Mis-Credited, Mis-Stated Quotes, Rifts Style!!!

Comrade Corsarius · Sat Jun 04, 2005 1:22 am

King Robert Creed is mustering his resistance forces somewhere in Tolkeen to strike back at the hated CS......

King Creed:They've bled us white, the bastards. They've taken everything we had, and not just from us, from our fathers, and from our fathers' fathers.

Tolkeenite 1:And from our fathers' fathers' fathers.

King Creed: Yeah.

Tolkeenite 1:And from our fathers' fathers' fathers' fathers.

King Creed: Yeah.

Tolkeenite 2: And from our father's father' father's father's fathers

King Creed: All right, Stan. Don't labour the point. And what have they ever given us in return?!

Tolkeenite 3: the internet?

King Creed:What?

Tolkeenite 3: the internet.

King Creed:Oh. Yeah, yeah. They did give us that. Uh, that's true. Yeah.

Commando 1: And the sanitation.

Tolkeenite 2:Oh, yeah, the sanitation, Creed. Remember what the city used to be like?

King Creed: Yeah. All right. I'll grant you the internet and the sanitation are two things that the CS has done.

Tolkeenite 4: And the dog boys.

King Creed: Well, yeah. Obviously the dog boys. I mean, dog boys go without saying, don't they? But apart from the sanitation, the internet, and dog boys--

commando 1: Decent agriculture.

Tolkeenite 2: Cyber-medicine

Commando 2: video-education

Comandos: Ohh...

King Creed: Yeah, yeah. All right. Fair enough.

Commando 1: And the wine.

Commandos: Oh, yes. Yeah...

Tolkeenite 2:Yeah. Yeah, that's something we'd really miss, Creed, if the CS left. Huh.

Commandos: baths.

Tolkeenite 1: And it's safe to walk in the streets at night now, Creed.

Tolkeenite 3: Yeah, they certainly know how to keep order. Let's face it. They're the only ones who could in a place like this.

Commandos: Hehh, heh. Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh.

Creed: All right, but apart from the sanitation, the cyber-medicine, video-education, wine, public order, decent agriculture, fusion blocks, a fresh water system, and public health, what have the CS ever done for us?

Tolkeenite 3: Brought peace.

King Creed: Oh. Peace? Shut up!

cornholioprime · Sat Jun 04, 2005 11:53 am

"We have met the Enemy and he is us."

-Last known communication of Sergeant Pogo, encountering a platoon of Re-animated Dead Boys

cornholioprime · Sun Jun 05, 2005 12:09 am

"It was a pleasure to burn."

-CS Burster #451, commenting on the "Accident" that destroyed the Books in the Chi-Town Library

Necrite · Unread post by **Necrite** » Sun Jun 05, 2005 2:52 am

I'm SO getting shot for this one...

Winslow: You're so beautiful.
Erin: It's only because I'm so in love.
Winslow: No! It's because I'm so in love with you.

*EDIT* It works better if I get the names right...

cornholioprime · Sun Jun 05, 2005 9:03 am

Necrite wrote:I'm SO getting shot for this one...

Winslow: You're so beautiful.
Erin: It's only because I'm so in love.
Winslow: No! It's because I'm so in love with you.

*EDIT* It works better if I get the names right...

**Cornholioprime adjusts aim of his Wilk's for a called shot to Necrite's Head**

**But NOT the Head in Necrite's Skull**

:eek:

Subjugator · Unread post by **Subjugator** » Sun Jun 05, 2005 9:06 am

cornholioprime wrote:"It was a pleasure to burn."

-CS Burster #451, commenting on the "Accident" that destroyed the Books in the Chi-Town Library

FANTASTIC!

Deadeyeus2 · Unread post by **Deadeyeus2** » Sun Jun 05, 2005 11:45 am

Now listen up! Back in my day, we didn't have fancy tanks! We had sticks. Two stick and a rock for the entire platoon! And we had to share the rock! You should consider yourself very lucky Headhunters!

Tennessee Jack Crabtree speeking to new recruits in the Headhunter Academy

Blight · Unread post by **Blight** » Sun Jun 05, 2005 1:33 pm

And i would have got away with it if it wasn't for those meddling Nutset and that dang dog boy!
Old Mr. Withers after being apprehended for trying to summon a demon.

Kalinda · Unread post by **Kalinda** » Sun Jun 05, 2005 1:54 pm

Misfit KotLD wrote:Dogs! is folmed on location with the dog boys of the ISS. All d-bees are guilty, period. Otherwise they wouldn't be d-bee.

