Network Omni News

[taalismn]

This grew out of the discussion on Megaversal Media Programming...
Sure, it's got holes, and I could/should come up with some new minions and hardware to further distance these guys from the rest of the one-eyed, sticky-tentacled pack, but for now, the basics...

Just an idea I had that I could probably expand on(new minions,
new equipment), so suggestions are always welcome...

Cybssynthcrth and Network Omni News
"We See That"

"Now, after all our work, after all our sacrifices, at last we have
come to the moment! The fulfillment of our boldest dreams! The
first stage of the final awakening of our time-lost Queen! With
this altered seed, within this maiden vessel, shall be reborn the
reincarnation of our beloved matriarch, Queen Sayzanis of the
---"
WHAM!
CRUNCH!!CRUNCH!!!WRRRREEEENNNNCCCHHHHHHH---S
LAM!!CVRUNCHWUNCHWUNCH
"Excuse me, pardon me....ah, there you are! Your secretary told
me you might be found here...Now, if I can just have a word with
you about what you're doing here...Ah, Kung, get an openning
shot here of the lab...Krouder? Get some zoom-in on that
equipment over there, especially those gamete canisters....Sir,
as I was saying---"
"Wha---!? How did you---?! That was an ensorcel-warded
battle-armor portal!!! Who did you think you are, interrupting us!
SECURITY!!!!AYVIS! "
"Security's taking a nap-nap, and the door? Portable anti-matter
petard--good ol' Kittani ingenuity! Oh, did I forget to introduce
myself? Hello, I'm K'zal Trelac, Network Omni News...Kung, can
you get us framed over here with the sacrificial virgin in the
background? Great...now as I was saying, can we have a word
from..."
"AYVIS!!! KILL THEMMMMM!!!!!!"
ZEESZEESZEESWHUDDAWHUDDAWHUDDAZEESZEES
"Hey, Krouder, I wanted to interview her later! The chief lackey's
point of view, ya'know? Oh well.... Could you get a spot illum on
us over here? Now, why was I? Oh yes...About your illegal
human genetic experiments..."
CLICK
"That, sir, is my K'Tagi 3000 Holocam's plasma ejector making
lock-on, with the skin-tension lie-detector analysis laser synched
in, and zeroed in on your head...Now, you're going to start telling
me the truth, and nothing but the truth, about your cult's plans to
genetically resurrect the Dread Witch-Queen of Hizatos, using
hostage innocents as involuntary birth host-surrogates! You
don't start talking for the cameras and the story's going to be
`SECRET SOCIETY PATRIARCH DIES IN PLASMA DISCHARGE,
LEAVES LEGACY EVIDENCE OF ILLEGAL HUMAN
EXPERIMENTS', kapesh? Now next question!"

Cybssynthcryth is a renegade(Unprincipled Alignment)
Splugorth Intelligence who started out in the usual fashion,
building up an empire based on slavery and vice, monstrous
minions, and all, but after being blasted down several times by
older and more vicious rivals, had an unexpected change of
heart, and gave up the usual Splugorth path to glory. Some say
weak genetics led to an imperfect Splugorth, susceptible to
mental illness. Others claim a rival used a particularly nasty
mind-altering magick to warp Cybssynthcryth's identity. Yet
others claim the Splugorth simply adopted a subtler strategy
against his enemies, and that his apparent `madness; is but a
phase and a fascade. Whatever the cause, Cybssynthcryth gave
up the slaving and general maliciousness in favor of a quest for
the Truth; Cybssynthcryth became a News Investigator.
Cybssynthcryth has enrolled most of his Minions in
journalism classes, trained them in investigative methods, and
sent them out, not in search of slaves, but in search of news.
Thiose Minions who disagreed with this change of policy were
calmly given nice letters of recommendation, and sent packing.
He emptied out his slave pens to make way for studios and
newsrooms...initially, he dragooned many of the slaves as office
workers and trivia-gleaners. He converted his slave-ships into
space-roaming communications platforms, and began setting
up wideflung relays, his Stone Masters erecting a series of
pyramids and transmission towers across the cosmos.
It seemed like a bad suicidal joke at the time, a recipe for
disaster....The Splugorth weren't MEANT to consort with the
lesser races, gathering gossip and news, and broadcasting
it...Really, a Splugorth Slaver trying to do a human interest story?
Cybssynthcryth's enemies and critics had a field day laughing at
the apparently deranged Splugorth's madness.
Those critics aren't laughing now....Cybssynthcryth sits at the
heart of a powerful, all-reaching, news and information
communications empire in the Three Galaxies.
`Cybssynthcryth's Folly' has boomed into a giant news reporting
network...a privately-owned spy net and intelligence-gathering
machine that's all perfectly(or at least nearly so) legal. Network
Omni News(NON) isn't the biggest transgalactic news network
around; it's not even the most popular, but it's made enough
inroads into the galactic media market that long-time giant of the
field, ICP, has begun to take notice. Cybssynthcryth's `pet', by its
very nature, is controversial, and that controversy is attracting
attention...and viewers.

Network Omni News is characterized by a no-holds-barred
dedication to reporting the truth...all of it, all of the time. The
flagship program of the network is `Sixty Xgars', a seven-period
regular program which has been variously described as a
`publicized inquisition' , `open media torture session', and
`camera lynching'...a hardcore news program where teams of
combat-trained reporters slice through lies, red tape,
double-speak, concertina wire, and luckless security guards, to
uncover the truth. Often, NON's heavy-handed tactics means that
much of the evidence and confessions they extract aren't
admissible in court as proper evidence, but the revelations they
uncover, and the questions they raise, are often enough to bring
down kingdoms, topple regimes, destroy reputations, and crush
corporations.
Network Omni News also features coverage from various
warzones around the Three Galaxies(and beyond it), and more
restrained reportage on various subjects, as well as interviews
with various (often reviled, hated, or otherwise silenced)
outspoken persons(they managed to once interview political
dissident Maalorca Shevez, despite at least eighteen death
warrants against the dragon for his role in unveiling the Mesliv
Heresy, destroying at least five planetary governments, and
embroiling an entire sector of the Anvil Galaxy in a
fundamentalist religious war). However, `Sixty Xgars' remains its
most watched program.

Cybssynthcryth frankly LIKES being feared as a media
mogul....as a slaver and conquerer, he struck fear with his
warfleets and armies of minions, but he also provoked violent
responses and counterattacks...as a network manager and
news overseer, he can spread as much, if not MORE, terror and
apprehension by sending his reporters, who the opposition are
less likely/able to shoot, sniffing around their doorsteps. He also
loves the confusion he's sown among traditional enemies and
allies; as much as he is a `reformed' Splugorth, and obsessed
with Truth, he still gets a kick over disrupting other people's lives
and making his rivals miserable and uncertain. He's also found
it's more fun and effective to utterly humiliate his enemies as
opposed to simply slaying them...though he's been known to
turn a blind eye to the enthusiasm of his news crews when
dealing with particularly resistant news subjects.


Because of Cybssynthcryth's peculiar moral stance, he doesn't engage in many of the other activities that are the traditional
wellsprings of Splugorth strength. Technologies and magicks
that most Splugorth take for granted, such as the more extreme
biowizardry, and soul-enslaving Rune Magic, have been
discarded(some say `set aside') by Cybssynthcryth as
unacceptable. This has weakened Cybssynthcryth militarily, a
fact that his MANY enemies would love to take advantage of, but
Cybssynthcryth's profficiency with OTHER technologies,
especially information-gathering and communications, has
worked well to his advantage. All too often, Cybssynthcryth's
reporters will catch wind of an enemy military buildup, and
broadcast it all over the sector, while `carelessly omitting' who
the real target is....suddenly all the militaries in the sector gear
up for a possible attack, or an enemy of the opposing force will
use the info so lovingly provided, to launch their own
counterstrike....Cybssynthcryth's gotten quite good at playing off
mutual enemies against each other.

Frankly, Cybssynthcryth is in possession of a MASSIVE amount
of dirt on his rivals. His newshounds and stringers have dug up
tons of incriminating data, and pieced together loads of factoids
and dumpster-tailings, accumulating billions of sound-bytes and
documentation, some of which is VERY sensitive to all the wrong
people. While Cybssynthcryth has gleefully used some of it to
bring entire empies down, the best of it he's saved to hurt his
enemies(thus reaffirming that he IS a Splugorth at heart)...It's no
secret that if he is seriously threatened, secret caches across
the cosmos will broadcast all that dirt to the right parties, laying
bare the secrets and vulnerabilities of Cybssynthcryth's
enemies. Any successful attack on Cybssynthcryth's media
empire will result in the victors being laid open to attack(most
likely by each other in fraticide warfare). Intelligence agencies
across the Three Galaxies would LOVE to find, and hack into,
one of Cybssynthcryth's secret data caches, for the secrets they
would contain.

"And here we have some candid shots of the High self-declared God of Dragonwright himself, Styphathal, on New Riveria,
falling-down drunk, harassing hotel employees, consorting with over-endowed mammals, belching the sacred chantos of his religion, and engaging in some rather questionable behavior with...."

