Rifts-Style Blooper Reel

[abe]

Heeerrrrrrr'se flooopy!
The hit new show in chi-town! save the kids!

[taalismn]

"I'm sorry, I can't let you do that, Dave..."
"ARCHIE? -NOT- funny!"

[taalismn]

You know you got gyped on your Juicer conversion when....

*You start growing hoofs, a tail, and get a hankering to eat hay..
*You start growing breasts if a guy, and testicles if a girl...
*Your Juicer harness is coin operated('Deposit 25 cents for 1 minute of accelerated speed/enhanced strength/')
*Your muscles are pumped by an air compressor...
*When you come out from under anesthesia, you're wearing an inflatable 'sumo' suit...
*You start getting Final Call symptoms after five DAYS..

[abe]

You uncover pre-rift DVDs & videos of old children's shows(I.E. banana splits,you can't do that on television & the such)not sure if that fits on this thread,but it might.

[taalismn]

You might be a little TOO into Rifts if...

*You regard Stephanie Myers' 'Twilight' series as a prime example of why those insidious, seductive, vampires MUST be exterminated! Already, you have plans laid out on targeting this 'Forks, Washington State' for a sweep by NTSEC exterminators...

[Rathorc Lemenger]

Kind of sounds like something Prosek would do.

Signed,
Rathorc Lemenger.

[taalismn]

Kind of sounds like something Prosek would do.

Signed,
Rathorc Lemenger.

You know you're into Rifts a little TOO much when:

* For a given situation, you find yourself asking: "...What would Prosek do...?"

[taalismn]

Surviving Jiffy-Lube automotive garage somewhere on Rifts Earth...
Two Shemarrian walk up: "We want service...NOW!"
Mechanic" "Right this way ladies..."
Just before they go in, the last Shemarrian turns and looks through the Fourth Wall: "We're getting our Monstrex serviced...Get your minds out of the gutter!"

[Rathorc Lemenger]

Umm.... Some how, I can picture that. But what about the Plumbers next door??

Signed,
Rathorc Lemenger.

[taalismn]

Umm.... Some how, I can picture that. But what about the Plumbers next door??

Signed,
Rathorc Lemenger.

"Betcha we can make all the toilets in ChiTown back up simultaneously!"

[DhAkael]

Surviving Jiffy-Lube automotive garage somewhere on Rifts Earth...
Two Shemarrian walk up: "We want service...NOW!"
Mechanic" "Right this way ladies..."
Just before they go in, the last Shemarrian turns and looks through the Fourth Wall: "We're getting our Monstrex serviced...Get your minds out of the gutter!"

4th wall fanboy; "DOH!"

[taalismn]

Yeah...It's all fun and games until the game-canon NPCs come up with a 'Fourth Wall Buster-Breaker Punch' spell...

[Rathorc Lemenger]

Or Akane Tendo's Hammer.

Signed,
Rathorc Lemenger.

[BookWyrm]

Did anyone do this one yet?

Scene: a parked Spider-Skull Walker, with the loading ramp down. The troops assigned to it march double-time into it's bay, chanting "hup, hup, hup, hup" ect. as they load up. After the last Grunt takes his seat, the ramp retracts and the hatch closes with an k-thump!
Quick-Cut to: interior of the Walker. The two pilots are at the controls, the troops are locking their saftey-harnesses down (ala the APC mount-up scene in Aliens). The troops are psyching themselves up with various phrases;
"Lock and load!"
"We gonna go there, we gonna conquer, we gonna get some!"
"Baaaaaaaad-aaaaaaaasssss!"
"Let's rock and roll!"

The pilot on the left checks with the Tower for depature and gets the go-code. He turns his head to speak to the troops: "ARE....WE....READY?!"

The troops respond with a unanimous and synchonised "FOR THE EMPEROR!"

Pilot: "Then let's MOVE OUT!" And he throttles up.....

Quick-Cut back to exterior: The engines of the Walker revv up like a race-car engine, the left-leg takes a step forward--
And the engine sputters and DIES right there, follwed by a couple of backfire-shots.

There's a moment of silence.

Pilot 2: "You floodded it. Again."

[taalismn]

Pilot 2: "You floodded it. Again."

To which I add...
Hunter Mobile Gun robot's in combat against a combined arms foe(big vehicles and infantry), in all-out combat when the crew sees infantry charging them from the tree line below the depression of their BFG...
"Not to worry....watch this!" The pilot sez, reaching confidentally for the controls to the lower gun turret...
The lower turret hums smoothly to life...swings side to side, then prepares to depress to annihilate the approaching troops...
Only there's a harsh grinding sound as the gun barrel remains locked pointing up...
The pilot tries again...
Same result...It won't depress..
"OH (&&#! It won't go down!"
"You must have overheated the motors earlier...You gotta do something!" The gunner shouts, as the infantry comes leapfrogging towards the 'bots blind spot between its legs.
"Like what?! Throw cold water on it?!"

[abe]

see blooper squirt ink.
see blooper run
run blooper run!

[taalismn]

"Okay...that's the last time I use a xerox'ed scroll for spell casting, without cleaning the rollers first...."

[thedrunk]

A.R.C.H.I.E 3... Intel Inside!

Powere by Nvida

[Rathorc Lemenger]

I guess that this thread is still growing strong (thank the Kevin).

Signed,
Rathorc Lemenger.

