Submissions to Kevin...that didn't "make the grade"

cornholioprime · Fri Jun 10, 2005 12:41 am

The Bad Comedian Shifter O.C.C.

This Spell from the Time of a Thousand Magicks summons the ghosts of Annoying Comedians to the Caster's side, who can then send them against his enemies. These Creatures are intangible and can only be harmed by Magic. Each of the Apparitions will act as the Bad Comedian did in life, annoying the hell out of the Caster's enemies for 5 melees per level of the Mage, and following them wherever they might go for the duration of the Spell. The Caster can summon one Bad Comedian Spirit per every other level of the Mage starting at Level 2 -and can summon duplicates of the same Comedian!!

1st Level: Summons Yakov Smirnov. Adds 4 points to the Shifter's Horror Factor. Enemies affected see ALL Combat Bonuses reduced by half!!

3rd Level: Can summon Gilbert Gottfried to his side. Targeted Enemies suffer the effects of the "Agony" Spell. Affects even 'Borgs and characters in Power Armor or Giant Robots!!

6th Level: Calls forth Carrot Top. Enemies who fail their save will BEG for a quick death to stop hearing him.

8th Level: The ghost of Rosie O'Donnell comes to the Physical Plane. Targeted Caracters who fail their saves will simultaneously suffer the effects of Bigby's Crushing Bulk (Rosie's Spirit can partially manifest on the Material Plane) and take Damage direct to Hit Points from Rosie O'Donnell's screeching as well. Unfortunately, despite Rosie's voice, the Target CANNOT go deaf from hearing her --no matter how much he or she may want to.

10th Level: Brings the spirit of Roseanne to our world. This apparition is not only annoying to hear but physically repulsive to the eyes as well. Targeted enemies have been known to voluntarily have sex with Sedna the Sea Hag (Rifts: Mystic Russia) if only she would make Roseanne go away!

15th Level: Only the best of the best Bad Comedian Shifters ever reach this Level. At this level, the Wizard can rach into the deepest pits of Utmno and bring to Earth the Ultimate Evil...Chris Rock.

Unknown to all at the Gathering of Heroes, the Horsemen of the Apocalypse were REALLY repulsed by a single Bad Comedian Grandmaster who summoned Chris Rock to tell his stale Jokes to the Amageddon Creature.

The Armageddon Creature left Earth's Doimension, never to return, once it realized that FAR more suffering could be inflicted on the Life-Forms of the Megaverse by allowing them to live but having them hear Chris Rock for eternity.

The Horsemen of the Apocalypse are currently devising a magical means of making sure that Chris Rock's voice is heard in EVERY Dimension, on EVERY Plane of Existence, with NO escape for anyone...

:shock:

**Rejected by Kevin S. because he hates Chris Rock just as much as I do**

Slag · Unread post by **Slag** » Fri Jun 10, 2005 8:58 am

Kalinda wrote:Rifts conversion book 4: really dark conversions. Rules for Perverted tentacle demons and other naughtiness. Also included is detailed information on human-mutant animal relationships.

Rifts conversion book 5: We give up already! All the information you need to convert Rifts to D20 and GURPS. 512 pages, hardbound. $125 us.

After DA BOMB!! In the aftermath of a nuclear war, mutant animals rebuild, basing their society on rap and hip-hop...

Rifts Office space: All the information you need to play a desk jockey in Chi-town! Includes new OCCs like the Brownnoser and the Middle manager and new skills like Lore: donuts. Also included are detailed maps of a Chi-town office complex, complete with cube farms!

YOU DA' BOMB, Kal! :ok:

Lore: Doughnuts: This skill covers the ability to find, purchace, identify, and devour in mass any kind of fatty, sugared breakfast treat including doughnuts, crullers, bear claws, sweet rolls, and even cookies, cakes, and brownies. The character can identify types and flavors of doughnuts by taste, texture, color, and consitancy and can even determine freshness by sight. Includes the ability to distinguish between a Dunkin' Doughnut, Krispy Kreme, or other brand by sight alone. Character will inheritly know which doghnuts to have with coffee and the proper dunking procedures for individual doughnut types. Skill also includes basic doughnut ettiquette, such as always leaving the last one in the box to rot and never throwing out an empty box. BASE SKILL: 35% +5% per level of experience.

Rimmerdal · Unread post by **Rimmerdal** » Sun Jun 12, 2005 3:33 pm

cornholioprime wrote:The Bad Comedian Shifter O.C.C.

the Bad Diva Shifter OCC....let's not even bring that one up... :eek:

Jesterzzn · Unread post by **Jesterzzn** » Sun Jun 12, 2005 11:55 pm

cornholioprime wrote:1st Level: Summons Yakov Smirnov. Adds 4 points to the Shifter's Horror Factor. Enemies affected see ALL Combat Bonuses reduced by half!!