Cybssynthcryth and his MInions aren't tolerant, tree-hugging,
nice guys, however. Cybssynthcryth advocates the School of
Gunsight Journalism; aggressive news gathering that channels
the Minions' normal bloodthirstiness and aggressiveness into a
quest for truth and incriminating information. If that means
violating a person's privacy to get the scoop, so be it. If getting
the goods on a corporate shell scheme means slamming some
company officer's hands in his desk drawer, consider that
drawer slammed. Torture(and there are different degress),
though distatsteful, is often the only way to pry a driminal's
secrets out of him and into the open for all to see.
If NON were interested in celebrity gossip, their armed and
power-armored paparazzi would be the bane of the jet-set in the
Three Galaxies, but NON typically stalks bigger game;
corporations and institutions, governments, and bureaucracies.
`Sacred Cows make the Best Hamburger' would sum up the
attitude of NON's reporter culture, but they just don't pick on the
Hindu pantheon; they pick on EVERYBODY, so nobody can claim
they're being profiled unfairly(or not given the opportunity to
present vindicating evidence). Of course, the fact that NON tends
to target socially-influential political groups and other
organizations(even if they aren't legal), as opposed to picking on
more visibile, if less consequential, conventional media
celebrities, is taken as a sign, by Cybssynthcryth's critics that his
REAL agenda is to control societies through media blackmail
and coercion. "Who Watches the Watchers?" is often countered
by "What are YOU Hiding, Critic-Boy?".

Cybssynthcryth's media empire HAS invested in, and
develioped, some powerful proprietary technologies of their own.
They are especially proficient at powerful and concealed
communications and surveillance equipment, both technological
and magical. Some of these are commercially
available(especially the broadcasting systems) while others are
available only to the right people, for the right price...and still
others are found only in the hands of Network Omni News
operatives(The Golgan Military High Command is STILL trying to
find out how all the Senior Officer washrooms in the Polygon
were compromised).

Insignia:
Rendered in English icons, the insignia of Network Omni News
is a stylized tentacled eye flanked by bastion-like `Ns'.

Employee Base:
NON employs several hundred million employees spend out
across the Three Galaxies

Demographics:
High Lords and Conservators 1%
Kydian Overlords 20%
Powerlords 3%
Kittani 5%
Altaran Blind Warrior Women 8%
Rylllians 1%
Humans 15%
Other Mortal Races 40%
Supernatural Creatures 5%
Minion Adjustments:
Cybssynthcryth's change of policy(with regard to traditional
Splugorth society) has not sat as well with some as with others;

Splugorth High Lords
Essentially being symbiotes or parasites of the Splugorth
Intelligence, most of Cybssynthcryth's High Lords have made
the transition to being network executives and interrogative
reporters fairly well. Some High Lords are attitude-wise
unchanged, but remain in Cybssynthcryth's service ; they're
convinced the Splugorth is still the big mean nasty that all of `em
are, but that he's pulling a REALLY clever scheme that's taking
time to reach fruitation; rather than prematurely abandon ship,
they're sticking around(and congratulating themselves on their
cleverness) to be in on the action when Cybssynthcryth executes
his master plan.

Kydians
Kydians are generally too blunt, brute force, and herd-minded to
make good solo investigative reporters, but they often work as
support staff, `roadies', and security muscle, especially eager to
blitz through rentacop security, warzone bandits, and other
obstacles to a reporter, or to hold a resisting interviewee down
while a microphone is stuck in their face. Kydians also protect
most of NON's transmitter network, and given the number of
enemies NON has made, that means Cybssynthcryth's Kydians
get a LOT of practice in combat.

Splugorth Slavers
These predatory beings, being slaves to their appettites, did not
adjust well, and most took the offered exit to serve more evil
masters. A few of the Miscreant-aligned Slavers have remained,
retained for assignments in particularly violent warzones where
their extracurricular activities aren't likley to cause as much of a
fuss. However, in the ranks of Cybssynthcryth, the Slavers are
definitely a vanishing breed.
Cybssynthcryth is one of the only Splugorth KNOWN to have
experimented with adapting the Slaver symbiotic barges to other
lifeforms; typically bioborged field operatives too badly injured for
other duties and assignments. These retrofitted barges are
typically sent to hostile environs and other news `hotzones', with
asupport staff of other Minions, and attendant flock of Eye of Eylor
drones.

Altarans
Cybssynthcryth's new openness is welcome to the Altaran
Warrior Women, as is the leaving of most of the Slavers, and an
inordinate number of the blind warrior women have remained on
as NON employees. They aren't perfect reporters, being blind
and rather laconic, but their disarming good looks and
humanoid nature have proven to set most other humanoid
species at ease, and several important stories have been
broken by Altaran reporters.

Sunaj
A small number of Sunaj also work for Cybssynthcryth and NON,
as infiltration and information extraction experts. Of course,
they're working at the behest of House Aerihman, skimming data
and passing on especially intriguing bits to the Sunaj High
Council, as well as warning their brethren of any NON
investigations infringing on Sunaj interests. They've also
managed to steer a few reporters away from delving into certain
clan secrets.

Kittani
Though most Kittani would find a life without the opportunity for
glory in combat and conquest to be abhorrent, a surprising
number of Kittani have flocked to Cybssynthcryth's banner.
These Kittani relish the technical challenges of managing a
galaxy-wide communications and media network, especially
hacking into secured data networks, and building advanced
sensor and data transmission equipment. This has given the
Kittani in Cybssynthcryth's employ a decidedly `nerdish'
reputation, but these techno-warriors can still prove themselves
in NON's trademark `assault interviews', getting warlords and
corporate tycoons to answer to the media, whether they want to
or not.

Metzla
Cybssynthcryth never had much truck with the Metzla, so they
aren't represented among his Minions.

Ryllians
NON is the only known Splugorth concern that has the Ryllian
slave/minion species EAGER to work; Cybssynthcryth employs
millions as translators, forensic journalists, and archival
stringers, digging into people's garbage and going through old
records, looking for news leads. Of course, most are too
pacifistic to really be effective at Cybssynthcryth's favored
`gunsight journalism'(which is basically roughing up people for
info), but they work wonders through methodical and
meticulous(and mindnumbingly long and boring) questioning
and dissection of verbal and body language nuances.

BioBorgs
Cybssynthcryth employs a large number of bioborgs in the
ranks of his Minions. Unlike other Splugorth created bioborgs,
Cybssynthcryth's are not the result of torture or inhuman
experimentation, but VOLUNTEERS, who have given up a portion
of their human(oid)ity for superhuman abilities, in return for a
stint of mandatory service with NON and Cybssynthcryth's other
activities. A number of bioborgs are reporters who have been too
badly injured in the line of duty for regular healing methods to
work, so they've volunteered to be `bio'ed' up into enhanced
superbeings, so they can return to duty.
Cybssynthcryth's bioborgs tend to be less monstrous in nature
and appearance, but the effectively become agents of
Cybssynthcryth's. NON Bioborgs often accompany investigatory
teams as security, are specially adapted for visiting hazardous
environments, or are used to infiltrate groups of monstrous
beings(NON has infiltrated at least three such agents into the
ranks of the GunBrothers, gathering material on the group).



Technology Base:
Cybssynthcryth has the same general technology base as the
rest of the Splugorth, especially biotech(though he does have
trouble obtaining some biological components from other
Splugorth) and Kittani high-tech. Cybssynthcryth's tech-people,
however, have excelled in long range multi-band data
broadcasting technologies, portable long range
communications, holography gear, and small, portable, and
ideally highly concealable surveillance equipment(such as
palm-sized deep-penetration spybeams and magic-barrier
bypassing oracle-eyes). Cybssynthcryth's legions can be
distinguished by having a few extra antennae sprouting from
them, extra sensor mounts, more powerful than average
communications suites, and/or camera mounts on a shoulder or
helmet. And, in keeping with the ideals of `Gunsight Journalism',
firearms and most weaponry have video and audio-recorders
attached---the better for those close-up in-the-face interviews.

Planets of Note:
Haznar----Cybssynthcryth's remaining original `slave world' and
the base of his operations, Haznar is one of the few Splugorth
worlds that mundane outsiders can visit without fear of being
eaten or enslaved, though much of the attitude remains...Any
outsider is liable to be challenged or watched carefully for
suspcious activity, and industrial spies have a tendency to
disappear, and show up later on one of NON's galactic
broadcasts, their covers utterly totally blown in lurid detail.
Cybssynthcryth's had the old slave pens razed, and massive
barracks and office complexes erected in their place; here
cubicle-slave-interns pour over research, and the tons of data
submitted by stringers and field reporters, looking for
stories(and plagerism---Cybssynthcryth does have severe
penalties, including death, for making his network look bad)
worth sending on to the tech staff and investigative reporters,
and then on to the anchor-beings in the massive Towers of
Power with their giant hypercomm broadcast megaliths.

Cidzar---Cidzar is a ringed gas giant with some unusual
properties----Cidzar's giant rings resonate at certain
high-hyperspace frequencies, effectively amplifying any
modulated gravitic-band FTL radio signals beamed into them.
NON has taken possession of the system and is studying the
rings, while at the same time using them to amplify network
broadcasts, blanketing three entire sectors, with minimal power
investment. However, the NON broadcasts from Cidzar also
reach into TGE territory and Golgan Republik space, much to
both empires' disgust, making the flaoting studio stations at
Cidzar a prime target for state-sponsored sabotage.

