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My best friend plays a barbarian named Strut who's a real tank. He's super strong and wields paired axes like they're tissue paper. One of his favorite past times in the game is to start brawls in bar rooms. On one such occasion he started a brawl and one of the NPC's, a scrawny little 0 level character rolled a natural twenty to attack him and Strut rolled a 1. The result? Broken neck for a barbarian. I ruled however that it didn't kill him right away and the healer in the party was able to fix it for him. The rest of the group thought it was so funny that their characters spent the rest of that session leading Strut on a wild goose chase trying to find the scrawny little runt. One of them (my Ranger Falcon) took the guy out of town and lead him to safety somewhere where Strut wouldn't find him. We thought it was a good lesson for the barbarian to learn. He still starts those fights though....

In a Phase World game the party is on a primitive world and try to stop a demon summoning, fail and flee from it.

Well the creature can do short teleport hops so easily keeps up and one of the players decides to buzz the huge monster with his hover bike to distract it from the slower moving vehicle.

Player rolls piloting skill and blows it with a triple zero, so ends up bouncing his bike off its head distracting it by giving it a new target.

He managed to regain control of the bike after knocking it off its head.

Bastionbane wrote:Wasn't mine but I saw this on this BBS...

Player: "I go hand to hand with the dragon."

GM: "He's got MD."

Player: "I've got Boxing...<rolls dice>Natural 20!"



That's not natural

aahhhh, hummm, MD is Mega Damage......

I could say a Grunt with a MD laser pistol "Has Got MD"

and the worst of it...TWO of you said it.

Was playing in a heros game and the villen mind controled three of the hero chiks into thinking they were his lovers. and a cat fight insued....right after the villen's mouth got covered so he couldn't 'change his mind' about how he said his mind controling sujestion.

gadrin wrote:Wasn't mine but I saw this on this BBS...

Player: "I go hand to hand with the dragon."

GM: "He's got MD."

Player: "I've got Boxing...<rolls dice>Natural 20!"

Sounds like a great idea to me.

Ok, different game system, long time ago, in a podunk, redneck, hillbilly mountain town far far away...

The party is being just decimated by manscorpions using sabers of slowness (each strike slowing the victim by half or some such thing). My character, a Minotaur (Think Krynn) Warrior of Tyr is in the party when the party is hit with molotov cocktails of that magical superglue stuff that renders you completely immobile, and if it gets on your face, unable to speak.

Well, the manscorpions have immobilized the entire party with this combination of GM evil, and the only person who isn't bound is a mage character by the side of the river who A: could stop the manscorpions or at least hide until they head off, and B: had universal solvent with him (don't ask).

Well, since captain oblivious didn't seem to know they were coming his way, someone had to warn him by raising a ruckuss. All of the humanoid players mouths were sealed.

Minotaurs (at least for all of the fantasy ones I have read) HATE being compared to cattle. Did you know cattle really don't need to open their mouths much to moo?

Yup, lady and gents, that's right: Ursus, Warrior of Tyr, Sheriff of B'ryguss, started MOOING at the top of his lungs.

!@#$%^ GM made me stand up and role play it out too. Nobody could breathe for 10 minutes and my brother fell back out of his chair.

In a Dead Reign Campaign:

The Wave had just happend and my players were on the run. They stopped at a gas station to fill up their tanks and when a small child came round the corner, a shot gun wielding player drew down on her...

PC: "Are you alive? Speak!"
Little Girl: "Can you help me, my daddy fell down..."

Then a Runner type Zombie, perhaps her daddy, sprang around the corner, scooped up little girl, and chomped down on the back of her neck!

PC: "I scream, pee myself a little, and pull the trigger!"

Extra XP for making the GM laugh so hard

Daikuma wrote:Ok, different game system, long time ago, in a podunk, redneck, hillbilly mountain town far far away...

The party is being just decimated by manscorpions using sabers of slowness (each strike slowing the victim by half or some such thing). My character, a Minotaur (Think Krynn) Warrior of Tyr is in the party when the party is hit with molotov cocktails of that magical superglue stuff that renders you completely immobile, and if it gets on your face, unable to speak.

Well, the manscorpions have immobilized the entire party with this combination of GM evil, and the only person who isn't bound is a mage character by the side of the river who A: could stop the manscorpions or at least hide until they head off, and B: had universal solvent with him (don't ask).

Well, since captain oblivious didn't seem to know they were coming his way, someone had to warn him by raising a ruckuss. All of the humanoid players mouths were sealed.

