Welcome to Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane

[SittingBull]

I would buy a copy just to own it and I am a sucker for artwork.

[gaby]

I love New Magic items,Weapons,and Enhancements.

[The Oh So Amazing Nate]

I would buy a copy just to own it and I am a sucker for artwork.

Yes..This thing is a thing to do that I also would be doing.

[The Oh So Amazing Nate]

The old man looks through the pile, nudging here and there at a few things with his walking stick as he browses, shuffling a few things to the side with a quiet muttering every so often. After a short while, he's separated the items into two different piles, the Coke bottles, gold rings and silverware in one, the machete, painting and 2 necklaces in the other. "I'll be happy to buy this pile right here from you..." He taps his stick on the floor next to the bottles, rings and silverware. "... the rest of this stuff... let's just say I highly recommend you hang on to those. They may come in handy in the near future, particularly the bear claw necklace. That's some good ju-ju there... magic near as ancient as time itself. The machete... well, no offense to the bat you have, but a machete tends to be a more effective weapon and tool and this one is particularly special. That painting... I'm not sure what I can tell you about it, but you're right... there is just something about it. And that other necklace with the die for a pendant... wear that and I have a feeling your luck will take a significant turn for the better..." He smiles softly, leaning back in his chair, sweeping his stick in a quick arc across the floor and sending something skittering away with a flurry of giggles. "As for how much I'll pay you for the rest of that... how does say.... 1000 bucks sound?"

Joe watches as Uncle Remus shuffles his things around. Never before has he had all of his belongings laid out for display like this. More often than not, only a couple of carefully selected pieces would ever be shown at once, the rest securely stashed in his duffle bag held close under a strong clawed grip. Maybe it's the comfortable chair and the warm, crackling fire or maybe the hospitality he's been shown, but for the first time since Old Momma Bess died, Joe lets down his guard.

Joe's interest is piqued as Uncle Remus offers to buy the bottles, rings, and silverware. But it is when Uncle Remus gives his reasons for suggesting that Joe hold on to certain items and why, that he sits up and begins to pay close attention once again.

"Good ju-ju almost as ancient as time itself you say? So you're telling me this isn't just some road side trinket from a Wyoming tourist trap that got pawned off," Joe asks giving the bear claw necklace a hard stare? Pointing at the painting Joe vehemently agrees, "Creepy ass thing gives you the heebie jeebies too huh? Makes my whiskers twitchy. If you need to hold on to it to figure out why it's special or exactly why I should keep it, well that's ok by me." Referring to the machete with a nod of his head, Joe asks, "What makes that one 'particularly special'? I'll admit I'm no expert, but it looks the same as any other one I could pick up at the local garden dept." Gingerly picking up the die pendant necklace, Joe gives a long, low whistle (which if you think about it, is a pretty neat trick for a tiger). "I sure could use a 'significant change of luck for the better' as you say, especially with how weird things have been of late."

"A 1000 bucks for the other stuff? Sounds good to me Mr. Remus," says Joe extending his oddly shaped hand/paw to seal the deal. "I'll just pack up the rest of my stuff while you ..well do whatever it is you need to do. Once we're done with the particulars, do you have a side or back door I could leave by? I try not to be too predictable. If folks can't pin down your routine, they're less likely to try and take your stuff when they think you're away."

[The Oh So Amazing Nate]

Hoping Uncle Remus comes back soon. GM has locked Joe out of play until I finish this transaction and the ones I have wriggling in my bag and strapped down to a flat bed semi trailer outside.

[JuliusCreed]

Joe watches as Uncle Remus shuffles his things around. Never before has he had all of his belongings laid out for display like this. More often than not, only a couple of carefully selected pieces would ever be shown at once, the rest securely stashed in his duffle bag held close under a strong clawed grip. Maybe it's the comfortable chair and the warm, crackling fire or maybe the hospitality he's been shown, but for the first time since Old Momma Bess died, Joe lets down his guard.

Joe's interest is piqued as Uncle Remus offers to buy the bottles, rings, and silverware. But it is when Uncle Remus gives his reasons for suggesting that Joe hold on to certain items and why, that he sits up and begins to pay close attention once again.

"Good ju-ju almost as ancient as time itself you say? So you're telling me this isn't just some road side trinket from a Wyoming tourist trap that got pawned off," Joe asks giving the bear claw necklace a hard stare? Pointing at the painting Joe vehemently agrees, "Creepy ass thing gives you the heebie jeebies too huh? Makes my whiskers twitchy. If you need to hold on to it to figure out why it's special or exactly why I should keep it, well that's ok by me." Referring to the machete with a nod of his head, Joe asks, "What makes that one 'particularly special'? I'll admit I'm no expert, but it looks the same as any other one I could pick up at the local garden dept." Gingerly picking up the die pendant necklace, Joe gives a long, low whistle (which if you think about it, is a pretty neat trick for a tiger). "I sure could use a 'significant change of luck for the better' as you say, especially with how weird things have been of late."

"A 1000 bucks for the other stuff? Sounds good to me Mr. Remus," says Joe extending his oddly shaped hand/paw to seal the deal. "I'll just pack up the rest of my stuff while you ..well do whatever it is you need to do. Once we're done with the particulars, do you have a side or back door I could leave by? I try not to be too predictable. If folks can't pin down your routine, they're less likely to try and take your stuff when they think you're away."

The old man accepts the paw/handshake with a smile and a nod before turning and retrieving a plain white envelope and handing it over, stuffed with $1000 in various bills, nothing larger than a 50 and less than 100 in 1's. Eyeing the more interesting items with a critical gaze, he arches a bushy eyebrow before giving a nod. "I'll tell you right now, the machete, likely to be your most immediate neccessity, carries an enchantment that makes it incredibly sharp... so much so that for one, you'll never have to worry about it going dull no matter what you bang it against... given enough time and effort this thing will chop through steel cables... heck, it could hack through steel bars for that matter. The rest I'll need a little time to figure out specifics, though I recommend you keep the die pendant with you. It feels a lot like a luck booster on there so it's best you keep it, all things considered... the painting and bear claw necklace you can leave here for say... a week... and I can give you all the info I can get on them."

[The Oh So Amazing Nate]

The old man accepts the paw/handshake with a smile and a nod before turning and retrieving a plain white envelope and handing it over, stuffed with $1000 in various bills, nothing larger than a 50 and less than 100 in 1's. Eyeing the more interesting items with a critical gaze, he arches a bushy eyebrow before giving a nod. "I'll tell you right now, the machete, likely to be your most immediate neccessity, carries an enchantment that makes it incredibly sharp... so much so that for one, you'll never have to worry about it going dull no matter what you bang it against... given enough time and effort this thing will chop through steel cables... heck, it could hack through steel bars for that matter.

How does that translate in game terms? Impressive + to strike to overcome A.R.? Or maybe an insane damage rating?

The rest I'll need a little time to figure out specifics, though I recommend you keep the die pendant with you. It feels a lot like a luck booster on there so it's best you keep it, all things considered

Again, if I may, what does that translate to in game terms, or should I just let the GM decide?

... the painting and bear claw necklace you can leave here for say... a week... and I can give you all the info I can get on them."

Accepting the envelope and rasping a gurgled "Thanks", Joe stuffs it down into the deepest recesses of his duffle bag. He then gingerly picks up the machete, making sure to avoid the sharpened edge, wraps it in several layers of rags and places it in the bag. Picking up the necklace; he undoes the clasp, wraps it around his neck and refastens it. The chain is scarcely long enough to make it around his thick neck, becoming more a collar than a necklace with the pendant hanging just above the hollow of his throat and the chain being lost in his fur. As it settles into place, a noticeable shiver runs down his back and sets his tail to swishing. "Heh, this thing kinda tingles," Joe chuckles, "Well I'll be seeing you. I'll be back in about, a week you say?, to check on the other necklace and the painting." Placing the strap to his bag over his head and across his chest, Joe turns to leave when.....

From outside you hear the loud rumble of machinery and a hissing, squonking woosh from the release of compressed air. The front door crashes open as the figure coming in has hit it at a run. It's Joe!?! He comes charging in and barrels into Joe as he is about to leave. The two Joe's fall to the floor in a tangled heap of limbs, layers of clothing, and bulging duffle bags.