Gol'Blov(aka `Jigsaw Planet', `MuckRake')----There are plenty of
planet-sized garbage dumps across the cosmos, many
enthusiastically scavanged and mined for reusable materials,
but few as specialized or as well-organized as the arid and cold,
Mars-like world of Gol'Blov....here salvage ships and dumpers
heap megatonnes of scavenged paper files, discarded
computer drives, data solids, and other archival
media....Thousands of tech-specialists and laborers, living in
extensive barracks complexes between the sorting zones(and
mountains of junked hard drives and mounded paper) then
laboriously attempt to piece together destroyed and damaged
files from scraps and corrupted data. Most of the data acquired
and reconstructed is useless trivia, but filedaway anyway against
some future need, but occasionally a few gems of data emerge,
that can be used for news stories...or as blackmail leverage.
Gol'Blov also makes money independently of NON-related work;
it's come to boost some of the most effective data-recovery
experts and methods in the sector, and both private- and
government-sector concerns outside NON frequently send
damaged personal data caches and crime evidence to Gol'Blov
to be reconstructed/reconstituted via magical. mechanical, and
technological means...for a hefty fee for both the work and
confidentiality). Of course, all other concerns in the sectors
where NON and Gol'Blov collect, with something to hide, have
taken to even more thoroughly destroying and churning their
records before discaring them into the garbage stream.

Mnishacroft IV---One of the worlds affected by the Mesliv Heresy,
the impressionable Mnishacroftians lost the entire foundation of
their scoiety when Network Omni News helped publicize the
discovery that the Great Prophet Mesliv, founder of the Mesliv
Faith, was a tramp-spacer who actually RENOUNCED his
followers' declarations of his divinity, and protested against the
direction his disciples were taking his teachings. Rather than
lapse into chaos, or develop a more reasonable set of beliefs,
the Mnishcroftians have switched their allegianse and made
Cybssynthcryth the center of their religion...with an obsession
with TRUTH. Every NON broadcast is watched and scrutinized
for hidden religious messages, and local law dictates that NO lie
is acceptable. Telling an untruth is punishable by having every
confidential record on a person's life made public, and repeated
lying is reason to subject the perpetrator to special psychiatric
treatments(essentially shock treatments and chemical
lobotomies) that leave the victim rather simple-minded and
literal-minded(treats everything told to them as the truth, and
cannot tell untruths themselves). Already, a number of `pilgrims'
have managed to haggle rides off Mnishacroft IV to attempt to
join up with Network Omni News' `crusade' as `truth
seekers'---these zealots tend to be even more eynical and
doubting, and rather more harsh in their questioning, than most
of NON's combat-reporters.
Cybssynthcryth is not aware of the rather bizarre cult around his
name and network, so it's unknown what his reaction is likely to
be; welcome them into his fold of Minions, or do a scathing
expose on them? And what if a rival network with an ax to grind,
gets wind of this backwater world apparently brainwashed by the
so-called `True Splugorth'!?

Relations with Others:
Cybssynthcryth and NON have made plenty of enemies, but the
renegade Splugorth's reformed ways and no-holds-barred
treatment of other Splugorth and supernatural beings, has won
him a number of allies among the other races.


Splugorth Kingdoms and Naruni Enterprises
Cybssynthcryth is generally despised by other Splugorth, but he
has enough contacts with the more open-minded(i.e. open to
bribery or blackmail)Splugorth that he can still get access to
certain raw materials and markets.
Cybssynthcryth has managed to unite the Splugorth and Naruni
Enterprises on one thing; they botth hate him. Both powers are
routinely subjected to scathing exposes of their actions on a
regular basis. However, as much as they'd love to take out NON,
the fact that he also blasts their rivals stays their hand. Each side
figures that the other side is getting the worse side of the
bargain, and holds off on going on the warpath to instead watch
the latest embarassing expose news story on the other guys.

The CCW
The CCW doesn't know what to make of Cybssynthcryth and the
NON; on one hand he's good to his people, has renounced
slavery, believes in freedom of speech, and ferrets out the
truth...On the other hand, he's a Splugorth, a species notorious
for sneakiness, malaciousness, and nastiness. Half of the CCW
ruling parties are SURE he's up to something, and his
investigative reports on corruption within the CCW are proof of a
plan to undermine the CCW. The other half laude
Cybssynthcryth' s efforts and his reformed character...in
uncovering corrupt corperations and politicians, he's doing the
CCW a favor. For now, Cybssynthcryth is allowed limited access
to the CCW, one of the few who have any sort of benign
relationship with the CCW.

Paradise Federation
The Paradise Federation is one of the CCW members who
absolutely HATE Cybssynthcryth and NON; while the PF has
enough problems with paparazzi swarming the many celebrities
who frequent Paradise Federation properties, NON's reporters
just don't know how to play the game correctly...normally, the
press is supposed to stake out their victims, then crawl, stretch,
and rush for a blurred picture, or else posture, beg, and plead for
an interview with the celebrity's various publicity agents and legal
reps....NON's operatives just blast their way in, stick a weapon
up alongside the celeb's head, then start interrogating
them...and for the most part, NON reporters treat celebs as
fluff-headed dirt. Plus, more than a few high-level businessmen
and politicos with connections to the PF, have been gunned
down by NON's investigative reporting, being exposed and
embarassed publiclly. Network Omni News is NOT welcome in
the Paradise Federation, but as much as the PF would like to
classify them as a terrorist organization, they can't deny them
entry to their worlds...the best they can do is put the alert out to
the various private security agencies in the Paradise worlds and
let them know that NON's on the prowl again.

Cosmoknights
Cosmoknights are as puzzled by Cybssynthcryth as the CCW.
Surely he's up to SOMETHING...but they can't prove what. And
without hard evidence that NON is doing something
criminal(besides roughing up interviewees and hacking
databases), the Cosmoknights are reluctant to move against
him...and risk being portrayed in one of NON's broadcasts as
villians.
The fact is, many Cosmoknights watch Cybssynthcryth's
stations because NON's reporters are so good at turning up
trouble makers and conspiracies, even before the
CosmoKnights become aware of the danger. That's often
enough reason for the CosmoKnights NOT to go in and crush
Cybssynthcryth...at least not immediately.

TransGalactic Empire
In the TGE, `free press' means `traitorous spies', so NON is
NOT appreciated. And because Cybssynthcryth is a Splugortth,
that's another strike against NON. NON reporters are killed on
sight, and NON broadcasts are jammed in the TGE. However,
that hasn't stopped NON operatives from slipping into TGE
space, certain that if the TGE is going to such lengths to clamp
down on the Free Press, they're hiding SOMETHING worth
exposing.

Free Worlds League
As much as the FWL distrusts the Splugorth, the fact that NON
has given the TGE numerous black eyes in the past has
endeared the network to the freedom fighters. Thus, a number
of the less monstrous Minions of Cybssynthcryth travel among
the soldiers of the FWL as embedded reporters.

United Worlds of Warlock
Much the same as the CCW; the UWW distrusts any and every
Splugorth. However, they're confused over this one. The fact that
an NON team blew the cover on a corrupt planetary governor
who was shielding a large Black Coven from UWW internal
security was especially galling.

Hartigal Combine
HC looks at Cybssynthcryth in much the same way as they do
any other Splugorth; with suspicion that he's up to something.
On the other hand, NON did some critical, but generally
complimentary, news pieces on Hartigal a few years back, which
was good publicity. While Cybssynthcryth's techno-competative
Kittani are deadset against dealing with Hartigal, HC would
consider selling to NON if asked.

Central Alliance:
The Mechanism distrusts a free press, and most of the
governors regard reporters as rabble-rousers and spies. Nordek
knows about a free press, and appreciates knowing more about
current events, but doesn't like it when he and his administration
are the subjects of media investigations. Still. NON is one of the
few reliable galactic news networks that broadcasts throughout
Central Alliance space, and most of the citizens appreciate
NON's `gun in the face' approach to reporting...so much so that a
number of `copycat' local networks have arisen... Cybssynthcryth
has considered making an offer to adopt these mini-networks as
local affiliates, if the Alliancers can look beyond NON's Splugorth
origins, as some of these gun-heavy and no-nonsense attituded
`cyberreporters' have some real talent.

Golgan Republik:
Rabidly anti-Cybssynthcryth, the Republik sees NON as a
Splugorth plot to undermine Republik sovereignty by portraying it
in the worst possible light, and spread rumor and hearsay
among the territories.

The Altess Dynasty
Rich, haughty, arrogant, secretive...the Altess make GREAT
targets for NON investigations. The Altess have a love/hate
relationship with Cybssynthcryth's network' the Altess hate
having such an organization prying into their affairs and poking
into their interests, but they're also extremely entertained by
NON's broadcasts. Many Altess see NON's investigations as
tests of Altess security measures and individual Altess' aplomb
under pressure. As the reasoning goes, any Altess who caves
under the scrutiny of an NON interview deserves to be
humiliated. Of course, overall, the Altess regard the renegade
Splugorth as a minor irritant; should he get too intrusive, the
Dynasty will just smack him down with a flexing of their financial
muscle...and they've already covertly bought 2% of the public
shares in NON.