[taalismn]

"Neat Rune Statute you got there..."
"T'is not a rune statute."
"Basilisk Victim?"
"Nope..."
"Petrification attack victim?"
"Not that either..."
"Then what is it?! It CAN'T be a regular statue! It looks so LIFELIKE!"
"My business partner...He just got his son's phone bill..."
"..oh..."
"Yeah...you know what it costs to interdimensionally Tweet?"

[Rathorc Lemenger]

Any more Blooper Reels anyone?

Signed,
Rathorc Lemenger.

[DhAkael]

Artifact hunters in the ruins of Tolkeen city, scrambling through the rubble.

Jerry; "Hey guys -ungh- Think I found something under this -oof- stone."

Frank; "I don't get it, it's just a metal cube...nice designs on it, but it's just a paper weight.

FreeDog-Boy Piddy; "Wurf, arrrre righ' ... nooo mag' smell"

Jerry; "Huh, funny, there's a posty on the side of this thing; Do not solve the puzzle...huh? Hey..!"

Frank; "What?"
FBD Piddy; "Urf?"

Jerry; "These designs move...cool. It's like one o' dem R-cube things they have in the Lazlo artifacts of the golden days. It's a toy or stress-manager...cool!"

FBD Piddy; "RRrrr? Is supposed to move on own Jerry?"

Jerry; "Huh..."

Frank; "I've got a bad feelin...-URK!-" Frank is suddenly removed from his skin, which falls to the floor loosely

An ominus voice reverberate through the ruined building as the sound of chains clattering, and blue misty light fills the area

Voice; "You rang...?"

Jerry; "Well ...(censored)"

Scene fades out...and over the sound of the chains rattling and clinking getting closer, Piddy speaks out before the scene ends:

FDB Piddy; "...I need a litterrrr box Jerrry..."

[Balabanto]

All I can think about is a Rifts version of that Doritos commercial with the mousetrap and the mouse bursting through the wall, only this time it's a CS Sargeant and a Thornhead Demon.

[taalismn]

"Lemme get this straight...you're so sentimental about your old suit of Glitterboy armor...you had it BRONZED?!"

[taalismn]

CS Grunt: "WHY THE HELL CAN'T WE GET SCRIPT IMMUNITY!!!???"
CS Officer: "Individuals may die, but the ideals of the Coalition States will live on!"
CS Grunt: "Yeah, well, my ideal Coalition State has me still living in it!"

[taalismn]

CS Grunt: "WHY THE HELL CAN'T WE GET SCRIPT IMMUNITY!!!???"
CS Officer: "Individuals may die, but the ideals of the Coalition States will live on!"
CS Grunt: "Yeah, well, my ideal Coalition State has me still living in it!"

CS Officer: Oh, by the way... you all got new uniform shirts. (Throws something at the grunt)
CS Grunt: what's this? (Unfolds it to reveal a red shirt) Why do I have a bad feeling?
CS Officer: And you've also been transfered.
CS Grunt: I know I shouldn't ask, but where am I going?
CS Officer: You've been transfered to the front lines...
CS Grunt:

Signed,
Harry Leferts

Under Worf, Security didn't fare too badly...
Under Odo, Security didn't fare too badly...
Under Tuvok, Security didn't fare too badly...

Under Kirk, Security dropped like flies....

Red Shirts survive longer under the command of a d-bee...

[taalismn]

Arguments for mandatory literacy in the CS military:

"ER...which end of this do I point at the enemy again?"

"I want an artillery strike on.....okay, what do the curvy lines on this thing mean? And are we the red triangles or the blue dots? Whattya mean, are the Tolks five hundred yards or fifty yards in front of us?! Does it make a difference?! Just dust'em already, you %^%^$ing pipeboys!!!"

"Naw, I NEVER check the date stamps; these things are ALWAYS good! The military would never issue us expired rations! Com'on, dig in!"

[taalismn]

[
"... Mmm. I got to admit these yellow cream-filled sponge cakes are really good..."

"Yeah... But what's with the meat in the can? Tastes like cardboard..."

Signed,
Harry Leferts

"Ain't meat...It's boot polish..."

[taalismn]

Perks of Being Emperor Prosek:

*Your riding lawn-mower is a Linebacker hovertank
*When you ask somebody to 'take out the garbage', not only does it get taken out, but so are most of your enemies...
*Your shoes are not only spit shined, but lick-buffed on a daily basis.
*You ALWAYS get a parking space....even if an air strike is needed to clear it...
*Nobody minds if you fish with plasma grenades...
*Nobody minds, either, if you wear nothing but black, for weeks, months, years on end...
*"Critics? What are critics? EVERYBODY loves me!"

[Rathorc Lemenger]

Ooof, those are some good ones, Taalismn. Although the whole survival gear stuff that you and my brother (Harry Leferts) did was just going somewhat out there.

Signed,
Rathorc Lemenger.

[taalismn]

Things you DON"T Want to Hear, as a Summoner(or Witch)....

"I'm Sorry; Your Plea for Extradimensional Help Cannot Go Through As Petitioned; Please Deposit Your Soul."
"Hey, (insert Summoner's name), this is your friend X-x, Listen, buddy, I'm a bit of a pickle here and need some manna real fast...Remember that little pact you and me made? Well, I'm calling it in early...Didn't think you'd mind..."
"Sorry...Silly me...that isn't my real name...My REAL name is(UNHOLY WORD)!!!"
"Don't complain to me! When you said you wanted to be a STUD, you should have been more specific...."
"You know, you made a mistake with this pentagram....that line isn't supposed to be there...THANKS!!!"