Rimmerdal · Unread post by **Rimmerdal** » Sun Jun 05, 2005 3:51 pm

"Floopers?! I didn't order no STinking Floopers!!"

Animal Talkshow host

*************

"Deadboys...Natures Susction cup..."

Titan licks a Daedboy on the back..then sticks him to the ceiling.

Rimmerdal · Unread post by **Rimmerdal** » Sun Jun 05, 2005 3:56 pm

Been awhile since I saw the movie. 1 out of two ain't bad... :-)

cornholioprime · Mon Jun 06, 2005 11:23 pm

DaRkMaGe_720 wrote:"You cant handle the truth!!!!!"
(a commonly used quote by Joseph Prosek)

Brother, if THAT Quote doesn't epitomize "Imp" Prosek, then nothing does!!!

cornholioprime · Tue Jun 07, 2005 12:06 am

"Of course, one can always try to talk the damned thing out, but that seldom works."

-Alex M, Temporal Raider, commenting on his inability to get the Siembieda Intelligence to leave the ruins of the Pre-Rifts Palladium Books Offices

Kalinda · Unread post by **Kalinda** » Tue Jun 07, 2005 3:18 pm

"Outside of a Dog boy, A book is man's best friend. Inside of a Dog boy it's too dark to read..." Gaucho Ma'rks, Famed Rogue scholar/comedian.

Rimmerdal · Unread post by **Rimmerdal** » Tue Jun 07, 2005 5:04 pm

not sure if this has been done but.

Deadboy trainee (angry with a drill sergeant...): I'm gonna fight you, sir...

Drill instructor: shakes head and drops the recruit with a straight right. "You never say your gonna fight someone...you walk up to them smile and then sucker punch them...."

over heard in a CS Hand to hand combat training session.

Jesterzzn · Unread post by **Jesterzzn** » Wed Jun 08, 2005 9:30 pm

"Bad dates."

Spoken by a group of girls about the Floopers that took them dancing.

cornholioprime · Thu Jun 09, 2005 12:41 am

Jesterzzn wrote:"Bad dates."

Spoken by a group of girls about the Floopers that took them dancing.

Did one of the Girls in question look like John-Rhys-Davies???

:eek:

cornholioprime · Thu Jun 09, 2005 12:45 am

"Talent on loan...from (a) God."

-Rush Limbaugh, Shifter, recent recipient of a Gift of Union

Zer0 Kay · Unread post by **Zer0 Kay** » Thu Jun 09, 2005 11:17 am

It was the dawn of the third age of mankind, three hundred years after the Golden Age of Mankind. The Coalition States was a dream given form. Its goal: to prevent another war by creating a place where humans held power over d-bees peacefully. It's a port of call, home away from home for diplomats, hustlers, entrepreneurs, and wanderers. Humans and d-bees wrapped in two million, five hundred thousand tons of ascending metal, all alone in the night. It can be a dangerous place, but it's our last, best hope for survival. This is the story of the last of the arcologies. The year is 2398. The name of the place is Chi Town. --Karl Prosek

Zer0 Kay · Unread post by **Zer0 Kay** » Thu Jun 09, 2005 11:25 am

Chi Town was our last, best hope for survival, a self-contained world five miles in radius located in CS territory, a place of commerce and diplomacy for a quarter of a million humans and d-bee scum, a shining beacon in North America, all alone in the night. It was the dawn of the third age of mankind, the year the great war came upon us all. This is the story of the last of the arcologies. The year is 2399. The name of the place is Chi Town. --Joseph Prosek

Zer0 Kay · Unread post by **Zer0 Kay** » Thu Jun 09, 2005 11:26 am

Chi Town was our last, best hope for survival. It failed. But in the year of the Seige on Tolkeen, it became something greater: our last, best hope for victory. The year is 2400. The place - Chi Town.

Zer0 Kay · Unread post by **Zer0 Kay** » Thu Jun 09, 2005 11:28 am

It was the year of fire,
The year of destruction,
The year we took back what was ours.
It was the year of rebirth,
The year of great sadness,
The year of pain,
And a year of joy.
It was a new age.
It was the end of history.
It was the year everything changed.
The year is 2401.
The place, Chi Town.