In Soviet Russia, Rift summons you!

cornholioprime · Mon Jun 13, 2005 6:19 am

Jesterzzn wrote:
cornholioprime wrote:1st Level: Summons Yakov Smirnov. Adds 4 points to the Shifter's Horror Factor. Enemies affected see ALL Combat Bonuses reduced by half!!

In Soviet Russia, Rift summons you!

Yeah, I pretty much KNEW that I was opening myself up for this one........

cornholioprime · Mon Jun 13, 2005 6:22 am

Mikester wrote:Rifts Dimension book 16: Underwear of the Three Galaxies.

Coalition Wars 63: The Squirrel Brigade (After the CS goes on to somehow wipe out every other civilization on the planet, they decide to wage war on the local squirrel population. Ah, but these are MD squirrels!)

Rifts World Book 31: Rogue Scholar Uprising ("If the Juciers can do it, so can we!")

Rifts: New Zealand (where LOTR sets and props become real and MD, and Sauron returns from his actual slumber)

I'djust LOVE to see someone TRY and make a pulse-pounding Cover Painting for the Rogue Scholar Uprising that is similar to the one on Juicer Uprising.

Would it have a fallen DeadBoy on the Cover with an.... uh.... fatal BOOK Wound to its head???

Hystrix · Unread post by **Hystrix** » Mon Jun 13, 2005 7:16 am

Rifts Sourcebook 8: The Blackmarket 3: Prostitution Ring.

Rex · Unread post by **Rex** » Tue Jun 14, 2005 4:01 am

Slag wrote: Lore: Doughnuts:

Can this skill be taken twice, so it will be at a professional level?

Rex · Unread post by **Rex** » Tue Jun 14, 2005 4:02 am

Hystrix wrote:Rifts Sourcebook 8: The Blackmarket 3: Prostitution Ring.

*Tears up notes and starts deleting files off his computer* Well, now I have to find a new writing project. That was some great research tho...

Natalya · Unread post by **Natalya** » Tue Jun 14, 2005 7:07 am

Rex wrote:
Slag wrote: Lore: Doughnuts:

Can this skill be taken twice, so it will be at a professional level?

Only if you have a law enforcement type of OCC.

Slag · Unread post by **Slag** » Tue Jun 14, 2005 8:49 am

Rifts the Movie: the Roleplaying Game. Illustrated with movie screen captures.

Rifts Comic Book 12: ARCHIE and Jughead go to the beach.

If the current Small Book trend continues:

Rifts World Book 72919: The corner of 12th and Main in Lazlo. 12 pages, $5.95 US.

Hystrix · Unread post by **Hystrix** » Tue Jun 14, 2005 9:51 am

Rifts Coupon Book 13: over $50 Burger King savings!

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Tue Jun 14, 2005 3:09 pm

cornholioprime wrote:
***Caffeine Juicers***
-they exist in Real Life and are therefore not really suitable for Fantasy RPGs. I should know: I'm one of them....
:

Actually, I DID do a Caffeine Juicer OCC...
But I raise you a Throwing Fish Monger Martial Artist Commando....heir to the lost martial art of aerobatic fish throwing, perfected in the lost pre-Rifts city of Seattle!

As for article submissions that would never fly....

"Punctuality in Scheduling---Or, Timing; the Key to Success in RPG Publishing."(gamer resource)

"The Kingdom of Love and Peace----The Chi-Town Mass-Quaalude Incident."(adventure)

"Wimps Sourcebook: Over 100 RCCs weaker and wimpier than normal human beings"....

"The Rifter's Guide to Dandruff, Trenchfoot, Halitosis, Hives, Sinucitis, and Other Fun Ailments to Add Realism to Your Games...."

Borast · Unread post by **Borast** » Tue Jun 14, 2005 6:33 pm

Braden, GMPhD wrote:Rifts World Book 24: Hollow Earth

The denizens of the underworld wage war on the surface dwellers! The nations of man and demon alike respond in kind! 350 pages of pure, uncut adventure featuring...

- The Mole People RCC; diabolic servants of the Mole King who rules the Hollow Earth!

- Giant openings at the poles; the surface world races to invade the Hollow Earth.

- Search for the Hollow Earth throught the ages, including the Nazis and Jules Verne.

- Earth Titan RCC; like the Sea Titan, but with Earth!

-plus more stone magic because we know it gets used so often, giant vehicles like the Big Drill, and the mysterious arms dealers known only as Hard Core. (Core, get it? Like Earth's core?)

Compatible with the entire Palladium MegaVerse, provided your very good at coming up with house rules.