The pile of Joe's on the floor rights itself amid a litany of snarls and grumbled swearing. What was two Joes, two duffle bags, and a small mountain of clothing is now one Joe with one bulging, squirming bag wrapped in duct tape and he doesn't look any better for the experience. His eyes are wide open and a bit bloodshot with a look to them that suggests exhaustion and stress. His pants and hind paws muddy and the layers of top clothes are covered in a thick film of dust. You notice that the front of him looks to have been clawed by something huge. His shirts are ripped all the way through and caked with dried blood. Through the torn clothing you can see three large, ragged gashes crossing his chest. The bleeding has stopped, but the wounds are still wet and fresh.

Joe, stares up at Uncle Remus with a look so frazzled you can tell he's right near the edge of a breakdown. His eyes are darting back and forth, his claws are bared fully, and you'd have to be blind not to notice him shaking. What he says next comes out in a frantic rush of words, (missing words are replaced by snarls and growls) "Sonofa.!!! Just happened? stepped on ... own grave." Joe takes a deep shuddering breath. He then jerks his head to focus on the squirming duffle bag on the floor with a hard maniacal stare. Dropping to his knee's he draws back and starts furiously punching the squirming lumps inside, while screaming/roaring at the top of his lungs, "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!" After about 3 minutes of fiercely beating it. Whatever is inside the bag stops squirming. Joe drops his head into his hands/paws and starts to softly sob. Clearly pushed to the breaking point, Joe looks up from the floor at Uncle Remus with tears leaking from his eyes and chokes out, "...help..need...tight cage...They won't shut up” Taking the claw on his index finger, Joe cuts a line through the layers of tape to expose the bag's zipper. Unzipping the bag he reaches in and pulls out five human looking hands with various lengths of wrist and forearm attached. They each have a large eyeball in the back of the palm and show varying stages of decay as well as evidence of Joe's beating them. Picking up his bag, Joe sits on the side of the hearth, then looks at Uncle Remus saying, "The cage...five minutes before...beat...quiet again."

After taking a short moment to collect his self, Joe shoulders his bag and makes for the door. "...right back. More..," he says patting his bag. He makes a jabbing motion toward the still, (currently) unmoving hands. "Get......locked up. No time... wasted...already." He then leaves the shop only to return a few minutes later with a large black trash bag full of who knows what.

Having trusted Uncle Remus to lock up the animated hands while he was gone, Joe comes back noticeably calmer. "First things first. I'm going to need something that will erase about..eh 6 hours worth of memories. I don't want the guy that brought me here remembering anything from the time we met up to the time we put the whammy on him," says Joe, being much easier to understand now that he's relaxed a bit. "After I show you what kind of crazy stuff I've got this time, you've gotta come outside to see what I've brought. Pull out my whiskers if I'm lying, but it's the biggest f$#^ing alligator I've ever seen my whole life. We had to pick it up with a crane and haul here on a 63 ft trailer and it still hung past the end," Joe says excitedly! "But we'll get to that later. Take a look at this stuff and tell me what you make of it."

Joe then begins to lay out items from the duffle bag and trash bag he went out to get. (numbered items can be found here http://palladium-megaverse.com/forums/v ... 14#p738414 )

A bottle of 1992 Dom Perignon (53)
7 Roman Aureus Gold coins (29)
1 glass vial of what looks like water (57)
A small skull, carved out of some sort of clear, shining crystal (32)
A palm sized pyramid that also appears to be made of crystal. (37) Joe stares intently at the pyramid for a moment before shutting his eyes tight and setting it down. "This thing is wild," Joe says, "It has this eye in the peak. And when you look at it, it shows you your memories clear as can be, like they were recorded straight out of your brain."
A weathered, silver, crucifix with a sharp blade sticking out of the bottom (30) "Careful with this one, if you press the nail in Jesus' feet, the blade springs out," Joe warns. "It stuck me before I knew what was up," says Joe as he points to the blood on the blade and then a gash in his hand.
A folded plastic Halloween mask (78) This one appears to be the comic book villain The Green Goblin
A small bone that doesn't appear to be from a human.
An expired New York drivers license and a passport. Both issued to Falstaff Fuqhed. Joe laughs as he tosses these items among the others. "This schmuck tried to stuff Ernie in a wood chipper. We showed him though. Showed him right upside the back of his head till he didn't get up again!"
An inflatable orange life raft, in compressed cube form (59)
A velvet pouch, that Joe opens up, containing 72 diamonds of various sizes (92)
A jar of clear liquid. This also looks like water. (11)
A locked, hardbound diary with key. "This is kind of neat. The inscription on the inside says 'Property of Harry Houdini', except when you read the words they fade away. At least until you close the book and reopen it. Then they're there again until you read them," Joe says not disguising that he thinks this is very odd.

In a separate pile Joe carefully lays out a silver serving platter, a silver serving pitcher, and a small silver bathtub that looks like it belongs in a dolls house. "I'm not really sure what these do yet, but I have a strong feeling I should hold on to them," Joe tells Uncle Remus, the awe in his voice evident.

"I don't know what you might do with that monster 'gator. I wouldn't mind having a snazzy suit made out of the hide, or maybe some armor from it. That sucker was TOUGH. Hell, if you can think of something else, well I'm open to suggestion. As far as any damage, well we broke one of the front legs and it's got a iron pry bar shoved through the left eye socket into the brain. That's what took it out finally. Nothing else seemed to hurt it." Joe recounts. “Keep those hand things away from me though. Always talking in my head, ‘Please let us out. We won’t hurt you.’ All the time, never shutting up. If I never hear those voices again it’ll be too soon,” Joe says with a twitch.
“Anyway, that’s all I got this time around. What kind of a deal can we make?”

[The Oh So Amazing Nate]

...pppssssttt. It's been a week.

[Stone Gargoyle]

...pppssssttt. It's been a week.

It has been a week since he responded to YOUR post. Gryphon Chick and myself have been waiting close to three weeks now for responses to our posts.

[The Oh So Amazing Nate]

...pppssssttt. It's been a week.

It has been a week since he responded to YOUR post. Gryphon Chick and myself have been waiting close to three weeks now for responses to our posts.

Maybe he just likes me better

J/k Gargoyle. I can't give Julius any grief. I'm glad he let me be included in this fascinating thread. I might grouse a bit if he keeps me out of play for too long, but I've got other characters in epic adventures. Joe's more of a one session at a time guy.

[Stone Gargoyle]

...pppssssttt. It's been a week.

It has been a week since he responded to YOUR post. Gryphon Chick and myself have been waiting close to three weeks now for responses to our posts.

Maybe he just likes me better

J/k Gargoyle. I can't give Julius any grief. I'm glad he let me be included in this fascinating thread. I might grouse a bit if he keeps me out of play for too long, but I've got other characters in epic adventures. Joe's more of a one session at a time guy.

I would give him more grief IF I were actually waiting on the posts for information that I needed to use in a campaign. As it is, the responses are not critical to anything I currently have running. It is irritating none the less, though.

[Gryphon Chick]

I would give him more grief IF I were actually waiting on the posts for information that I needed to use in a campaign. As it is, the responses are not critical to anything I currently have running. It is irritating none the less, though.

I agree that it is irritating, but there is not much we can do until he comes back and posts responses.

[JuliusCreed]

Wow, have I really been gone that long, much less missed that much? My apologies, loyal customers, but life has thrown me many curves as of late keeping my attention focused on many things both wonderful and tragic. I thank you all for your patience with me and hope I haven't disappointed any of you too badly... now, on to the long awaited responses... first up....

[JuliusCreed]

The old man listens carefully and gives a slow nod, taking a sip from his tea cup and setting it to the side as he rises from his creaky old rocking chair. "Yes I can arrange a suit of Dragon Plate for you easily enough... Fire Breath will take a day to get set up though. I tend to keep those additional options off until they're actually ordered. As for a sword.... Well, I have quite an assortment of various types scattered about here. I understand you'd like something 'interesting'... but what sparks my curiosity is what exactly it is you might find interesting. Any ideas as to what you may be looking for, or shall I see what I can, or already have, whipped up for you?"

