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Things I've learned from watching movies and RPG's:
1) Leave the gold alone
2) Burn the book with the creepy writing/faces on it/hand-bones holding it shut.
3) Abandoned & isolated houses are that way for a reason.
4) Creepy white skinned girls with no/all-black eyes and hovering a ft. off the ground are a bad thing. RUN!
5) If a hot looking lady/man/(? don't know) you've never met before wants you for immediate sex, you are in for a world of hurt.
6) Mad Nazi scientists will pop up in the most unexpected of situations.
7) Kill the clown(s).
8 ) Shoot the monkey!

Misfit KotLD wrote:But if we followed those rules, would we have the movie in the first place?

These are not rules...just observations

Evil Psychologist wrote:

DhAkael wrote:1) Leave the gold alone

NEVER!

Well...Cpt. Jack Sparrow wouldn't have minded having the gold... However Barbosa...he kinda regretted it

9) Do not ever volunteer to go into the basement/cellar to fix the fuse box, alone. (Especially at night and/or during a storm).
10) Never help the little girl who wants you to help find her lost kittens.

DhAkael wrote:

Evil Psychologist wrote:

DhAkael wrote:1) Leave the gold alone

NEVER!

Well...Cpt. Jack Sparrow wouldn't have minded having the gold... However Barbosa...he kinda regretted it

pirates of the carribean 4 the fountain of youth in theatres 6/25/2012.

The rules of movies. Sounds like "Scream" all over again!

Whatever happened to go into the dark basement? Or cemeteries at night always seem to be foggy and are usually occupied.

11) Crosses only work on vampires with eurotrash accents or in places called 'Sunnydale'.
12) They who die with the most toys...die, and get looted by the rest of the team.
13) Never rescue damsels in distress called Minmei, Buttercup, Kuchki or anything related to musical instruments / theory; it will only end in tears and/or horrible mutilation for the hero.
14) Giant lizards are proof against almost all forms of weaponry until dramaticaly correct...then a parpalegic half blind 6 yr. old with a spit-ball can take them out in one shot.

15. Never, ever leave the group. The first one to do so usually dies.

This works for movies and RPGs.

16) Unless your initials are J.T.K or M.S., you will NOT survive an encounter with hot alien women.

17) assassins always have 3 names (john wilks booth, lee harvey oswald...)

18) all conspiracy theories and or myths are always absolutely correct. even when contradictory.

19) a gun will always have one more bullet/shot than the magazine should hold. unless aimed at the hero.

20) Just because you are a paranoid psychotic, doesn't mean someone or something isn't really trying to kill you.

21) ALWAYS listen to the town crazy who states: "Y'all ar' goin' ta die! I tell ye, ta others tweren't listenin' either...HA..HA...HEE...hee....hee..heee..."

24. Never check out the bad guy laying on the ground. To be sure, just shoot until clip is empty. Then re-load, repeat process.

25. Never go alone looking for the previous one who is missing because he went alone looking for the previous one who is missing because he went alone to...well you get the idea.

26. NEVER SPLIT THE PARTY....NEVER!!

29) never tell a were shaman to 'transform and roll out'
30) The hottest chicks are the most trouble
31) What could possibky go wrong with just 'reading a book'
32) That's no Moon
33) There will be snakes. and if you were expecting snakes, there will be giant snakes.
34) Sword + Stone + Prominent position (with or without shaft of sunlight) = trap
35) You cannot 'wing' Pilot: helicopter
36) a Cat is not a blunt weapon.
37) Neither is a Gnome.
38) never trust a player who has the quirks 'likes fire' 'Can lick eyebrows' and 'fond of leather'
39) My dwarf does not like big butts and cannot Lie

DhAkael wrote:2) Burn the book with the creepy writing/faces on it/hand-bones holding it shut.

There was a post about this on RPG.net recently, with a GM complaining how the players destroyed the plot hook.

Noon wrote:

DhAkael wrote:2) Burn the book with the creepy writing/faces on it/hand-bones holding it shut.

There was a post about this on RPG.net recently, with a GM complaining how the players destroyed the plot hook.

Your point...?

40) When the zombie appocalpyse comes; malls and condos are the only place you will be safe, and also the the only locations where civilization will re-emerge.

