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Final blurb for the weekend. I have been cooking on the golem bit as well as this next bit all week.
********
Many, many dimensions removed, Darkraven smiled as his Motherbox reported to him the fate of the feces golem that he's left behind. The arrangement he'd made with John Constantine had paid off; a copy of all of Constantine's mystical tomes, in exchange for passage to a safe place for himself and his illegitimate daughter. The golem, that read exactly like him to all senses, would only fall apart once the outer skin was breached. The concussive charge planted in it's core simply help to 'spread the wealth', so to speak.

"Good news, m'boy?"

"Some of the best, Master," Darkraven replied, smiling vindictively. "Some fools ran into a trap I'd left behind a while back. It'll take them a while to pick my trail back up."

"Sounds good. Now, I understand that you can't say where you picked up such good foundations of my style, but I have to admit that you've come a long ways in a very short time. Much faster than my current pupils, in fact," the aged martial artist commented, just a trace of bitterness in his voice.

"I'm afraid it was my upbringing," Darkraven replied. "Where I'm from, my father was what you would call a Tiger Parent. Focussed study, concentration exercises, and so on were as much a part of my daily upbringing as learning to talk for most children. Failing to do my exercises whenever I possibly could would mean starvation, sleeping outside, and occasionally even a sound beating with a belt," Darkraven shrugged amicably. "I found that it was a fairly decent allegory and preparation for the life I ended up choosing to lead."

The elderly man sighed theatrically. "Unfortunately, without basically rewriting your entire combat methodology, there's not much more I can teach you. I can refer you to another family for instruction, however. The Kenzan family owes me more than a few favors."

"I thank you, Master Happosai," Darkraven spoke gravely, bowing deeply. "Your instruction has been most enlightening, and will undoubtedly prove to be most useful on the road I am walking."

"You go and say your goodbyes to those two god for nothing students I have left, and I'll get that letter finished."

Darkraven walked to the other side of the camp, where a slender man and a stocky man were adjusting leaves in a vain attempt to make a comfortable bed. "Soun, Genma. I'm leaving in the morning. You guys *sure* you're staying with the master?"

"Of course!" Soun Tendo replied, his voice full of false cheer. "The Master's style is the best in Japan. And we can handle it, no problem."

"Too true, Tendo," Genma Saotome agreed, his voice trembling with hastily summoned bravado. "After all, with you gone, he'll have that much more time to teach us what he knows, rather than focus on you."

"Hey, he only focussed on me because I paid him for accelerated training," Darkraven replied defensively. "You two are the ones who have the slow road. Besides, he can't teach me everything like he can you two; I have too many reflexes that get in the way of the Master's advanced techniques."

"Umm, are you sure you have to go?" Soun asked, his eyes shifting to where Happosai was busily scrawling on a scroll. "I mean, you could stay a *little* bit longer, right?"

"Sorry, but I can't," Darkraven replied, cringing internally at Soun's crestfallen expression. "I'm running pretty hard to keep some pretty nasty folks off my tail."

"Well, you just be safe, my friend," Genma replied, clasping Darkraven's shoulder comradely. "And remember that wherever we end up, as a fellow student you afre welcome in both of our homes. You were here only a short time, but we're all brothers in arms."

"Thank you, Genma. That actually means a lot to me. Oh, and remember what I taught you guys, too. My survival skills will live in with the both of you, even if you never have to get to some of the extreme measures that I've shown you."

An hour later, Jeremiah Darkraven left the camp, headed for the mountains of Hokkaido, where a master Ninja by the family name of Kenzan might take him in as a student.

wyrmraker wrote:E "Seriously though, WHO THE F*** MAKES A S*** GOLEM?!?!"

UEsG BioSanitation Battalion Sergeant: "Seriously, you're surprised by one? WE encounter them every other WEEK. Some junior mage with a stick up his @$$ or a petty hate-on, as soon as he finds the ritual in the discount xerox-quality tome dumpster, raises one to terrorize his ex-girlfriend, people he WISHES were his girlfriend, slime up somebody's car, or stage a distraction for a little reign of terror. Of course, every now and then some bigger slime-bucket gets what he thinks is the brighter idea to kick it up a notch and raise an ARMY of the things at the water treatment plant and march them into town through the larger sewer lines. Then we gotta haul out the steam lines and the Formula 87, which afterwards we gotta put a State Yellow Hazmat lockdown on the pipes to clean up our own detergent mess and fill out the Form 33s(Waste Residue, Magic, Proper Disposal of), then scrub the water plant for the ritual residues. So pardon me if I don't have much sympathy for anybody who whines and carps about having to take a shower after facing just ONE."

SRoss wrote:S**T Golem!

FLASHBACK: Years earlier, SRoss battled the Golgothan...

"He lookz brown and a bit...nutty!"

SRoss wrote:Meanwhile in the Underworld...

Marller: "Ha! With Hild away, I'M NOW IN CHARGE! The Flaming one and the Dog Gi..."

Urd: (Appearing behind her) "Um, actually dad said I'm in charge..."

Arnie100 wrote:

SRoss wrote:Meanwhile in the Underworld...

Marller: "Ha! With Hild away, I'M NOW IN CHARGE! The Flaming one and the Dog Gi..."

Urd: (Appearing behind her) "Um, actually dad said I'm in charge..."

(Down Below...)

Charon: "Oh, goodie! I'll transfer the excess waste to you guys!!"

wyrmraker wrote:As the chair behind the desk spins around, Hild smirks at the Demon and Goddess. "That was a chibi-Hild that left here. And since you two are so... eager to assist, well... Since Charon *is* long overdue a vacation, the two of you can handle those matters."

Ouch!

Arnie100 wrote:Demon and Goddess: "WHAT?! NONONONONONONONONO..." (Shaking head in disbelief)

To late!

SRoss wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Demon and Goddess: "WHAT?! NONONONONONONONONO..." (Shaking head in disbelief)

Charon: (Rushing by them in shorts and a Hawaiian shirt, pulling a suitcase) "Okgirlsdon'tfeedCerberusaftermidnightif KyleEdwardsCorgorKarnoshowupjustsendthemthroughtherevolvingdoorifyouneedtocontactmeI'mstayingat ... Ooo lookatthetimegottafly."

Marller & Urd:

taalismn wrote:And he knows enough about Hild not to let her book him a cruise.....

"Hmmmm....rogue waves, norovirus, engine fire, or grope-happy retirees?"

SRoss wrote:

taalismn wrote:And he knows enough about Hild not to let her book him a cruise.....

"Hmmmm....rogue waves, norovirus, engine fire, or grope-happy retirees?"

Charon on a cougar cruise?

SRoss wrote:Meanwhile, in Civil War...

Stark: "Stand-down Cap! I've got Caped Baldy on my side."

Suddenly an armoured fist sends Iron Man flying...

Lancer, Rook, Rand & The Fourth Wall Gang: (Wearing souped up Typhoon Cyclones) "Well we've got Cap's back..."

Back at Tokyo 3...

Weller: "Who the hell authorized this!?!"

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:

taalismn wrote:And he knows enough about Hild not to let her book him a cruise.....

"Hmmmm....rogue waves, norovirus, engine fire, or grope-happy retirees?"

Charon on a cougar cruise?

He avoided it; he booked direct to destination, immediate teleport. The guy knows how tedious cruises can be in the wrong company.

Smart.

Arnie100 wrote:

SRoss wrote:Meanwhile, in Civil War...

Stark: "Stand-down Cap! I've got Caped Baldy on my side."

Suddenly an armoured fist sends Iron Man flying...

Lancer, Rook, Rand & The Fourth Wall Gang: (Wearing souped up Typhoon Cyclones) "Well we've got Cap's back..."

Back at Tokyo 3...

Weller: "Who the hell authorized this!?!"

Lancer: "You know who would like you, Stark? MINMEI."
Stark: "That...that's okay...Pepper would kill me!"
Minmei: "WHAT! I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?!" (Proceeds to b***h-slap Stark)

taalismn wrote:Kyle: "MINMEI? -I'm- supposed to be the big martial artist in the family! When the hell did you learn the Weirding Way?"
Minmei: "Ever wonder why every time you tried to put your arm around me, I suddenly was someplace else? That's both the when and the why."

Edwards: "...I suddenly have a bad feeling I'm going to star rather gruesomely in a retroactive revision montage..."

SRoss wrote:Annie: (Dripping hot wax on a bound and gagged Corg) "See Corgy-poo, isn't it much more fun to let me do all the work?"

Allison: "Um, Lisa, remind me to tell Sammy not to let her friends borrow our stuff."

Lisa, Allen and Anne:

taalismn wrote:

taalismn wrote:Kyle: "MINMEI? -I'm- supposed to be the big martial artist in the family! When the hell did you learn the Weirding Way?"
Minmei: "Ever wonder why every time you tried to put your arm around me, I suddenly was someplace else? That's both the when and the why."

Edwards: "...I suddenly have a bad feeling I'm going to star rather gruesomely in a retroactive revision montage..."

Benson: "...I'm not going to get eaten by a sandworm. am I? Or turned INTO a sandworm?"
Edwards: "You? God-Emperor of Arrakis? Don't make me laugh. Nah, she'll probably just break your neck and leave you to die slowly while she sings a dirge to you."

wyrmraker wrote:Kyle: Or pump him so full of Spice that he can speak the future whilst strongly resembling Violet Beauregard. She'll save the Song for Edwards.

taalismn wrote:

wyrmraker wrote:Kyle: Or pump him so full of Spice that he can speak the future whilst strongly resembling Violet Beauregard. She'll save the Song for Edwards.

"THIS ISN'T MELANGE, YOU STUPID BINT! IT'S PEPPER SPRAY!!! NOT THAT SORT OF SPICE!!!!UUUGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
"Not enough water on Dune to rinse that stuff out of your eyes. She must really want you to suffer."

SRoss wrote:Minmei: (Using the voice) "Edwards, you will shoot yourself in the Nads ... Repeatedly."

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:Minmei: (Using the voice) "Edwards, you will shoot yourself in the Nads ... Repeatedly."

"For a guy who claims to have have crawled across still-hot glassed asphalt from Alaska Base, I'm rather surprised that you still have external genitalia at all, Edwards, and that you only lost an eye."
"I'm not liking what you're implying...."
"I'm charitably assuming that you have had a habit of wearing armored underwear and fireproof aftershave."

Arnie100 wrote:

taalismn wrote:

wyrmraker wrote:Kyle: Or pump him so full of Spice that he can speak the future whilst strongly resembling Violet Beauregard. She'll save the Song for Edwards.

"THIS ISN'T MELANGE, YOU STUPID BINT! IT'S PEPPER SPRAY!!! NOT THAT SORT OF SPICE!!!!UUUGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
"Not enough water on Dune to rinse that stuff out of your eyes. She must really want you to suffer."

"We have wormsign the likes of which even God has never seen!"

wyrmraker wrote:Elsewhere, in a seperate reality, a group dressed like a ninja, a barbarian, an armored soldier with a laser rifle, and a mage shook themselves off in disgust. The ninja had his mask off and was being violently ill, while the mage was trying to focus through the stench long enough to cast a spell of cleansing.

"Seriously," the soldier asked, "who the hell makes a feces golem? How the ***k did this guy make one and why? I thought he couldn't use magic!"

"He can't use his homeworld's magical methods," the barbarian grumbled out, scraping the rancid mess off of his oiled pectorals, "but that doesn't mean he didn't find a different method."

A sickening sound emanated from the mage, as suddenly his robes were free of the muck that the golem had exploded into dropped onto the forest floor some feet away from him. "Constantine," the mage replied bitterly. "According to the timelines, he knew a ritual to make one. He must've taught our target the trick. Darkraven must've made it and left it here to throw us off the scent. Oh gods, what a horrible pun," he groaned out.

Finally, the ninja rose, his stomach purged of all content as he regained self control. "Seriously though, WHO THE F*** MAKES A S*** GOLEM?!?!"

Good one!

SRoss wrote:S**T Golem!

FLASHBACK: Years earlier, SRoss battled the Golgothan...

Good grief!

wyrmraker wrote:Final blurb for the weekend. I have been cooking on the golem bit as well as this next bit all week.
********
Many, many dimensions removed, Darkraven smiled as his Motherbox reported to him the fate of the feces golem that he's left behind. The arrangement he'd made with John Constantine had paid off; a copy of all of Constantine's mystical tomes, in exchange for passage to a safe place for himself and his illegitimate daughter. The golem, that read exactly like him to all senses, would only fall apart once the outer skin was breached. The concussive charge planted in it's core simply help to 'spread the wealth', so to speak.

"Good news, m'boy?"

"Some of the best, Master," Darkraven replied, smiling vindictively. "Some fools ran into a trap I'd left behind a while back. It'll take them a while to pick my trail back up."

"Sounds good. Now, I understand that you can't say where you picked up such good foundations of my style, but I have to admit that you've come a long ways in a very short time. Much faster than my current pupils, in fact," the aged martial artist commented, just a trace of bitterness in his voice.

"I'm afraid it was my upbringing," Darkraven replied. "Where I'm from, my father was what you would call a Tiger Parent. Focussed study, concentration exercises, and so on were as much a part of my daily upbringing as learning to talk for most children. Failing to do my exercises whenever I possibly could would mean starvation, sleeping outside, and occasionally even a sound beating with a belt," Darkraven shrugged amicably. "I found that it was a fairly decent allegory and preparation for the life I ended up choosing to lead."

The elderly man sighed theatrically. "Unfortunately, without basically rewriting your entire combat methodology, there's not much more I can teach you. I can refer you to another family for instruction, however. The Kenzan family owes me more than a few favors."

"I thank you, Master Happosai," Darkraven spoke gravely, bowing deeply. "Your instruction has been most enlightening, and will undoubtedly prove to be most useful on the road I am walking."

"You go and say your goodbyes to those two god for nothing students I have left, and I'll get that letter finished."

Darkraven walked to the other side of the camp, where a slender man and a stocky man were adjusting leaves in a vain attempt to make a comfortable bed. "Soun, Genma. I'm leaving in the morning. You guys *sure* you're staying with the master?"