Getting a somewhat wicked gleam in his eye, the messenger/squire responds. "I am actually thinking of something that is capable of transforming into a dragon-like or snakelike form and reaching out to strike like a viper, allowing me to stand with the sword and allowing it to attack/strike on its own, similar to a snake or dragon head. Such a thing would have to be able to strike on its own or be directed by me with a bonus to strike, and the bite damage would be the normal blade damage plus a damage bonus when striking on its own, and I should like it to have a damage bonus when wielded as a sword also. Would such a weapon be possible?"

The old man listens carefully, giving a slow nod as he contemplates the request and sweeps his hand out in a grand gesture, summoning a gleaming long sword to hover before him, the bright steel blade shining over a dark grey hilt shaped like a serpent coiling from the fuller to the pommel, the head reared and open to strike. "I believe this may suit your needs quite well....."

Guardian Weapons: An experimental combination of magical items, taking the properties of Transformable Weapons and putting them together with Guardian Stones. The item starts out as a weapon of virtually any kind (this is just one of many variants that include many other style and creature combinations) with some part of the weapon shaped or carved in the form of some kind of animal, be it handle, pommel, blade or whatever. (for example, one could have a war hammer with a head shaped like a charging rhino or a sword with a snake for a handle) Upon command the weapon transforms into an animated likeness of the creature depicted, roughly human sized unless the creature depicted is larger than a human, in which case it is normal sized for an animal of its type. The creature follows simple commands from its wielder (attack, follow, stay, guard, etc.) and never strays more than 100 feet from his or her side. The creature may be captured and taken beyond the 100 feet limit, though it will fight mercilessly against its captors and automatically reverts back into its weapon form if taken out of range. Damage in weapon form is the same as a normal weapon of its type and the weapon may be further enchanted, though with only one additional enchantment. Combat statistics for the creature form vary with creature type, but all have the following base abilities:

AR: 15 SDC: 150
Attacks per melee: 4
Strike: +2
Parry/Dodge: +4

Abilities and additional bonuses based on creature type are as follows....

Snake/Serpent
Attacks per melee: As standard with either venomous bite (3d6 damage Successful save vs Lethal poison for half damage) Or constriction (2d6 damage per melee restrained effective PS: 25)
Natural Prowl ability: 70%
Able to fit through most tight spaces/crevices, no smaller than 4 inches wide
Additional +1 to strike and +2 to Dodge
Cannot Parry

Large Cats (Lions, Tigers, etc.)
Attacks per melee: As standard with either claws (4d6 damage), bite (3d6 damage) or a pouncing attack (2d6 damage plus knocks down victim and pins them under the beast)
Natural Prowl ability: 75%
Additional +1 to Parry/Dodge
+5 to Damage
Running Spd of 30

Small Wild Cats (Lynx, Bobcat, etc.)
Identical to Large Cats above (Effectively giant sized)

Canines (Wolves, Dogs, Coyotes, etc)
Attacks per melee: As standard with either Claws (3d6 damage) or bite (3d6 damage)
Natural Prowl ability: 60%
Natural Tracking ability: 70% (90% if a blood scent)
Additional +1 to Parry/Dodge
+3 to damage
Running Spd of 25

Bears
Attacks per melee: As standard with either claws (5d6 damage) bite (3d6 damage) or bearhug/crush (3d6 damage per melee, effective PS of 30)
Natural Tracking ability: 60% (80% if a blood scent)
+15 to Damage
Running Spd of 20 with short bursts of up to 30 for 5 minutes

Charging Animals (Bulls, Rhinos, etc.)
Attacks per melee: As standard with either horn/s (3d6 damage) kick (3d6 with front legs, 5d6 with rear legs) or a charge/trample (1d6x10 damage, uses 3 attacks, cannot be parried, dodge only)
+10 to damage
May be ridden by the wielder if desired, carrying him or her and up to 500 lbs of cargo or used as a beast of burden carrying up to 1000 pounds or pulling up to 3000 lbs (use standard Horsemanship skill at -15% or Horsemanship; Exotic with no penalty)
Running Spd of 25 with short bursts of up to 40 for 5 minutes

Many other types of animal are available for these weapons as well (to be statted out upon request by interested buyers) all with their own abilities and bonuses. Cost: 200,000 gold Other types of Guardian Weapons may become available as well that transform into something other than an animal, such as insects, demonic creatures and what have you (remember, they're based on Guardian stones) Stats and costs for these will be posted as they become available.

The old man gives a wry grin as the sword turns slowly in the air before the messenger. "Is this to your liking, sonny?"

[JuliusCreed]

"The angler's Crossbow is reel interesting," the puck says, laughing to himself at his own joke. "I will have to consider that one. The tar bolts I had in mind were for more than just snaring or trapping an opponent, though. I was actually thinking of something I could shoot in the opponent's face or eyes to blind them and make it hard to breathe." He considers more. "I will take the Angler's Crossbow, but am still interested in something to shoot someone in the face to blind them or on their weapon to make it less sharp, something that will coat what it hits..." He considers more. "Suppose I'll take that Trap Shot enchantment also. Will the Angler's Crossbow fire regular shots as well as the special line or is it just for that purpose? If it can fire normal shots, I could have the Trap Shot enchantment done to the Angler's Crossbow, no? If not, I'll have the enchantment put on the regular crossbow I carry. I really have no use for the Screamer enchantment, however."

The old man gives a nod of assent with a slow smile. "Yes, the Angler's Crossbow fires normal ammo. Its ability is an activated one that can be used up to 4 times a day so yes, it would be easy enough to further enchant it with Trap Shot as well, though That would be the only other enchantment I could put on it. As for your original request, you're actually looking for something that transforms the bolt fired into something that coats its target, eh? That's a little tougher to manage... let's see.... maybe......."

Splattershot: An odd enchantment applied to bows, crossbows or slings only. Upon command from the wielder, the ammo fired from the weapon becomes a sticky goo akin to tar or slime upon impact, coating a roughly 3 foot square area with the stuff. Victims hit by a Splattershot find themselves slightly to severely impaired depending on exactly where they are struck.
A shot to the chest only slightly impedes movement, though anything else striking them in the body will likely be stuck fast until they take time to clean it and the goop off (-1 to Parry/Dodge, 50% chance of other 'stuff' getting stuck).

Being shot in the arm impairs combat a bit more severely (-2 to strike or parry with the affected arm) and may even cover whatever weapon is being held in goop, making it difficult to wield properly (30% chance of dropping it per melee).

A hit to one's leg drastically impedes movement (reduce Spd by 25%) and combat ability (-2 to Initiative -3 to Dodge) as the victim is suddenly slowed by the stuff coating his or her leg and foot and sticking him to the ground, though nowhere near as completely as a Carpet of Adhesion.

Being shot in the head or face is extremely disorienting and potentially deadly as the stuff coats the victims head in sticky slime, instantly blinding them (-6 to Strike, Parry and Dodge), muffling their hearing (making them terribly vulnerable to attacks from behind) and, worst of all, cutting off their breathing. Victims can save themselves from suffocation by spending the next melee round cleaning enough of the stuff away to be able to breathe, but this will use a total of 6 attacks. During this process the victim is still blinded, partially deafened and horribly vulnerable to attack. Victims taking their time to clean the stuff off have about 4 melee rounds before they will pass out and another 2 beyond that before they are smothered and die. The 6 attacks needed to clear away enough of the goop to breathe may be spent doing so at whatever time the victim chooses, effectively dividing his time between cleaning the stuff away and defending himself if he desires, but the sooner they act, the better. Once enough is cleared away to breathe, the victim is still somewhat blinded and hearing returns to mostly normal (reduce previous penalties to -3)

Multiple shots of Splattershot on the same victim will see the penalties increase cumulatively except for headshots which only increase the time needed to clear away enough to breathe by 2 melees per additional successful strike. Victims wearing a full head helmet with visor are NOT immune to the suffocation effect of a head shot, but will have a much easier time clearing the stuff away in order to be able to breathe. They just simply remove the helmet. Cost: 30,000 gold

The old man grins as he takes a sip from a steaming cup of tea. "Does that about cover what you're looking for?"

[The Oh So Amazing Nate]

Oh noes!!! I was left out.

[JuliusCreed]

Oh noes!!! I was left out.

No, Joe has not been left out nor forgotten... got interrupted with other stuff after getting my response in to GC and, quite frankly, Joe has a lot of stuff to process. Give me a couple days to get something together for that one brah

[The Oh So Amazing Nate]

Oh noes!!! I was left out.

