental"

"Oh that's what that spell does."

"I wonder if I change that passage just a little..."

drewkitty ~..~ · Wed Dec 22, 2010 9:06 pm

bigbobsr6000 wrote:Stops in mid-casting...During the worst possible time {Insert description of "the worst possible time"} and says....

"Dang it!! Was that left hand in semi-counter-clockwise circle..or...hmmmm...Right hand in a clockwise full circle.....let's see...."
"Give me a minute!!.." Yelling at gawking on looking party members.
Pulls out crib notes and shuffles through them...
"Where was that at??...."

Oh yah....."*remembers that the hand motions are just window dressing to confuse the normals*

kamikazzijoe · Thu Jan 06, 2011 10:11 pm

I'LL TAKE YOU ALL ON!!!
-as he's surrounded by grade school girls with only vibro knives

TechnoGothic · Unread post by **TechnoGothic** » Tue Jan 18, 2011 3:41 pm

Prince Artemis wrote:Klaatu varata nicto

We use that as a Defualt for casting spell magics.

TechnoGothic · Unread post by **TechnoGothic** » Tue Jan 18, 2011 3:47 pm

I Challenge the Laws of Nature and Reason.
By Summoning the Power of Destruction.
Veluta aeim, Quifa, Quifa,
Somda maa Kaav …
MAGNA BLAST … EXIST !!

-------

I Challenge the Laws of Nature and Reason.
By Summoning the Power of Annihilation.
Gloakn, gloakn, Aet im Sins
VORTEX … EXIST !!

-----

I Challenge the Laws of Nature and Reason.
By Summoning the Power Which is Forbidden.
Socum Socum, Ra, Asp Heluke Unt
Kotsf Peo Cois, Asp, Asp, Asp, Ran
ACCELERATOR … EXIST !!

------------

I Break the Laws of Nature.
I am Beyond the Bounds of Reason.
Here I show my Destructive Will
Veluta aeim, Quifa, Quifa,
Somda maa Kaav …
MAGNA BLAST … EXIST !!

--------------

I Break the Laws of Nature.
I am Beyond the Bounds of Reason.
Within Me Dwells the Will to Annihilate
Gloakn, gloakn, Aet im Sins
VORTEX … EXIST !!

------------------

I Break the Laws of Nature.
I am Beyond the Bounds of Reason.
I Desire even Greater Power
Socum Socum, Ra, Asp Heluke Unt
Kotsf Peo Cois, Asp, Asp, Asp, Ran
ACCELERATOR … EXIST !!

Goliath Strongarm · Fri Jan 28, 2011 11:58 pm

Blindscout wrote:"Just utilizing the fine arts of Necromancy doesn't make a bad guy...really...I mean it..."

(the line at the end was used by 2 players to the GM)
a few years back...

A campaign that was LOOSELY based on the witch-hunting of 16th/17th Christianity. PCs started off hunting down witches and necromancers. Two wizard PCs would of course dig through various spellbooks/scrolls that were found, taking notes of any "non-inherently evil" spells. Then they would destroy the books, or send them off to a "safe" location to be locked away.

Of course, "non-inherently evil" can be reasoned..

After all, spells like "assemble bones" and "crawling bones" can be VERY useful, if you are trying to get the bodies into shape for a proper burial...
"Object Read the dead" is a GREAT spell, to help prove if vile magics were used...
Recognize the Undead, Eyes of the Dead.. these are TOOLS... they're not EVIL...

By the time we were around level 15 or so, and we got confronted by the High Priest of the Church of Light (who according to our GM was an ancient Great Horned Dragon) about how we had been using these "vile magics".. and we were justifying them...

"Return from the Grave isn't inherently evil.. after all, we aren't coming back for POWER.. we're just trying to protect ourselves from the evil necromancers and witches, and this way, we can continue the fight longer! We can control those bloodthirsts, and not give in to our baser instincts. We can drink only small bits, from willing people! And we can try to live off of animals! Heck, between us, we might even find a way of removing the bloodlust altogether!! We powerful enough mages!"

GaredBattlespike · Tue Feb 01, 2011 8:01 am

Greetings!

You DO NOT want to get Resurected and wake up to this; "Hey! It WORKED!!! I can't believe it! We didn't have quite enough PPE to make it work fully, so we left out a few things, it's ok- you can still fight...Nevermind what we left out, you never got lucky with the ladies anyway..."