Rifts Earth
Through various contacts and sources, NON has learned of
Rifts Earth, and Cybssynthcryth has recently held several
high-level meetings with his staff on how best to approach this
intriguing world. More open and less-restrictive than
PhaseWorld, plus the fact that whenever that gad Splynncryth
sees Cybssynthcryth at any interdimensional social, the little
slimeball starts sweating and becoming evasive. Cybssynthcryth
smells news, lots of news, and once his advance scouts report
back, he'll decide whether or not to launch an all-out investigative
blitz and accompanying expose broadcast that will put Rifts
Earth(and whatever malfeasance is taking place there) on the
tongues of everyone in the Three Galaxies and beyond!

[Aramanthus]

I like this idea. One of those evil creatures controlling the news as we hear it.

[taalismn]

Was it from my old broadcast entertainment thread?

Yep...thanks for the seed that got this multi-tentacled media leviathan rolling...

[taalismn]

Man! I would love to sit at the board of this Media Organization.... billions of dollars or revenue a day!

Most of which gets plowed back into legal fees, equipment costs, training, and armament...Those press badges have to be armor-plated, forcefield-equipped, and nano-regenerating to survive the filth the combat reporters have to wade through to get the REAL story...
Of course, when you're hauling in a few billion a day in subscription/syndication costs, and donations from folks who like the way your reporters just pried concessions out of the petrochemical barons on their homeworld, using voice-stress analyzer-equipped shock-prods and a gravity-shackle porta-rack, what you got left over after expenses can be a pretty penny.

Of course, I can also see these guys branching out into 'Consumer Reports' territory....doing gruelling comparison tests of all sorts of products under different conditions...with the larger items being tested by volunteer(and disposable) extreme sportist types(think '******* meets Tool Time" with lunatics driving power armors through walls while Kittani techs do off-stage engineering analysis for viewers..."oops! looks like DefensCorps' AdamantiumMan armor CAN'T take the heat of an exploding fusion reactor!""No indeed, and it looks like SunTech's Model 590 Fusion Core just can't handle being roughhoused without explosively breaching!").

[taalismn]

well, do remember that you will also get income from commercials

Now that's an openning for a spoof thread---"What sort of commercials woudl air on a transgalactic network owned by a renegade Splugorth?"

"Dry Eye? Red, itchy Eye? You need Vizene Max, Maximum Formula for Cyclopean Supernatural Intelligences! Vizene Max, it gets the Red Out!"
("BuT I LIKE the maniacal bloodshot look!")

"Sick and tired of having draconic halitosis? That last paladin you ate threatening to give you serious tartar stains? Infectious nanobots eating away your tooth enamel? Fret no longer, there's new Blisterene, specially formulated mouthwash for Dragons! It cleans, it disinfects, it dissolves those leftover food stains and particles away FAST! And leaves your mouth feeling scalpel-clean! Now available in mint, cinnamon, white phosphorus, and naplam flavor, and try our new whitening and chrome-tinting flavors!"

[Greyaxe]

well, do remember that you will also get income from commercials

Now that's an openning for a spoof thread---"What sort of commercials woudl air on a transgalactic network owned by a renegade Splugorth?"

"Dry Eye? Red, itchy Eye? You need Vizene Max, Maximum Formula for Cyclopean Supernatural Intelligences! Vizene Max, it gets the Red Out!"
("BuT I LIKE the maniacal bloodshot look!")

"Sick and tired of having draconic halitosis? That last paladin you ate threatening to give you serious tartar stains? Infectious nanobots eating away your tooth enamel? Fret no longer, there's new Blisterene, specially formulated mouthwash for Dragons! It cleans, it disinfects, it dissolves those leftover food stains and particles away FAST! And leaves your mouth feeling scalpel-clean! Now available in mint, cinnamon, white phosphorus, and naplam flavor, and try our new whitening and chrome-tinting flavors!"

ROTF

[Alpha 11]

Great job! LOL

[taalismn]

We are the Galactic Verminators. Specialists in ridding you of pesky infestations. Goblins, Faerie Folks, Gremblins, Humans, etc.

You Have A Pest? We'll Do The Rest.

Ha! Solar Stompers(a subsidiary of Dominatech, Unltd.) does yah one better! We'll take on infestations of LAWYERS!!! With our patented Singularity Trap system. there's no muss, no fuss(okay, so you might have some brief bursts of gamma rays from the event horizon accretion disk, but the handy lead-impregnated cardboard containment box will take care of that!)!

[taalismn]

Temporal Raider Express---When it absolutely, positively, has to be there before you sent it...

(Or, more to the point, courtesy of clairvoyance, we show up to pick up the package before you're even aware you're going to hire us for the job...and we'll get it past any security/obstacles on the other end in a fraction of the time!)

[taalismn]

Or, how about....

MindBenders Inc.---multi-media advertizing designers ----When You Really Want Your Message to Change Minds----(Proud Affiliates of the TransGalactic Empire Public Relations Board and the Golgan Republik Office of Publik Information)

[taalismn]

Then there's NON's smaller subsidiary firms...MediaMech--sellers of fine anti-gravity float cameras, reporter-drones, and semi-autonomous A-V gear, and Senses Plus----an innocuous name for a company dealing in surveillance equipment, including under-the-table hypercom taps, termite micro-mech spy drones, descramblers, and nanoswarm microphones.

[taalismn]

We here at Ghost World Archive will keep your important documents or valuable items safe for centuries.

Hmmmm....are the safety deposit boxes large enough for me to slip this cryocoffin in? Just someb...thing too valuable to throw away, too dangerous to keep near at hand.....

[taalismn]

Devolve, Inc.----Sick and afraid of being a senile old Ancient Race with nothing to live for anymore? Seen it all, done it all, but not ready to committ species suicide? WE at Devolve Inc. can take your people backwards mentally and biologically, through corrective gene therapy, slective collective racial mindwipe, and our simple five thousand-step revitallity program, taking your people back through its Golden Age, to a time and state of mind when you were full of spit and vigor, ready to take on the cosmos. NO longer will younger upstart races look at you as ancient history, ready to topple, when they got a younger, fresher, you snarling at their throats! No longer will you need to suffer for millenia bemoaning past glories, when you'll be making new ones! No more looking forward to the heat death of the cosmos when you'll be looking forward to the next round of galactic conquests! Get a new lease on life for your Ancients, Devolve today!

[taalismn]

Rent A Bunch Of Worshippers. For the very discerning gods, alien intelligences and would-be deities. Prices are reasonable. Cost varies with types and quantities required. Why just disappear into the unknown, rent your own worshippers to keep yourself going.


Please note that our company will guarantee a worshipper conversion rate of 80%

Likely to see stiff competition from Lackies Incorporated, Minions 'B Us, ToadieCorp, and the image problem-plagued Lickspittle Industries.


A subsidiary company doing business with the first two you mentioned would be Omen Inc., a failed terraforming firm that now manufactures prophecies, forges 'ancient' artifacts(and plants them about the place), manufactures tales and rumors and introduces them into the general populace, and stage-manages 'miracles' and celestial portents(including manufacturing comets, dying entire oceans red, and using orbital radiation shields to create 'eclipses' of sun and moon(s))...Most of their business comes from newly-formed colonies that want to introduce some 'history' to keep the colonists amused, distracted, and less homesick for the worlds they left behind, but occasionally corporations hire them to research and delude potentially restless natives(turning their own superstitions against them), while god-entities use their services to whip up the faithful and promote membership drives.

A less well-known group is the Society of Sacrifices, a slave-bonding agency that provides certified 'clean', healthy, and(for the most part) willing sacrifical fodder, especially high-PPE possessing, young, and/or virgins, many raised from birth to accept their fate...Of course, the Society portrays its more innocent activities, supplying willing PPE-donors who are harmlessly 'bled' of PPE for various activities, and they always have lots of photogenic models posing for the cameras and telling how they went on to great jobs in retirement as monks, nuns, or the brides/grooms of adventuring heroes, and how death-sacrifices were a thing of the past, but....


Problem is, while both the latter have advertized on NON, word has gotten back to the network's news bureaus, who are wondering if the two corporate accounts aren't worth investigating, even if it means a publicity black eye and maybe losing some clients...

[taalismn]

Hmm... may be you can write up on this. I don't write long essays very well, then to consise them even before I finish first draft. A force of habit from Uni days.


Hmm... another idea from this. Some criminal organization could organised for certain wanted criminals to be house that for several jumps (many years or decades would have passed). This way, they can come back again, with few people knowing their existence and they can start their crime spree again. Charges will of course be extremely high as this is an obstruction to law and order.

They'd have to have some really sneaky legal front on them, plus reassurances to the criminals that they aren't just going to be fleeced and killed, or otherwise left out to suffer at the end of their 'jump'(after all, coming back a few decades later SOUNDS great on paper, but criminals have to live by good information, and being out of the loop for so long can have its hazards...witnesses may die, evidence may be corrupted, memories may fade, but by the same token, new forensic technologies arise, police departments get reformed, gang affiliations may change, and criminal leadership organizations are altered....What self-respecting hood, after several decades of working his way to teh top, will want to hand over the donship to some old fossil who's been on ice for all that time?