No, Joe has not been left out nor forgotten... got interrupted with other stuff after getting my response in to GC and, quite frankly, Joe has a lot of stuff to process. Give me a couple days to get something together for that one brah

Lol J/k I understand.

[Stone Gargoyle]

The old man listens carefully and gives a slow nod, taking a sip from his tea cup and setting it to the side as he rises from his creaky old rocking chair. "Yes I can arrange a suit of Dragon Plate for you easily enough... Fire Breath will take a day to get set up though. I tend to keep those additional options off until they're actually ordered. As for a sword.... Well, I have quite an assortment of various types scattered about here. I understand you'd like something 'interesting'... but what sparks my curiosity is what exactly it is you might find interesting. Any ideas as to what you may be looking for, or shall I see what I can, or already have, whipped up for you?"

Getting a somewhat wicked gleam in his eye, the messenger/squire responds. "I am actually thinking of something that is capable of transforming into a dragon-like or snakelike form and reaching out to strike like a viper, allowing me to stand with the sword and allowing it to attack/strike on its own, similar to a snake or dragon head. Such a thing would have to be able to strike on its own or be directed by me with a bonus to strike, and the bite damage would be the normal blade damage plus a damage bonus when striking on its own, and I should like it to have a damage bonus when wielded as a sword also. Would such a weapon be possible?"

The old man listens carefully, giving a slow nod as he contemplates the request and sweeps his hand out in a grand gesture, summoning a gleaming long sword to hover before him, the bright steel blade shining over a dark grey hilt shaped like a serpent coiling from the fuller to the pommel, the head reared and open to strike. "I believe this may suit your needs quite well....."

Guardian Weapons: An experimental combination of magical items, taking the properties of Transformable Weapons and putting them together with Guardian Stones. The item starts out as a weapon of virtually any kind (this is just one of many variants that include many other style and creature combinations) with some part of the weapon shaped or carved in the form of some kind of animal, be it handle, pommel, blade or whatever. (for example, one could have a war hammer with a head shaped like a charging rhino or a sword with a snake for a handle) Upon command the weapon transforms into an animated likeness of the creature depicted, roughly human sized unless the creature depicted is larger than a human, in which case it is normal sized for an animal of its type. The creature follows simple commands from its wielder (attack, follow, stay, guard, etc.) and never strays more than 100 feet from his or her side. The creature may be captured and taken beyond the 100 feet limit, though it will fight mercilessly against its captors and automatically reverts back into its weapon form if taken out of range. Damage in weapon form is the same as a normal weapon of its type and the weapon may be further enchanted, though with only one additional enchantment. Combat statistics for the creature form vary with creature type, but all have the following base abilities:

AR: 15 SDC: 150
Attacks per melee: 4
Strike: +2
Parry/Dodge: +4

Abilities and additional bonuses based on creature type are as follows....

Snake/Serpent
Attacks per melee: As standard with either venomous bite (3d6 damage Successful save vs Lethal poison for half damage) Or constriction (2d6 damage per melee restrained effective PS: 25)
Natural Prowl ability: 70%
Able to fit through most tight spaces/crevices, no smaller than 4 inches wide
Additional +1 to strike and +2 to Dodge
Cannot Parry

Large Cats (Lions, Tigers, etc.)
Attacks per melee: As standard with either claws (4d6 damage), bite (3d6 damage) or a pouncing attack (2d6 damage plus knocks down victim and pins them under the beast)
Natural Prowl ability: 75%
Additional +1 to Parry/Dodge
+5 to Damage
Running Spd of 30

Small Wild Cats (Lynx, Bobcat, etc.)
Identical to Large Cats above (Effectively giant sized)

Canines (Wolves, Dogs, Coyotes, etc)
Attacks per melee: As standard with either Claws (3d6 damage) or bite (3d6 damage)
Natural Prowl ability: 60%
Natural Tracking ability: 70% (90% if a blood scent)
Additional +1 to Parry/Dodge
+3 to damage
Running Spd of 25

Bears
Attacks per melee: As standard with either claws (5d6 damage) bite (3d6 damage) or bearhug/crush (3d6 damage per melee, effective PS of 30)
Natural Tracking ability: 60% (80% if a blood scent)
+15 to Damage
Running Spd of 20 with short bursts of up to 30 for 5 minutes

Charging Animals (Bulls, Rhinos, etc.)
Attacks per melee: As standard with either horn/s (3d6 damage) kick (3d6 with front legs, 5d6 with rear legs) or a charge/trample (1d6x10 damage, uses 3 attacks, cannot be parried, dodge only)
+10 to damage
May be ridden by the wielder if desired, carrying him or her and up to 500 lbs of cargo or used as a beast of burden carrying up to 1000 pounds or pulling up to 3000 lbs (use standard Horsemanship skill at -15% or Horsemanship; Exotic with no penalty)
Running Spd of 25 with short bursts of up to 40 for 5 minutes

Many other types of animal are available for these weapons as well (to be statted out upon request by interested buyers) all with their own abilities and bonuses. Cost: 200,000 gold Other types of Guardian Weapons may become available as well that transform into something other than an animal, such as insects, demonic creatures and what have you (remember, they're based on Guardian stones) Stats and costs for these will be posted as they become available.

The old man gives a wry grin as the sword turns slowly in the air before the messenger. "Is this to your liking, sonny?"

"It is indeed, Sir Remus. I am definitely interested in the serpent/snake blade, provided it is okay with m'lord Kendragon that it be put on his tally. Also, if I have not asked about it already, I wanted to inquire about a shield which starts out small but which can expand to wrap around the user like a wall, or perhaps a protective bubble."

[Gryphon Chick]

"The angler's Crossbow is reel interesting," the puck says, laughing to himself at his own joke. "I will have to consider that one. The tar bolts I had in mind were for more than just snaring or trapping an opponent, though. I was actually thinking of something I could shoot in the opponent's face or eyes to blind them and make it hard to breathe." He considers more. "I will take the Angler's Crossbow, but am still interested in something to shoot someone in the face to blind them or on their weapon to make it less sharp, something that will coat what it hits..." He considers more. "Suppose I'll take that Trap Shot enchantment also. Will the Angler's Crossbow fire regular shots as well as the special line or is it just for that purpose? If it can fire normal shots, I could have the Trap Shot enchantment done to the Angler's Crossbow, no? If not, I'll have the enchantment put on the regular crossbow I carry. I really have no use for the Screamer enchantment, however."

The old man gives a nod of assent with a slow smile. "Yes, the Angler's Crossbow fires normal ammo. Its ability is an activated one that can be used up to 4 times a day so yes, it would be easy enough to further enchant it with Trap Shot as well, though That would be the only other enchantment I could put on it. As for your original request, you're actually looking for something that transforms the bolt fired into something that coats its target, eh? That's a little tougher to manage... let's see.... maybe......."

Splattershot: An odd enchantment applied to bows, crossbows or slings only. Upon command from the wielder, the ammo fired from the weapon becomes a sticky goo akin to tar or slime upon impact, coating a roughly 3 foot square area with the stuff. Victims hit by a Splattershot find themselves slightly to severely impaired depending on exactly where they are struck.
A shot to the chest only slightly impedes movement, though anything else striking them in the body will likely be stuck fast until they take time to clean it and the goop off (-1 to Parry/Dodge, 50% chance of other 'stuff' getting stuck).

Being shot in the arm impairs combat a bit more severely (-2 to strike or parry with the affected arm) and may even cover whatever weapon is being held in goop, making it difficult to wield properly (30% chance of dropping it per melee).

A hit to one's leg drastically impedes movement (reduce Spd by 25%) and combat ability (-2 to Initiative -3 to Dodge) as the victim is suddenly slowed by the stuff coating his or her leg and foot and sticking him to the ground, though nowhere near as completely as a Carpet of Adhesion.