Good Gaming, GaredBattlespike

JuliusCreed · Unread post by **JuliusCreed** » Thu Feb 03, 2011 6:36 am

GaredBattlespike wrote:Greetings!

You DO NOT want to get Resurected and wake up to this; "Hey! It WORKED!!! I can't believe it! We didn't have quite enough PPE to make it work fully, so we left out a few things, it's ok- you can still fight...Nevermind what we left out, you never got lucky with the ladies anyway..."

Good Gaming, GaredBattlespike

kamikazzijoe · Unread post by **kamikazzijoe** » Sat Feb 05, 2011 7:53 pm

Goliath Strongarm wrote:
Blindscout wrote:"Just utilizing the fine arts of Necromancy doesn't make a bad guy...really...I mean it..."

(the line at the end was used by 2 players to the GM)
a few years back...

A campaign that was LOOSELY based on the witch-hunting of 16th/17th Christianity. PCs started off hunting down witches and necromancers. Two wizard PCs would of course dig through various spellbooks/scrolls that were found, taking notes of any "non-inherently evil" spells. Then they would destroy the books, or send them off to a "safe" location to be locked away.

Of course, "non-inherently evil" can be reasoned..

After all, spells like "assemble bones" and "crawling bones" can be VERY useful, if you are trying to get the bodies into shape for a proper burial...
"Object Read the dead" is a GREAT spell, to help prove if vile magics were used...
Recognize the Undead, Eyes of the Dead.. these are TOOLS... they're not EVIL...

By the time we were around level 15 or so, and we got confronted by the High Priest of the Church of Light (who according to our GM was an ancient Great Horned Dragon) about how we had been using these "vile magics".. and we were justifying them...

"Return from the Grave isn't inherently evil.. after all, we aren't coming back for POWER.. we're just trying to protect ourselves from the evil necromancers and witches, and this way, we can continue the fight longer! We can control those bloodthirsts, and not give in to our baser instincts. We can drink only small bits, from willing people! And we can try to live off of animals! Heck, between us, we might even find a way of removing the bloodlust altogether!! We powerful enough mages!"

We can rebuild him, we have the knowledge.....but we don't want to spend a lot of ppe.

Shawn Merrow · Unread post by **Shawn Merrow** » Sat Feb 05, 2011 8:07 pm

kamikazzijoe wrote:We can rebuild him, we have the knowledge.....but we don't want to spend a lot of ppe.

pblackcrow · Unread post by **pblackcrow** » Wed Feb 16, 2011 6:29 pm

PF game...The whole party was skinny dipping/bathing/playing in a river/creek...actually we started out bathing after a very messy encounter with a dung monster...Not a pleasant site or smell. I playing the wizard in the game. I splash around with my soap (Long lasting forest scented soap, because it's far better to smell like a tree then it is to smell like lunch.) until I am clean. Then, unlike my comrades who have horses to clean, I get out and go to the protection circle i drew on this large rock, by lake side, and put our clothes and belongings in, after I cast cleanse on them...The horses were still down there with the other PCs getting washed. I get dressed then go on top of the nice sized rock to start to meditate, so I can regain some PPE.

The GM: It's about 2 hours later. You've just finished with the horses, they are clean and smelling forest fresh. The has sun set, and you have about 90 minutes until dark. Your wizard has recovered 50 PPE. You are within a mile of 2 ley lines, but still a mile away from a nexus. So, I thought I would give you a boost.
Me: Thank you.
GM: What are the 4 of you doing at this point in time? Not what are going to be doing, but actually doing right now?
Ranger: I'm getting my stuff together to go hunting.
Merc: Same.
Thief: Cussing the wizard's protection circle.
Me: Canceling the magic so he can get dressed.
GM: Okay...Everyone make a perception roll to hear something.
Everyone but me rolled under a 10. I rolled a 19.
GM: I am so glad you made your roll...From above and to the left of the thief, you hear "Ants in the pants...At the ready...", but you don't see anything there.
Me: Hummm. Cast see the invisible.
GM: You see 25 majorly honked off faeries with bows...All 25 of them have theirs loaded with a arrow.
Me: Oh ****...FAERIES!!!!!