Okay...another innocuous company....GlitterFinger Inc.....we'll coat anything you want in tough, megadamage,ever-lasting, laser-resistant Glitterchrome...from your favorite hovercar to your baby booties, from your favorite micro-gravity golf trophy, to the embalmed body of dear ol' Da....When you want your preserved memories to SHINE, call the experts; GlitterFinger, Inc.....Compared to us, Midas was a piker!

[taalismn]

lots of 'bots (security and otherwise) sorta like a public Storage place crossed with a bank. maybe it's an abandoned prison, leftover from the disintegration of the Golgan Republik. And a Golgan Administrator still runs it...trying to earn a living after being tossed out into the cold.

maybe there are no guards, maybe the guards are all Lurgess, who come cheap and act as a major deterrent to thieves...

.

Wow....there's a character class in itself...the Disgruntled Golgan Bureaucrat OCC.

And Lurgess...yow...just the rumor of those guys being around would be enough to keep folks away...Except other Lurgess, of course(be careful who you spread rumors about)...

[taalismn]

hmm... I think the criminal safe house idea should be explored. I can see more profit from it than other business mentioned above....

One would have to assume a certain amount of honor among thieves...One twist on the idea might be the Basilisk who disguises his clients as statuary(criminal spends a half century stoned---ain't that a fate some would LOVE to share)...then turns them back via Stone to Flesh when the coast's clear....
Of course, in the annals of pangalactic organized crime, this scheme HAD been hit upon, but came to a tragic and gruesome end when the boss's nephew inherited the statuary and recycled them via that same spell, but to very different ends....Seems the enterprising lad was using a modifiied Stone to Flech spell to produce cheap carniculture 'meat' from basic rock...Perfectly legit, but the nephew had his uncle's criminal streak, and decided to dispose of uncle's 'stoners'....ChuckRoc's recycling scheme came to an end when somebody discovered an unprocessed finger in a CosmoBurger...
ChuckRoc folded in the insuing investigation and several 'hits', but several other firms in the UWW have picked up(or duplicated) the flesh-form processing, selling non-allergenic, untainted, fat-free 'mineral meat', especially to colonies that can't support carniculture of any sort, and to dieters who can't(or won't) touch the once-living stuff...

[taalismn]

YOWIE!!!
When you got three whole galaxies to embrace, market-wise, corporate competition take on more of a Wild West/open (firing) range flavor than anything else....


Of course, a smart lawyer (especially those from Desperate Measures Inc., a government-owned firm based on the planet Bureaucron) would argue that a demonstration ship carried BOTH AI and life support facilities to prove the commercial viability and flexibility of the design....After all robotic probes and drone freighters have been plying the spaceways for centuries, but generally lacked the sophistication to make judgements such as 'leave course to respond to distress call' without outside advisement....Unfortunately, the design schematics had already been submitted to the Regatta oversight board before the race...VERY sloppy...

Of course, having a wholly AI crew and life support system on a ship that was SUPPOSED to be unmanned would have brought up rumors that the ship was manned after all....(Great shades of the reports of a 'kamikaze KGB midget' who drove the Russian moon rovers in our pre-FTL own age...)


NOw THAT was one great background story....news with 'tude! Great job!

[taalismn]

Interviewer: "I understand the person credited with leaking
the plans, one Terton M. Wrinkleby was found dead two weeks later
with fifty-two laser wounds on his body. Is it true about all the
speculation in the media that the famous Uteni master assassin
NAKASANTE was called in for this contract?""

Another report has it that he was fatally mauled by a malfunction of his NutriStar Dicem-Slicem Multi-Function Kitchen Laser Cutter locked in 'Cheese Grater' mode....NutriStar subsequently recalled all Model 560 Dicem-Slicems, though reportedly the Free Worlds League bribed a recall depot center to sell them over 200,000 recalled Model 560s on the sly(and cheap), after which the slicers subsequently showed up as improvized perimeter mines on contested worlds in the TGE....Whether or not Nakasante had anything to do with the Wrinkleby fatality, or if it was sheer coincidence, remains uncertain.

[taalismn]

Gadrin, nice piece of news-casting! May be you should think about applying for a scriptwriter position in Hollywood, if you are not one already!

Agreed....NON may have a job for him, but hs reporters will have to show some more heat, first....We recommend anything with a bore no less than 2 cms.

[taalismn]

Agreed...nice work...
Since NON's in the business of digging up info on folks, makes sense they'd air the more benign stuff on subsidiary channels/programs, in addittion to the juicy scream-sheet stuff...
Of course, I'm sure that our intrepid and scrupleless reporters will dig up dirt on these folks, given enough time and application of force to the right limb-joints....

[taalismn]

Perhaps you should include some trivia news to entertain the masses, in between the hardcores.

Hmmm...like how many shots the desport General Yutz took before he fell to his death during the uprising on Morgo V?


Or how much Thraxus recently spent on a wristwatch during his last visit to the Pleasure Confederation?

[taalismn]

....Excerpts from a surveillance bug in the domicile of an unidentified military dictator on some alien world(actually The Prosek household...)

(KnockKnockKnock)
Male Voice 1: "Ah, I wonder who that could be at this hour?....Yes?"
Female Voice: "KARL!"
Male Voice 1: "SIS! My God! You're HERE!"
Female Voice: "Well, you didn't write, and your last national broadcast looked canned, so I got worried and figured I'd drop by and see what was the matter!"
Male Voice 1: "You shouldn't have, I'm just fine...you didn't have to come all this way! But since you're here...come in, come in!...Everybody will be thrilled to see you! .Joseph! JOSEPH! Get off that speech writing and haul your ass in here!"
MaleVoice 2: "Geez...I was just about to wrap up the reconciliary address to the Associated Blackballed Weapons Manufacturers, Pop! What is it this....AUNTIE ERIN!!!"
Female Voice: "Hey kiddo, read anything recently?"

[taalismn]

That, my friends, is the preview of the Megaversal Spy-Cam Show! You'll never know what you get from your average (or not so average) everyday real life events!

Yep...random live surveillance feeds from across the Megaverse!
(BZZZT!) On the Wall airs twice per day-period, with a prize (free tickets to Thraxus and Howlin' MonkeyLizards concerts, five hundred pounds of still-live(and talkin') meat from a friendly Splugorth supplier, autographed runesword, home visit by a CosmoKnight, a chance to go into Phaseworld's Unclaimed Baggage warehouse, etc.) awarded for whoever calls in and correctly identifies the mystery surveilled....

[Aramanthus]

I think it is pretty cool all of these inter-connected things!

[taalismn]

Nice to have people who can continue and improvise on the train of thoughts.

Sure sign of disturbed minds....


But other NON-info(yah, that's an apt description)...after the Rifter article on TRacer ships...self-help do-it-yourselver programs like "This Old Starship', 'Terraforming for the Single Planet Owner', "Hyperdrive Week with the Mecho-Men-Ral Brothers", "Better Empire-Building, with M'rthrastwwyrrth", "DragonTalk"(issues about dragons, as discussed BY dragons), and "The Fallen"(fallen CosmoKnights sit around on a weekly discussion of how and why they Fell, and discuss how they deal with it, and are trying to rehabilitate themselves)....anyone?

[taalismn]

Talk Shows.

Jerry Springstein 400: (offcamera) "Ugplar! I KNOW the Ejorians have been your mortal enemies AND your main food source for forty centuries, but this show was supposed to about RECONCILIATION! Did you HAVE to eat the entire Ugplar delegation?!!!"

Ugplar: *BELCH* "Yep...and whattaya complaining about? Your ratings just soared an extra fifteen points with that...Hey, you got any more of those little guys backstage? I'm famished!"

(Meanwhile, the station is running an ad for "GastroRelevo---the Megaversal Upset Digestive System Remedy....Pretty Darn Near Universal Species-Compatible....for those occasions when something you ate doesn't agree with you!"

Followed by, for equal time, an ad for "Digestimmune---The Megaversal External-Application Antacid and Regurgitant Formula....Pretty Darn Near Universal Species-Incompatible and Fabric-Safe....For those occasions when you don't agree with something that ate you!")

[Reddenedone]

...

(Meanwhile, the station is running an ad for "GastroRelevo---the Megaversal Upset Digestive System Remedy....Pretty Darn Near Universal Species-Compatible....for those occasions when something you ate doesn't agree with you!"

Followed by, for equal time, an ad for "Digestimmune---The Megaversal External-Application Antacid and Regurgitant Formula....Pretty Darn Near Universal Species-Incompatible and Fabric-Safe....For those occasions when you don't agree with something that ate you!")

[Alpha 11]

Talk Shows.

Jerry Springstein 400: (offcamera) "Ugplar! I KNOW the Ejorians have been your mortal enemies AND your main food source for forty centuries, but this show was supposed to about RECONCILIATION! Did you HAVE to eat the entire Ugplar delegation?!!!"

Ugplar: *BELCH* "Yep...and whattaya complaining about? Your ratings just soared an extra fifteen points with that...Hey, you got any more of those little guys backstage? I'm famished!"

(Meanwhile, the station is running an ad for "GastroRelevo---the Megaversal Upset Digestive System Remedy....Pretty Darn Near Universal Species-Compatible....for those occasions when something you ate doesn't agree with you!"