Being shot in the head or face is extremely disorienting and potentially deadly as the stuff coats the victims head in sticky slime, instantly blinding them (-6 to Strike, Parry and Dodge), muffling their hearing (making them terribly vulnerable to attacks from behind) and, worst of all, cutting off their breathing. Victims can save themselves from suffocation by spending the next melee round cleaning enough of the stuff away to be able to breathe, but this will use a total of 6 attacks. During this process the victim is still blinded, partially deafened and horribly vulnerable to attack. Victims taking their time to clean the stuff off have about 4 melee rounds before they will pass out and another 2 beyond that before they are smothered and die. The 6 attacks needed to clear away enough of the goop to breathe may be spent doing so at whatever time the victim chooses, effectively dividing his time between cleaning the stuff away and defending himself if he desires, but the sooner they act, the better. Once enough is cleared away to breathe, the victim is still somewhat blinded and hearing returns to mostly normal (reduce previous penalties to -3)

Multiple shots of Splattershot on the same victim will see the penalties increase cumulatively except for headshots which only increase the time needed to clear away enough to breathe by 2 melees per additional successful strike. Victims wearing a full head helmet with visor are NOT immune to the suffocation effect of a head shot, but will have a much easier time clearing the stuff away in order to be able to breathe. They just simply remove the helmet. Cost: 30,000 gold

The old man grins as he takes a sip from a steaming cup of tea. "Does that about cover what you're looking for?"

"Yes sir, that'll do. I'll get the Angler's Crossbow with the Trap Shot enchantment and have the Splattershot enchantment added to my regular crossbow. I hate to be without weapons while waiting, but I guess I'll have to suck it up and do combat in close quarters if it comes to it. How long will it take to enchant them? I suppose if I don't wander to far the chances of getting attacked won't be too awfully severe." Treestump pulls out a sack of coins and starts counting out the money needed for his requested purchases.

[The Oh So Amazing Nate]

Oh noes!!! I was left out.

No, Joe has not been left out nor forgotten... got interrupted with other stuff after getting my response in to GC and, quite frankly, Joe has a lot of stuff to process. Give me a couple days to get something together for that one brah

It's been 11 days now. I hope that real world issues haven't sprung up on you and kicked your creativity in the nethers.

[The Oh So Amazing Nate]

Now it has been 12 days and I feel I owe Stone Gargoyle an apology when I basically told him to stop whining because it was taking Julius a while to respond. "Sorry SG."

The reason I'm getting fussy is that Joe is an actual PC, not just a character in the Uncle Remus thread. I can't play him while he's stuck in an interdimensional market.

[Stone Gargoyle]

Now it has been 12 days and I feel I owe Stone Gargoyle an apology when I basically told him to stop whining because it was taking Julius a while to respond. "Sorry SG."

The reason I'm getting fussy is that Joe is an actual PC, not just a character in the Uncle Remus thread. I can't play him while he's stuck in an interdimensional market.

I believe he has been on Facebook, so I will PM you with his actual name and maybe you can message him on there and see what is up. Other than that, you'll just have to wait like the rest of us.

[The Oh So Amazing Nate]

In 1 hour and 34 minutes it will have been 3 weeks since I've heard from Uncle Remus. I hope all is well with him. If I have to wait much longer I'll be asking the GM to Soul Split Joe again so we can put him back in play. I'll also politely ask the GM that no mystical type loot be earned as it is becoming increasingly difficult to get it identified/appraised.

Nonetheless, this remains one of my favorite threads and I'm very glad to be a part of it.

[Stone Gargoyle]

In 1 hour and 34 minutes it will have been 3 weeks since I've heard from Uncle Remus. I hope all is well with him. If I have to wait much longer I'll be asking the GM to Soul Split Joe again so we can put him back in play. I'll also politely ask the GM that no mystical type loot be earned as it is becoming increasingly difficult to get it identified/appraised.

Nonetheless, this remains one of my favorite threads and I'm very glad to be a part of it.

Why doesn't your GM simply appraise the items via an NPC alchemist? Does he/she not know the value of the items he/she gave you?

[The Oh So Amazing Nate]

Hadn't ever given it a whole lot of thought. Also, it is fun to be a part of the Uncle Remus story line. I'll ask him to see if he wants to come with his own magic shop guy to figure out what to do with all the strange and wondrous things I find/steal...uhmm Did I say steal? I meant appropriate.

That's one of the few drawbacks of using the BTS Handy Dandy Random Adventure Generator, we assume that all the items it comes up with have some sort of magical background/properties/etc.

[JuliusCreed]

My dearest friends, my loving fans, my unwitting dupe.... errrrrr, loyal patrons and customers!

It is with a heavy heart that I announce my retirement from the Palladium boards. This is not to say I won't be back on ever again... quite the contrary, I'm certain I'll be back... just nowhere near as often as I, or many others I can think of, would like in order to maintain this shop as it should be. While I know there are some out there with the patience of Job and have put up with my oft lengthy delays with little more than a quick assurance of my return, I'm afraid I must tell you my visits now are going to be relegated to sparse drop-ins to see what may be new or inspirational, and maybe, just maybe, to drop off a small tidbit of something here and there.

Of course, this doesn't mean this thread has to die off. No boys and girls, Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane NEVER closes! However, it is pretty much open now to the weird and wonderful ideas you all may have out there. (I myself, will be taking whatever new ideas I get... and believe me, I have plenty brewing in my head... and getting them written down and sent out to see if they are worthy in the eyes of the Palladium Gawds and Old Ones for publishing. Whether relegated to Rifter articles or compiled into some form of supplement of their own, it makes no difference to me... keep your eyes open for Julius Creed and dear old Uncle Remus in the pages of Palladium books.) Whether inspired by me or someone else's work or an original bit of strangeness right off the top of your own head, feel free to bring it in and put it on the shelves for all to see and possibly purchase... just make sure you include a broad price range for whatever you bring in here... this is a business fer cryin' out loud!
And speaking of business, I, Uncle Remus, do hereby make my final business announcement....

As previously stated, Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane NEVER closes... and I meant it... starting today, Uncle Remus has become your 24 hour, one stop magic shop. Any where, any when, and now any TIME! If you can find my door, I guarantee you 2 things... 1> That door will be open and my shop will be in business. 2> I will NOT be undersold! That's right, you heard me! Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane refuses to be undersold anywhere, anywhen by anyone. Starting today, each and every magical item and enchanted doodad you find within my walls is HALF PRICE! That's right, 50% off each and every item in stock. Swords, armor, rings, potions, scrolls, custom enchantments... you name it, if I have it, you get it... for HALF PRICE! Not only that, I guarantee you the lowest price anywhere... if you can find an identical item ANYWHERE else for the same or lower price than what I advertise... I will give you the item at HALF OFF the COMPETITOR'S PRICE!! My potion costs 400... you find one sold somewhere else for 300... I'll sell it to you for 150!! Unbelievable? Believe it! Uncle Remus WILL NOT be undersold! Now you might be asking yourself "Wow... how long can this sale possibly last?" Well let me tell you something, ladies and gentlemen.... this is NOT a sale... this is set in stone, cast in iron, dyed in the wool STORE POLICY! This is NOT a limited time offer! This is NOT a crazy midnight madness snatch and run sale. This is how Uncle Remus does business. I want you to have the best magical items money can buy, whether they're mine or someone else's... and I will slash prices to the bone to make sure you get them. All you have to do is find my shop and you'll get the best prices on magical items anywhere in the Megaverse. "Where can I find your shop?" you ask? Talk to your GM... he knows where to find me
That's Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane; your 24 hour, one stop magic shop, getting you the magic you need.... for less.

This is Uncle Remus, saying good luck and great gaming to all of you... my fans, my customers.... and most importantly, my friends. Without all of you and many others like you, I would not be what I am today. And for that, I thank you.

[Stone Gargoyle]

Okay, so I hope you at least settled things with Nate, or if not his GM can come up with values for the magical items.

The family finishes up with the blood donations and such for the various furniture items. The squire negotiates and gets a good deal on a wrap-around shield (the stats for with shall have to be forthcoming). All return home to the castle, which is furnished and finished as agreed with Uncle Remus. In addition to the other purchases, a hot sauna and bathing area is also added.

I shall contribute items to this thread where possible, but you shall be missed, JuliusCreed.

[The Oh So Amazing Nate]

SG I haven't heard anything..Other than the goodbye post. I do appreciate you looking out for me. Seeing as how most if not all of Joe's adventures and loot come from The Handy Dandy BTS Random Adventure Generator thread (pretty sure I linked it above) I might ask Gallahan (as item creator) to chime in on it But he's not around much either.

