The Best of the Worst

[Sentinel]

I keep a collection (on VHS) of the worst martial arts oriented films ever made.
Seriously.

These things are so awful, they're funny.

Gems like (but not limited to...):

Gymkata.
American Ninja (any of 'em).
Ninja Three the Domination.
Surf Ninjas.
Karate Kid Three.
Shaolin vs. Lama.
King of the Kickboxers.
Immortal Combat.
Shogun's Ninja.
Pray for Death.
American Samurai.
China O'Brien.
Undefeatable.
Rage and Honor.
Rage of Honor.
Kill or be Killed.
Kill, and Kill Again.
Coming At Ya!

What makes your list of the Worst?

[Mantisking]

I keep a collection (on VHS) of the worst martial arts oriented films ever made.
Seriously.

These things are so awful, they're funny.

What makes your list of the Worst?

A couple off the top of my head.
No Retreat, No Surrender -- as far as I know, the first appearance of Jean Claude Van Damme.

Black Eagle -- Starring, you guessed it, JCVD and Sho Kusugi. Great pedigree, lousy fight scenes.

[Sentinel]

I keep a collection (on VHS) of the worst martial arts oriented films ever made.
Seriously.

These things are so awful, they're funny.

What makes your list of the Worst?

A couple off the top of my head.
No Retreat, No Surrender -- as far as I know, the first appearance of Jean Claude Van Damme.

There was a film made prior to this in which Jean Claude made his screen debut. He is credited as "Gay Karate man".

Black Eagle -- Starring, you guessed it, JCVD and Sho Kusugi. Great pedigree, lousy fight scenes.

I actually liked the fight scenes. The contrast between Kosugi and Van Damme was fairly interesting. I liked the use of the splits as a dodging technique.
But, the majority of the film has severe weaknesses.

[Mantisking]

I keep a collection (on VHS) of the worst martial arts oriented films ever made.
Seriously.

These things are so awful, they're funny.

What makes your list of the Worst?

A couple off the top of my head.
No Retreat, No Surrender -- as far as I know, the first appearance of Jean Claude Van Damme.

There was a film made prior to this in which Jean Claude made his screen debut. He is credited as "Gay Karate man".

Innnnnteresting.

Black Eagle -- Starring, you guessed it, JCVD and Sho Kusugi. Great pedigree, lousy fight scenes.

I actually liked the fight scenes. The contrast between Kosugi and Van Damme was fairly interesting. I liked the use of the splits as a dodging technique. But, the majority of the film has severe weaknesses.

It has to have been 20 years since I've watched it, but from what I remember the basic premise was okay. I wonder if I can track it down on DVD.

[Sentinel]

Black Eagle would make an excellent set of scenarios. Hopefully, your players will be better role-players than the actual actors.

[tundro]

Does "Kung Pow" count? I mean, it's really more funny than bad.

[Sentinel]

Does "Kung Pow" count? I mean, it's really more funny than bad.

It was intended to be farsical.

The movies on my list actually took themselves seriously...or attempted to.

[tundro]

" I am bleeding...which makes me the victor!"

[Library Ogre]

I keep a collection (on VHS) of the worst martial arts oriented films ever made.
Seriously.

These things are so awful, they're funny.

Gems like (but not limited to...):

Gymkata.
American Ninja (any of 'em).
Ninja Three the Domination.
Surf Ninjas.

Surf Ninjas is a Christmas tradition at my house.

No, I'm not kidding. More than a decade ago, it was wallowing on cable during Christmas, and my cousins and my brothers and I were watching it, much to my mother's disgust.

So, next year, she got a copy of Surf Ninjas on VHS from uncle, which she threw away when she got home.

So, the next year, she got one from my brother, which "got lost"

So, she got another. That one got lost, and replaced. And lost, and replaced. Eventually, my younger brother told her that if she lost the next one, she'd get one a year for the rest of her life.

So when my ex decided she loved the movie (for its sheer camp horrificness), my mom gave it to her.

[Mantisking]

Black Eagle would make an excellent set of scenarios. Hopefully, your players will be better role-players than the actual actors.

Heh. I have to find it first.

Does "Kung Pow" count? I mean, it's really more funny than bad.

A friend of mine keeps trying to get me to watch this movie. Not. Gonna. Happen.

[Sentinel]

Black Eagle would make an excellent set of scenarios. Hopefully, your players will be better role-players than the actual actors.

Heh. I have to find it first.

I have a factory copy on VHS.

Does "Kung Pow" count? I mean, it's really more funny than bad.

A friend of mine keeps trying to get me to watch this movie. Not. Gonna. Happen.

It's pretty funny actually.
Also good is Kung-Fu Hustle.

I was a fan of "They Call Me Bruce", and "They Still Call Me Bruce".

[Sentinel]

Shaolin vs Lama? wow...then you might as well just put all those old kung fu movies on your list because they were all basically the same. With slight variations of course. I get the other movies, but Shaolin vs Lama just seemed out of place.

Have you seen it?

Some of the old 1970s Kung-Fu films are better than others, and some actually are quite good when seen in their original languages.

[Sentinel]

Anything made by Steven Segal?

I have Above the Law, which is his first, and is not too bad actually.