Followed by, for equal time, an ad for "Digestimmune---The Megaversal External-Application Antacid and Regurgitant Formula....Pretty Darn Near Universal Species-Incompatible and Fabric-Safe....For those occasions when you don't agree with something that ate you!")

MAN! That was good!

[taalismn]

May be we should have more positive shows like Oprah the Galactic version.

Oh please Goddess NO!
How many centuries of Dr. Phil telling some Fallen CosmoKnight to get up off his butt and go back to saving the Megaverse??!!!
"Look, Phil-bonzo....I'm not Fallen because I'm stressed out, or because my family tossed me out, or because I outlived the girl I loved....I'm Fallen because I realize now how FUN being evil really is...I get to do what I want,when I want to, and dealing with do-goodniks who try to stop me is part of the fun! In fact, I'm going to indulge myself right now and treat myself to a good old fashioned public atrocity, by decapitating you in front of a live studio audience...then I'm going to kill the entire studio audience...then I'm going to collapse the whole building on any passersby! Howssat strike ya, PHIL???....."

(Camera feed cuts to:
"Ever wish you could back up your life like you do your computer data? Worried that some big crash you don't see coming will end it all...everything, all at once....Don't want to be remembered posthumously when you'd rather be there to remind them all in person?
Well, now with Safe-T-Clone Replicant Services, you can have a second chance and peace of mind! Our patented SpeedyMature technology can give you an whole-body insurance policy in a matter of a week with a donation of genetic material, our EntropyStop storage facilities allow for the preservation of your back-up blank body in perfect readiness for your misfortune, and our patented TeleDeposit system allows you to instantly update your memories from any of our conveniently-located facilities to your back-up. With Safe-T-Clone, we'll even make modifications to your new body(costs extra), and, depending on your desired coverage level, multiple copies(however, no more than one can be active).
We accept all major galactic bank credit cards and compatible life insurance policies!
Yes, with Safe-T-Clone, you CAN have a second chance! ...and a third chance...and a fourth chance...and a....

*Disclaimer: Availability and compatibility of Safe-T-Clone services may vary, by species, location, regional religious regulations, and medical ethics laws....*

[taalismn]

This commercial has been pulled off the air by the Tri-Galactic Media Censorship Board. We apologise for the airing of it before consulting with the Conservative Religious wing of the CCW.

And now, back by popular demand...
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(Cut back to:

Anazar the Anguished(wielding an oversized dragontooth laser chainsaw with gatling laser attached):
"Think you can hide from me in those bathroom stalls, do you? Think I'll overlook you cowering in there!! WELL, THINK NOT!!!!"
WWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZ*AAAAAHHHHGGGGGGG!!!!*ZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAARUTARUTARUTABBBBHHHZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Voice off camera: "Oh, the Golgecitude!!!!"

(Cut to ad:)
(Next on Network Omni News Investigates:
"SparklyKleen: Benevolent Home Cleaning Service or MacroLife Bigots with a Bacteriocidal Agenda? Survivors of the Ebol IV MicroLife Gestalt Speak Out after the SparklyKleen Massacre that Wiped Out Their Homeworld! Veteran Atrocity Reporter Zeng Kolbergz Reports Tonight: "The New Face of Species Cleansing" )

[taalismn]

Damn this is getting better with each post.

ZZZARRPHHHH!!!
Anazar the Anguished slices through the fourth wall and glares maniacally..
"Ah, a witness! I knew somebody was watching me! Well, you know what heppens to witnesses!!!"
BBBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!

(QUICK Cut to:

Hi, sick and tired of demonic beings popping up in your home dimension when it's least convenient for you? Frustrated with peeping tom fanfic readers prying into your affairs when you're just trying to take a dump and have a life? Upset with dimensional plagarists peering over your shoulder, stealing your ideas, and making a bundle peddling YOUR brainstorm a few dimensions over? We at Fourth Wall Construction and Siding can fix that problem with our sealant rituals that prevent unauthorized intrusions and unwanted probes from peering through your dimensional boundaries. We'll render your space/time opaque to unwanted omniscient peering, and alarm your dimensional matrix so any serious attempt to breach it will instantly alert you to the danger! Sleep safe and sound that your dimensional permeability problems are under lock and key....YOUR lock and key!
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[taalismn]

Network Omni Newsflash:
Temporal Raider Contestant in Tri-Galaxy Race Disqualified for Illegal Temporal Travel: Arrives at Finish Point Before Race Actually Starts.
Lawyers for Contestant Claim Contest Rules 'Do not expressly prohibit travel through alternate universes where time moves at different rates...or even backwards...'. Contest Backers Attempt to Grandfather IN Clause Against Such Tactics; Raider's Lawyers Counter with Law of Paradoxes..."If they had made such rules stick, our client wouldn't be sitting in jail---he's a very conscientious, law-following, citizen...since he is HERE, however, it proves that the ruling did NOT stick, and therefore his actions are perfectly legal....Somebody just doesn't want to pay up the grand prize they promised!"

[taalismn]

Network Omni NewsFlash:

Lawyer War Erupts in TransZedonian Sector
Dateline: 5/1900/183700, Megadan City.
Megadan City, local hotspot of the TransZedonian Sector, Thunderhead Galaxy, and both end-point and headquarters of the sponsoring organization of the mcuh-hailed Three Galaxies Race, is a city under litigious seige today, as the military law firms representing both the TGRCommission and the recently disqualified, and arguable race winner, Temporal Raider Fan'Lugash, have esculated their dispute.
Arguing over the minutia of the regulations concerning the proper conduct of race participants, Fan'Lugash's attorneys pointed out that their client was not expressively forbidden from using his abilitiesto travel to alternate dimensions wherein time actually moved in the opposite direction, allowing him to actually complete the race before it began...effectively taking the race in reverse order and winning bonus points for fast completion of race tasks.
TGRCommission officials hjave countered with the same regulation passages...claiming that travelling to other dimensions where time travels in reverse order does not properly demonstrate 'natural ability', but rather an illegal trick. Fan'Lugash supporters have replied that 'natural ability' includes the ability to spot sloppy loopholes, and finished off with what translated as 'nidder, nidder!'
Hostilities commenced immediately, and Megadan City has currently ground to a halt as the two opposing camps of attornies have encamped, called in reinforcements, and lain seige to each other, fighting over the massive 30-billion credit race prize money at stake.
Reports from within the city speak of indiscriminate lawsuits, incendiary torts, and hordes of both corporate lawyers and freelance attornies roaming the streets, serving and subpoening all who who cross their paths. Emergency medical services have been suspended, following massive lawsuits levelled at EMTs and medical staff by rogue lawyers. Transportation in the region has been stopped, and Sector authorities are already worried about getting food and medicine shipments to the beleagured areas.

Veteran NON Combat Reporter Elia 'EyesFront' Fontane had this to say in a hurried report from the warzone:
"Here on the outskirts of Megadan City, approaching the government district and its court buildings, it's a surreal scene of horror...piles of legal flimsies choke the streets, avalanching on top of the unwary. The sound of gavel-guns and paper-cut slice-projectors can be heard echoing constantly...There's smoke coming from the general direction of the TGRCommission headquarters, and signs of heavy artillery being used...People are afraid to leave their homes, and the mere sight of an attache case is cause for terror.....I personally witnessed a gang of lawyers corner, interrogate, and serve an eight year old girl, before another group rushed in to represent her...the child was slain in the subsequent crossfire between the two groups...We're still not certain who the two groups were working for...one of the two main camps, or rogue elements attracted by the turmoil in the city...When they approached me and my camera man, we were forced to shoot our way past them to get back to our hotel, rescuing several more civilians who were caught outside...We've also seen evidence of Temporal Raider activity...whether or not Mr. Lugash has brought friends and supporters in to back his cause, or, if they too are scavengers drawn by the scent of mayhem, I cannot confirm. Just another sign of thje breakdown of law and order in Megadan City, I'd guess."

Further reports tell of renewed activity around the planet Bureaucron, suggesting that the CCW has hired the services of the mega-law firm Desperate Measures to bring suit against all the legal representation companies currently involved in hostilities in TransZedonia, on the part of the innocent. The TGE has also reportedly, but not yet confirmed, offered the services of their Invincible Guardsmen and the Deathbringer Dreadnought -TGIS Smackdown- to deal with "the pestilence currently afflicting the prosperous worlds of our brother Zedonian stars", and armed mercenary forces have been gathering in the neighboring Mattsol and Gabora Sectors, in anticipation of what one officer said; "a drone hunt."

[Aramanthus]

ROFLMAO Those last few post were funny as all get out!

[taalismn]

Network Omni Newsflash
Dateline: 5/1932/183699.9999, TransZedonian Sector Megadan City.

Hostilities continue to ramp up as the situation in TransZedonia as the lawyer war there has become, as one observer called it, " a self-perpetuating firestorm'.....Space travel through the sector has been suspended, but emergency relief agencies such as Assistory Appendages Across Space/Time,, Infrared Cross, and Forge Friends have been conducting rescue operations and the evacuation of civilians through the sector quarantine zone. Reports that the TGE has proposed 'large scale live-fire wargames' with the cooperation of the regional governments, remain unsubstantiated.