"Of course!" Soun Tendo replied, his voice full of false cheer. "The Master's style is the best in Japan. And we can handle it, no problem."

"Too true, Tendo," Genma Saotome agreed, his voice trembling with hastily summoned bravado. "After all, with you gone, he'll have that much more time to teach us what he knows, rather than focus on you."

"Hey, he only focussed on me because I paid him for accelerated training," Darkraven replied defensively. "You two are the ones who have the slow road. Besides, he can't teach me everything like he can you two; I have too many reflexes that get in the way of the Master's advanced techniques."

"Umm, are you sure you have to go?" Soun asked, his eyes shifting to where Happosai was busily scrawling on a scroll. "I mean, you could stay a *little* bit longer, right?"

"Sorry, but I can't," Darkraven replied, cringing internally at Soun's crestfallen expression. "I'm running pretty hard to keep some pretty nasty folks off my tail."

"Well, you just be safe, my friend," Genma replied, clasping Darkraven's shoulder comradely. "And remember that wherever we end up, as a fellow student you afre welcome in both of our homes. You were here only a short time, but we're all brothers in arms."

"Thank you, Genma. That actually means a lot to me. Oh, and remember what I taught you guys, too. My survival skills will live in with the both of you, even if you never have to get to some of the extreme measures that I've shown you."

An hour later, Jeremiah Darkraven left the camp, headed for the mountains of Hokkaido, where a master Ninja by the family name of Kenzan might take him in as a student.

"Hiding in back yard" I see. Ya, I can see them not thinking to look there.

taalismn wrote:

wyrmraker wrote:E "Seriously though, WHO THE F*** MAKES A S*** GOLEM?!?!"

UEsG BioSanitation Battalion Sergeant: "Seriously, you're surprised by one? WE encounter them every other WEEK. Some junior mage with a stick up his @$$ or a petty hate-on, as soon as he finds the ritual in the discount xerox-quality tome dumpster, raises one to terrorize his ex-girlfriend, people he WISHES were his girlfriend, slime up somebody's car, or stage a distraction for a little reign of terror. Of course, every now and then some bigger slime-bucket gets what he thinks is the brighter idea to kick it up a notch and raise an ARMY of the things at the water treatment plant and march them into town through the larger sewer lines. Then we gotta haul out the steam lines and the Formula 87, which afterwards we gotta put a State Yellow Hazmat lockdown on the pipes to clean up our own detergent mess and fill out the Form 33s(Waste Residue, Magic, Proper Disposal of), then scrub the water plant for the ritual residues. So pardon me if I don't have much sympathy for anybody who whines and carps about having to take a shower after facing just ONE."

Arnie100 wrote:

SRoss wrote:S**T Golem!

FLASHBACK: Years earlier, SRoss battled the Golgothan...

"He lookz brown and a bit...nutty!"

A bit of tactical explanation. I like to try and get the explanations done in-character, in-story. And since I have access to something akin to a Narrator, I may as well use him.
********
"Hmm. Darkraven is doing well. I didn't expect him to travel up the timeline, where the Knights can't effectively go after him without tampering with their desired results. Progressing down the line a little... Ah, there it is. Genma developing the Yama Senken and the Umi Senken, based in Darkraven's lessons in conventional forced entry. That means that the Knights *really* couldn't interfere. Add to that his limited influence on the affairs and knowledge, and the Keepers won't notice anything until the timeline crosses over some twenty years down the road."

Waving his hand, Wyrmraker altered the focus of the Well of Surtur. Almost instantly, a pair of women appeared, clearly fighting towards one of the portals into Nifleheim. A small army was facing them, but the women were doing quite well, using their formidable skills and powers flawlessly, seamlessly with one another.

"This will be interesting," he mused aloud, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "They'll still need to get the information from the Sage, as well as negotiate for the Chronicles of the Gateway. It remains to be seen if they can reign in their tempers long enough to do the job right. Even then, they'll still ahve to face Hild for the rest of the information, and her assistance *always* carries a price."

Retracting his hand, the well went dark as he turned back to his terminal. His own agents were out doing their jobs, mostly far away from the UEsG group's influences. Most of their tasks involved adjusting matters in dimensions to prevent too much destability in desired timelines, thus preventing premature mergence. Only a couple of agents were in the UEsG allied universes, and their only tasks were information gathering.

Interdim Monitor Jockey: "What the heeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll? Several stack branch-lines just spiked and starburst-branched!"

taalismn wrote:Interdim Monitor Jockey: "What the heeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll? Several stack branch-lines just spiked and starburst-branched!"

Mambo Jack just shrugged. "You get used to it after a while. Someone out there is playing a game, and if they're playing on this scale, they're cleared for it. It happens. We Yggdrasil sysadmins have seen it all."

wyrmraker wrote:

taalismn wrote:Interdim Monitor Jockey: "What the heeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll? Several stack branch-lines just spiked and starburst-branched!"

Mambo Jack just shrugged. "You get used to it after a while. Someone out there is playing a game, and if they're playing on this scale, they're cleared for it. It happens. We Yggdrasil sysadmins have seen it all."

"How you doing, Mambo, on that Loop issue?"

taalismn wrote:

wyrmraker wrote:

taalismn wrote:Interdim Monitor Jockey: "What the heeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll? Several stack branch-lines just spiked and starburst-branched!"

Mambo Jack just shrugged. "You get used to it after a while. Someone out there is playing a game, and if they're playing on this scale, they're cleared for it. It happens. We Yggdrasil sysadmins have seen it all."

"How you doing, Mambo, on that Loop issue?"

"You kidding? I'm doing GREAT! I shoveled that crap off onto a *different * Mambo Jack. The sucker!"

(Meanwhile in Hawaii...)

Charon: "Thank the Gods I'm finally on vacation!!!"

(Doown Below...)

Marller: "This bloody sucks!"
Urd: "How'd we get conned into this?!"

BSB Sergeant: "Now, you want a truly NASTY 'it just hit the fan' golem? One raised from the sewage of a city heavy with magic users and magical critters. We're talking dragon droppings, unicorn muffins, and balrog bushels, that sort of thing. Stuff you find in parts of Tokyo-3 and Lazlo. Residual magic in THAT stuff? Those things tend to be godawful powerful and unpredictable compared to the regular animated nightsoil. Hell, we have to fight fire with fire and bring out the Formula 999...foaming agent that splits into dozens of Elemental Water Wisps that act like the 'scrubbing bubbles' from those old TV ads, plus a few other magic ingredients thrown in for good measure, like holy water and liquid sunshine. They don't last long on our plane of existence before they fade out, but they sure do a number on living messes. Problem is, that stuff is EXPENSIVE. It's almost easier to get approval to use a toilet tac-nuke than it is to get F999 refills, so Procurement doesn't like to let us know when they got supplies of the stuff, and they make us wade through paperwork after we use what we got."

Deep space, on the edge of a galaxy that has yet to see life. A tear opens within the firmament, and several massive asteroids pass through the interdimensional portal, the massive cables that bind them swaying in the radioactive flames of the instellar wind.

Within the central asteroid, computer banks come to life. Sensor arrays extend, all frequencies within the electromagnetic range tasted, sampled, and then processed.

Finally, the computer banks pinged. There, just there, a mere hint of something outside of stellar phenomena. After centuries, computer banks had finally found a hint of sentient beings.

Autonomous robots were released, scurrying into action as they cleaned deck plates, scoured walls, and oiled machinery. Calculations were run, coordinates sampled and rejected until finally a course had been decided upon.

Once the new course was set, and all of the onboard facilities checked out as in good working order, one of the outer wings fired up it's own production. Massive tanks were filled, genetic samples recombined and submitted for fast growth. Within hours, the new warriors would be ready for programming.

With all of it's preparations complete, the G95 Factory Satellite began warming up it's fold drive. It would take a considerable amount of time to reach the conjectured origin of the signal, but no matter. The new gene samples would be up to the task of fulfilling the directives of the mighty Zentraedi Empire against all foes. Sadly, it currently only had a handful of the genetic codes, but cloning would be simplicity.

'If only the cloned material didn't demand that their battlepods be so... huge,' the computers thought to themselves.
********
Okay, I re-read the beginning of the Crossover Question. Taalismn's suggestion prompted this blurb. Feel free to run with a Factory Satellite full of Rei, Shinji, and Asuka clones, all at zentraedi size.

In foldspace, the Factory Satellite pondered it's record in acquiring genetic samples. While the one planet had yielded a mere four samples (three registered as mutant Tirolian, one as animal), they met all of the qualifications.

However, there had been... anomalies. At one point, a pair of gene samples had seemingly appeared in the clone tanks. Also mutant Tirolian, the satellite had had to jettison the cloning tanks into a star to avoid contamination. Some things were simply not worth the effort and resources. Standards had to be maintained.
***
At the revolving door at the edge of the River Styx...
Edwards and Kyle: NOT OUR FAULT!

wyrmraker wrote:Okay, I re-read the beginning of the Crossover Question. Taalismn's suggestion prompted this blurb. Feel free to run with a Factory Satellite full of Rei, Shinji, and Asuka clones, all at zentraedi size.

I can't recall; did I ever post the Zentraedi Genepool from Nerima short-fic?
Well, no matter. Repost:


Tiresia, Homeworld of the Robotech Empire:
“You are certain?”
“Yes, milord.”
“Destruction is complete?”
“Total. No survivors.”
“Nothing can be salvaged?”
“No, milord, it was total destruction.”
“You may go...Your presence is no longer needed.”
With that, the clone Guard Triad bowed in synch to the Robotech Master triumvirate and exited the room, entering the security lock to the Masters’ sanctum. The grim-faced Shaizan looked to his mirror-brethren, Dag and Bowkaz. They nodded with equally grim faces in return. A long-nailed hand emerged from a robe sleeve and touched a console on the floating Protoculture Cap the three Masters orbited about. From the direction of the annex-lock there came the hiss and slam of reinforced doors, a sizzling and a muffled scream as the hapless Guards were vaporized. Another command and a new set of Guards was ordered from the clone vats.
Word must not get out of the latest catastrophe to strike the Robotech Empire.
The Master Gene Banks, heart of their super soldier breeding program, repository of the genes they needed to keep their living weapons systems alive and vibrant. Destroyed, Irradiated, burned by nuclear fire. A dirty little tactical device, that bore all the signs of the Disciples of Zor, and undoubtedly smuggled in by some last, undetected, sympathizer of that accursed rebel movement, the last gasp of the pre-Robotech Tirolian Republic. But their last gesture has done more damage to the eugenically-pure Empire than their brethren on the rebel worlds had done in nearly a century of space warfare against the Empire’s legions.
Now the Robotech Masters, second only in power to the Robotech Elders, set to the work of marshalling their highest mental powers, pooling their great minds, and setting their resources to dealing with this crisis and addressing the real problem...saving their hides...
The Robotech Masters weren’t the only ones with a predilection for slaying the bearers of bad news....

Bowkaz cursed; the destruction of the gene banks had wiped out nearly a century’s worth of selective cloning work; the death of the loyal technicians had deprived them of the means to rebuild the work. Though the Zentraedi production program could go on with what soldiers had already been produced, the improvement of the breed was delayed, if not outright stalled. And the improvement of the Zentraedi was an absolute necessity if the reports of increased Invid inroads on the borders of the Empire were any indication. The whole situation had the potential of becoming far more serious if something wasn’t done.
The Master said as much to his colleagues.
Dag agreed. Something would have to be done to reverse and repair the situation. But what? The Robotech Masters were not themselves scientists, they were bureaucrats both by genetics and training; lab work was best left to the narrow-minded dispositions of Scientist triumvirates...and those lost in the explosion were the best and brightest of their decanting....
Shaizan chimed in with his own concerns, which, by token of their triumvirate, were ALL their concerns; whatever they had to do they would have to do it FAST, before the Robotech Elders decided to fix the blame for the lastest setback, when they learned of it. But who could they find on such short notice, and with the experience and expertise they needed?...

“Cabell.” The Masters said in unison.
The old doddard, another relic of the old Republic, kept around at the Elders’ insistance, might actually be of use for once.
“We’ll have HIM deal with this...”
“Produce a new generation of supersoldiers to reinforce our Zentraedi legions....”
“Or else...”
“It will be his responsibility..”
“His fault if he fails...”
“And OUR success if he succeeds!”
“We are in consensus.”
“Now, who tells him the news?”
“ME! ME!”
“Shaizan, control yourself.....We’ll roll lots for it...”