[Stone Gargoyle]

SG I haven't heard anything..Other than the goodbye post. I do appreciate you looking out for me. Seeing as how most if not all of Joe's adventures and loot come from The Handy Dandy BTS Random Adventure Generator thread (pretty sure I linked it above) I might ask Gallahan (as item creator) to chime in on it But he's not around much either.

Well, that sucks that he left you hanging. I do not have ready enough access to my books to try and estimate the value of the stuff.

[The Oh So Amazing Nate]

SG I haven't heard anything..Other than the goodbye post. I do appreciate you looking out for me. Seeing as how most if not all of Joe's adventures and loot come from The Handy Dandy BTS Random Adventure Generator thread (pretty sure I linked it above) I might ask Gallahan (as item creator) to chime in on it But he's not around much either.

Well, that sucks that he left you hanging. I do not have ready enough access to my books to try and estimate the value of the stuff.

I am in agreement that the situation "sucks". I appreciate the thought SG, but don't stress yourself about coming up with values/properties for the things. If something pops into your head sure, jot it down, but there isn't any need for you to go putting special effort into it.

[abtex]

I shall contribute items to this thread where possible, but you shall be missed, JuliusCreed.

Yes you will be missed. See you next time you post.
Bye for now.

[Stone Gargoyle]

I appreciate the thought SG, but don't stress yourself about coming up with values/properties for the things. If something pops into your head sure, jot it down, but there isn't any need for you to go putting special effort into it.

As I said, I do not have enough ready access to books to be able to do it even if I wanted to. My situation pretty much makes it impossible.

[The Oh So Amazing Nate]

I appreciate the thought SG, but don't stress yourself about coming up with values/properties for the things. If something pops into your head sure, jot it down, but there isn't any need for you to go putting special effort into it.

As I said, I do not have enough ready access to books to be able to do it even if I wanted to. My situation pretty much makes it impossible.

Not a problem sir. I appreciate the thought. Have a good time with your niece and keep us updated.

[Stone Gargoyle]

Not a problem sir. I appreciate the thought. Have a good time with your niece and keep us updated.

I shall keep you updated on that on Facebook, of course.
My future postings here will be limited to any magic items I come up with. I have ideas for household items grown through magic out of vegetables and such which I might create and share here.

[The Oh So Amazing Nate]

My future postings here will be limited to any magic items I come up with. I have ideas for household items grown through magic out of vegetables and such which I might create and share here.

Just make sure they are disease and pest resistant and quite possibly rot proof. You don't want your new above ground Water(melon) Pool to ferment or your EverGlo Pumpkin lights to start rotting.

[Stone Gargoyle]

My future postings here will be limited to any magic items I come up with. I have ideas for household items grown through magic out of vegetables and such which I might create and share here.

Just make sure they are disease and pest resistant and quite possibly rot proof. You don't want your new above ground Water(melon) Pool to ferment or your EverGlo Pumpkin lights to start rotting.

There will be separate costs involved between growing and installing said items and protecting them from rot, disease and pests. The real money will come from maintaining them rather than the initial installation.

[Gryphon Chick]

I really don't have any unfinished business to wrap up, mine was pretty much done anyway. It is a shame to see the JuliusCreed won't be putting as much time in on the boards.

[Stone Gargoyle]

I really don't have any unfinished business to wrap up, mine was pretty much done anyway. It is a shame to see the JuliusCreed won't be putting as much time in on the boards.

I did, but nothing I couldn't easily wrap up. I would rather have it end this way than go on the way it had with him only answering posts like once a month.

[The Oh So Amazing Nate]

I'd be happy with the once a month if he'd just finish up with Joe.

[zyanitevp]

My dearest friends, my loving fans, my unwitting dupe.... errrrrr, loyal patrons and customers!

It is with a heavy heart that I announce my retirement from the Palladium boards. This is not to say I won't be back on ever again... quite the contrary, I'm certain I'll be back... just nowhere near as often as I, or many others I can think of, would like in order to maintain this shop as it should be. While I know there are some out there with the patience of Job and have put up with my oft lengthy delays with little more than a quick assurance of my return, I'm afraid I must tell you my visits now are going to be relegated to sparse drop-ins to see what may be new or inspirational, and maybe, just maybe, to drop off a small tidbit of something here and there.

Of course, this doesn't mean this thread has to die off. No boys and girls, Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane NEVER closes! However, it is pretty much open now to the weird and wonderful ideas you all may have out there. (I myself, will be taking whatever new ideas I get... and believe me, I have plenty brewing in my head... and getting them written down and sent out to see if they are worthy in the eyes of the Palladium Gawds and Old Ones for publishing. Whether relegated to Rifter articles or compiled into some form of supplement of their own, it makes no difference to me... keep your eyes open for Julius Creed and dear old Uncle Remus in the pages of Palladium books.) Whether inspired by me or someone else's work or an original bit of strangeness right off the top of your own head, feel free to bring it in and put it on the shelves for all to see and possibly purchase... just make sure you include a broad price range for whatever you bring in here... this is a business fer cryin' out loud!
And speaking of business, I, Uncle Remus, do hereby make my final business announcement....

As previously stated, Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane NEVER closes... and I meant it... starting today, Uncle Remus has become your 24 hour, one stop magic shop. Any where, any when, and now any TIME! If you can find my door, I guarantee you 2 things... 1> That door will be open and my shop will be in business. 2> I will NOT be undersold! That's right, you heard me! Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane refuses to be undersold anywhere, anywhen by anyone. Starting today, each and every magical item and enchanted doodad you find within my walls is HALF PRICE! That's right, 50% off each and every item in stock. Swords, armor, rings, potions, scrolls, custom enchantments... you name it, if I have it, you get it... for HALF PRICE! Not only that, I guarantee you the lowest price anywhere... if you can find an identical item ANYWHERE else for the same or lower price than what I advertise... I will give you the item at HALF OFF the COMPETITOR'S PRICE!! My potion costs 400... you find one sold somewhere else for 300... I'll sell it to you for 150!! Unbelievable? Believe it! Uncle Remus WILL NOT be undersold! Now you might be asking yourself "Wow... how long can this sale possibly last?" Well let me tell you something, ladies and gentlemen.... this is NOT a sale... this is set in stone, cast in iron, dyed in the wool STORE POLICY! This is NOT a limited time offer! This is NOT a crazy midnight madness snatch and run sale. This is how Uncle Remus does business. I want you to have the best magical items money can buy, whether they're mine or someone else's... and I will slash prices to the bone to make sure you get them. All you have to do is find my shop and you'll get the best prices on magical items anywhere in the Megaverse. "Where can I find your shop?" you ask? Talk to your GM... he knows where to find me
That's Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane; your 24 hour, one stop magic shop, getting you the magic you need.... for less.

This is Uncle Remus, saying good luck and great gaming to all of you... my fans, my customers.... and most importantly, my friends. Without all of you and many others like you, I would not be what I am today. And for that, I thank you.

You will be missed....

[JuliusCreed]

It's been nearly a week since the strange fairy-like creature with the glittery purple wings and toothy smile arrived and handed you the envelope, fine parchment neatly folded and sealed with black wax embossed with an odd looking crest. Nearly a week of excitedly hurried preparation since you broke the seal of that envelope and found the finely crafted invitation embossed in gold;

The Place: Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane
The Time: Dinner hour
The Occasion: A banquet in your honor

And now, here you stand, at the familiar door of what many have called the greatest alchemy shop in the history of the worlds... Uncle Remus' Emporium of the Arcane. Dressed in whatever finery you felt appropriate, you take a deep breath and turn the knob, smiling to yourself as the familiar jingling of the door bell heralds your entrance. Bubbles, the strange little demon-fairy hovers by the entrance with a warm smile, nodding a greeting to you and your party and gesturing for you to follow him. Silently, he leads you behind the counter to the colorfully beaded curtain leading to the fabled back room of the Emporium; The mysterious sanctum sanctorum of Uncle Remus himself. Pulses begin to race with a strange mix of fear and excitement as the curtain parts before you, opening into a short hallway, well-lit by the chamber beyond where you find an enormous grand banquet hall dominated in the center by a table spanning the full length of the chamber and tended by a myriad of creatures great and small serving an even greater mix of other guests that have apparently arrived before you, some vaguely familiar as passing faces, others starkly recognized as friends, allies or even rivals, and still more filling the role of complete stranger, though all have one simple common thread linking them inexorably together with yourselves.... you ALL know Uncle Remus.

