T'was a Night before chaos -- a respite from bad news

[Kevin]

chaserone sent this to me in a Private Message, only I haven't checked my PMs in weeks (sorry, been a little crazy here).

I know its after Christmas, but the darn thing is pretty clever and actually doesn't have anything to do with Christmas! Though a bit violent, I thought it was fun and decided to post it here for others to enjoy. Unfortunately, we don't know who the author is, but we tip our hats to him for making us smile (and cringe).

-- Kevin Siembieda, the Publisher Guy

'Twas the night before Chaos, when all through the base
Some DBs were running all over the place

Power Armors were readied for battle with care
In hopes that their pilots soon would be there

The children lay nestled all snug in their beds
As visions of scatterguns danced in their heads

And I in my SAMAS, with my shiny coilgun
Made ready for some DB killing fun

When outside the base walls there arose such a clatter
I ran to my post to see what was the matter
Away to the casemate I flew like a flash
Let loose some plasma and burned them to ash
The flames from the weapon, superheating the snow
Gave the luster of midday to objects below

When what in my wondering eyes should I see?
It's Emperor Prosek, he's smiling at me!

With shiny, black jack-boots, and long ebon cape
Standing majestically, a menacing shape!
More rapid than Silver Eagles his coursers they came
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
"Now, SAMAS! Now, Dead Boys! Dog Boys and Psi-Stalkers!
On Bombers! On Hellions! Skelebots, and Skull Walkers!
To the top of the base! To the top of the wall!
Now blast away! Blast away! Blast away all!

As long range missiles from rocket pods fly
When they meet with an obstacle, it's soon to die
So out into battle the coursers they flew
All of the Dead Boys, and the Emperor, too

And then, I heard twinkling within the base
Some stupid, young mage trying to cast "Case"
I leveled my gun, and let fly a round
The mage then went rigid and fell to the ground
His bones, and his guts, rich PPE blood
Lay scattered around on the ground in the mud

A bundle of DBs we'd laid on their backs
Were tortured as testament to the mercy we lack
Their cries, how they bellowed! Their whimpers of sorrow!
They knew they'd not live to see tomorrow

And then a dragon came onto the field
He seemed not to fear the weapons we wield
The stump of an arm he held tight in his teeth
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath

He had a green face and gargantuan belly
That shook, when he roared, like a bowlful of jelly
Failing Horror Factor, a guy ran like an elf
Another failed his, and *crapped* on himself

In the blink of an eye, I shot at its head
It was critically injured, but not quite yet dead
He let out a roar, with fiery breath
I managed to dodge, just avoiding my death
I fired my coilgun inside of his nose
Where the rest of his head went nobody knows

After the long fray, as fires started to settle
The Emperor pinned on me a shiny gold medal!

Then I heard him exclaim, in a voice full of might:
"Merry Rifts Chaos to all, and to all........random fight!"
(Roll for initiative!)

-- Author unknown from Palladium forums -- 2007