Cabell walked back to his quarters through the gathering darkness. Calm and detached he might have seemed on the surface, looking with all the wisdom of his three hundred-plus years, but under it all he was running around in circles, wringing his hands in frustration, and not a small amount of mounting terror, certain that those three hundred plus years were coming shortly to an end....How the hell was he going to come up with a whole new set of soldier templates that would keep the Masters’ cosmic ambitions satisfied? He’d given up almost all of his cloning research after they’d produced Exedore, first of the Zentraedi. A success in his time, but hardly what the Masters wanted...No, they wanted big and ruthless.....Now he had to supply the Masters’ appetites for even bigger weapons...But HOW? The gene banks had contained the last samples of the most desirable traits of the old ‘wild’, pre-cloning, population...samples taken from statesmen, artists, scientists, warriors...more than a few of them Cabell’s friends, who had resisted the coming of the Masters and the establishment of their Empire, and whose genetic material was saved, ironically, to eventually become the basis of the servents of that very same Empire....With the loss of the banks, Cabell had not only lost a last link to his pre-Imperial life, he had lost the raw material to save his post-Imperial life.....
“Pssst!...wanna buy some grade-A genetic material?” came the unexpected voice from the dark alley Cabell was passing.
“Huh?” The ancient, wise, learned mentor of Zor, co-founder of Robotechnology, and midwife of the Zentraedi articulated as his mental train derailed at the unexpected interruption.
“You look like a man who’s looking for some top-notch genetic material....I just happen to have come into possession of some nice, fresh, feral DNA....”
“WHAT are you offering?!” Cabell couldn’t believe this....it had to be a trick, a test of his loyalty, some bizzare plot to drive him crazy...
“Multiple samples from various humanoid individuals...unique characteristics, high physical marks, major performance potentials...” The figure extended a hand that Cabell could swear was scaled in metal from its dark robes.”Even got neurological material chock full of memory engrams...got persona profiles for all of them too....Take a look....” In the clawed hand was a softly glowing cube of a stasis box, in which a lump of excised cerebral tissue floated...Lines of bright text scrolled up the side.
Cabell decided that this was just too bizarre to be a plot of the Masters....Clever they were, ruthless they were...Loopy, they weren’t, and this was just too plain loopy....What would it hurt to take a look, he thought as he started reading the descriptions on the side of the bio-container.
“Yep....I got warrior-material here, and more...prime talent like you’ve never seen before...and they’re all yours for a small fee....some Protoculture, perhaps?”
Cabell paused in his examination of the scrolling DNA graphics to look at the shrouded figure. “Just who the hell are you? Not that I’m complaining, but I’d just like to know...”
“Who, me? Just your friendly galactic neighborhood life-force sucking...hey, hey, I’m not like that! Be cool!... Dimensional Raider....So, we got a deal?”
Maybe it was the sudden yo-yo from cold terror to sudden hope, however tenuous and unexpected...or maybe it was the quart of Garudan ale the old guy had chugged previously to steady his nerves, the glass of Praxian whiskey to keep it company, and the hip flask of anzoth to chase it all down....
“DEAL!”



One Year Later...

“Look at those physical potentials! They’re off the scale!”
“The response simulations show a marked aptitude for tactical cunning and sophisticated decision making, combined with an obsessive trend in almost all of the specimens...”
“Those obsessions will make them most easy to manipulate...an excellent foresight on your part, Cabell.”
“You have our permission. Begin full scale production of these units at once!”


Three Years Later......

Shaizan, Dag, and Bokwaz faced the Robotech Elders in the stark monumental Great Hall. They were puzzled by why they had been summoned with such urgency by their superiors, and, though emotion had been leeched out of them long ago, they felt a certain nervousness at the tone used to summon them.
“Explanations are demanded.”
...not a good sign...
“For what, milords?”
A servo arm brought a bowl of a greyish-green substance up to the assembled Robotech Masters....It was a substance the Three-Who-Are-One recognized immediately.
“You know what this is.”
“Yes...?”
“Eat it!”
“I do not understand...”
“Eat it!!!”
“It looks like rancid basic nutrient paste...”
“A most unappetizing substance, well below even the notice of our enlightened Master class...”
“EEEEEEAAAAATTTTTTTT IIIIITTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!”
*CRACKLE**THUNDER****
“Mppphhfff...mphpf.”
“What does it taste like!?”
“Mmmphh...umpff....thth...thth tasth goofth!”
“Yes! It does! Doesn’t it! IT”S NOT SUPPOSED TO TASTE GOOD!!!!!!IT’S FUEL FOR BIG, DUMB, LOYAL SOLDIER CLONES! HYDROCARBON-BASED INDUSTRIAL OFFAL!!! FODDER FOR GUN FODDER!!!!AND IT’S COMING OUT OF HALF THE DISPENSERS IN THE GRAND FLEET!!!”
“I still do not understand, milord Elder, we have not been informed of any changes in the diet of the Zentraedi! “
“THIS ISN”T OUR DOING, YOU MORONS! IT’S THOSE NEW CLONES YOU AUTHORIZED!!! ONE OF THOSE NEW FEMALE CADRES YOU DEPLOYED TWO CYCLES AGO HAS LEARNED HOW TO TAMPER WITH THE FOOD PROCESSORS ON THE SHIPS! THEY”RE NOW PRODUCING OVER ONE HUNDRED FIFTY DIFFERENT FLAVORS OF THIS STUFF! THEY’RE EATING BETTER THAN WE ARE!”

“AND IT’S NOT JUST THOSE CLONES EITHER! ALL THE OTHERS ARE ACTING STRANGE TOO!”
(big sweatdrop)
”But we thought you were pleased with them? Their performance pleased you greatly when we first introduced them.....We recall the Shand series....”
“YES, YES! ALL OF THEM REFUSED TO BACK DOWN FROM A CONFLICT! ALL WERE AGGRESSIVE!!! THE SHAND SERIES IN PARTICULAR! IF BEATEN THEY EITHER GO BACK AND KILL THE ENEMY OR FORCIBLY INDUCT THEM INTO THE EMPIRE!!! BUT WE FOUND OUT ‘HOW’..._ZENTRAEDI _AREN”T SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT -THAT-!!!!”
“What is exactly is the ‘how’?” spoke up Dag, before he was telepathically silenced by his brothers. Shaizan leaped into the verbal gap in an effort to change the subject before it got too graphic...
“But the others of the program have been an outstanding success...... the Ran series has proven most successful in detering the Invid from the Spinward frontiers.....”
“ AH, YES, THE FAILED EXPERIMENT IN SHAPESHIFTING! YOU CONVINCED US OF THEIR AGGRESSION...THEY NEVER LOST A BATTLE, YOU REPORTED!...WE BELIEVED YOU!...WE EVEN ALLOWED THEM THEIR OWN FLEET TO AVOID CONFUSION WITH THE MALES AND FEMALES OF THE REST OF THE GRAND FLEET!!! “
“A policy which has worked to our advantage...Their fighting ability is unparallleled!”

“-AND EVERY TIME WE REDEPLOY THEM, THEY INEVITABLY ATTRACT EVERY OTHER FEMALE FLEET IN THE QUADRANT!!! WE’VE HAD MASSIVE FORCE REDEPLOYMENTS WITHOUT OUR CONSENT!!!! OUR ENTIRE STRATEGY FOR THE ANTI-SPINWARD ARM IS -RUINED-!!!!! ”
.........
“WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELVES!!!!!!!!????”
“....”
“.....”
“---Can I have more of this? Hundred fifty flavors you say?”
Shaizan and Dag decided to hell with the Three Who Act as One and made a break for it...

They strike from the sky, in overwhelming numbers, from ships as large as continents. Populations cringe in terror at the sudden appearance of the teeming alien hordes and what they bring to the planets under their dominion...
Clean streets, fresh laundry, immaculate cities....
They never knew what hit them....
“Oh my...an entire galactic cluster? A dark nebula? Better get started then...”

The Invid war swarm stopped in mid flight, hovered, and turned, almost reluctantly it seemed. The Liguaa Scouts looked back at the scattered field of shattered mecha and broken giant bodies their attack sweep had left behind. Cyclopean optics spun and locked on several bodies in particular...Great burned and broken hulks of flesh and armor that had taken the full brunt of the savage onslaught.
Bodies that moved, pulled themselves up, pulled themselves back together, wounds visibily healing in seconds, burned skin regrowing into healthy tissue, fatal injuries proving not so....Within minutes, a company of fully healed Zentraedi warriors, all sharing the same general appearance, stood up and again took arms to defend their post...For the fifth time already...
The rather simple-minded Invid drones couldn’t take this sort of mental abuse...As one the Scout squadron plopped into the ground in a dead faint....

“I am sorry, milord, I cannot provide updates on the status of that squadron....They still have not arrived within the theatre area, or made contact with any of our units.”
Breetai sighed again, the great hiss of frustration and resignation echoing about the cavernous battleship bridge in response to the latest report. The new clone lines the Masters had foisted on them several years ago were incredible warriors, but the flaws they exhibited....for instance, the one that apparently decided to manifest right now....
“Very well...Expand the search sweep eighteen lumina-xerats...If the pickets cannot find them within the next twelve haad, we’ll just have to go on without them. “

Somewhere in Andromeda...
“WHERE THE HELL ARE WE NOW?!”

Enemies and allies of the Zentraedi alike learned to fear the female battalions of the Hammer...
It was perhaps fortunate that the clones of that particular battalion couldn’t resist their own experimentation with the food dispensers aboard their ships. The abandonment of their flagship caused delays in their deployment, though the position of the contaminated wreck had to be carefully tracked, lest it come near any habitable world....

Lone Zentraedi soldier...in long coat uniform...no armor..no weapons...easy pickings..
Okay...didn’t see the laser pistol...must have missed it behind his back at first galnce..
Where did he get the assault rifle?
TWO assault rifles?! Where did he hide THOSE?!
A ROCKET LAUNCHER???!!!
WHAT’S WITH THE BALLS AND CHAINS!!!???
NO-WAY- DOES HE HAVE A TOILET SEAT ON HIM!!! NO WA---

Azonia stared at her new advisor.
“It’s all quite simple...The Masters need the ships and the guns...WE have all the ships and guns...We have the Factories, too....They want what we got, they have to give us something in return....”
....Azonia found her advisor’s words oddly persuasive...Though she could have done without the constantly having to pay off her subordinate with rank privileges every time she wanted a situation update...

The end of the Masters’ Empire was complete with the MAKING of Zentraedi weapons., turned out by the warrior clones themsleves....Spatulas to be precise...BIG Spatulas....After that, it was all down hill....

(Somewhere, Takahashi Rumiko had a massive sneezing fit that had her assistants running for tissues... “Damn fanfic wannabees..” she swore...)

wyrmraker wrote:A bit of tactical explanation. I like to try and get the explanations done in-character, in-story. And since I have access to something akin to a Narrator, I may as well use him.
********
"Hmm. Darkraven is doing well. I didn't expect him to travel up the timeline, where the Knights can't effectively go after him without tampering with their desired results. Progressing down the line a little... Ah, there it is. Genma developing the Yama Senken and the Umi Senken, based in Darkraven's lessons in conventional forced entry. That means that the Knights *really* couldn't interfere. Add to that his limited influence on the affairs and knowledge, and the Keepers won't notice anything until the timeline crosses over some twenty years down the road."

Waving his hand, Wyrmraker altered the focus of the Well of Surtur. Almost instantly, a pair of women appeared, clearly fighting towards one of the portals into Nifleheim. A small army was facing them, but the women were doing quite well, using their formidable skills and powers flawlessly, seamlessly with one another.

"This will be interesting," he mused aloud, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "They'll still need to get the information from the Sage, as well as negotiate for the Chronicles of the Gateway. It remains to be seen if they can reign in their tempers long enough to do the job right. Even then, they'll still ahve to face Hild for the rest of the information, and her assistance *always* carries a price."

Retracting his hand, the well went dark as he turned back to his terminal. His own agents were out doing their jobs, mostly far away from the UEsG group's influences. Most of their tasks involved adjusting matters in dimensions to prevent too much destability in desired timelines, thus preventing premature mergence. Only a couple of agents were in the UEsG allied universes, and their only tasks were information gathering.

Nice!

taalismn wrote:Interdim Monitor Jockey: "What the heeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll? Several stack branch-lines just spiked and starburst-branched!"

wyrmraker wrote:

taalismn wrote:Interdim Monitor Jockey: "What the heeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll? Several stack branch-lines just spiked and starburst-branched!"

Mambo Jack just shrugged. "You get used to it after a while. Someone out there is playing a game, and if they're playing on this scale, they're cleared for it. It happens. We Yggdrasil sysadmins have seen it all."

In other words, don't worry about it or go crazy.

taalismn wrote:

wyrmraker wrote:

taalismn wrote:Interdim Monitor Jockey: "What the heeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll? Several stack branch-lines just spiked and starburst-branched!"

Mambo Jack just shrugged. "You get used to it after a while. Someone out there is playing a game, and if they're playing on this scale, they're cleared for it. It happens. We Yggdrasil sysadmins have seen it all."

"How you doing, Mambo, on that Loop issue?"

I miss the loops.

wyrmraker wrote:

taalismn wrote:

wyrmraker wrote:

taalismn wrote:Interdim Monitor Jockey: "What the heeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll? Several stack branch-lines just spiked and starburst-branched!"

Mambo Jack just shrugged. "You get used to it after a while. Someone out there is playing a game, and if they're playing on this scale, they're cleared for it. It happens. We Yggdrasil sysadmins have seen it all."

"How you doing, Mambo, on that Loop issue?"

"You kidding? I'm doing GREAT! I shoveled that crap off onto a *different * Mambo Jack. The sucker!"

Arnie100 wrote:(Meanwhile in Hawaii...)

Charon: "Thank the Gods I'm finally on vacation!!!"

(Doown Below...)

Marller: "This bloody sucks!"
Urd: "How'd we get conned into this?!"

taalismn wrote:BSB Sergeant: "Now, you want a truly NASTY 'it just hit the fan' golem? One raised from the sewage of a city heavy with magic users and magical critters. We're talking dragon droppings, unicorn muffins, and balrog bushels, that sort of thing. Stuff you find in parts of Tokyo-3 and Lazlo. Residual magic in THAT stuff? Those things tend to be godawful powerful and unpredictable compared to the regular animated nightsoil. Hell, we have to fight fire with fire and bring out the Formula 999...foaming agent that splits into dozens of Elemental Water Wisps that act like the 'scrubbing bubbles' from those old TV ads, plus a few other magic ingredients thrown in for good measure, like holy water and liquid sunshine. They don't last long on our plane of existence before they fade out, but they sure do a number on living messes. Problem is, that stuff is EXPENSIVE. It's almost easier to get approval to use a toilet tac-nuke than it is to get F999 refills, so Procurement doesn't like to let us know when they got supplies of the stuff, and they make us wade through paperwork after we use what we got."

Yuck. Definitly don't want to run into that.

wyrmraker wrote:Deep space, on the edge of a galaxy that has yet to see life. A tear opens within the firmament, and several massive asteroids pass through the interdimensional portal, the massive cables that bind them swaying in the radioactive flames of the instellar wind.

Within the central asteroid, computer banks come to life. Sensor arrays extend, all frequencies within the electromagnetic range tasted, sampled, and then processed.