I have Hard To Kill, which is better if you have a version with additional scenes (Directors Cut). The theatrical release has some ??? moments which are explained by the "cutting room floor" footage.

I have Under Siege, which also isn't too bad, all things considered.

Under Siege II: Dark Territory is flatly awful, as is Marked for Death (which may also have been released as "In A Safe Place"). On Deadly Ground is almost unwatchable.

[Rockwolf66]

Anything made by Steven Segal?

I have Above the Law, which is his first, and is not too bad actually.

I have Hard To Kill, which is better if you have a version with additional scenes (Directors Cut). The theatrical release has some ??? moments which are explained by the "cutting room floor" footage.

I have Under Siege, which also isn't too bad, all things considered.

Under Siege II: Dark Territory is flatly awful, as is Marked for Death (which may also have been released as "In A Safe Place"). On Deadly Ground is almost unwatchable.

Having Studied both Jujitsu and Akido I can say that his techniques are correct in several of his films. the problem is that his spirit is f**ked(for a lack of a better term) in alot of his films. Basically he travels way too close to the dark side of Martial Arts.

[Sentinel]

In no way would I claim that the crappy quality of his films reflects any skill Steven Segal may actually possess, nor would I use this topic to qualify his discipline or dedication to his art(s).

But, he has been in some really craptastic movies, yes?

[Armorlord]

Does The Last Dragon count as intended farce or so bad it's kinda funny?

[Sentinel]

I keep a collection (on VHS) of the worst martial arts oriented films ever made.
Seriously.

These things are so awful, they're funny.

Ninja Three the Domination.

I happen to have liked this movie. I also liked the first two in the Ninja Series. The opening scenes were simply brutal on the golf course!

China O'Brien.
Undefeatable.

What's with the hatred of Cynthia Rothrock? Sure she was better in Righting Wrongs and Shanghai Express but those are from her two best movies. In fact, the reason those movies were not that great were for her supporting cast, not her. But then I loved Tiger Claws so I may have a slight bias.

I really actually like Cynthia Rothrock.
But, her Hong Kong films really are better than her American films. It's not her fault: she doesn't write, direct or produce them, but they are terrible.

I also liked Tiger Claws: it was better than Undefeatable.
And China O'Brien was pretty terrible, but that was the fault of Clause/Weintraub, not Cynthia.

What makes your list of the Worst?

I'd have to say Shaolin vs. Ninja was pretty bad only because I expected better choreography. Other than that though I take most movies for what they are worth: escapism with an attempt to entertain. Dracula 3000 however I have absolute disdain for but that is not a topic on this thread.

There is a film called Shaolin Challenges Ninja, featuring Gordon Liu (from Master Killer) which is very good. I mention it because it is sometimes confused with Shaolin vs Ninja.

[Sentinel]

Shaolin Challenges Ninja...one of my favorites...

That, along with Master Killer (A.K.A. 36 Chambers) and Shaolin Temple make my Best of the Best list.

Adding to the Worst List: Best of the Best III.

[Sentinel]

I really liked the first Mortal Kombat movie, and I liked the second one also (I might be one of two people who liked it).

Yes, Shaolin Temple starred Jet Li (I believe it was his first feature film).

I liked Five Deadly Venoms, although I was not as wild over that one as some others.

Among some of my rave-faves were Broken Oath, Strike of Death, Duel to Death, and Eight-Diagram Pole Fighter.

[wolfsgrin]

7 Brothers Vs. Dracula (yikes)
Fist of the North Star (live action with that aussie kickboxer)
Rapid Fire (all due respect to master Brandon) Powers Booth best peformance since Red Dawn! Also a great voice fo Ultra Humanite in Justice League.
Showdown in Tokoyo ("c'mon champ!") can't believe ol' Dolph is considered the martial art "star" in this one.
Death Warrant don't know why but I can't stop watching it. lol same with Bloodsport and Lion Heart
The Hunted great knife skills but why in blue blazes would you make your own blade while in the blade capitol of america!!! The knife work was actually done by buddy of mine. Dude's a major butt kicker.

I love crappy martial art movies. It seems they have lost the formula though. We need more good(?) crappy martial art movies. Just think of our children for pete's sake!!!

[Mantisking]

I goess nobody liked the Jet Li movie Kiss of the Dragon. I think that is one of my favorite movies.

I liked it, and I think it's his best work outside of Hong Kong. Note, I have not yet seen Unleashed or War. But this thread is about the Best of the Worst so actual good movies are off topic.

And while we're talking about bad movies, The One and Romeo Must Die were both horrible and are worthy of nomination.

[GA]

Man those 3 word titles for Segal movies really stunk. Put a man after them or something. After the first one its hard for me to remember the sequence and order of the rest cause they all have three word titles. I think marked for death with the haitians was second or jamaicans or whatver they were. But that might have been hard to kill. See what i mean?

Above the Law, man!

To be honest i can't think of too many good 80s martial art films and they made a bunch of junk. Every year something by Sho Kosugi was coming out. Ninja everything. Seem like they all stunk. The Hollywood ones anyway. Bloodsport I liked but that was because it came off as more of a comedy to me with all the Ray Jackson lines in it. Plus it was more or less fresh at the time being centered around a diverse unsafe tournament.