Hystrix · Unread post by **Hystrix** » Thu Jun 09, 2005 11:33 am

"Can't we all just get along?" --- Lord Splynncryth's new book I am SO Misunderstood

Zer0 Kay · Unread post by **Zer0 Kay** » Thu Jun 09, 2005 11:50 am

It's easy to find something worth dying for. Do you have anything worth living for? --Plato to a Cyberknight going off to fight for Tolkeen

I used to think it was a terrible thing that life was so unfair. Then I thought, 'what if life *were* fair, and all of the terrible things that happen to us came because we really deserved them?' Now I take great comfort in the general unfairness and hostility of the universe. -- Sir Winslow to Erin Tarn

Ah, arrogance and stupidity all in the same package. How efficient of you! --Erin to either Prosek

Everyone lies. The innocent lie because they don't want to be blamed for something they didn't do and the guilty lie because they don't have any other choice.

New Base Commander: What the hell is your problem?
Head of Security: For starters, I don't know you, therefore I don't trust you.
New Base Commander: The world is full of people you don't know.
Head of Security: I worry about that all the time.

I tried. I tried to warn them. But it all happened, just the way I remembered. --A psychic sensitive after his band gets buggered by a CS search and destroy group.

It was jet black, a shade of black so deep your eye just kind of slides off it. And it shimmered when you looked at it. A dragon, big as death and twice as ugly. And when it flies past, it's like you hear a scream in your mind. --surviving witness of a shadow dragon

CEO:Are you trying to cheer me up?
XO:No sir, wouldn't dream of it.
CEO:Good, I hate being cheered up.
XO:In that case we're all going to die slow, agonizing deaths.
CEO:Thank you, I feel so much better now.

XO:Always finding good in every situation, Captain?
CEO:Absolutely. If I didn't, I might end up like you.
XO:Hey, what's that supposed to mean? Did anybody else hear that?

When others do a foolish thing, you should tell them it is a foolish thing. They can still continue to do it, but at least the truth is where it needs to be. Erin Tarn to Plato who is wondering wether or not to tell Tolkeen not to go on with their war plans.

Something far worse than the Dragons: reporters. --Karl Prosek on the evils of the golden age.

Prophecy is a guess that comes true. When it doesn't, it's a metaphor. --Tarn on the Grey council

These are your sons and daughters, whose loyalty has never wavered, whose belief in the Alliance has forced us to take extraordinary means. For justice, for peace, for the future... we have come home. -- A surviving NEMA sleaper who was cought on a scouting mission to Emperor Prosek.

Vampire Hunter: We thought you were dead!
Ex-Vampire Hunter: I was. I'm better now.

Physics tells us that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. They hate us, we hate them, they hate us back. And so, here we are, victims of mathematics! --A CS engineer on D-bees

Sgt.: Sir, do you really want to know what's going on down there?
Commander: Yes, absolutely!
Sgt.: Boom. Boom boom boom. Boom boom. Boom! Have a nice day!

Hystrix · Unread post by **Hystrix** » Thu Jun 09, 2005 12:21 pm

In fairness, Zer0, I think alot of your quotes arn't misquotes...

EDIT - In other words, they are likely true...

finn69 · Unread post by **finn69** » Thu Jun 09, 2005 4:17 pm

Can't remember the exact dialogue from "Dude, where's my car?" but two tattooed warriors after getting new tattoos.[/quote]

hey man you got a tatoo!!!! cool!! so did you!!! whats it say? SWEET!!! whats mine say? DUDE!! whats mine say? SWEET...whats mine say? DUDE....whats mine say? (tatoo artist interupts...your tatoo says sweet....yours says dude.

Thinyser · Unread post by **Thinyser** » Thu Jun 09, 2005 6:37 pm

LuckyJim wrote:sweet!!! ta finn69

DUDE!

Comrade Corsarius · Fri Jun 10, 2005 2:22 am

Thinyser wrote:
LuckyJim wrote:sweet!!! ta finn69

DUDE!

Zerokay missed the most important ones....

Octoman #1: Qu'Blak! You've managed to import Qu'Blak from the homeworld! How?
Octoman diplomat: It .. isn't actually Qu'Blak....
Octo #1: But the smell, the taste...
Diplomat: It's an Earth food. They are called Swedish meatballs. It's a strange thing, but every sentient race has its own version of these Swedish meatballs. I suspect it's one of those great universal mysteries which will either never get explained or which will drive you mad if you ever learned the truth

Splyncryth's Aide:"All of them?"
Splyncryth: "Sounds right. And now I have to go back to the Council and explain to them that in the interest of peace the Splugorth Hedgemony will agree to give quadrant 37 to the Kraykt. I think I will stick my head in Atlantis' fusion reactor. It would be quicker. And I suspect, after a while I might even come to enjoy it. But this -- this, this, this is like being nibbled to death by .. what are those Earth creatures called? Feathers, long bill, webbed feet .. go 'quack' .."
Aide: "Cats."
Splyncryth: "Cats. I'm being nibbled to death by cats."