Finally, the computer banks pinged. There, just there, a mere hint of something outside of stellar phenomena. After centuries, computer banks had finally found a hint of sentient beings.

Autonomous robots were released, scurrying into action as they cleaned deck plates, scoured walls, and oiled machinery. Calculations were run, coordinates sampled and rejected until finally a course had been decided upon.

Once the new course was set, and all of the onboard facilities checked out as in good working order, one of the outer wings fired up it's own production. Massive tanks were filled, genetic samples recombined and submitted for fast growth. Within hours, the new warriors would be ready for programming.

With all of it's preparations complete, the G95 Factory Satellite began warming up it's fold drive. It would take a considerable amount of time to reach the conjectured origin of the signal, but no matter. The new gene samples would be up to the task of fulfilling the directives of the mighty Zentraedi Empire against all foes. Sadly, it currently only had a handful of the genetic codes, but cloning would be simplicity.

'If only the cloned material didn't demand that their battlepods be so... huge,' the computers thought to themselves.
********
Okay, I re-read the beginning of the Crossover Question. Taalismn's suggestion prompted this blurb. Feel free to run with a Factory Satellite full of Rei, Shinji, and Asuka clones, all at zentraedi size.

I don't see this ending well for Shinji.

wyrmraker wrote:In foldspace, the Factory Satellite pondered it's record in acquiring genetic samples. While the one planet had yielded a mere four samples (three registered as mutant Tirolian, one as animal), they met all of the qualifications.

However, there had been... anomalies. At one point, a pair of gene samples had seemingly appeared in the clone tanks. Also mutant Tirolian, the satellite had had to jettison the cloning tanks into a star to avoid contamination. Some things were simply not worth the effort and resources. Standards had to be maintained.
***
At the revolving door at the edge of the River Styx...
Edwards and Kyle: NOT OUR FAULT!

Good one!

taalismn wrote:

wyrmraker wrote:Okay, I re-read the beginning of the Crossover Question. Taalismn's suggestion prompted this blurb. Feel free to run with a Factory Satellite full of Rei, Shinji, and Asuka clones, all at zentraedi size.

I can't recall; did I ever post the Zentraedi Genepool from Nerima short-fic?
Well, no matter. Repost:


Tiresia, Homeworld of the Robotech Empire:
“You are certain?”
“Yes, milord.”
“Destruction is complete?”
“Total. No survivors.”
“Nothing can be salvaged?”
“No, milord, it was total destruction.”
“You may go...Your presence is no longer needed.”
With that, the clone Guard Triad bowed in synch to the Robotech Master triumvirate and exited the room, entering the security lock to the Masters’ sanctum. The grim-faced Shaizan looked to his mirror-brethren, Dag and Bowkaz. They nodded with equally grim faces in return. A long-nailed hand emerged from a robe sleeve and touched a console on the floating Protoculture Cap the three Masters orbited about. From the direction of the annex-lock there came the hiss and slam of reinforced doors, a sizzling and a muffled scream as the hapless Guards were vaporized. Another command and a new set of Guards was ordered from the clone vats.
Word must not get out of the latest catastrophe to strike the Robotech Empire.
The Master Gene Banks, heart of their super soldier breeding program, repository of the genes they needed to keep their living weapons systems alive and vibrant. Destroyed, Irradiated, burned by nuclear fire. A dirty little tactical device, that bore all the signs of the Disciples of Zor, and undoubtedly smuggled in by some last, undetected, sympathizer of that accursed rebel movement, the last gasp of the pre-Robotech Tirolian Republic. But their last gesture has done more damage to the eugenically-pure Empire than their brethren on the rebel worlds had done in nearly a century of space warfare against the Empire’s legions.
Now the Robotech Masters, second only in power to the Robotech Elders, set to the work of marshalling their highest mental powers, pooling their great minds, and setting their resources to dealing with this crisis and addressing the real problem...saving their hides...
The Robotech Masters weren’t the only ones with a predilection for slaying the bearers of bad news....

Bowkaz cursed; the destruction of the gene banks had wiped out nearly a century’s worth of selective cloning work; the death of the loyal technicians had deprived them of the means to rebuild the work. Though the Zentraedi production program could go on with what soldiers had already been produced, the improvement of the breed was delayed, if not outright stalled. And the improvement of the Zentraedi was an absolute necessity if the reports of increased Invid inroads on the borders of the Empire were any indication. The whole situation had the potential of becoming far more serious if something wasn’t done.
The Master said as much to his colleagues.
Dag agreed. Something would have to be done to reverse and repair the situation. But what? The Robotech Masters were not themselves scientists, they were bureaucrats both by genetics and training; lab work was best left to the narrow-minded dispositions of Scientist triumvirates...and those lost in the explosion were the best and brightest of their decanting....
Shaizan chimed in with his own concerns, which, by token of their triumvirate, were ALL their concerns; whatever they had to do they would have to do it FAST, before the Robotech Elders decided to fix the blame for the lastest setback, when they learned of it. But who could they find on such short notice, and with the experience and expertise they needed?...

“Cabell.” The Masters said in unison.
The old doddard, another relic of the old Republic, kept around at the Elders’ insistance, might actually be of use for once.
“We’ll have HIM deal with this...”
“Produce a new generation of supersoldiers to reinforce our Zentraedi legions....”
“Or else...”
“It will be his responsibility..”
“His fault if he fails...”
“And OUR success if he succeeds!”
“We are in consensus.”
“Now, who tells him the news?”
“ME! ME!”
“Shaizan, control yourself.....We’ll roll lots for it...”

Cabell walked back to his quarters through the gathering darkness. Calm and detached he might have seemed on the surface, looking with all the wisdom of his three hundred-plus years, but under it all he was running around in circles, wringing his hands in frustration, and not a small amount of mounting terror, certain that those three hundred plus years were coming shortly to an end....How the hell was he going to come up with a whole new set of soldier templates that would keep the Masters’ cosmic ambitions satisfied? He’d given up almost all of his cloning research after they’d produced Exedore, first of the Zentraedi. A success in his time, but hardly what the Masters wanted...No, they wanted big and ruthless.....Now he had to supply the Masters’ appetites for even bigger weapons...But HOW? The gene banks had contained the last samples of the most desirable traits of the old ‘wild’, pre-cloning, population...samples taken from statesmen, artists, scientists, warriors...more than a few of them Cabell’s friends, who had resisted the coming of the Masters and the establishment of their Empire, and whose genetic material was saved, ironically, to eventually become the basis of the servents of that very same Empire....With the loss of the banks, Cabell had not only lost a last link to his pre-Imperial life, he had lost the raw material to save his post-Imperial life.....
“Pssst!...wanna buy some grade-A genetic material?” came the unexpected voice from the dark alley Cabell was passing.
“Huh?” The ancient, wise, learned mentor of Zor, co-founder of Robotechnology, and midwife of the Zentraedi articulated as his mental train derailed at the unexpected interruption.
“You look like a man who’s looking for some top-notch genetic material....I just happen to have come into possession of some nice, fresh, feral DNA....”
“WHAT are you offering?!” Cabell couldn’t believe this....it had to be a trick, a test of his loyalty, some bizzare plot to drive him crazy...
“Multiple samples from various humanoid individuals...unique characteristics, high physical marks, major performance potentials...” The figure extended a hand that Cabell could swear was scaled in metal from its dark robes.”Even got neurological material chock full of memory engrams...got persona profiles for all of them too....Take a look....” In the clawed hand was a softly glowing cube of a stasis box, in which a lump of excised cerebral tissue floated...Lines of bright text scrolled up the side.
Cabell decided that this was just too bizarre to be a plot of the Masters....Clever they were, ruthless they were...Loopy, they weren’t, and this was just too plain loopy....What would it hurt to take a look, he thought as he started reading the descriptions on the side of the bio-container.
“Yep....I got warrior-material here, and more...prime talent like you’ve never seen before...and they’re all yours for a small fee....some Protoculture, perhaps?”
Cabell paused in his examination of the scrolling DNA graphics to look at the shrouded figure. “Just who the hell are you? Not that I’m complaining, but I’d just like to know...”
“Who, me? Just your friendly galactic neighborhood life-force sucking...hey, hey, I’m not like that! Be cool!... Dimensional Raider....So, we got a deal?”
Maybe it was the sudden yo-yo from cold terror to sudden hope, however tenuous and unexpected...or maybe it was the quart of Garudan ale the old guy had chugged previously to steady his nerves, the glass of Praxian whiskey to keep it company, and the hip flask of anzoth to chase it all down....
“DEAL!”



One Year Later...

“Look at those physical potentials! They’re off the scale!”
“The response simulations show a marked aptitude for tactical cunning and sophisticated decision making, combined with an obsessive trend in almost all of the specimens...”
“Those obsessions will make them most easy to manipulate...an excellent foresight on your part, Cabell.”
“You have our permission. Begin full scale production of these units at once!”


Three Years Later......

Shaizan, Dag, and Bokwaz faced the Robotech Elders in the stark monumental Great Hall. They were puzzled by why they had been summoned with such urgency by their superiors, and, though emotion had been leeched out of them long ago, they felt a certain nervousness at the tone used to summon them.
“Explanations are demanded.”
...not a good sign...
“For what, milords?”
A servo arm brought a bowl of a greyish-green substance up to the assembled Robotech Masters....It was a substance the Three-Who-Are-One recognized immediately.
“You know what this is.”
“Yes...?”
“Eat it!”
“I do not understand...”
“Eat it!!!”
“It looks like rancid basic nutrient paste...”
“A most unappetizing substance, well below even the notice of our enlightened Master class...”
“EEEEEEAAAAATTTTTTTT IIIIITTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!”
*CRACKLE**THUNDER****
“Mppphhfff...mphpf.”
“What does it taste like!?”
“Mmmphh...umpff....thth...thth tasth goofth!”
“Yes! It does! Doesn’t it! IT”S NOT SUPPOSED TO TASTE GOOD!!!!!!IT’S FUEL FOR BIG, DUMB, LOYAL SOLDIER CLONES! HYDROCARBON-BASED INDUSTRIAL OFFAL!!! FODDER FOR GUN FODDER!!!!AND IT’S COMING OUT OF HALF THE DISPENSERS IN THE GRAND FLEET!!!”
“I still do not understand, milord Elder, we have not been informed of any changes in the diet of the Zentraedi! “
“THIS ISN”T OUR DOING, YOU MORONS! IT’S THOSE NEW CLONES YOU AUTHORIZED!!! ONE OF THOSE NEW FEMALE CADRES YOU DEPLOYED TWO CYCLES AGO HAS LEARNED HOW TO TAMPER WITH THE FOOD PROCESSORS ON THE SHIPS! THEY”RE NOW PRODUCING OVER ONE HUNDRED FIFTY DIFFERENT FLAVORS OF THIS STUFF! THEY’RE EATING BETTER THAN WE ARE!”

“AND IT’S NOT JUST THOSE CLONES EITHER! ALL THE OTHERS ARE ACTING STRANGE TOO!”
(big sweatdrop)
”But we thought you were pleased with them? Their performance pleased you greatly when we first introduced them.....We recall the Shand series....”
“YES, YES! ALL OF THEM REFUSED TO BACK DOWN FROM A CONFLICT! ALL WERE AGGRESSIVE!!! THE SHAND SERIES IN PARTICULAR! IF BEATEN THEY EITHER GO BACK AND KILL THE ENEMY OR FORCIBLY INDUCT THEM INTO THE EMPIRE!!! BUT WE FOUND OUT ‘HOW’..._ZENTRAEDI _AREN”T SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT -THAT-!!!!”
“What is exactly is the ‘how’?” spoke up Dag, before he was telepathically silenced by his brothers. Shaizan leaped into the verbal gap in an effort to change the subject before it got too graphic...
“But the others of the program have been an outstanding success...... the Ran series has proven most successful in detering the Invid from the Spinward frontiers.....”
“ AH, YES, THE FAILED EXPERIMENT IN SHAPESHIFTING! YOU CONVINCED US OF THEIR AGGRESSION...THEY NEVER LOST A BATTLE, YOU REPORTED!...WE BELIEVED YOU!...WE EVEN ALLOWED THEM THEIR OWN FLEET TO AVOID CONFUSION WITH THE MALES AND FEMALES OF THE REST OF THE GRAND FLEET!!! “
“A policy which has worked to our advantage...Their fighting ability is unparallleled!”

“-AND EVERY TIME WE REDEPLOY THEM, THEY INEVITABLY ATTRACT EVERY OTHER FEMALE FLEET IN THE QUADRANT!!! WE’VE HAD MASSIVE FORCE REDEPLOYMENTS WITHOUT OUR CONSENT!!!! OUR ENTIRE STRATEGY FOR THE ANTI-SPINWARD ARM IS -RUINED-!!!!! ”
.........
“WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELVES!!!!!!!!????”
“....”
“.....”
“---Can I have more of this? Hundred fifty flavors you say?”
Shaizan and Dag decided to hell with the Three Who Act as One and made a break for it...

They strike from the sky, in overwhelming numbers, from ships as large as continents. Populations cringe in terror at the sudden appearance of the teeming alien hordes and what they bring to the planets under their dominion...
Clean streets, fresh laundry, immaculate cities....
They never knew what hit them....
“Oh my...an entire galactic cluster? A dark nebula? Better get started then...”

The Invid war swarm stopped in mid flight, hovered, and turned, almost reluctantly it seemed. The Liguaa Scouts looked back at the scattered field of shattered mecha and broken giant bodies their attack sweep had left behind. Cyclopean optics spun and locked on several bodies in particular...Great burned and broken hulks of flesh and armor that had taken the full brunt of the savage onslaught.
Bodies that moved, pulled themselves up, pulled themselves back together, wounds visibily healing in seconds, burned skin regrowing into healthy tissue, fatal injuries proving not so....Within minutes, a company of fully healed Zentraedi warriors, all sharing the same general appearance, stood up and again took arms to defend their post...For the fifth time already...
The rather simple-minded Invid drones couldn’t take this sort of mental abuse...As one the Scout squadron plopped into the ground in a dead faint....