41) NEVER tell the GM you are bored.
42) 5 second fuse = 3 seconds
43) Never date the GMs sister, Ex or Mother, it only leads to pain.

46) If you look in a room and it is wall to wall, floor to ceiling full of dolls. LEAVE IMMEDIATELY.

48 ) If you hear the voice of your ex girl-friend / boy-friend coming from a sword lying on a marble slab or in an old chest, chances are this could be a bad thing.

49) DON'T EVER ATTACK THE DARKNESS!!! EVER!!!

52) It is ALWAYS a trap, if you think it may be one.

53) Let the Wookie win
54) NEVER let the samurai drive (this bears repeating)
55) If it sounds stupid and it works, it aint stupid. (Applies to all things involving the Banzai institute, GUNDAM, Robotech, and a slew of other settings).
56) The countdown always stops at 0.00.01

DhAkael wrote:

Noon wrote:

DhAkael wrote:2) Burn the book with the creepy writing/faces on it/hand-bones holding it shut.

There was a post about this on RPG.net recently, with a GM complaining how the players destroyed the plot hook.

Your point...?

Well it always surprises me how the same person who thinks so and so action is great will come on the next week and post 'OMG, the other players did X'.

Usually people get so upset/angry that othe players do X, they forget how they do stuff like that too.

68) If it moves shoot it, if it used to move shoot it, if it thought about moving shoot it, if it might move sometime in the near future shoot it.

69) Glowing green hole + Fusion Block = Bad idea

70) Say no to the TW's new experiment.

71) It's always the red wire.
...even if all the wires are red.

75) If the house says "GET OUT, GET OUT NOW!!!", well, then GET OUT!

adorabilly wrote:have you ever seen anything GOOD happen in any movie where they have to go underground?

I can list lots of movie where the characters go underground... and only a handful have good things happen.

Like in Cave of the Nympho Cheerleaders.

bettr yet .. throw the girl in question into the lake ..

77) If the GMs eyes light up like a kid getting a Red Rider BB gun after rolling the dice, its a bad thing for the PCs.

78 ) Storm Trooper Syndrome only applies to GMs who think the PCs deserve a fair chance.

79) When the GM smiles the PCs cry.

80) Telling the GM to do his worst is just another way of saying you want a new character.

81) STOP GIVING THE GM IDEAS!!

bigbobsr6000 wrote:81) STOP GIVING THE GM IDEAS!!

My players have yet to learn this one.

82) If one is going to bribe the GM; be sure to know what the GM's weakness is

83) Never insult the god-being(unless of course you want to have your gender rearanged to bear its unholy spawn)

84) Rocks WILL fall.

Misfit KotLD wrote:

Keldane wrote:86) If you don't trust your GM not to fudge his/her rolls and insist that he/she roll in the open, be prepared to cry when you realize his/her fudging was saving you from an ungodly string of crits.

Amen!

Here's an amendment to this one: When the GM is rolling a potentially campaign ending event, don't **** him off by insisting that he roll the dice openly, and don't be pissed off when everyone who insisted that he roll the dice openly ends up getting critically hit by the falling ceiling.

Two cheers for collective punishment.

devillin wrote:

Misfit KotLD wrote:

Keldane wrote:86) If you don't trust your GM not to fudge his/her rolls and insist that he/she roll in the open, be prepared to cry when you realize his/her fudging was saving you from an ungodly string of crits.

Amen!

Here's an amendment to this one: When the GM is rolling a potentially campaign ending event, don't **** him off by insisting that he roll the dice openly, and don't be pissed off when everyone who insisted that he roll the dice openly ends up getting critically hit by the falling ceiling.

I have had this happen so many times in my IRL games.
Seriously..it was LIKE the players wanted T.P.K. to happen. (TPK = Total Party Kill)

DhAkael wrote:

devillin wrote:Here's an amendment to this one: When the GM is rolling a potentially campaign ending event, don't **** him off by insisting that he roll the dice openly, and don't be pissed off when everyone who insisted that he roll the dice openly ends up getting critically hit by the falling ceiling.

I have had this happen so many times in my IRL games.
Seriously..it was LIKE the players wanted T.P.K. to happen. (TPK = Total Party Kill)

Exactly. After rolling 18, 19, and 20 for the offending players (and 10, 8, 6 for the non-offending players), I then rolled a perfect 12 on 2D6. That was the point when they asked, "is that x100 or x1000?" They were only taking 10%, but I really did feel sorry for the schmo that took 2400 points of damage from the collapsed ceiling.