Joseph II to Karl after the Tolkeen crisis ends: No boom today. Boom tomorrow. There's always a boom tomorrow. What?! Look somebody's got to have some damned perspective around here. Boom. Sooner or later . . . BOOM!"

cornholioprime · Fri Jun 10, 2005 2:44 am

"One Death..is a tragedy. A million Deaths...is a Statistic."

-Joseph 'Stalin' Prosek, on the Total number of casualties in the Siege on Tolkeen

**ADDENDUM**

I just realized the signifigance of the Names of Father and Son, after all this time playing Rifts.

Karl Prosek -Karl Marx
Joseph prosek -Josef Stalin

One of those things that makes you go hmm.... mere coincidence? I think not....

Zer0 Kay · Unread post by **Zer0 Kay** » Fri Jun 10, 2005 8:00 am

Hystrix wrote:In fairness, Zer0, I think alot of your quotes arn't misquotes...

EDIT - In other words, they are likely true...

They only have to be mis-credited.

Zer0 Kay · Unread post by **Zer0 Kay** » Fri Jun 10, 2005 8:02 am

LuckyJim wrote:sweet!!! ta finn69

One for you for starting it :thwak:

Zer0 Kay · Unread post by **Zer0 Kay** » Fri Jun 10, 2005 8:02 am

Thinyser wrote:
LuckyJim wrote:sweet!!! ta finn69

DUDE!

and one for you for almost proliferating it. :thwak:

Zer0 Kay · Unread post by **Zer0 Kay** » Fri Jun 10, 2005 8:03 am

Atramentus wrote:After those Chi-Town/B5 quotes Zer0 Kay is my hero.

Do you really like B5 that much?

Zer0 Kay · Unread post by **Zer0 Kay** » Fri Jun 10, 2005 8:19 am

cornholioprime wrote:"One Death..is a tragedy. A million Deaths...is a Statistic."

-Joseph 'Stalin' Prosek, on the Total number of casualties in the Siege on Tolkeen

**ADDENDUM**

I just realized the signifigance of the Names of Father and Son, after all this time playing Rifts.

Karl Prosek -Karl Marx
Joseph prosek -Josef Stalin

One of those things that makes you go hmm.... mere coincidence? I think not....

Ow your epiphany just hit me between the eyes... and it made complete sense. Yet more corroborating evidence that the CS is supposed to be a evil fascist regime. Now I'm just waiting for people to start saying that Marx and Stalin were good men.

Zer0 Kay · Unread post by **Zer0 Kay** » Fri Jun 10, 2005 10:30 pm

Atramentus wrote:
Zer0 Kay wrote:
Atramentus wrote:After those Chi-Town/B5 quotes Zer0 Kay is my hero.

Do you really like B5 that much?

I'm not a raving fan but it was cool, and the way those opening speeches changed for the show was the most awesome innovation I'd ever seen.

Zer0 Kay wrote:Ow your epiphany just hit me between the eyes... and it made complete sense. Yet more corroborating evidence that the CS is supposed to be a evil fascist regime. Now I'm just waiting for people to start saying that Marx and Stalin were good men.

I'm sure Marx and Stalin were good men. Certainly not good women, and nearly all men are good with the right seasoning and a tasty barbecueing sauce...

:thwak: that is for beeing so eww. OK Dr. Lecter.

Mudang · Unread post by **Mudang** » Fri Jun 10, 2005 10:34 pm

Zer0 Kay wrote:Now I'm just waiting for people to start saying that Marx and Stalin were good men.

Marx certainly wasn't a bad man.

cornholioprime · Sat Jun 11, 2005 12:57 am

Atramentus wrote:======

At the scene of a fire a Psi-Stalker is forced to jump out of the window. He breaks his arms and his legs. A CS News reporter rushes up, "Mr Psi-Stalker, Mr Psi-Stalker, how do you feel about your apocalyptic fall?"

The Psi-Stalker tilts his head to the side, puts his broken right forearm against his face and ponders. Finally he says, "No sir... I don't like it."

======

"You know, they say that...sometimes...people go crazy on these long Trips.

They get the....

SPACE....MADNESS!!!!...."