“I am sorry, milord, I cannot provide updates on the status of that squadron....They still have not arrived within the theatre area, or made contact with any of our units.”
Breetai sighed again, the great hiss of frustration and resignation echoing about the cavernous battleship bridge in response to the latest report. The new clone lines the Masters had foisted on them several years ago were incredible warriors, but the flaws they exhibited....for instance, the one that apparently decided to manifest right now....
“Very well...Expand the search sweep eighteen lumina-xerats...If the pickets cannot find them within the next twelve haad, we’ll just have to go on without them. “

Somewhere in Andromeda...
“WHERE THE HELL ARE WE NOW?!”

Enemies and allies of the Zentraedi alike learned to fear the female battalions of the Hammer...
It was perhaps fortunate that the clones of that particular battalion couldn’t resist their own experimentation with the food dispensers aboard their ships. The abandonment of their flagship caused delays in their deployment, though the position of the contaminated wreck had to be carefully tracked, lest it come near any habitable world....

Lone Zentraedi soldier...in long coat uniform...no armor..no weapons...easy pickings..
Okay...didn’t see the laser pistol...must have missed it behind his back at first galnce..
Where did he get the assault rifle?
TWO assault rifles?! Where did he hide THOSE?!
A ROCKET LAUNCHER???!!!
WHAT’S WITH THE BALLS AND CHAINS!!!???
NO-WAY- DOES HE HAVE A TOILET SEAT ON HIM!!! NO WA---

Azonia stared at her new advisor.
“It’s all quite simple...The Masters need the ships and the guns...WE have all the ships and guns...We have the Factories, too....They want what we got, they have to give us something in return....”
....Azonia found her advisor’s words oddly persuasive...Though she could have done without the constantly having to pay off her subordinate with rank privileges every time she wanted a situation update...

The end of the Masters’ Empire was complete with the MAKING of Zentraedi weapons., turned out by the warrior clones themsleves....Spatulas to be precise...BIG Spatulas....After that, it was all down hill....

(Somewhere, Takahashi Rumiko had a massive sneezing fit that had her assistants running for tissues... “Damn fanfic wannabees..” she swore...)

That was nice!

Urd: (Trying to shove Kyle and Edwards through the door) "Oh come on! Its jammed! Seriously!!! MMMOOMMM!!!"

Alpha 11 wrote:[

I miss the loops.!

The whole Loop genre still exists, especially on SpaceBattles, but I've discovered that in many cases they've become less spontaneous and more rules-heavy, and ironically many of the newer authors dump on Innortal, or discredit him, because the content of his Loops was light harem-comedy or NSF.

Much of my Robotech stuff, for instance, would be declared out because of the sexual olympics Rick and Lisa pull(although I contend that, like the original Innortal Loops, this was all in the earlier phases of their Looping, when they were substituting carnal activity for skill advancement as a way of retaining their sanity(or maybe it was BECAUSE they were all going a little insane with the Loops going into the hundreds..., it's like immortality).

taalismn wrote:

wyrmraker wrote:Okay, I re-read the beginning of the Crossover Question. Taalismn's suggestion prompted this blurb. Feel free to run with a Factory Satellite full of Rei, Shinji, and Asuka clones, all at zentraedi size.

I can't recall; did I ever post the Zentraedi Genepool from Nerima short-fic?
Well, no matter. Repost:


Tiresia, Homeworld of the Robotech Empire:
“You are certain?”
“Yes, milord.”
“Destruction is complete?”
“Total. No survivors.”
“Nothing can be salvaged?”
“No, milord, it was total destruction.”
“You may go...Your presence is no longer needed.”
With that, the clone Guard Triad bowed in synch to the Robotech Master triumvirate and exited the room, entering the security lock to the Masters’ sanctum. The grim-faced Shaizan looked to his mirror-brethren, Dag and Bowkaz. They nodded with equally grim faces in return. A long-nailed hand emerged from a robe sleeve and touched a console on the floating Protoculture Cap the three Masters orbited about. From the direction of the annex-lock there came the hiss and slam of reinforced doors, a sizzling and a muffled scream as the hapless Guards were vaporized. Another command and a new set of Guards was ordered from the clone vats.
Word must not get out of the latest catastrophe to strike the Robotech Empire.
The Master Gene Banks, heart of their super soldier breeding program, repository of the genes they needed to keep their living weapons systems alive and vibrant. Destroyed, Irradiated, burned by nuclear fire. A dirty little tactical device, that bore all the signs of the Disciples of Zor, and undoubtedly smuggled in by some last, undetected, sympathizer of that accursed rebel movement, the last gasp of the pre-Robotech Tirolian Republic. But their last gesture has done more damage to the eugenically-pure Empire than their brethren on the rebel worlds had done in nearly a century of space warfare against the Empire’s legions.
Now the Robotech Masters, second only in power to the Robotech Elders, set to the work of marshalling their highest mental powers, pooling their great minds, and setting their resources to dealing with this crisis and addressing the real problem...saving their hides...
The Robotech Masters weren’t the only ones with a predilection for slaying the bearers of bad news....

Bowkaz cursed; the destruction of the gene banks had wiped out nearly a century’s worth of selective cloning work; the death of the loyal technicians had deprived them of the means to rebuild the work. Though the Zentraedi production program could go on with what soldiers had already been produced, the improvement of the breed was delayed, if not outright stalled. And the improvement of the Zentraedi was an absolute necessity if the reports of increased Invid inroads on the borders of the Empire were any indication. The whole situation had the potential of becoming far more serious if something wasn’t done.
The Master said as much to his colleagues.
Dag agreed. Something would have to be done to reverse and repair the situation. But what? The Robotech Masters were not themselves scientists, they were bureaucrats both by genetics and training; lab work was best left to the narrow-minded dispositions of Scientist triumvirates...and those lost in the explosion were the best and brightest of their decanting....
Shaizan chimed in with his own concerns, which, by token of their triumvirate, were ALL their concerns; whatever they had to do they would have to do it FAST, before the Robotech Elders decided to fix the blame for the lastest setback, when they learned of it. But who could they find on such short notice, and with the experience and expertise they needed?...

“Cabell.” The Masters said in unison.
The old doddard, another relic of the old Republic, kept around at the Elders’ insistance, might actually be of use for once.
“We’ll have HIM deal with this...”
“Produce a new generation of supersoldiers to reinforce our Zentraedi legions....”
“Or else...”
“It will be his responsibility..”
“His fault if he fails...”
“And OUR success if he succeeds!”
“We are in consensus.”
“Now, who tells him the news?”
“ME! ME!”
“Shaizan, control yourself.....We’ll roll lots for it...”

Cabell walked back to his quarters through the gathering darkness. Calm and detached he might have seemed on the surface, looking with all the wisdom of his three hundred-plus years, but under it all he was running around in circles, wringing his hands in frustration, and not a small amount of mounting terror, certain that those three hundred plus years were coming shortly to an end....How the hell was he going to come up with a whole new set of soldier templates that would keep the Masters’ cosmic ambitions satisfied? He’d given up almost all of his cloning research after they’d produced Exedore, first of the Zentraedi. A success in his time, but hardly what the Masters wanted...No, they wanted big and ruthless.....Now he had to supply the Masters’ appetites for even bigger weapons...But HOW? The gene banks had contained the last samples of the most desirable traits of the old ‘wild’, pre-cloning, population...samples taken from statesmen, artists, scientists, warriors...more than a few of them Cabell’s friends, who had resisted the coming of the Masters and the establishment of their Empire, and whose genetic material was saved, ironically, to eventually become the basis of the servents of that very same Empire....With the loss of the banks, Cabell had not only lost a last link to his pre-Imperial life, he had lost the raw material to save his post-Imperial life.....
“Pssst!...wanna buy some grade-A genetic material?” came the unexpected voice from the dark alley Cabell was passing.
“Huh?” The ancient, wise, learned mentor of Zor, co-founder of Robotechnology, and midwife of the Zentraedi articulated as his mental train derailed at the unexpected interruption.
“You look like a man who’s looking for some top-notch genetic material....I just happen to have come into possession of some nice, fresh, feral DNA....”
“WHAT are you offering?!” Cabell couldn’t believe this....it had to be a trick, a test of his loyalty, some bizzare plot to drive him crazy...
“Multiple samples from various humanoid individuals...unique characteristics, high physical marks, major performance potentials...” The figure extended a hand that Cabell could swear was scaled in metal from its dark robes.”Even got neurological material chock full of memory engrams...got persona profiles for all of them too....Take a look....” In the clawed hand was a softly glowing cube of a stasis box, in which a lump of excised cerebral tissue floated...Lines of bright text scrolled up the side.
Cabell decided that this was just too bizarre to be a plot of the Masters....Clever they were, ruthless they were...Loopy, they weren’t, and this was just too plain loopy....What would it hurt to take a look, he thought as he started reading the descriptions on the side of the bio-container.
“Yep....I got warrior-material here, and more...prime talent like you’ve never seen before...and they’re all yours for a small fee....some Protoculture, perhaps?”
Cabell paused in his examination of the scrolling DNA graphics to look at the shrouded figure. “Just who the hell are you? Not that I’m complaining, but I’d just like to know...”
“Who, me? Just your friendly galactic neighborhood life-force sucking...hey, hey, I’m not like that! Be cool!... Dimensional Raider....So, we got a deal?”
Maybe it was the sudden yo-yo from cold terror to sudden hope, however tenuous and unexpected...or maybe it was the quart of Garudan ale the old guy had chugged previously to steady his nerves, the glass of Praxian whiskey to keep it company, and the hip flask of anzoth to chase it all down....
“DEAL!”



One Year Later...

“Look at those physical potentials! They’re off the scale!”
“The response simulations show a marked aptitude for tactical cunning and sophisticated decision making, combined with an obsessive trend in almost all of the specimens...”
“Those obsessions will make them most easy to manipulate...an excellent foresight on your part, Cabell.”
“You have our permission. Begin full scale production of these units at once!”


Three Years Later......

Shaizan, Dag, and Bokwaz faced the Robotech Elders in the stark monumental Great Hall. They were puzzled by why they had been summoned with such urgency by their superiors, and, though emotion had been leeched out of them long ago, they felt a certain nervousness at the tone used to summon them.
“Explanations are demanded.”
...not a good sign...
“For what, milords?”
A servo arm brought a bowl of a greyish-green substance up to the assembled Robotech Masters....It was a substance the Three-Who-Are-One recognized immediately.
“You know what this is.”
“Yes...?”
“Eat it!”
“I do not understand...”
“Eat it!!!”
“It looks like rancid basic nutrient paste...”
“A most unappetizing substance, well below even the notice of our enlightened Master class...”
“EEEEEEAAAAATTTTTTTT IIIIITTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!”
*CRACKLE**THUNDER****
“Mppphhfff...mphpf.”
“What does it taste like!?”
“Mmmphh...umpff....thth...thth tasth goofth!”
“Yes! It does! Doesn’t it! IT”S NOT SUPPOSED TO TASTE GOOD!!!!!!IT’S FUEL FOR BIG, DUMB, LOYAL SOLDIER CLONES! HYDROCARBON-BASED INDUSTRIAL OFFAL!!! FODDER FOR GUN FODDER!!!!AND IT’S COMING OUT OF HALF THE DISPENSERS IN THE GRAND FLEET!!!”
“I still do not understand, milord Elder, we have not been informed of any changes in the diet of the Zentraedi! “
“THIS ISN”T OUR DOING, YOU MORONS! IT’S THOSE NEW CLONES YOU AUTHORIZED!!! ONE OF THOSE NEW FEMALE CADRES YOU DEPLOYED TWO CYCLES AGO HAS LEARNED HOW TO TAMPER WITH THE FOOD PROCESSORS ON THE SHIPS! THEY”RE NOW PRODUCING OVER ONE HUNDRED FIFTY DIFFERENT FLAVORS OF THIS STUFF! THEY’RE EATING BETTER THAN WE ARE!”

“AND IT’S NOT JUST THOSE CLONES EITHER! ALL THE OTHERS ARE ACTING STRANGE TOO!”
(big sweatdrop)
”But we thought you were pleased with them? Their performance pleased you greatly when we first introduced them.....We recall the Shand series....”
“YES, YES! ALL OF THEM REFUSED TO BACK DOWN FROM A CONFLICT! ALL WERE AGGRESSIVE!!! THE SHAND SERIES IN PARTICULAR! IF BEATEN THEY EITHER GO BACK AND KILL THE ENEMY OR FORCIBLY INDUCT THEM INTO THE EMPIRE!!! BUT WE FOUND OUT ‘HOW’..._ZENTRAEDI _AREN”T SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT -THAT-!!!!”
“What is exactly is the ‘how’?” spoke up Dag, before he was telepathically silenced by his brothers. Shaizan leaped into the verbal gap in an effort to change the subject before it got too graphic...
“But the others of the program have been an outstanding success...... the Ran series has proven most successful in detering the Invid from the Spinward frontiers.....”
“ AH, YES, THE FAILED EXPERIMENT IN SHAPESHIFTING! YOU CONVINCED US OF THEIR AGGRESSION...THEY NEVER LOST A BATTLE, YOU REPORTED!...WE BELIEVED YOU!...WE EVEN ALLOWED THEM THEIR OWN FLEET TO AVOID CONFUSION WITH THE MALES AND FEMALES OF THE REST OF THE GRAND FLEET!!! “
“A policy which has worked to our advantage...Their fighting ability is unparallleled!”

“-AND EVERY TIME WE REDEPLOY THEM, THEY INEVITABLY ATTRACT EVERY OTHER FEMALE FLEET IN THE QUADRANT!!! WE’VE HAD MASSIVE FORCE REDEPLOYMENTS WITHOUT OUR CONSENT!!!! OUR ENTIRE STRATEGY FOR THE ANTI-SPINWARD ARM IS -RUINED-!!!!! ”
.........
“WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELVES!!!!!!!!????”
“....”
“.....”
“---Can I have more of this? Hundred fifty flavors you say?”
Shaizan and Dag decided to hell with the Three Who Act as One and made a break for it...