Sounds almost like the Warlord comics from DC in the 70's-80's...right down to the polar openings. The rest of it however...

Rimmerdal · Unread post by **Rimmerdal** » Tue Jun 14, 2005 8:05 pm

Natalya wrote:
Rex wrote:
Slag wrote: Lore: Doughnuts:

Can this skill be taken twice, so it will be at a professional level?

Only if you have a law enforcement type of OCC.

or bakers and Coffe shop waitresses/Waiters

cornholioprime · Tue Jun 14, 2005 11:58 pm

Jesterzzn wrote:
cornholioprime wrote:1st Level: Summons Yakov Smirnov. Adds 4 points to the Shifter's Horror Factor. Enemies affected see ALL Combat Bonuses reduced by half!!

In Soviet Russia, Rift summons you!

cornholioprime · Wed Jun 15, 2005 12:00 am

Slag wrote:If the current Small Book trend continues:

Rifts World Book 72919: The corner of 12th and Main in Lazlo. 12 pages, $5.95 US.

That last one is so damned true that it's both sidesplitting and deeply disturbing at the same time.....

Hystrix · Unread post by **Hystrix** » Wed Jun 15, 2005 7:16 am

Burger King's: The Rifter. A Megaversal Sopurcebook and Fan Fiction Magazine. Now 5.95 with every Big Kids meal...

cornholioprime · Wed Jun 15, 2005 7:44 am

Hystrix wrote:Burger King's: The Rifter. A Megaversal Sopurcebook and Fan Fiction Magazine. Now 5.95 with every Big Kids meal...

Hystrix · Unread post by **Hystrix** » Wed Jun 15, 2005 8:47 am

cornholioprime wrote:
Hystrix wrote:Burger King's: The Rifter. A Megaversal Sopurcebook and Fan Fiction Magazine. Now 5.95 with every Big Kids meal...

I had an actuall dream that that was true. No lie. :eek:

Phadeout · Unread post by **Phadeout** » Wed Jun 15, 2005 3:14 pm

Rifts: Consistent Rule Book 1
Rifts: Consistent Toy Specs book 1

AKA: The Ultimate GMG that is Worth Using

Rimmerdal · Unread post by **Rimmerdal** » Wed Jun 15, 2005 7:56 pm

Phadeout wrote:Rifts: Consistent Rule Book 1
Rifts: Consistent Toy Specs book 1

AKA: The Ultimate GMG that is Worth Using

Of course you know it still won't come out on deadline right?

cornholioprime · Thu Jun 16, 2005 12:44 am

Phadeout wrote:Rifts: Consistent Rule Book 1
Rifts: Consistent Toy Specs book 1

AKA: The Ultimate GMG that is Worth Using

Slag · Unread post by **Slag** » Sun Jun 19, 2005 7:01 pm

Rimmerdal wrote:
Phadeout wrote:Rifts: Consistent Rule Book 1
Rifts: Consistent Toy Specs book 1

AKA: The Ultimate GMG that is Worth Using

Of course you know it still won't come out on deadline right?

That'd be funnier if it wasn't true.

Rimmerdal · Unread post by **Rimmerdal** » Mon Jun 20, 2005 5:59 pm

John Kronus wrote:
darkbrandon wrote:
Jesterzzn wrote:Girls Gone Wild: Vampire Beach Addition! See hot coeds sucking blood and getting freaky! Raw meaty in your face action! The hottest Wild Vampires bloodlusting by the Vampire Beach moonlight! Hot Girl on Girl blood orgy action!

I don't see why this was rejected. I'd totally buy this one.

Count me in... does it come on DVD ?

Ask Darkbrandon..we used his credit card...

Rimmerdal wrote:
Phadeout wrote:
Rifts: Consistent Rule Book 1
Rifts: Consistent Toy Specs book 1

AKA: The Ultimate GMG that is Worth Using

Of course you know it still won't come out on deadline right?

That'd be funnier if it wasn't true.

Some one used one my lines....happy dance...remind NEVER to happy dance...I look like girl doing it..

kamikazzijoe · Unread post by **kamikazzijoe** » Tue Jun 21, 2005 3:52 am

Super sprays for when your supernatural or creatures of magic get that unfresh feeling.

cornholioprime · Tue Jun 21, 2005 1:24 pm

16th Level Spell of Legend: "Understanding Women"

-Rejected by Kevin because the Caster ALWAYS suffers from a randomly rolled Insanity EVERY time he casts this Spell, whether sucessful or not.