-Ren Höek, Cosmo-Knight, on a 36-year mission to the Crab Nebula

Rimmerdal · Unread post by **Rimmerdal** » Sat Jun 11, 2005 2:20 pm

phoboskitty wrote:"Good, Bad... I'm the guy with the Necron staff"

-Ash in "Army of Atlantis"

"Iv'e got a bone to pick with you...!"
a Evil Warrior after recently being made undead meeting his good twin.

Bruce is the best....!

cornholioprime · Sat Jun 11, 2005 10:07 pm

"Rollin' down the Street, smoking Endo, sippin' on Gin and Juice.

Laid back.

With my mind on my Mummy and my Mummy on my mind...."

-Snoop Dogg, Rapper, Porn Producer, and Necromancer, on creating Undead Legions

Rimmerdal · Unread post by **Rimmerdal** » Sun Jun 12, 2005 1:57 pm

cornholioprime wrote:"Rollin' down the Street, smoking Endo, sippin' on Gin and Juice.

Laid back.

With my mind on my Mummy and my Mummy on my mind...."

-Snoop Dogg, Rapper, Porn Producer, and Necromancer, on creating Undead Legions

He bettter watch for those sensor guys... :lol:

cornholioprime · Mon Jun 13, 2005 8:08 am

"Giggity, Giggity, Giggity!"

-The Splugorth Slaver nicknamed "Quagmire," peeping in on his personal Complement of Altara Warrior Women in their Shower Stalls

Rimmerdal · Unread post by **Rimmerdal** » Mon Jun 13, 2005 7:47 pm

gremlin79 wrote:
Misfit KotLD wrote:
Mindcrime wrote:
Zer0 Kay wrote:Now I'm just waiting for people to start saying that Marx and Stalin were good men.

Marx certainly wasn't a bad man.

Groucho maybe.

What do you have against Chico and Harpo? (Granted Zeppo is the Prince of Darkness)

Get two hot women, a whirl pool and a bikini that would put the 'COMMliness' back in to COMMunism!!!

cornholioprime · Tue Jun 14, 2005 1:08 am

"Call me Ishmael."

-Heroic Sea Inquisitor with a strange erotic obsession (fetish) for Giant Whale Pneuma-Biforms

finn69 · Unread post by **finn69** » Tue Jun 14, 2005 7:49 pm

Atramentus wrote:Can't believe I didn't think of it until now.

A patient of the Angel of Death who doesn't know where he is when she enters the room...

"Hello, nurse!"

I LOVE THE ANIMANIACS!! HERE IS ANOTHER ONE!

gee archie what are we going to do today??

the same thing we do every night hagan.......TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!!!!!

cornholioprime · Wed Jun 15, 2005 2:39 am

"....But, I'm funny how? Funny like a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I'm here to f_ _ _ in' amuse you?"

-Joe Pesci, Flooper and 'Made Man' in the Black Market, annoyed at finding out that Floopers don't really make intimidating Gangsters

Rimmerdal · Unread post by **Rimmerdal** » Wed Jun 15, 2005 7:35 pm

cornholioprime wrote:"....But, I'm funny how? Funny like a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I'm here to f_ _ _ in' amuse you?"

-Joe Pesci, Flooper and 'Made Man' in the Black Market, annoyed at finding out that Floopers don't really make intimidating Gangsters

Braden Campbell · Wed Jun 15, 2005 11:30 pm

"White dimension,
Two rune stautes,
Deep in Azlum.
Crazy metzla,
Alignment changes,
Mental powers.
Phantom horses
Run down moonbeams
In the Market.
Daylight shines on,
Slaves being eaten,
No contentment."

- Cream, from the album Live in Atlantis

cornholioprime · Thu Jun 16, 2005 12:48 am

gremlin79 wrote:I'm surprised nobody's done this yet:

"Get your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape"
-CS Private Taylor, being taken prisoner by a Kittani patrol.

First Page.

First Post.

Me.

Toc Rat · Unread post by **Toc Rat** » Fri Jun 17, 2005 9:00 pm

LuckyJim wrote:I'd guess the first part is from Judge Dredd...not sure though [/i]

Correct! the first part is from Judge Dredd. Anyone guess the second yet?

Rimmerdal · Unread post by **Rimmerdal** » Mon Jun 20, 2005 5:56 pm

"Trooper! What's better then a regulation USA-G10?" "A USA-G10 with Boom Gun sir!"

Old joke shared among Glitterboy pilots

I'd say starship troopers... :-?

but can't be sure.