They strike from the sky, in overwhelming numbers, from ships as large as continents. Populations cringe in terror at the sudden appearance of the teeming alien hordes and what they bring to the planets under their dominion...
Clean streets, fresh laundry, immaculate cities....
They never knew what hit them....
“Oh my...an entire galactic cluster? A dark nebula? Better get started then...”

The Invid war swarm stopped in mid flight, hovered, and turned, almost reluctantly it seemed. The Liguaa Scouts looked back at the scattered field of shattered mecha and broken giant bodies their attack sweep had left behind. Cyclopean optics spun and locked on several bodies in particular...Great burned and broken hulks of flesh and armor that had taken the full brunt of the savage onslaught.
Bodies that moved, pulled themselves up, pulled themselves back together, wounds visibily healing in seconds, burned skin regrowing into healthy tissue, fatal injuries proving not so....Within minutes, a company of fully healed Zentraedi warriors, all sharing the same general appearance, stood up and again took arms to defend their post...For the fifth time already...
The rather simple-minded Invid drones couldn’t take this sort of mental abuse...As one the Scout squadron plopped into the ground in a dead faint....

“I am sorry, milord, I cannot provide updates on the status of that squadron....They still have not arrived within the theatre area, or made contact with any of our units.”
Breetai sighed again, the great hiss of frustration and resignation echoing about the cavernous battleship bridge in response to the latest report. The new clone lines the Masters had foisted on them several years ago were incredible warriors, but the flaws they exhibited....for instance, the one that apparently decided to manifest right now....
“Very well...Expand the search sweep eighteen lumina-xerats...If the pickets cannot find them within the next twelve haad, we’ll just have to go on without them. “

Somewhere in Andromeda...
“WHERE THE HELL ARE WE NOW?!”

Enemies and allies of the Zentraedi alike learned to fear the female battalions of the Hammer...
It was perhaps fortunate that the clones of that particular battalion couldn’t resist their own experimentation with the food dispensers aboard their ships. The abandonment of their flagship caused delays in their deployment, though the position of the contaminated wreck had to be carefully tracked, lest it come near any habitable world....

Lone Zentraedi soldier...in long coat uniform...no armor..no weapons...easy pickings..
Okay...didn’t see the laser pistol...must have missed it behind his back at first galnce..
Where did he get the assault rifle?
TWO assault rifles?! Where did he hide THOSE?!
A ROCKET LAUNCHER???!!!
WHAT’S WITH THE BALLS AND CHAINS!!!???
NO-WAY- DOES HE HAVE A TOILET SEAT ON HIM!!! NO WA---

Azonia stared at her new advisor.
“It’s all quite simple...The Masters need the ships and the guns...WE have all the ships and guns...We have the Factories, too....They want what we got, they have to give us something in return....”
....Azonia found her advisor’s words oddly persuasive...Though she could have done without the constantly having to pay off her subordinate with rank privileges every time she wanted a situation update...

The end of the Masters’ Empire was complete with the MAKING of Zentraedi weapons., turned out by the warrior clones themsleves....Spatulas to be precise...BIG Spatulas....After that, it was all down hill....

(Somewhere, Takahashi Rumiko had a massive sneezing fit that had her assistants running for tissues... “Damn fanfic wannabees..” she swore...)

I remember that one. Bloopers thread, if memory serves. I just filled out your idea of the G95 Satellite with an army of Rei clones as Bioroid pilots. It's actually on the first page of the Crossover Question thread.

wyrmraker wrote:[I remember that one. Bloopers thread, if memory serves. I just filled out your idea of the G95 Satellite with an army of Rei clones as Bioroid pilots. It's actually on the first page of the Crossover Question thread.

The Shinji clones will be " Mustn'trunawaymustn'trunawaymustn'trunaway."

"Okay, I get the purple power armors, and the blue and white battlepods, but what's with the red GLAUGS?!"*

*Okay, so, I'd prefer to see the Ayanamis in Quadrono armors, but Asuka really doesn't seem a long range missile person....

Tahiti, Charon walked down the beach in his Speedo...

Meanwhile in a nearby cabana, Erin and Sarah listened to the words of the Sage.

Coulson: "Your best bet is to head to Tintagel. There you will have to negotiate with Dôn for the Chronicles of the Gateway."

Meanwhile, in Nifleheim...

The Door exploded, sending Hild flying...

Hild: (Getting up, wiping the blood from her mouth) "Who Dares!?!"

Thanatos: (Brandishing the Infinity Gauntlet) "I COME SEEKING DEATH. ONLY SHE IS WORTHY TO BE MY CONSORT!"

Hild: "Your seeking Death? I can arrange that!"

SRoss wrote:Tahiti, Charon walked down the beach in his Speedo...

Meanwhile in a nearby cabana, Erin and Sarah listened to the words of the Sage.

Coulson: "Your best bet is to head to Tintagel. There you will have to negotiate with Dôn for the Chronicles of the Gateway."

Meanwhile, in Nifleheim...

The Door exploded, sending Hild flying...

Hild: (Getting up, wiping the blood from her mouth) "Who Dares!?!"

Thanatos: (Brandishing the Infinity Gauntlet) "I COME SEEKING DEATH. ONLY SHE IS WORTHY TO BE MY CONSORT!"

Hild: "Your seeking Death? I can arrange that!"

Marrler: "What NOW?!"
Urd: "Can't we get a break??"
Thanatos: " "That isn't what I had in mind."

SRoss wrote:Urd: (Trying to shove Kyle and Edwards through the door) "Oh come on! Its jammed! Seriously!!! MMMOOMMM!!!"

taalismn wrote:

Alpha 11 wrote:[

I miss the loops.!

The whole Loop genre still exists, especially on SpaceBattles, but I've discovered that in many cases they've become less spontaneous and more rules-heavy, and ironically many of the newer authors dump on Innortal, or discredit him, because the content of his Loops was light harem-comedy or NSF.

Much of my Robotech stuff, for instance, would be declared out because of the sexual olympics Rick and Lisa pull(although I contend that, like the original Innortal Loops, this was all in the earlier phases of their Looping, when they were substituting carnal activity for skill advancement as a way of retaining their sanity(or maybe it was BECAUSE they were all going a little insane with the Loops going into the hundreds..., it's like immortality).

Wow. But isn't he like one of the founders of the whole looping thing? And its just a story. You make the rules for your story, so what is their problem?

taalismn wrote:

wyrmraker wrote:[I remember that one. Bloopers thread, if memory serves. I just filled out your idea of the G95 Satellite with an army of Rei clones as Bioroid pilots. It's actually on the first page of the Crossover Question thread.

The Shinji clones will be " Mustn'trunawaymustn'trunawaymustn'trunaway."

"Okay, I get the purple power armors, and the blue and white battlepods, but what's with the red GLAUGS?!"*

*Okay, so, I'd prefer to see the Ayanamis in Quadrono armors, but Asuka really doesn't seem a long range missile person....

taalismn wrote:

wyrmraker wrote:[I remember that one. Bloopers thread, if memory serves. I just filled out your idea of the G95 Satellite with an army of Rei clones as Bioroid pilots. It's actually on the first page of the Crossover Question thread.

The Shinji clones will be " Mustn'trunawaymustn'trunawaymustn'trunaway."

"Okay, I get the purple power armors, and the blue and white battlepods, but what's with the red GLAUGS?!"*

*Okay, so, I'd prefer to see the Ayanamis in Quadrono armors, but Asuka really doesn't seem a long range missile person....

SRoss wrote:Tahiti, Charon walked down the beach in his Speedo...

Meanwhile in a nearby cabana, Erin and Sarah listened to the words of the Sage.

Coulson: "Your best bet is to head to Tintagel. There you will have to negotiate with Dôn for the Chronicles of the Gateway."

Meanwhile, in Nifleheim...

The Door exploded, sending Hild flying...

Hild: (Getting up, wiping the blood from her mouth) "Who Dares!?!"

Thanatos: (Brandishing the Infinity Gauntlet) "I COME SEEKING DEATH. ONLY SHE IS WORTHY TO BE MY CONSORT!"

Hild: "Your seeking Death? I can arrange that!"

Arnie100 wrote:

SRoss wrote:Tahiti, Charon walked down the beach in his Speedo...

Meanwhile in a nearby cabana, Erin and Sarah listened to the words of the Sage.

Coulson: "Your best bet is to head to Tintagel. There you will have to negotiate with Dôn for the Chronicles of the Gateway."

Meanwhile, in Nifleheim...

The Door exploded, sending Hild flying...

Hild: (Getting up, wiping the blood from her mouth) "Who Dares!?!"

Thanatos: (Brandishing the Infinity Gauntlet) "I COME SEEKING DEATH. ONLY SHE IS WORTHY TO BE MY CONSORT!"

Hild: "Your seeking Death? I can arrange that!"

Marrler: "What NOW?!"
Urd: "Can't we get a break??"
Thanatos: " "That isn't what I had in mind."

Umm, the GU-11 is 55mm not 30, but otherwise cool.

taalismn wrote: Pimp My Veritech: Star Wars Edition

“Well, stranded as I was, I got to talking with some of the local techs, and we did some spare parts raiding and swapping to bring my old Valk up to something they considered servicable by their standards.
Okay, first up: Propulsion. The old slam-burners got replaced with a combination of repulsor-lifts and Novaldex ion thrusters, Still burns slam, but more efficiently, and I don’t have to worry about thrust-burn while landing or hovering. Mind you, the Valk’s heavier than the A-Wing the powerplants are originally meant for, so it can’t match the As’ blazing performance, but I can still tie with the standard-issue X-Wings in-atmo or space. Actually, the Valk’s agility in atmo leaves the eX in the dust, even without going gerwalk.
The real honey’s the hyperdrive. Would you believe they got FTL that fits in a fighter? Admittedly, it took some sweat and swearing, but they managed to find enough space to shoehorn in a hyperdrive. Bad news is, unless I upgrade to a VT, the standard VF doesn’t have the room for an astromech in back, so I had to go with preprogrammed jump coordinates for the hyperdrive, so not a lot of flexibility there. I either have to know where I’m going well in advance, or take a coordinate feed from somebody else.
Avionics, I got a sweet particle shield out of the bargain. It’s not very powerful, so no standing in front of starship batteris, but it takes the heat off rail gun shots and gives me a chance against smaller energy weaponry. The sensor suite also got a makeover; the AESA I had looked positively primitive by their standards, and the off-the-shelf(and probably off-a-hangarqueen) set of sensors they installed instead improved sensor range and acuity like you wouldn’t believe. More than makes up for what was removed when the SDF-1’s deck crew installed the nose lasers. That brings us to the next topic.
Now for the teeth; Armament.
Gunpod-wise, the GU-11 had to go. Basic particle shielding will deflect the thirty-meemee like space debris. We decided to go with a modular approach, depending on what I was expecting to do on a mission. First one we tried was a Taim and Bak straight off an X-wing. Sure, with only one, I can’t equal the ‘wing’s quad-power, but I got greater arc of fire with it, the ‘pod being handheld. Next they wanted to try a laser cannon off an old AT-ST scout walker. Shorter range, but it packs a wallop. Then it was an ion cannon off a B-Wing. Again, lots of stopping power, but it eats power big time, resulting in a slow rate of fire. Does wonderful things to the electronics of other targets, though. Finally they wanted to try a large caliber shell launcher off a Trade Federation Droid Tank...not many shots, but the thing has serious punch. Pity the shells ain’t too common, but they’re smaller than the torpedoes that are the standard around these parts.
Nose lasers. Probably the easiest part of the refit. Genuine TIE fighter surplus. Better range. Love that.
Head lasers took some doing. They decided to go with an available CEG AG-26 quad-laser....took some doing to split the four cannon to straddle the head sensor package, and that also meant re-sighting them, but the result’s quite accurate and impressive, firepower-wise. Real complicated job and I hope we didn’t void the warranty cutting the thing apart like that. The guns also got a recoil effect to them...seriously? A laser with recoil? Took some compensating for to keep them from rattling the head pivot off its bearings. Not sure if all the trouble’s worth the added maintenance time; some of the techs were wondering aloud if it wouldn’t be easier to simple use more TIE lasers, especially if re-equipping Valks in squadron strength.
Fortunately the reflex powerplant was up to the job of powering all that. Frankly the Republic techs were amazed that my Valk got all that power from an organic source. They were equally amazed that a single pilot could manage all the parts without an astromech in assistance; guess our unsung reflex control systems aren’t so primitive after all.
Mind you, this bird’s not the equal of an X-wing, except when it comes to missile capacity, where I got thirty percent more throw-weight with a three-rack on all the hardpoints, and if I could have persuaded them to make me the six-shot pods like I wanted, I could have fielded as many missiles as three X-wings. Their supply officers, however, didn’t want me using up all the missiles for a wing, so they drew the line at that, and forget about the FAST pack configuration I told them about!
All in all, the Republic techs thought my reworked bird didn’t quite stack up as a space combat unit in anything other than close quarters, but it made a wonderful ground attack fighter. They also said that with all the moving parts, my Valk was a bigger maintenance-nerf than an A-wing and a B-wing combined. Pity I couldn’t have joined them on that Starkiller attack; I’d have liked to see if TIEs were as good-shooting as Gnerls.”

Nice! Love it!

SRoss wrote:Umm, the GU-11 is 55mm not 30, but otherwise cool.

Okay, that ups the damage somewhat, but I figure an X-wing can STILL take a chicken strike at a good hefty mach speed.

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:Umm, the GU-11 is 55mm not 30, but otherwise cool.

Okay, that ups the damage somewhat, but I figure an X-wing can STILL take a chicken strike at a good hefty mach speed.

One X-Wing Laser Blast equals the power output of a Galaxy class star ship for one year. So yeah, no competition.

SRoss wrote:[

One X-Wing Laser Blast equals the power output of a Galaxy class star ship for one year. So yeah, no competition.

Where'd you get THAT figure?