87) Tactical nuclear device in the coffee, dragon-tooth mine in the boots & Claymore (the AP mine) in the breakfast cereal WILL happen. Mondays are bad news for heros

88 ) When all else fails, shoot the monkey

My god man, if you fear those things, how did you ever have fun at a FRAT PARTY!!!??/ lol

Gallahan wrote:My god man, if you fear those things, how did you ever have fun at a FRAT PARTY!!!??/ lol

Monkeys are tools of Satan, I swear!

bigbobsr6000 wrote:75) If the house says "GET OUT, GET OUT NOW!!!", well, then GET OUT!

Added to # 75: AFTER leaving, BURN IT DOWN!!! Let's see the haunting continue in an ash-filled foundation hole!

85) If people start vanishing/ turning up dead, stay close to the hot virgin, stay away from the super-hot skank or the black guy. If you ARE the super-hot skank or the black guy... well, nice knowing you. You're auto-doomed.

86) Even if all the killer does is walk, don't run; you'll only die tired when you inevitably trip and fall, since the weird killer is standing right there no matter how great your running track record is.

87) Seriously, why do all of these people travel around on road trips anywhere without guns, knives, or whatever they know how to use? I do...

88) If two or more of you are running from (insert ungodly awfulness here), trip someone and keep going.

89) Never say, "I'll be right back." If you care for someone, never say, "Be careful."

90) If it's a choice between eating long pork or becoming the next meal of the inbred toxic radioactive cannibals, well, it's not that bad...

91) If the supernatural terror has witty lines, exchange snappy patter with him/ her until they run out of comebacks and are trying to figure out another, then run.

92) Chainsaws really aren't the best things for killing people; they get gummed up rather easily, so when your buddy is keeping the psychokiller busy with getting his chainsaw free, shoot him.

93) If you manage to knock the psychokiller out somehow, don't see to your romantic interest; chain him up and skin him, then leave with your romantic interest.

#94 If your dad brings home a strange new pet with three very specific rules, keep them away from the frickin' water ffs!

#95 The box is yours, it always was...

#96 If you're watching a horror movie and there is a character played by an actor you recognize but can't name - they are the killer.

#97 If you watching the forth film in a series you would have been better picking a different film - you'll never be able to get those two hours back.

#98 If you GM seems a little tipsy, now is the time for your characters to visit that alchemist!

#99 Bottles of beer on the wall (I know you just sang "99 bottles of beer!" in your head, don't lie!)

#100 Something Ive learnt from Movies and RPG's - a good movie can never be as fun an experience as playing a good RPG!

101) If you are wearing a red shirt - be prepared to die soon.

102) Free Magic has always a hidden price tag.

103) Do not enter/go throw magic portals.

bigbobsr6000 wrote:81) STOP GIVING THE GM IDEAS!!

This has come up numerous times in my gaming group
noobs will never learn

DhAkael wrote:40) When the zombie appocalpyse comes; malls and condos are the only place you will be safe, and also the the only locations where civilization will re-emerge.

Also, prisons and off coast oil rigs are pretty secure, but stay as far away from churches, hospitals, and Federal appointed evacuation areas as you can.

Rule #1846 If you have a set routine, and one day something is only slightly diffrent, but still enough that you notice it, go get backup before you go to fix the problem. If there is no back up available, leave it alone, cordon off the area, and change your routine so that you don't have to go that way/do that thing...

105. Boss characters are, in fact, load-bearing. This is evident in both movies and RPGs, in that when the BBEG is killed everything around them for at least 2 square miles starts to collapse.

106. The hero of the movie cannot possibly get shot by anyone. Unless the person firing the gun is a 6 yr. old kid, in which case the shot is probably a critical hit.

107. As soon as you proclaim that you are going to be a loser for the rest of your life, some alien or divine being will approach you and tell you that you are the only person who can save the universe.

108. After being told that you are the only person who can save the universe, you will politely decline, stating that you don't have the necessary skills to do so. They will then leave you with some device to contact them if you change your mind, which you will inevitably use after having a talk with your girlfriend that ends with her finally giving up her virginity to you.