On a related note, veteran NON war correspondant Elias Eyes Front Fontane managed to escape with his camera tech, riding out in a commandeered Borgonian Wastehauler. He had this to say of his experience: "After what I saw back there, I'm happy to be transported LIKE garbage, and not AS garbage."


In unrelated news, this network has been sited in a lawsuit by the MegaGalactic Legal Workers' Cartel for its supposedly "unfair depiction of the legal profession, and the total irrevelevance of the presence of legal professionals in the unfortunate contretemps in the TransZedonian Sector". The MLWC representative also went on to say 'Network Omni News once again proves its feckless lack of compassion for the suffering of the common people in its rabid attempt to scapegoat a noble class of professionals for the sake of higher ratings...naturally, in the name of those poor blighters out there, we will accept nothing less than five hundred prillion credits as just compensation for pain and suffering."

Network Omni News' own attornies have thus far advanced 'no comment'.

[taalismn]

ROFLMAO Those last few post were funny as all get out!

taalismn's post was brilliant!

Network Omni Newsflash
Dateline: 5/19001/54578: Obscure Backwater World of No Importance Whatsoever, As Far As We Can Determine.

Obscure Hairless Ape Reference Librarian's Cranium Spontaneously Explodes.

Advanced-Life Diminutive Hexapod Arthropod Eyewitnesses("Ah, just call us the Roach Family!") report that before the incident, the ape was heard to mutter in a degenerate dialect of Galactic THree: "They like me! They REALLY LIKE me!"
But as Hairless Apes in the region are known to often say such things, the incident was otherwise unremarkable.

[taalismn]

Network Omni Newsflash:
Dateline: 5/19002/4787979 Rockhard, Panzia Sector

THREE GALAXIES RACE TO CONTINUE!!!!!

Officials associated with the much publicized Three Galaxies Race have announced that despite an early and unexpected win of First Place by Temporal Raider Fan'Lugash in a controversial upset, the related outbreak of legalistic war in the TransZedonian Sector, and the destruction of the TransGalactic Race Commission's headquarters in Megadan City(in the heart of the conflict quarantine zone), the Race will continue, with the awarding of the Second, Third, Fourth, and sequential arrival awards.
Due to the loss of the original start point of the Race at Megadan City, contestants(with the exception of the already victor) will start out(after a time-out flag pause of 3 solar days to allow participants to relocate to the new start point) from the planet Rockhard. This, after the original secondary start point, the paradise planet of Noncomytal XII, passed on the honor of hosting, and the tertiary location, the spa world of Testoszzaron, after issuing a statement calling the Noncomytans 'wimps', was declared unsuitable after a popular uprising, fuelled by reports of the problems from the TransZedonian Sector.
Karkus Reem, the sole surviving original member of the TGRC, stated, from hidding, that Rockhard, a mining planet, was selected for its stability of local government, low population density, and the fact that since the major communities were underground and the local pastime was getting inebriated after workshift, the likelihood of anyone noticing, let alone interfering with, the race contestants before the Resume Start signal, was minimal.
MinMOn Zorch, President of Rockhard, had this to say when reporters attempted to interview him at his residence; "Race? What Race? I never headr such a thing as this 'Three Galaxies' Race'...Look, you wanna buy gallium or denzite crystals, you take it up with my office manager...You wanna waste my private time yapping about some sorta stupid sporting event when I got a juicy ebba-steak, a chug of magaloy mead, a copy of Zebber's Meditations On Post-Modern Hyperiac Thought, and the Lutti twins waiting for me, I'm gonna have to introduce you to my friend Mr. Industrial Plasma Torch...NOW GIT!!!"

In related news, the Free Worlds Council has offered bonus prizes for any contestant who destroys or substantially damages TGE assets, "including ships, satellites, and surface installations" during the TransGalactic Empire leg of the Race.
TGE officials have countered with a bonus award of their own, for the head of any FWC agent presented by contestants to IMperial officials.

[taalismn]

Health Emergency Alert:
Owing to quality control problems revealed at Realities-U-Want Corp's
Denealo IV processing facility, several shipments of their popular RUW formula have been contaminated with unpasteurized chrono-active fungoid substrates, resulting in possible unexpected chrono-spacial divergence.
Users of RUW have complaiend of awakening to find themselves the victims of identity theft of versions of themselves who did NOT take the drug to pass time, and in some cases, have found themselves confronted by violent versions of themselves. While no deaths have been reported yet, multiple cases of mistaken and stolen identity have been reported.
A UWW Health Board Herbalist had this to say: "It sounds like a bad case of Id poisoning, and should NOT be taken lightly. The consequences of this sort of chemical tampering with reality can be quite serious."
Users of RUW are urged to check their supplies for the serial numbers RZ-52695, RY-62451, and RW-26565, as these batches originate from the affected Denealo facility. Realities-U-Want is offering to buy back the affected tab lots, but assures customers that the tabs produced at its other facilities are 'absolutely safe'.

[taalismn]

Culturegram:
Syathen Parasol(currently orbiting in Masapo Sector, Thunderhead Galaxy), the site of this year’s annual FashionStorm Festival, considered the premeire event for the galaxy’s fashion-conscious, saw the return of humanoid fashion maven and designer MerliMeermi to the runway, after a long absence. MerliMeemi returned to a perenial favorite of the Festival; humanoid feminine swimwear, with his pushing of a staple of the class to the next level....Following the progression of the minikini, the microkini, and the ultra-microkini, Meemi introduced the audience to the next step in fashion swimwear....the nanokini.....
“Yes, at last cutting edge fashion and cutting edge nanotechnology have combined in the ultimate statement of artistic expression....the full beauty of the body, the perfect application of material, a truimph of wearable art!!!” announced the 300-year-old MerliMeemi as he led his house models in a proccession before astonished onlookers.
Judges of the event were rendered speechless by the presentation, with much expressions of disbelief at what they were seeing being voiced by the standing-room-only audience.
MerliMeemi has announced plans to sell the carbon-fiber and buckyball cluster two-piece for 270,000 credits each, in a package that includes a handheld scanning electron microscope for viewing and cleaning the nanokini.

[taalismn]

...and Emperors the Megaverse over see the fashion report, and scream:
"ARGH! MEEMI SAID IT WAS AN EXCLUSIVE!!!!"

Network Omni Newsflash:
Dateline 5/2100/419466--Abecbodobombarangapor, Spiral Galaxy
The Abecbodobombarangaporian Congress, in defiance of the advice of other Three Galaxies' governments, passed binding legistlation today outlawing stupidity and making it a felony punishable by death. However, because the Congress did not define what 'stupidity' was before passing the final draft of the law, the entire Congress was subsequently put to death.
Abecbodobombarangaporians are expected to form a new government shortly, once the shooting stops....

[taalismn]

Network Omni Newsflash 5/21030/526995
Cygni Major Colony, Thunderhead Galaxy
Major Breakthrough in Death of Local Celebrity
Royal Forensics Experts announced today conclusive DNA evidence found at the scene of last week's death site of kingdom squire H. Dumpty proves that it was no accident..."He was pushed, and we know just who did it!" announced the Chief of Police.
Named in the simultaneous indictment issued was 'Jill', a young female human known to locals. The murder indictment comes as no great surprise to some native Cygnians, as she apparently has had a history of similar incidents. Qoute an ex-associate, who wished to remain anonymous; "I should have known it was no accident....I may have sustained a concussion during that fall, but that laugh I heard just sent ice in my blood." Jill is also now believed to have been involved in the bludgeoning of a local felinoid musician with his own instrument, authorities say. "We may be dealing with a serial criminal with sociopathic tendancies."
Unfortunately, Jill appears to have bolted once word of her imminent arrest went out. All the King's horses and all the King's men have been mobilized in pursuit of the fugitive, and concerns have been raised that she may be making a run for the Bovine Lunar Express shuttle, resulting in calls that the service be shut down for the duration of the fugitive-hunt. Such a move would constitute the first time the venerable service has been ever delayed or shut down in its centuries of operation, but local authorities feel the risk justifies the action. "We may be dealing with a hardened criminal here, and there's no telling what she may do if she's cornered, especially if she makes it offworld....None of us are going to be sleeping very well until she's apprehended and behind bars."

[taalismn]

Network Omni Newsflash:
Dateline: 5/22005/5255634 Bakalapona, Anvil Galaxy
Today CCW and UWW diplomats are meeting to discuss the petition of Bakalapona to join the greater community of spacefaring species as a Class 4(FTL spacetravel) civilization, based on the Bakalaponans' recent launch of a manned spacecraft(described variously as an 'intrepid starship' and a 'silver-painted airtight garbage receptacle') launched to FTL speeds from Bakalapona's surface by an enormous continent-wide elastic band, and later decelerated at its destination in a neighboring starsystem by an ablative mass of carbohydrate-rich foamed diary product. impacting to a soft landing on a lunar body. CCW engineers have derided Bakalaponan claims of the specifics of their propulsion system, claiming it is phsyically impossible, and prononouncing that the Bakalaponans are obviously hiding technology acquired elsewhere(which would jeopardize Bakalaponan Class 4 legal status until they build their own FTL drives), while UWW arcanists have vocally suspected the use of magic in the drive system(which would help support the Bakalaponan application).
The stakes couldn't be higher for the Bakalaponans, generally seen a as a Class 2 civilization. Recent long-range scans of the system have uncovered massive valuable mineral deposits in the system, and already claims have been made to 'protect' the Bakalaponans while developing the considerable mineral wealth of the system. Last year, Golgan diplomats announced that the Bakalaponan system was actually an ancient Golgan sanitarium colony for the insane, abandoned when the greater Golgan Republik began its still-continuing withdrawal from its outermost borders. Under such a claim, the Golgans would have been free to reclaim an 'uncivilized' world if they could prove that the planet had actually deteriorated culturally and technologically as a result of abandonment. However, Golgan attempts to re-colonize had previously been twharted by CCW injunctions, in preparation for a protectorate being established in the sector.
As a result of Bakalapona's test-flight of its 'rubberbandernauts', CCW, UWW, and Golgan officials have met to discuss the changed situation, and have elected to send follow-up investigation teams to verify the Bakalaponan claims of their technology, and study other similar 'anomalies' in Bakalaponan science and culture, prior to handing down a final verdict on the Bakalaponan application for full Class 4 status and protections.