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:Umm, the GU-11 is 55mm not 30, but otherwise cool.

Okay, that ups the damage somewhat, but I figure an X-wing can STILL take a chicken strike at a good hefty mach speed.

Wouldn't it also depend on the round that it is firing? Like a depleted uranium round?

SRoss wrote:

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:Umm, the GU-11 is 55mm not 30, but otherwise cool.

Okay, that ups the damage somewhat, but I figure an X-wing can STILL take a chicken strike at a good hefty mach speed.

One X-Wing Laser Blast equals the power output of a Galaxy class star ship for one year. So yeah, no competition.

Ya right.

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:[

One X-Wing Laser Blast equals the power output of a Galaxy class star ship for one year. So yeah, no competition.

Where'd you get THAT figure?

Agree!

Alpha 11 wrote:[
Wouldn't it also depend on the round that it is firing? Like a depleted uranium round?!

Projectile cannons in Star Wars don't seem terribly common, or rate as(soacecraft) weapons at all....Typically what one sees, especially in the Clone Wars are variations on missile and rocket launchers.
True, the 'particle shields' that most fighters seem fitted with aren't full-on forcefields, but seem mainly to protect the fighter from the small stuff you'd likely find around any colonized world in SW with a substantial space presence(a.i. the sort of minor rubbish like stray nuts, bolts, paint flecks, metal shavings, and the like, made worse by the higher speeds of SW spacecraft) plus space dust, up to a limit like human-sized rubbish, so possibly a high velocity heavy round could do some damage, if the velocity was high enough, and the target's closing speed running into the round was high enough, but there's no category of lighter-caliber projectile weaponry on spacecraft between infantry stub guns and vehicle grenade launchers, and the missile launchers on spacecraft. No rail or flak-cannons. Missiles are used against BIG targets, rather than chasing fighters, so I'm presuming that particle shields are good enough to deflect flak shrapnel, so a missile needs to make a direct hit to be truly effective.
Of course, maybe it's a cultural blind spot in SW because blasters are cheaper to maintain, and a 55mm cannon will ripsaw through a TIE fighter(everything else seems to)...but I doubt it.

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:[

One X-Wing Laser Blast equals the power output of a Galaxy class star ship for one year. So yeah, no competition.

Where'd you get THAT figure?

The figure which isn't considered cannon, came from comparing figures from an old Star Wars Technical Manual printed in the 70s, and one of the Star Trek: the Next Generation Technical Manuals.

Apparently ST matter-anti-matter reactions are pretty lame compared to the fusion generators in SW.
Wonder how much BAMG you'd therefore get exploding a Power Droid?

taalismn wrote:Apparently ST matter-anti-matter reactions are pretty lame compared to the fusion generators in SW.
Wonder how much BAMG you'd therefore get exploding a Power Droid?

I suspect it was more a case of a writer with no science of technical knowledge figuring "Well, I'm just writing a fluff book for kiddies. I can just pull figures out of my butt."

*Gonk-Gonk-Gonk-*
"What the hades? What is THAT?"
"It must be some micronian trick! Destroy it before it gets to-"
#BLAM#
(Guard Triumvirate parts rain down all over)

"So that's what happens when you blow up one of those power droids. Huh...I thought they were supposed to be SAFE."
"Well, they are, as long as you don't stuff the casing full of fusion blocks."
"....okay, that sort of defeats the experiment.."

taalismn wrote:

Alpha 11 wrote:[
Wouldn't it also depend on the round that it is firing? Like a depleted uranium round?!

Projectile cannons in Star Wars don't seem terribly common, or rate as(soacecraft) weapons at all....Typically what one sees, especially in the Clone Wars are variations on missile and rocket launchers.
True, the 'particle shields' that most fighters seem fitted with aren't full-on forcefields, but seem mainly to protect the fighter from the small stuff you'd likely find around any colonized world in SW with a substantial space presence(a.i. the sort of minor rubbish like stray nuts, bolts, paint flecks, metal shavings, and the like, made worse by the higher speeds of SW spacecraft) plus space dust, up to a limit like human-sized rubbish, so possibly a high velocity heavy round could do some damage, if the velocity was high enough, and the target's closing speed running into the round was high enough, but there's no category of lighter-caliber projectile weaponry on spacecraft between infantry stub guns and vehicle grenade launchers, and the missile launchers on spacecraft. No rail or flak-cannons. Missiles are used against BIG targets, rather than chasing fighters, so I'm presuming that particle shields are good enough to deflect flak shrapnel, so a missile needs to make a direct hit to be truly effective.
Of course, maybe it's a cultural blind spot in SW because blasters are cheaper to maintain, and a 55mm cannon will ripsaw through a TIE fighter(everything else seems to)...but I doubt it.

Then again, it just sounds like we don't have enough info to come to real answer.

SRoss wrote:

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:[

One X-Wing Laser Blast equals the power output of a Galaxy class star ship for one year. So yeah, no competition.

Where'd you get THAT figure?

The figure which isn't considered cannon, came from comparing figures from an old Star Wars Technical Manual printed in the 70s, and one of the Star Trek: the Next Generation Technical Manuals.

Must have come out then right after the first movie. And ya, not very good info, it would seem.

taalismn wrote:Apparently ST matter-anti-matter reactions are pretty lame compared to the fusion generators in SW.
Wonder how much BAMG you'd therefore get exploding a Power Droid?

Droids get destroyed all the time in the Clone Wars, so no.

SRoss wrote:

taalismn wrote:Apparently ST matter-anti-matter reactions are pretty lame compared to the fusion generators in SW.
Wonder how much BAMG you'd therefore get exploding a Power Droid?

I suspect it was more a case of a writer with no science of technical knowledge figuring "Well, I'm just writing a fluff book for kiddies. I can just pull figures out of my butt."

Sounds about right.

taalismn wrote:*Gonk-Gonk-Gonk-*
"What the hades? What is THAT?"
"It must be some micronian trick! Destroy it before it gets to-"
#BLAM#
(Guard Triumvirate parts rain down all over)

"So that's what happens when you blow up one of those power droids. Huh...I thought they were supposed to be SAFE."
"Well, they are, as long as you don't stuff the casing full of fusion blocks."
"....okay, that sort of defeats the experiment.."

"Ladies and gentlemen, your regularly scheduled Game Of Pain will not be aired tonight. Instead, I am Johnny Gomez."

"And I am Nick Diamond! Welcome to the first episode of ROBOTECH DEATHMATCH!"

"That's right, Nick. And boy, do we have some interesting things happening tonight. One is a fight for honor, the other is a competition for charity!"

"I'm telling you, Johnny, this is going to be one blood-drenched night that our viewers will never forget. Let's meet our first contender!"

"Hailing from the Nerima Ward of Tokyo, Japan, standing 5 feet 7 inches, weighing in at one hundred eighty nine pounds, Mister Genma Saotome! Mister Saotome, please tell us what you are fighting for tonight."

The heavyset man in a gi adjusted his glasses. "I will fight for the right to drag my foolish son back to the altar! He will end this sordid affair with a worthless woman who has clearly manipulated him away from the TRUE PATH of family honor! And then he will marry Akane, uniting the two schools forever more."

"That's very interesting, Mister Saotome," Johnny replied. "And now, let's meet your challenger! Coming all the way from NG-Earth's Tokyo-3, standing 5 feet 4 inches, weighing in at 121 pounds, Captain Rei Ayanami-Hunter!"

Rei slid under the rope, glaring daggers at the man her husband was descended from.

"And with us, as always, is our very own referee, Mills Lane! And now, as the contenders warm up, a moment backstage from where Stacey Cornbred managed to get a quick interview with Commander Ranma Hunter."

"Commander Hunter, what do *you* feel this fight is really about?"

Ranma leaned against the door to the changing area. "It's the old man treating me like a piece of meat again. He's probably trying to save his ass from getting carved off by my mom. That's about it."

"And we're back at ringside!" Nick exclaimed. "I'll tell ya, Johnny, this is one grudge match that's gonna rival even the hit series Gendo's Faces of Death."

"That's no lie, Nick. And Mills Lane has entered the ring!"

"Okay, you two. Step forward, shake hands. No, I don't care if you're japanese! You shake hands in this ring, not bow! That's better. Now, I want a good, clean fight. No biting, no guns, and keep it in the ring! Let's get it on!"

"There's Genma, rolling away to give himself space even as Rei has rolled to the side, clearly expecting an attack."

"Nick, the Saotome style is primarily an aerial style, so it makes sense for Genma to to that, and for Rei to get clear."

"Oh, Genma has leaped to the top of the turnstyle, and is... Yes! A classic Shooting Star Kick!"

"And there's Rei, deflecting the much larger man's force with her AT-Field. And there he goes, flying towards the ropes! He bounces off the ropes, and... But no! The wily older man has CLUNG to the ropes, ladies and gentlemen!"

Genma finally let go of the ropes, standing fully upright. "Give this foolishness up, girl. Go back to your home, give up your wanton ways so that my son can fulfill his honorable duty. Clearly, a woman like you should be with someone more worthy of you, like a salaryman. Stop your foolish, dishonorable pursuit of my boy. You clearluy have inferior genes, I can only imagine what your offspring would be afflicted with..."

"Ladies and Gentlemen, WE HAVE IGNITION! Johnny, tell me I'm not seeing stuff again!"

"Nick, your eyes are working just fine. Captain Hunter has achieved spontaneous combustion with the Righteous Fury of her AT-Field! She reaches out and... Oh! Oh my god, that was brutal!"

"I know, Johnny, I know. In all my years of television, I have never seen a man turned inside out while still alive, then turned into a panda and SKINNED, and then turned BACK into a human for a chainsaw to the skull! Oh, the brutality!"

"That's right, Nick. Our ratings will skyrocket tonight. And so, while the ring is cleaned up, a word from our sponsors."

"Welcome back, folks. I'm Nick Diamond."

"And I'm Johnny Gomez. Before the commercial break, we had Genma Saotome fighting Rei Ayanami-Hunter for the rights to who got to take Commander Hunter home. And by an ugly, gory, excessively violent match, Captain Ayanami-Hunter is the winner!

"And now folks, for the charity competition. Our competitor, from R-Earth, you all have seen him, some of you even voted for him, let's welcome the United Earths Government Chairman Moran!"

Scattered cheers, and a lot of boo-ing comes from the audience as Moran walks up to the astage, mostly covered in glittering sheet.

"Today, Chairman, You will be competing for charity! If you win, your next campaign gets one million dollars! And if you lose, that million goes to the sports department of the local Monument City High School!"

"I understand," Moran growled out. "Just tell me what to do so that I can get this farce over with."

"Chairman, you are now being strapped to a harness. Raise him up and... Yes! Now reveal the challenge!"

The shimmering cloth is pulled aside to reveal an extremely large water tank.

"Chairman, you challenge is to survive being eaten by a magalodon shark! Drop him in!"

A splash, some gurgling, and then Moran is bodily flung from the tank, even as the prehistoric shark is coughing and gaggin over the side.

"Oh dear, it looks like not even a hungry Megalodon Shark can swallow your empty campaign promises! Congratulations, Charman! You win!"

"Ladies and gentlemen, in conclusion we would like to say, 'Good fight, good night!"
****
I've been rereading the thread from the beginning. I wanted to do something a little different than the usual victims of the Game of Pain.

I'm also working on two separate projects. Darkraven started getting brutally dark in my mind, so I'm easing off that for a bit in favor of an idea proposed fairly early in the thread (about page 20 or so).

Considering how Rei could have just tanged Genma......he got off light.
"Wet vac in the ring!"
(BSB trooper jumps up with a full cleaning kit attached to his combat webbing and dutifully starts mopping up)

I just wanted to write something lighthearted, and Celebrity Deathmatch seemed an appropriate alternative for the Game of Pain.

wyrmraker wrote:I just wanted to write something lighthearted, and Celebrity Deathmatch seemed an appropriate alternative for the Game of Pain.

And it worked. It was light comedy....and Genma-bashing is nearly as fun as Gendo-bashing.....that two-letter difference doesn't make much difference in ultimate outcome, though both men come from difference attitudes and aims. Gendo is perfectly willing to destroy the world just to be re-united with his wife. Genma is perfectly willing to destroy his son's life(and possibly his marriage) to live a long lazy retirement.

wyrmraker wrote:"Ladies and gentlemen, your regularly scheduled Game Of Pain will not be aired tonight. Instead, I am Johnny Gomez."

"And I am Nick Diamond! Welcome to the first episode of ROBOTECH DEATHMATCH!"

"That's right, Nick. And boy, do we have some interesting things happening tonight. One is a fight for honor, the other is a competition for charity!"

"I'm telling you, Johnny, this is going to be one blood-drenched night that our viewers will never forget. Let's meet our first contender!"

"Hailing from the Nerima Ward of Tokyo, Japan, standing 5 feet 7 inches, weighing in at one hundred eighty nine pounds, Mister Genma Saotome! Mister Saotome, please tell us what you are fighting for tonight."

The heavyset man in a gi adjusted his glasses. "I will fight for the right to drag my foolish son back to the altar! He will end this sordid affair with a worthless woman who has clearly manipulated him away from the TRUE PATH of family honor! And then he will marry Akane, uniting the two schools forever more."

"That's very interesting, Mister Saotome," Johnny replied. "And now, let's meet your challenger! Coming all the way from NG-Earth's Tokyo-3, standing 5 feet 4 inches, weighing in at 121 pounds, Captain Rei Ayanami-Hunter!"

Rei slid under the rope, glaring daggers at the man her husband was descended from.

"And with us, as always, is our very own referee, Mills Lane! And now, as the contenders warm up, a moment backstage from where Stacey Cornbred managed to get a quick interview with Commander Ranma Hunter."

"Commander Hunter, what do *you* feel this fight is really about?"

Ranma leaned against the door to the changing area. "It's the old man treating me like a piece of meat again. He's probably trying to save his ass from getting carved off by my mom. That's about it."

"And we're back at ringside!" Nick exclaimed. "I'll tell ya, Johnny, this is one grudge match that's gonna rival even the hit series Gendo's Faces of Death."

