I regret having to write this post . . .

[Kevin]

I regret having to write this post, but I sure hope none of you think I’m a jerk trying to take advantage of his fans.

That viewpoint seems to be the running theme on a thread elsewhere on the Internet. It seems to be the result of my progress report and second appeal to Palladium fans for continuing help and support.

My intention for that post was to keep you in the loop, thank you for all you’ve done, let you know how much your help has done for Palladium, and how much I (and everyone at Palladium) appreciates it. I also tried to outline where Palladium is going and what we need to get there.

To my thinking, the post was positive. The giant strides we’ve made are impressive and have put us at a critical crossroad to getting back on our feet. While that crossroad has created some trouble and requires cash to take advantage of the opportunity, it is ultimately GREAT news. We didn’t expect to reach this point for another year or two, and I wanted you to know we couldn’t have done it without you. And that with your continued support, Palladium could be on its feet by the end of next year. Maybe sooner. Thing is, there is still a lot of hard work ahead of us, and I needed you to know that too.

The damage from the past wrongdoing leveled against Palladium Books was grievous. When I made the appeal for help in April it was from the bottom of a very deep hole. Everyone at Palladium has made tremendous sacrifices and continue to work diligently to keep the company going.

Your purchases throughout the Spring and Summer helped immensely. They gave us the ability to get caught up on bills, pay down some debt, and start the arduous climb out of the abyss. With your support, Palladium has made incredible progress, but that journey is not yet finished. Thus, my presentation of what we need to do next.

My advisors and business support team – accountant, bookkeeper, attorneys, and business allies – can’t believe how far we’ve come so fast. They have called me a “miracle worker” and said they don’t know anyone else who could have survived let alone accomplished so much so quickly. Those compliments make me feel good, but I didn’t do this alone. I had the help of thousands of caring friends, and I wanted YOU, the Palladium fans, to know that in my book, YOU are the miracle. You have given me the strength and courage to persevere under the most painful and dire of circumstances. You are my muse, my inspiration. You are my friends and comrades fighting against impossible odds and helping us win that battle.

Just this past weekend at UberCon, Michael Stackpole and I were talking about the generous and caring nature of role-playing gamers and how there is no other fandom with such a powerful sense of community. I went on to express how the love and support shown to me and Palladium Books by the legion of Palladium fans and industry professionals, has been the most profound and moving experience of my entire life. Whatever may come next, sink or swim, nothing can diminish or erase that from my soul. Indeed, you have turned the most painful experience of my life, into the most rewarding.

Is that corny? Maybe. Sentimental? I guess so. True? For me, yes. If that makes some people see me as a weak, sad figure, that’s their loss. I don’t see asking for help as a weakness or shameful. My spirit has been raised by the outpouring of thousands of fan friends in words and deeds.

No one except the Palladium crew has any idea how hard this battle has been on me or them. It would be so much easier to give up and let it all go. We’d all land on our feet. The disappearance of Palladium Books would be sad, but it’s not the end of the world. Only I can’t do that. Too many people are counting on me to keep Palladium going. If I had any doubts before, they were crushed by the outpouring of kind words from Palladium’s legion of fans these past months. You have my promise that I will fight to the bitter end. And I believe it’s a battle we can win.

Hard times bring out the best . . . and worst in some people

I’m used to the meanspirited jokes, innuendo and unfounded speculation that is so often spewed out by Palladium’s detractors elsewhere on the net. However, I hate to think their words may be hurting YOU.

I rarely address the garbage posted about me or the guesswork about Palladium’s business practices. I see little value in getting embroiled in a flame war with people spoiling for a fight. I always figure those who know me know the truth, and that includes Palladium’s fans. So I ignore the vitriol and try to focus on what’s real and important.

I write this Murmur only because I fear that the mudslinging, innuendo and venom being posted elsewhere may be hurting the friends I care about – YOU. I sure hope this is not the case. I hope you don’t wonder, for even a second, if you’ve been duped or taken advantage of. I would never do that. Like I said, it is a very deep hole we’re trying to climb out of, and we're doing the climb emotionally and physically exhausted. We thought our fans would want to know about our plight, and if they can, help us out. They have and continue to do so.

I also hope you realize that I have consulted countless professionals as well as other industry people for their advice and input.

I hope you realize that we are considering every option, but that limited resources (i.e., staff and money) restrict what we can do and how quickly we can do it. We have cut staff and expenses to bare bones and work feverishly to rebuild a strong foundation and implement ways to generate profit.

I hope you know we are working day and night to put things right. Not just me, but Wayne, Alex, and Julius, as well as a number of friends and freelancers. Most of us seldom leave the office before 8:30 at night (often later), and even Tony, who is helping out without pay, has been putting in 50 hours a week! I haven't stiffed a single creditor and work to pay ALL debts.

Of course, we know we need to release new products, but that has been difficult as we work on many fronts to rebuild a strong foundation and put a number of projects into development. The lack of new product and continuing delays is a constant source of frustration and stress for us (particularly me), but we hope that will change soon.

Most importantly, I hope that you know that you are appreciated beyond measure. Your words and deeds are held close to my heart, always. I do not expect Palladium fans to single-handedly pull Palladium’s fat out of the fire, even if they could. I do, however, greatly appreciate your efforts, and I’m going to acknowledge your contributions every chance I get. Palladium fans are valued and cherished more than words can adequately express. Thank you all for your years of support, kindness and inspiration. Thank you for rushing to our aid in whatever ways you could when we needed you most. Thanks for continuing to help. You don’t owe me or Palladium Books anything. Not one thing. That’s what makes everything you have done all the more noble, generous and heartwarming.

Despite great strides these past sxi months, Palladium Books continues to fight for its life. If you want to help by purchasing products you been meaning to buy, spreading the word, and helping in other ways, it is welcomed and appreciated. But there is no obligation on anyone. Thank you again for all you’ve already done.

With Humility and Deepest Appreciation,

Kevin Siembieda
President, Publisher, Writer, Artist, Dreamer and Gamer
October 26, 2006