Minotaurs (at least for all of the fantasy ones I have read) HATE being compared to cattle. Did you know cattle really don't need to open their mouths much to moo?

Yup, lady and gents, that's right: Ursus, Warrior of Tyr, Sheriff of B'ryguss, started MOOING at the top of his lungs.

!@#$%^ GM made me stand up and role play it out too. Nobody could breathe for 10 minutes and my brother fell back out of his chair.

That might be the funniest thing I've heard in a long time, especially since my first ever job was on a dairy, milking those damn Heiffers! (Side Note: The louder they open their mouths, the louder the moo. But still, awesome story!)

asajosh wrote:In a Dead Reign Campaign:

The Wave had just happend and my players were on the run. They stopped at a gas station to fill up their tanks and when a small child came round the corner, a shot gun wielding player drew down on her...

PC: "Are you alive? Speak!"
Little Girl: "Can you help me, my daddy fell down..."

Then a Runner type Zombie, perhaps her daddy, sprang around the corner, scooped up little girl, and chomped down on the back of her neck!

PC: "I scream, pee myself a little, and pull the trigger!"

Extra XP for making the GM laugh so hard

Okay, that ones pretty hilarious too. Haven't tried the Dead Reign yet, though I have the Rifter it premiered in. Should be a fun game. Doubt we'll get that inventive. I nearly died laughing, and I'm at work, so my fellow airplane builders were looking at me funny!

OK, this is a WARNING to those with squeemish stomachs: don't read this post.

Ok, for those still reading, background:
The group is making it's way through a small mountain valley when they're attacked by two T-Rexes. The mage of the group manages to stick one in place with a well cast Carpet of Adhesion while they fight the other one. Unfortunately, same spell also immobilizes one of the PCs, a rail-gun weilding Grackle-Tooth (9-foot tall, bipedal lizard, smoking a stogie) right behind it and very close to it. Well, the Grackle Tooth is behind the T-Rex, so the dino does the only thing it can to attack him, which is swing its tail at the PC, who dodges by ducking under the blow.

Player to GM: "So its tail is right over the top of me, right?"

GM to Player <not seeing it coming>: "Yes, its tail is right above you."

Player to GM: "That means I should be able to see its -anus-, right?"

GM to Player <still not seeing it coming>: "Yeah..."

Player to GM: "Okay, I shoot it up the -anus-! It's a sensitive spot, so it should only take a couple shots to kill it!"

The players all laughed so hard it took five minutes for us to start rolling dice again. Poor T-Rex got the ultimate enema.

But the GM tried to get the last laugh. When the T-Rex died, it still couldn't move it's feet because of the spell, so the body just kind-of sat down. Since the Grackle Tooth was so close to it, and behind it, he became a big, green suppository! Luckily the mage saw what happened, cancelled the spell, and the group was able to get the body rolled over and the Grackle Tooth out before he suffocated. But since no one had the cleanse spell, they made him take a bath in a nearby stream before letting him into the camp that evening.



The Grackle Tooth's player now loves telling that story to new players.

Involved Observer wrote:OK, this is a WARNING to those with squeemish stomachs: don't read this post.

Ok, for those still reading, background:
The group is making it's way through a small mountain valley when they're attacked by two T-Rexes. The mage of the group manages to stick one in place with a well cast Carpet of Adhesion while they fight the other one. Unfortunately, same spell also immobilizes one of the PCs, a rail-gun weilding Grackle-Tooth (9-foot tall, bipedal lizard, smoking a stogie) right behind it and very close to it. Well, the Grackle Tooth is behind the T-Rex, so the dino does the only thing it can to attack him, which is swing its tail at the PC, who dodges by ducking under the blow.

Player to GM: "So its tail is right over the top of me, right?"

GM to Player <not seeing it coming>: "Yes, its tail is right above you."

Player to GM: "That means I should be able to see its -anus-, right?"

GM to Player <still not seeing it coming>: "Yeah..."

Player to GM: "Okay, I shoot it up the -anus-! It's a sensitive spot, so it should only take a couple shots to kill it!"

The players all laughed so hard it took five minutes for us to start rolling dice again. Poor T-Rex got the ultimate enema.

But the GM tried to get the last laugh. When the T-Rex died, it still couldn't move it's feet because of the spell, so the body just kind-of sat down. Since the Grackle Tooth was so close to it, and behind it, he became a big, green suppository! Luckily the mage saw what happened, cancelled the spell, and the group was able to get the body rolled over and the Grackle Tooth out before he suffocated. But since no one had the cleanse spell, they made him take a bath in a nearby stream before letting him into the camp that evening.