(Note: Adult Females from every walk of life get a Save vs. Logic at +7, especially if angry at you at the time. She saves at +10 if you accidentally call out your old Girlfriend's Name when addressing her.)

demos606 · Unread post by **demos606** » Tue Jun 21, 2005 1:33 pm

Thats an additional +10 for calling her by your ex's name right?

cornholioprime · Tue Jun 21, 2005 2:10 pm

demos606 wrote:Thats an additional +10 for calling her by your ex's name right?

No, but from what I understand of that Issue (never been married/divorced), if you do THAT, then you need to save Vs. Coma/Death at -40%...after she hits you with Berserker-induced Supernatural P.S.

Borast · Unread post by **Borast** » Sun Jul 17, 2005 4:57 pm

cornholioprime wrote:16th Level Spell of Legend: "Understanding Women"

-Rejected by Kevin because the Caster ALWAYS suffers from a randomly rolled Insanity EVERY time he casts this Spell, whether sucessful or not.

(Note: Adult Females from every walk of life get a Save vs. Logic at +7, especially if angry at you at the time. She saves at +10 if you accidentally call out your old Girlfriend's Name when addressing her.)

Not if your new girlfriend has the same name as your old one... :lol:

cornholioprime · Sun Jul 17, 2005 5:07 pm

Borast wrote:
cornholioprime wrote:16th Level Spell of Legend: "Understanding Women"

-Rejected by Kevin because the Caster ALWAYS suffers from a randomly rolled Insanity EVERY time he casts this Spell, whether sucessful or not.

(Note: Adult Females from every walk of life get a Save vs. Logic at +7, especially if angry at you at the time. She saves at +10 if you accidentally call out your old Girlfriend's Name when addressing her.)

Not if your new girlfriend has the same name as your old one...

No.

She'll know.

BELIEVE me, she'll know.....

:shock:

Guest · Unread post by **Guest** » Sun Jul 17, 2005 6:09 pm

cornholioprime wrote:16th Level Spell of Legend: "Understanding Women"

-Rejected by Kevin because the Caster ALWAYS suffers from a randomly rolled Insanity EVERY time he casts this Spell, whether sucessful or not.

(Note: Adult Females from every walk of life get a Save vs. Logic at +7, especially if angry at you at the time. She saves at +10 if you accidentally call out your old Girlfriend's Name when addressing her.)

cornholioprime · Mon Jul 18, 2005 2:47 am

gwa1965 wrote:
cornholioprime wrote:16th Level Spell of Legend: "Understanding Women"

-Rejected by Kevin because the Caster ALWAYS suffers from a randomly rolled Insanity EVERY time he casts this Spell, whether sucessful or not.

(Note: Adult Females from every walk of life get a Save vs. Logic at +7, especially if angry at you at the time. She saves at +10 if you accidentally call out your old Girlfriend's Name when addressing her.)

what if you call her by your old Boyfriend's name?
or your Mom's name?

Trick Question.

I wouldn't use my Mother's name while in the midst of sexual congress, and I don't 'bat for the other Team,' as they say, so I wouldn't have a Boyfriend's Name to call out in the first place.........

SirTenzan · Unread post by **SirTenzan** » Mon Jul 18, 2005 7:40 am

Jesterzzn wrote:Girls Gone Wild: Vampire Beach Addition! See hot coeds sucking blood and getting freaky! Raw meaty in your face action! The hottest Wild Vampires bloodlusting by the Vampire Beach moonlight! Hot Girl on Girl blood orgy action!

30 day money back guarantee. Order GGW: Vampire Beach
Addition and your credit card will automatically be billed every month
when we send a new GGW video that has the same recycled footage that
we used the last ten times. Cancel at anytime, except by anytime
we mean never. Not legal in the CS of Chi Town. CS of Lone Star add
16.99% sales tax.

"Vampy chicks, eh? Heh! I've got a stake for 'em! It ain't oak, but it's stiff as a board!"

- Exavior Mammoth, Reid's Ranger, KIA June 102PA.

cornholioprime · Mon Jul 18, 2005 3:12 pm

SirTenzan wrote:
Jesterzzn wrote:Girls Gone Wild: Vampire Beach Addition! See hot coeds sucking blood and getting freaky! Raw meaty in your face action! The hottest Wild Vampires bloodlusting by the Vampire Beach moonlight! Hot Girl on Girl blood orgy action!

30 day money back guarantee. Order GGW: Vampire Beach
Addition and your credit card will automatically be billed every month
when we send a new GGW video that has the same recycled footage that
we used the last ten times. Cancel at anytime, except by anytime
we mean never. Not legal in the CS of Chi Town. CS of Lone Star add
16.99% sales tax.

"Vampy chicks, eh? Heh! I've got a stake for 'em! It ain't oak, but it's stiff as a board!" - Exavior Mammoth, Reid's Ranger, KIA June 102PA.

20 Ha-Ha Points to SirTenzan!!!!

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