In short order you are seated and served with the most sumptuous meal you've ever had the pleasure of partaking in, the finest wines and ales, the richest meats and breads, the most decadent desserts and pastries, all served in a seemingly never-ending cycle of courses, simply there for the asking. In time, you begin conversing with others at the table, sharing war stories and tales of adventure and intrigue, relegating moments of great heroism, horrid tragedy and boisterous humor, all told by the adventurers themselves in as much, or as little, embellished detail as the heart desires. As the air in the room buzzes with conversation and laughter... as well as the occasional shout for a fresh pint... a tiny, almost inaudible sound begins to permeate the senses. An odd, tinny ringing that, in due time, seems to drown out even the most raucous laughter until all eyes are drawn to the head of the table, where the tiny demon fairy Bubbles stands with a glittering silver bell and hammer in his hands. Setting the implements aside, he gives a courtly bow and faces you all, speaking in an incredibly deep baritone voice that carries throughout the grand hall..... "Ladies and gentlemen...... Uncle Remus...."

A tiny puff of glittery purple smoke appears where Bubbles once stood and a long ardurous squeal of metal on metal is heard from the opposite end of the room as the great doors open and Uncle Remus hobbles his way in bearing his trademark smile. His dress is simple yet elegant with a fine loose fitting robe of dark blue silk, worn over simple leather breeches and plain white tunic, soft soled sandals on his feet and his ever-present staff in his hand. As he makes his way to the head of the table, greeting each and every person he sees along the way by name with a friendly handshake, a warm embrace and, for the ladies, a tender peck on the cheek, you begin to notice little details about the kindly old man... a bit less of that familiar spring in his step, a brief pause after so many steps to take a deep, almost labored breath, the way he leans more heavily into his staff the farther he goes. Upon greeting you personally, these details almost vanish as his eyes meet your own, the familiar sparkle of mischief and humor you've come to expect nearly washing away any concerns that may have started, though their shadows remain in the corners of your mind. After making his way to his place at the head of the table, he passes his staff to the side, bows graciously to you all and settles into the rocking chair that slides up behind him from the shadows. Taking a deep breath, he sweeps his glittering gaze over the gathering with a friendly smile.... and speaks....

"My most loyal customers... my dear friends... dare I even venture.... my treasured family. I thank you for coming, and welcome you to my home and table on this... this hallowed, occasion. Many of you are likely wondering the true reason i have for inviting you here this evening. I can't say I blame you... you all know me well enough by now. So without further ado, I'll get to the point...... I... am dying....."

The old man allows a moment of silence to let the statement sink in, his smile never wavering, his expression calm and studied as he lets his gaze flow over the gathering before continuing...

"I ask only that none of you fret too badly about this situation because, quite frankly, let's face it.... we all have to face a moment like this some time... it's how we face it that defines what we are. And I shall face my moment with both dignity and respect. I have no regrets and pray only that I leave this world a better place than when I found it. However....." He lets a wicked looking grin spread across his features as his eyes brighten considerably, straightening and sitting a bit taller in his chair. "..... who says that death has to be the end of it, right? And that's where you all come in, my dear friends and customers. Your dear old Uncle Remus would like to request your services for what I hope to be one of the grandest adventures of all... the quest for immortality... sort of." Remus chuckles softly as you all look between yourselves, apparently wondering if the old man has finally lost it and gone insane, or worse, gone sane, his eyes twinkling with delight as he fills in the details....

"In the myriad worlds there are, many forms of immortality exist... godhood and the divine... enlightenment... mystic power... genetic mutation... There was even a race of beings out there who not only had effectively unlimited lifespans, but, in the event of an untimely death... a difficult thing to arrange considering the race was a timeless species anyway... but in that event, should one die, he or she would somehow manage to spontaneously reincarnate in a different form while retaining the all the memories and experience of the previous incarnation! Amazing, isn't it? And that, ladies and gentlemen... is what I seek to do. But, to do it, I'm going to need your help....."

With a broad and challenging smile, he leans in from his seat, the lights in the room seeming to darken dramatically, adding a hint of danger and intrigue to his appearance as he swivels his gaze to each of you in turn, his eyes speaking volumes. This is not a man begging or even asking you for help. This is a man that wants to see that the end of his life is spent filling the hearts of adventurers with adventure. This is a man that, even unto his dying day, would rather see others live life to the fullest in a grand, and possibly doomed, attempt to do the impossible rather than sit by a fire and let the world pass by. The fact that it's in an attempt to keep him alive is merely an afterthought. Whether any of you succeed or fail is irrelevant to him. He just wants to know that you're willing to get up and try. In that moment of revelation, his sky blue eyes blink and his next words ring through the room in quiet challenge...

"So.... are you in?"

[Stone Gargoyle]

Torc the Troll stands and slams his fist against the table. "How do we know this is not yet another trick of yours? That this place was not just set up to lure the greedy into doing your work for you?"
The elven wizard Kendragon shakes his head. "I have too many responsibilities to see to than to risk my life and family upon such a challenge."
"But it is a challenge, isn't it?" Eryops says. "Is that not what this life is for, to meet challenges head on and overcome them?"
"It sounds like a man trying to take others down with him to me," says the dark-haired young lady with the were-raven. "I would have to hear more of the details before making a decision."

[zyanitevp]

Rod Rambler, bard of renown, rises. "Uncle Remus in another form would cease to be Uncle Remus. Our bodies help to make us what we are, and what we are not!"
The bard then sits, challenge written upon his face.

[Stone Gargoyle]

This was posted in the Invented Spells thread and in a thread about wizard hats and i thought it better to be posted here as it fits the topic:

Wizard's Hat: Miyan StormLord, a wizard of some note in the Islands of the south seas, decided after being shot with an arrow decides to commission a hat for himself from a Alchemist friend. The hat, standing tall to a point. was delivered to him a few months later. Taking out on his newest adventure.
The hat being a magical item with three enchantments: Magic Armor: NAR:4, SDC 60 (like with the AoIthan magic, this covers the whole body.), Clean: no matter what filth it has been in the hat will not be dirtied by it, and Buoyancy (as per armor enchantment).
Cost:20,500 gp. Additional SDC can be added to the commission when ordered at a cost of 2,500 gp per 20 SDC.
The SDC regenerates 1 SDC per 10 min. on a Ley Line & -per 5 min. on a Ley Line Nexus.

[Gryphon Chick]

Charonis the centaur and Treestump the puck are both surprised be the question. "We would be more than happy to undertake a quest on your behalf, if the money is right," Treestump answers before Charonis can interject.

[The Oh So Amazing Nate]

Joe stands up and snarls loudly to quiet the growing din of voices. Slowly and with a noticeable effort, he tries to speak clearly. You.. were always.. kind. Tell me ggrrrrrrrr how I snnaarrrllllll can help.

Having said this Joe sits back down, takes a long drink and massages his throat. He never takes his eye's off of Uncle Remus, watching him intently and waiting for an answer.

[JuliusCreed]

Torc the Troll stands and slams his fist against the table. "How do we know this is not yet another trick of yours? That this place was not just set up to lure the greedy into doing your work for you?"

The old man chuckles softly, quite unruffled by the display and slowly shakes his head. "Quite frankly you do not know if this is a trick. I can tell you this place was set up to lure you in, yes, but to trick you is not my intention, only to ask each of you to undertake a dangerous and possibly doomed quest on my behalf. As for luring in the greedy, well you know what they say about those living in glass houses...."

The elven wizard Kendragon shakes his head. "I have too many responsibilities to see to than to risk my life and family upon such a challenge."

He turns and gives a kindly nod to the elf with a gentle smile. "I understand completely... I require nothing from any of you truth be told. You may refuse my request without any fear of retribution. I shall think no less of anyone who does. You all have your own lives to live, and I shall in no way impede them."

"But it is a challenge, isn't it?" Eryops says. "Is that not what this life is for, to meet challenges head on and overcome them?"

The old man's eyes glitter with delight as he faces the young man, a hand raising in salute. "Quite right, my boy. A true adventurer's attitude. Just be wary with such exuberance, lest you get in over your head."

"It sounds like a man trying to take others down with him to me," says the dark-haired young lady with the were-raven. "I would have to hear more of the details before making a decision."