"That's no lie, Nick. And Mills Lane has entered the ring!"

"Okay, you two. Step forward, shake hands. No, I don't care if you're japanese! You shake hands in this ring, not bow! That's better. Now, I want a good, clean fight. No biting, no guns, and keep it in the ring! Let's get it on!"

"There's Genma, rolling away to give himself space even as Rei has rolled to the side, clearly expecting an attack."

"Nick, the Saotome style is primarily an aerial style, so it makes sense for Genma to to that, and for Rei to get clear."

"Oh, Genma has leaped to the top of the turnstyle, and is... Yes! A classic Shooting Star Kick!"

"And there's Rei, deflecting the much larger man's force with her AT-Field. And there he goes, flying towards the ropes! He bounces off the ropes, and... But no! The wily older man has CLUNG to the ropes, ladies and gentlemen!"

Genma finally let go of the ropes, standing fully upright. "Give this foolishness up, girl. Go back to your home, give up your wanton ways so that my son can fulfill his honorable duty. Clearly, a woman like you should be with someone more worthy of you, like a salaryman. Stop your foolish, dishonorable pursuit of my boy. You clearluy have inferior genes, I can only imagine what your offspring would be afflicted with..."

"Ladies and Gentlemen, WE HAVE IGNITION! Johnny, tell me I'm not seeing stuff again!"

"Nick, your eyes are working just fine. Captain Hunter has achieved spontaneous combustion with the Righteous Fury of her AT-Field! She reaches out and... Oh! Oh my god, that was brutal!"

"I know, Johnny, I know. In all my years of television, I have never seen a man turned inside out while still alive, then turned into a panda and SKINNED, and then turned BACK into a human for a chainsaw to the skull! Oh, the brutality!"

"That's right, Nick. Our ratings will skyrocket tonight. And so, while the ring is cleaned up, a word from our sponsors."

Great first one!

wyrmraker wrote:"Welcome back, folks. I'm Nick Diamond."

"And I'm Johnny Gomez. Before the commercial break, we had Genma Saotome fighting Rei Ayanami-Hunter for the rights to who got to take Commander Hunter home. And by an ugly, gory, excessively violent match, Captain Ayanami-Hunter is the winner!

"And now folks, for the charity competition. Our competitor, from R-Earth, you all have seen him, some of you even voted for him, let's welcome the United Earths Government Chairman Moran!"

Scattered cheers, and a lot of boo-ing comes from the audience as Moran walks up to the astage, mostly covered in glittering sheet.

"Today, Chairman, You will be competing for charity! If you win, your next campaign gets one million dollars! And if you lose, that million goes to the sports department of the local Monument City High School!"

"I understand," Moran growled out. "Just tell me what to do so that I can get this farce over with."

"Chairman, you are now being strapped to a harness. Raise him up and... Yes! Now reveal the challenge!"

The shimmering cloth is pulled aside to reveal an extremely large water tank.

"Chairman, you challenge is to survive being eaten by a magalodon shark! Drop him in!"

A splash, some gurgling, and then Moran is bodily flung from the tank, even as the prehistoric shark is coughing and gaggin over the side.

"Oh dear, it looks like not even a hungry Megalodon Shark can swallow your empty campaign promises! Congratulations, Charman! You win!"

"Ladies and gentlemen, in conclusion we would like to say, 'Good fight, good night!"
****
I've been rereading the thread from the beginning. I wanted to do something a little different than the usual victims of the Game of Pain.

I'm also working on two separate projects. Darkraven started getting brutally dark in my mind, so I'm easing off that for a bit in favor of an idea proposed fairly early in the thread (about page 20 or so).

Can't wait to read what you will coming out with next!

taalismn wrote:Considering how Rei could have just tanged Genma......he got off light.
"Wet vac in the ring!"
(BSB trooper jumps up with a full cleaning kit attached to his combat webbing and dutifully starts mopping up)

wyrmraker wrote:I just wanted to write something lighthearted, and Celebrity Deathmatch seemed an appropriate alternative for the Game of Pain.

Well, I had a great laugh!

taalismn wrote:

wyrmraker wrote:I just wanted to write something lighthearted, and Celebrity Deathmatch seemed an appropriate alternative for the Game of Pain.

And it worked. It was light comedy....and Genma-bashing is nearly as fun as Gendo-bashing.....that two-letter difference doesn't make much difference in ultimate outcome, though both men come from difference attitudes and aims. Gendo is perfectly willing to destroy the world just to be re-united with his wife. Genma is perfectly willing to destroy his son's life(and possibly his marriage) to live a long lazy retirement.

Agree, and its always fun to read!

Just a little blurb before I (hopefully) hammer out some bits this weekend.
***
The man in the wheelchair stared at the woman asleep in the bed from behind the blackout glass. Features so familiar, and yet time had still blurred his memories of her.

Misato Katsuragi [NG-01] looked at the man she'd been asked to accompany. his hands were gripping the armrests of his chair tightly, as if he was afraid that he would lash out at something, someONE. Various emotions played across his face, most commonly rage and anger.

"Doctor Ikari," Misato gently spoke, "we can let you inside as soon as her vitals stabilize. You can be with your wife again."

Gendo Ikari [NG-41, AKA NG-LG (Legless Gendo)] sighed, finally releasing the armrests of his wheelchair to take off his glasses. "I... I don't think that would be a good idea, Miss Katsuragi. Odds are very good that she will not want to see me, and then a fight will break out."

"Gendo, I heard some of what happened on your world. And while your wife's plan for Instrumentality was thwarted by you, there's no reason she can't change her mind."

Gendo looked up at the young-seeming woman. He'd heard her story, oh yes. The originally discovered NG timeline, nearly killed during the Jet Alone debacle, and finally brought out of her coma only a few years ago as a sprightly (and almost sinfully beautiful) nineteen year old woman.

Misato, on the other hand, saw a man with old, tired eyes. He hadn't yet undergone the Edenii treatment, so his age of sixty-three was clearly apparent, yet he'd managed to age quite well.

"Misato, my wife's entire work was based around the Instrumentality, literally using Unit-01 to have the equivalent power of Adam or Lilith for her own. 'Humans can only live on this planet, but Evangelion can live forever... together with the human soul that dwells within it.' is what she said. And she will hate me for preventing her from achieving it. She told Kozou, but not me; I had to drag it out of him after the initial contact experiment."

Slowly turning his wheelchair around, he began rolling towards the door before stopping. Turning back to Misato, he commented, "I suppose the only task that remains is to determine just how similar the various Yui Ikari's really are. After all, it's easy to blame the bastard who was in the process of masterminding the process. But has anyone ever asked what all the different Yui's original intentions were? Or were they simply treated as the victimes of a malicious husband, blinded by their love for him?"

With that, Gendo rolled out the door, heading towards the Edenii chambers, leaving behind a stunned and concerned Misato.
***
I decided to revisit the elderly Gendo's viewpoint from the Eva world I wrote on. I have no answer for the various Yiu's, so feel free to take a gander at it. I personally go with the theory that the original Yui knew *exactly* what she was doing, down to almost the last details for triggering Third Impact on her terms. But I have read up on a lot of the theories based on the information culled from the show, movies, and video games.

I agree completely....Given how Anno liked psych-screwing just about every one of his characters, Yui comes off more and more as less innocent victim and more one of the original orchestrators of the post-Impact clusterfrak...SEELE's plans just seemed to crystallize her own ideas and gave her the resources to pull it off. And having Naoki Akagi's jealousy make her a good prospect for having 'sabotaged' the Contact Experiment? Yeah.

Gregg Landsman's got several sequences in his fanfictions where Awesome Gendo shows his mental scars of dealing with his wife basically screwing him over with her plans, and in at least one of them he even manages(to an alternate universe Yui in Unit-01) delivers a perfect Reasons Why You Suck speech.

This being a multiverse, though, there's plenty of wiggle room for everybody from Innocent Forced-into-it-by-an-abusive-husband Yui to Depraved I'm-going-to-be-the-immortal-monument-of-Humanity Yui. The UEsG just managed to run into a few closely-aligned Gendo-as-Bastardking universes, but, as they're getting more and more psychics in their ranks, sorting out the innocent Yuis from the conniving Yuis becomes easier.

What this means, though, is that the GMP is likely soon going to have to open a few new segregated institutions for dealing with Driven-Evil Gendos and Just-As-Rotten Yuis.
It would be pure irony if at some point they had a future Game of Pain episode with Yui (maybe several) as a 'contestant', with a booing section of Gendos and Shinjis.

I could definitely see something like that. I felt it was long past time to see what the various Yui's were all about.

Of course, my personal pet theory is that Pen Pen was actually the true guiding influence on Instrumentality, but hey, what do I know, right?

wyrmraker wrote:I could definitely see something like that. I felt it was long past time to see what the various Yui's were all about.

Of course, my personal pet theory is that Pen Pen was actually the true guiding influence on Instrumentality, but hey, what do I know, right?

One man's LCL is another man's Petit Cola....

"Okay, why are you looking funny at your Orange Petit Cola, Perkins?"
"...I thought I heard somebody screaming as I drank it...."
"That's...nonsense..."
""...and there's an earing in the bottom of this can..."

wyrmraker wrote:Just a little blurb before I (hopefully) hammer out some bits this weekend.
***
The man in the wheelchair stared at the woman asleep in the bed from behind the blackout glass. Features so familiar, and yet time had still blurred his memories of her.

Misato Katsuragi [NG-01] looked at the man she'd been asked to accompany. his hands were gripping the armrests of his chair tightly, as if he was afraid that he would lash out at something, someONE. Various emotions played across his face, most commonly rage and anger.

"Doctor Ikari," Misato gently spoke, "we can let you inside as soon as her vitals stabilize. You can be with your wife again."

Gendo Ikari [NG-41, AKA NG-LG (Legless Gendo)] sighed, finally releasing the armrests of his wheelchair to take off his glasses. "I... I don't think that would be a good idea, Miss Katsuragi. Odds are very good that she will not want to see me, and then a fight will break out."

"Gendo, I heard some of what happened on your world. And while your wife's plan for Instrumentality was thwarted by you, there's no reason she can't change her mind."

Gendo looked up at the young-seeming woman. He'd heard her story, oh yes. The originally discovered NG timeline, nearly killed during the Jet Alone debacle, and finally brought out of her coma only a few years ago as a sprightly (and almost sinfully beautiful) nineteen year old woman.

Misato, on the other hand, saw a man with old, tired eyes. He hadn't yet undergone the Edenii treatment, so his age of sixty-three was clearly apparent, yet he'd managed to age quite well.

"Misato, my wife's entire work was based around the Instrumentality, literally using Unit-01 to have the equivalent power of Adam or Lilith for her own. 'Humans can only live on this planet, but Evangelion can live forever... together with the human soul that dwells within it.' is what she said. And she will hate me for preventing her from achieving it. She told Kozou, but not me; I had to drag it out of him after the initial contact experiment."

Slowly turning his wheelchair around, he began rolling towards the door before stopping. Turning back to Misato, he commented, "I suppose the only task that remains is to determine just how similar the various Yui Ikari's really are. After all, it's easy to blame the bastard who was in the process of masterminding the process. But has anyone ever asked what all the different Yui's original intentions were? Or were they simply treated as the victimes of a malicious husband, blinded by their love for him?"

With that, Gendo rolled out the door, heading towards the Edenii chambers, leaving behind a stunned and concerned Misato.
***
I decided to revisit the elderly Gendo's viewpoint from the Eva world I wrote on. I have no answer for the various Yiu's, so feel free to take a gander at it. I personally go with the theory that the original Yui knew *exactly* what she was doing, down to almost the last details for triggering Third Impact on her terms. But I have read up on a lot of the theories based on the information culled from the show, movies, and video games.

Wow. This got pretty thoughtful. Nicely done!

taalismn wrote:I agree completely....Given how Anno liked psych-screwing just about every one of his characters, Yui comes off more and more as less innocent victim and more one of the original orchestrators of the post-Impact clusterfrak...SEELE's plans just seemed to crystallize her own ideas and gave her the resources to pull it off. And having Naoki Akagi's jealousy make her a good prospect for having 'sabotaged' the Contact Experiment? Yeah.

Gregg Landsman's got several sequences in his fanfictions where Awesome Gendo shows his mental scars of dealing with his wife basically screwing him over with her plans, and in at least one of them he even manages(to an alternate universe Yui in Unit-01) delivers a perfect Reasons Why You Suck speech.

This being a multiverse, though, there's plenty of wiggle room for everybody from Innocent Forced-into-it-by-an-abusive-husband Yui to Depraved I'm-going-to-be-the-immortal-monument-of-Humanity Yui. The UEsG just managed to run into a few closely-aligned Gendo-as-Bastardking universes, but, as they're getting more and more psychics in their ranks, sorting out the innocent Yuis from the conniving Yuis becomes easier.

What this means, though, is that the GMP is likely soon going to have to open a few new segregated institutions for dealing with Driven-Evil Gendos and Just-As-Rotten Yuis.
It would be pure irony if at some point they had a future Game of Pain episode with Yui (maybe several) as a 'contestant', with a booing section of Gendos and Shinjis.

Won't mind that!

wyrmraker wrote:I could definitely see something like that. I felt it was long past time to see what the various Yui's were all about.

Of course, my personal pet theory is that Pen Pen was actually the true guiding influence on Instrumentality, but hey, what do I know, right?

Ya, I've read some interesting stories on Pen Pen and what he can really do.

taalismn wrote:

wyrmraker wrote:I could definitely see something like that. I felt it was long past time to see what the various Yui's were all about.

Of course, my personal pet theory is that Pen Pen was actually the true guiding influence on Instrumentality, but hey, what do I know, right?

One man's LCL is another man's Petit Cola....

"Okay, why are you looking funny at your Orange Petit Cola, Perkins?"
"...I thought I heard somebody screaming as I drank it...."
"That's...nonsense..."
""...and there's an earing in the bottom of this can..."