[taalismn]

Wow! You are good at this! Ever considering changing your job?

Network Omni Newsflash
Dateline: 5/240067/1486388
City of Auriac, Omnontan, Golgan Republik
Celebrated local Holophonic Composer Tzzlsit LlerMem Vadid revealed to a startled audience that he possessed no talent of his own, but in fact his vaunted genuis was the result of his unique psionic abilities channeling the feedback he was recieving from the audience into both his personal charisma and his now famous mental-projection holo-epic works. "All I am, I owe to my audience." proclaimed the forty-year-old Vadid. "If my audience is happy, I am happy, and my works project that happiness. THe grandeur I give you is only a reflection of the grandeur I see and feel in you. YOU are the artists, and I am only the canvas upon which you create YOUR masterpieces...In a very real way, I am what you make me..."
Only minutes after this announcement, Vadid spontaneously exploded, dying instantly, before his horrified audience. Though no signs of external violence, such as weapons, were detected in the audience and audiotorium, a phoned-in confession to the Auriac constabulary claimed credit for the composer's death on behalf of the 'Circle of Anti-Vadidists'.
The message reportedly said, "WE made him, and we can UNmake him!" Auriac City psychic forensics experts now speculate that at the time of his death, Vadid was in a psionically-receptive 'open' state when he was struck by a particularly powerful NEGATIVE feedback, sent to him by critic(s) unknown, that overloaded him and caused his death. GIven the rather energetic manner of his denise, however, Auriac police are further speculating that either Vadid's particular psionic attributes reacted unusually badly to the unexpected negative input, or that Vadid was attacked by another powerful psionic, and/or group of them.
The incident has many shaking their heads....though many Vadid fans are demanding a swift arrest of the parties responsible for the composer's death, some in the legal community are wondering whether, given the revealed nature of Vadid's talents, his death might be properly attributed to a psionic allergic reaction, rather than pre-meditated murder. In any event, the Auriac arts community is mourning one of its own, and declaring the tragedy a deliberate critical attack on the finer arts.
Vadid leaves behind an elderly mother and father, an older brother, and five hundred pet silver-flanked gishin-shrimp.

[taalismn]

All admission tickets to Vadid's Live Performance in the Pleasure Federation, will be refunded in full.

In some back alleys of the Pleasure Federation, exploding musicians are considered to be perfaormance art....

And while we pause for station identification, a word from one of our sponsors...


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And don't forget our CartileChewies! Teeth-cleaning, jaw-strengthening sticks of flavor that give you hours of enjoyable mastication at home, at the office, or taking your pleasure!
Sample the whole selection of breakfast products from Kyllggcryth Mills* and eat healthy!

(*A Splugorth-owned subsidiary of Kyllggcryth Whole Foods, Inc., BattleAxe Nebula, Thunderhead Galaxy)

[taalismn]

Network Omni Newsflash:
Dateline:5/26070/26562, Thunderhead Galaxy
Kyllggcryth Whole Foods, Inc., reporst record profit upswing after the airing of NON expose "Industrial Canabalism: Charnel Truth or Soylent Green Myth?"
(Videoclip: A onservator BioBOrg is seen pushing slaves into a vat serving a hopper. Suddenly he becomes aware of the camers and turns in fully-armed fury, moments before a piece of processing machinery, apparently pushed by the cameraman, knocks him over and sends the Conservator over a guardrail into a processing machine. Offcamera noise suggests an Upton Sinclair moment.)
After the airing of our piece, demand for 'VeriRariConservatorBeri Cereal Crunch' soared as stores calmored for the new product's single batch. Rioting and a slave uprising outside Kyllggcryth Whole Foods' BattleAxe offices, all incited by demand for the new breakfast treat have moved the company's administration to announce that they will be continuing production of the new foodstuff, as part of a sweeping reform of the company and its policies. "We assure the many new customers that we WILL have enough on the shelves."
As an aside, Kyllggcryth Whole Foods also announced that their minion retirement benefitts and performance compensation policies would also see dramatic revison as a result of the NON expose.

[Aramanthus]

ROFLMAO!!!! That commercial are hysterical! Carnicrunchies!!!!


....> Mikey won't eat it, he doesn't eat anything......He is it! They made carnicrunchies out of Mikey!

[taalismn]

Network Omni Newflash
Dateline: 5/270778/2956268---Dashal Lemett, Anvil Galaxy
Golgan Republik Dismantle Orbital Art Display Amidst Call to Arms
Dashal Lemett, Outer Golgan Republik Territories---Golgan Territorial Administrators were forced to dismantle famed Golgan artist Seylor Bomba's massive orbital art mobile 'Lenticular Orbit' after complaints of the local Lemettans that the giant array of eight mile-wide crystalline disks in Lemettan orbit was burning a series of half-mile wide swathes across the palnet below as it rotated around its three suns. Damage from the thermal concentration including several hundred raging brush and forest fires, the combustion of several small villages, the flash evaporation of at least one lake and several rivers, thousands of livestock deaths, and at least a hundred recorded sentient deaths, with monetary losses to lives and infrastructure estimated in the millions of credits. Golgan cultural officials claim that they had no idea that Bomba's sculpture would lense as it did, ro that its high orbit represented a dangerous focal distance. Native Lemettian opposition, already vocally critical of the Golgan potectorate government, have seized on the icident, dismissing both government and artists' protestaions that the entire thing was an accident, and claiming instead that the government grant-funded art project was little more than a thinly disguised cover for a military suppression campaign. Already, several mass protests have broken out in Lemettian hive-communes, demanding that the Republik pay compensation, remove its bureaucrats from Lemettian government positions, and turn Bomba over for trial.
Artist Seylor Bomba, well-known for his other large-scale artworks, and no stranger to controversy(after his silver-foiling of the living asteroid Tatah IV resulted in a near-critical failure of the planetoid's coolant system, and the collapse of his globe-spanning 'March of the Ebony Monoliths' on Presex XXI resulted in the crushing deaths of eighty-five sentients) has denied charges that he is in the employ of the Golgan military; "I am empowered to create art for the people; nothing more and nothing less." The artist reportedly said from a secure location.
"This goes beyond mere art criticism or the stupidity of a hack stuffed with public funding." mandible-clacked a Lemettian official as he surveyed burn-damage on Dashal Lemett. "This was an act of war...The Golgans have really stirred it up now!"

[taalismn]

Network Omni Newsflash
Dateline 5/27522/256267---Altur Station, Shirec Sector, Anvil Galaxy
Golgan Diplomat Accidentally Slain in Tragic Misunderstanding
Diplomats from eighty-seven different worlds, attending a local powers summitt at neutral Altur Station were shocked today by the sudden death of one of their own, in what investigators are calling a 'freak accident' and a 'tragic misunderstanding'.
Golgan Senior Trade Attache Slepp Ponzo was exiting a conference room and entering the station's main concourse when he apparently unexpectedly ran into the newly arrived representatives of the recently discovered and admitted Galoot species. Horrified onlookers watched as the lead Galoot immediately smacked Ponzo over the head with a rolled up Galootan media-plax, breaking every bone in the Golgan's body and killing him instantly.
"I didn't know he was sentient! He looked just like one of the vork-ticks infesting our homeworld! He even made that irritating mumbling noise they make before they bite you!" The twenty-meter-tall Galoot explained to station security who rushed to the scene. "Nobody ever showed us pictures of a Golgan before...I just assumed you had vermin aboard and reacted accordingly!"
"Naturally we're stunned and chagrinned by this accident...Who'd have thought vork-tick...I mean, Golgans....did I say that right?...would be sentient spacefarers? We're really sorry...we know better now and we promise it won't happen again, honest!" pronounced a senior Galoot official when extending his nation's apologies and condolences to Ponzo's family.
Golgan officials are less convinced by the Galoot explanation and apologies, and have demanded that the Galootans be expelled from the conference, and major sanctions be levelled against their species for open aggression against the Republik.

[Alpha 11]

*** Protest outside the Galoot embassy, several hundred Golgans are rioting in protest of the incident. ***

Golgan denizen: We will find you, Galoot garbage! We promise! When we find you, you better pray for a fast death for you and your family!

"We will get you and your little dog too!" Sorry, it just poped into my mind when I read that.