JuliusCreed · Unread post by **JuliusCreed** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 6:42 am

pblackcrow wrote:PF game...The whole party was skinny dipping/bathing/playing in a river/creek...actually we started out bathing after a very messy encounter with a dung monster...Not a pleasant site or smell. I playing the wizard in the game. I splash around with my soap (Long lasting forest scented soap, because it's far better to smell like a tree then it is to smell like lunch.) until I am clean. Then, unlike my comrades who have horses to clean, I get out and go to the protection circle i drew on this large rock, by lake side, and put our clothes and belongings in, after I cast cleanse on them...The horses were still down there with the other PCs getting washed. I get dressed then go on top of the nice sized rock to start to meditate, so I can regain some PPE.

The GM: It's about 2 hours later. You've just finished with the horses, they are clean and smelling forest fresh. The has sun set, and you have about 90 minutes until dark. Your wizard has recovered 50 PPE. You are within a mile of 2 ley lines, but still a mile away from a nexus. So, I thought I would give you a boost.
Me: Thank you.
GM: What are the 4 of you doing at this point in time? Not what are going to be doing, but actually doing right now?
Ranger: I'm getting my stuff together to go hunting.
Merc: Same.
Thief: Cussing the wizard's protection circle.
Me: Canceling the magic so he can get dressed.
GM: Okay...Everyone make a perception roll to hear something.
Everyone but me rolled under a 10. I rolled a 19.
GM: I am so glad you made your roll...From above and to the left of the thief, you hear "Ants in the pants...At the ready...", but you don't see anything there.
Me: Hummm. Cast see the invisible.
GM: You see 25 majorly honked off faeries with bows...All 25 of them have theirs loaded with a arrow.
Me: Oh ****...FAERIES!!!!!

pblackcrow · Unread post by **pblackcrow** » Sun Feb 20, 2011 5:16 pm

Oh, yesterday Shawn, who was playing the thief, reminded me that he wasn't real happy with my solution to the problem. Namely...Cast Havoc and put him in the area of effect. In play though, it couldn't be helped. And they still got me and the ranger with the arrows, and 1 of the wild shots hit a horse. I think it was the Mercs.

Dunia · Unread post by **Dunia** » Thu Apr 21, 2011 5:14 am

**Outside the enemy base/monster lair while the group discuss which tactic to use**

Mage: LEEEEEERRROOOOYYYY NNNN' JENKINSSSSS!!! *rushes in*

calto40k · Unread post by **calto40k** » Thu Apr 28, 2011 10:49 pm

So you wanted a portal to new jersey right?

Ice Dragon · Unread post by **Ice Dragon** » Tue May 03, 2011 3:08 am

In the desert dimension: "You said I should learn combat spells not something fussy like 'Create water'".

Mallak's Place · Fri May 06, 2011 6:45 am

New Ley-Line Walker Player: " My character senses for Ley-Lines" whenever he enter a new room or corridor in the building your exploring.

calto40k · Unread post by **calto40k** » Thu May 12, 2011 4:06 am

Koshindan wrote:"Wait, wasn't that supposed to go 'Boom?' "

"I have Basic Mechanics and Make Whole, I can totally fix that important technogadget/bioware device."

" It's... SO CUTE! Can I keep it?" Line Walker talking about a captured Dogboy.

absolutely love the last one

Scott Gibbons · Sat May 14, 2011 9:14 pm

What do you mean the bad guy's dead? Now who am I going to try out my new spell Castrate on?

drewkitty ~..~ · Sat May 14, 2011 10:21 pm

A japanese mage.
"KIll the maid, kill the maid"

(Cause everyone who watches anime knows that 'the maid' is stronger then the meanest looking Oni.)

Shawn Merrow · Sat May 14, 2011 11:37 pm

drewkitty ~..~ wrote:A japanese mage.
"KIll the maid, kill the maid"

(Cause everyone who watches anime knows that 'the maid' is stronger then the meanest looking Oni.)

No kidding. :eek:

Damian Magecraft · Fri May 20, 2011 8:11 pm

While explaining the theories of magic in a BTS setting.

"Man lives in the sunlit world of what he believes to be reality.
But there is unseen, by most, an underworld; a place just as real, but not as brightly lit.
A Darkside."