The Grackle Tooth's player now loves telling that story to new players.

Ew.

One I had was a Dwarf fighting a Giant, wearing only a loin cloth, decides to use the Giant's testicles as a punching bag. The Dwarf rolled a Nat 20 for double damage on top of that. The Giant fell to the ground gripping his groin in agony. No one in the party, after that, had the heart to kill him. (All male PC's). The wizard conjured up a block of ice for him as they quickly left the area.

Rifts Game:

The players have just broken out of a small jail and are on the run from the county mounties. They managed to recover some gear on their way out. They played cat and mouse games with their pursuers until they made a mistake and were surrounded. There were two opponents on vehicles and three on foot. A small skirmish ensues.

Juicer (Spaz): Is there a fallen tree around? I'm out of ammo.

GM (me): Yeah, about 20 feet from you. It is smoldering around the bottom. It's a rather large tree about a foot in diameter.

Juicer: I'm going to run and pick the tree up.

GM: You duck the next blast and grab the trunk. What are you doing now?

Juicer: I'm going to swing at the guy nearest to me and try to knock him into the guy on the bike.

GM: Okaaaaay... You can try it will take two strike rolls. No bonuses on the first and -6 on the second if you connect with the first.

Juicer: *Rolls* Nat 20

GM: and the second...

Juicer: Yatzee!

GM: In an amazing display you knock the man on the ground into the guy on the hovercycle. They both go flying and the cycle crashes to the ground in a small explosion.

We are now trying to market the Juicer baseball league to the world.

PC (Elf): "My dog ate my character sheet. I do not have a copy."

GM to gamers: "As you start to break camp, the ground begins to shake increasing in strength. Trees in the distance begin to part and fall. A giant black dog breaks into the clearing. He snaps up the Elf, gobbling him down as he bounds away disappearing from view. The ground decreases its vibrations. The sudden noise is soon replaced with the morning sounds of the forest."

Shock and laughter ensues. A new character is made and all provide me with copies of their character sheets.

Thus endth the lesson. I was the GM

bigbobsr6000 wrote:PC (Elf): "My dog ate my character sheet. I do not have a copy."

GM to gamers: "As you start to break camp, the ground begins to shake increasing in strength. Trees in the distance begin to part and fall. A giant black dog breaks into the clearing. He snaps up the Elf, gobbling him down as he bounds away disappearing from view. The ground decreases its vibrations. The sudden noise is soon replaced with the morning sounds of the forest."

Shock and laughter ensues. A new character is made and all provide me with copies of their character sheets.

Thus endth the lesson. I was the GM

bigbobsr6000 wrote:PC (Elf): "My dog ate my character sheet. I do not have a copy."

GM to gamers: "As you start to break camp, the ground begins to shake increasing in strength. Trees in the distance begin to part and fall. A giant black dog breaks into the clearing. He snaps up the Elf, gobbling him down as he bounds away disappearing from view. The ground decreases its vibrations. The sudden noise is soon replaced with the morning sounds of the forest."

Shock and laughter ensues. A new character is made and all provide me with copies of their character sheets.

Thus endth the lesson. I was the GM

I am so going to have to remember that! Awesome job man. One for the record books!

Thanks for the comments, guys.

Playing HU, and the group was up against a villain with APS Water out on the ocean. He was using the Water Behemoth ability. The magic weapons character flies up to his head and swings his katana doing quite a bit of damage. The villain then sends up a water spout diretly underneath the hero and strinkes with a nat 20, giving him a saltwater enema he'll never forget. One of the other players hands him a 20 sider and says "now roll save against homosexuality" and he rolls a 1! I didn't enforce that, but we had a good 15 minute laugh from it. Still the character can't walk past a water fountain or use a bidet without bad memories flashing back to him.

It was the aftermath of one of our latest campaign and the military higher ups decided to hold an awards ceremony for everyone who survived the last battle. So the group arrives and are awarded their service medals and campaign awards. A couple of folks get promoted. The kicker is when one of the alien members of the group gets the "Humanitarian Award" for rescuing the governor, his squeeze, and two of his guards. Almost simultaneously everyone in the group breaks out howling, since this particular character is known among us as the most bloodthirsty person in the group. If you can think of it, he's done it: decapitations, torture, abandonment, etc (and not just in battle).

Even better is that a couple of adventures later they were at a formal dress dinner and they all had to show up in their dress uniforms with medals. He's the most nonhuman looking member of the group, yet he managed to impress more people and make more contacts than the rest of them.