A good natured laugh rumbles from his throat as he sweeps his gaze to the lady, offering her a wink, though it is the raven that responds with a happy squawk. "That sounds like a lady that hides under a table when she hears the sky is falling. Of course your lives are important to me in the long run, my dear, but make no mistake... I treasure my own life just as dearly as each and every one of you do your own. Refuse my challenge if you like... or accept it... if you dare!" He gives a wicked little smile and another wink.

Rod Rambler, bard of renown, rises. "Uncle Remus in another form would cease to be Uncle Remus. Our bodies help to make us what we are, and what we are not!"
The bard then sits, challenge written upon his face.

A bushy grey brow raises with a slow grin as he faces the bard, his eyes twinkling as though he just discovered some deeply kept secret. "Sounds to me like there may be a changeling among us... but then, who knows? Either way, this crude matter surrounding the adventurous spirit within us all is meaningless in the end. What matter the form we take, so long as the spirit lives on and flourishes. You say I will cease to be if I take another form? Tell me then, friend bard..." He grins wickedly, his form warping and shifting to that of an astoundingly beautiful elven lady, silver haired with violet eyes with silky smooth skin as pale as the moon, Cupid's bow lips drawn in a smile that could melt the stone heart of a golem, though when she speaks, her voice remains the distinctly masculine tone of Uncle Remus. "Who am I now then, if not the same person I was?" With a soft giggle, the elven shape melts away like superheated wax, leaving behind a smiling Uncle Remus in its wake.

Charonis the centaur and Treestump the puck are both surprised be the question. "We would be more than happy to undertake a quest on your behalf, if the money is right," Treestump answers before Charonis can interject.

He spins toward the puck and lady centaur with a broad grin, chuckling softly to himself. "Ahhhh there's the greed old Torc was rumbling about. Don't you worry, My diminutive friend, the money will most certainly be right, though likely not even close to the greatest of the rewards involved."

Joe stands up and snarls loudly to quiet the growing din of voices. Slowly and with a noticeable effort, he tries to speak clearly. You.. were always.. kind. Tell me ggrrrrrrrr how I snnaarrrllllll can help.

Having said this Joe sits back down, takes a long drink and massages his throat. He never takes his eye's off of Uncle Remus, watching him intently and waiting for an answer.

The old man turns to Joe with a kindly smile, waving a hand toward him, bringing a rather attractive serving girl to his side to refresh his drink after such a taxing effort of his vocal cords. As she fills the old tiger's goblet, the old man speaks. "Funny you should ask... you see that's the real trick of it... there are too many worlds out there for me to give anyone here any kind of accurate rendering on locations or details on finding a secret to immortality. However, I am certain at least a few of you have heard a tale or two about ways to achieve such a thing. I'm only asking you to go out there, hunt the rumors down, prove their veracity and return here to me with final results, whether it be a potion, a scroll, some ancient tome, text or ritual or whatever other strangeness it may be that you can find. Whatever your world has along the lines of ways to grant a person immortality... find these secrets... track them to their sources... prove their existence..... and then, simply return with them here to me." He folds his hands over the table with a slow smile, regarding the other guests at the table. "Are there any other questions or issues to be addressed?"

[zyanitevp]

Rod Rambler, bard of renown, rises. "Uncle Remus in another form would cease to be Uncle Remus. Our bodies help to make us what we are, and what we are not!"
The bard then sits, challenge written upon his face.

A bushy grey brow raises with a slow grin as he faces the bard, his eyes twinkling as though he just discovered some deeply kept secret. "Sounds to me like there may be a changeling among us... but then, who knows? Either way, this crude matter surrounding the adventurous spirit within us all is meaningless in the end. What matter the form we take, so long as the spirit lives on and flourishes. You say I will cease to be if I take another form? Tell me then, friend bard..." He grins wickedly, his form warping and shifting to that of an astoundingly beautiful elven lady, silver haired with violet eyes with silky smooth skin as pale as the moon, Cupid's bow lips drawn in a smile that could melt the stone heart of a golem, though when she speaks, her voice remains the distinctly masculine tone of Uncle Remus. "Who am I now then, if not the same person I was?" With a soft giggle, the elven shape melts away like superheated wax, leaving behind a smiling Uncle Remus in its wake.

I care not if you yourself be a changeling, nor any other, truth be told! I only state that you can sell your shop, but not your name, for Uncle Remus will cease to be if you leave! This would be akin to calling a Defiler story a Defiler story with nary a Defiler in it!

If you choose to go, you will be sorely missed, but there is no one worthy of your legendary name!

[Stone Gargoyle]

Torc the Troll stands and slams his fist against the table. "How do we know this is not yet another trick of yours? That this place was not just set up to lure the greedy into doing your work for you?"

The old man chuckles softly, quite unruffled by the display and slowly shakes his head. "Quite frankly you do not know if this is a trick. I can tell you this place was set up to lure you in, yes, but to trick you is not my intention, only to ask each of you to undertake a dangerous and possibly doomed quest on my behalf. As for luring in the greedy, well you know what they say about those living in glass houses...."

"I shall accept your challenge, then," the troll muses, " but did you not have sands of time you sold to another customer that you can use to prolong your life? Is that not one of the items you already carry in the shop that meets the description of what you seek?"

The elven wizard Kendragon shakes his head. "I have too many responsibilities to see to than to risk my life and family upon such a challenge."

He turns and gives a kindly nod to the elf with a gentle smile. "I understand completely... I require nothing from any of you truth be told. You may refuse my request without any fear of retribution. I shall think no less of anyone who does. You all have your own lives to live, and I shall in no way impede them."

The elven wizard stands up, gathering his daughter Elspeth and son Draco up and departing with them.

"But it is a challenge, isn't it?" Eryops says. "Is that not what this life is for, to meet challenges head on and overcome them?"

The old man's eyes glitter with delight as he faces the young man, a hand raising in salute. "Quite right, my boy. A true adventurer's attitude. Just be wary with such exuberance, lest you get in over your head."

"Exuberant I may be, but I seek challenges and this seems worthy enough of my time. I shall not abandon you in your time of need," Eryops states before becoming silent once more.

"It sounds like a man trying to take others down with him to me," says the dark-haired young lady with the were-raven. "I would have to hear more of the details before making a decision."

A good natured laugh rumbles from his throat as he sweeps his gaze to the lady, offering her a wink, though it is the raven that responds with a happy squawk. "That sounds like a lady that hides under a table when she hears the sky is falling. Of course your lives are important to me in the long run, my dear, but make no mistake... I treasure my own life just as dearly as each and every one of you do your own. Refuse my challenge if you like... or accept it... if you dare!" He gives a wicked little smile and another wink.

"I do not hide, I just speak truth. You are asking much," Darcie states. "I will seek this immortality for you as my time allows."

Charonis the centaur and Treestump the puck are both surprised be the question. "We would be more than happy to undertake a quest on your behalf, if the money is right," Treestump answers before Charonis can interject.

He spins toward the puck and lady centaur with a broad grin, chuckling softly to himself. "Ahhhh there's the greed old Torc was rumbling about. Don't you worry, My diminutive friend, the money will most certainly be right, though likely not even close to the greatest of the rewards involved."

The satyr with the dragon gauntlets and crown then speaks. "He only speaks of a concern I am sure we all have. Adventuring to find immortality does not come without expenses."

"Funny you should ask... you see that's the real trick of it... there are too many worlds out there for me to give anyone here any kind of accurate rendering on locations or details on finding a secret to immortality. However, I am certain at least a few of you have heard a tale or two about ways to achieve such a thing. I'm only asking you to go out there, hunt the rumors down, prove their veracity and return here to me with final results, whether it be a potion, a scroll, some ancient tome, text or ritual or whatever other strangeness it may be that you can find. Whatever your world has along the lines of ways to grant a person immortality... find these secrets... track them to their sources... prove their existence..... and then, simply return with them here to me." He folds his hands over the table with a slow smile, regarding the other guests at the table. "Are there any other questions or issues to be addressed?"

"Yes," Torc rises to say. "There is the matter of expenses. Surely we are not expected to take on this cause without adequate gear and equipment. I know of many such rumors and legends, but seeking them out will require quite an expedition, and you have, I am afraid, lost the interest of the wizard Kendragon who is one of the few benefactors paying for our costs involved in travel in these realms."